Originally Posted by moominmamma
It's like vacation photos: you probably aren't going to take photos of your 3-year-old sitting on the floor crying in the zoo gift shop or your 11-year-old rolling her eyes when you ask her to help carry the cooler to the minivan. You're going to take that lovely beach photo where they're building sand sculptures together. Does that make you dishonest?
In that context, not at all, but I'm not sure the vacation scenario works in comparison to places where folks bring very real emotions and issues.
A bit of context of my own. I've been involved in one form or another in the online unschooling community for longer than I've been parenting--about 9 years of reading and writing vs. 6 years of parenting. I discovered unschooling pre-children, was fascinated with it, and immersed myself in it. What I've noticed about the unschooling community dynamic is the result of years of observations.
Here's what I've noticed. There's a definite apprentice-teacher dynamic going on where the purpose of the list is you go to someone in-the-know, and they tell it like it is, sometimes harshly. While there's certainly value in that, I've found it odd that I've never, ever seen some of the most dominant posters give an example of a time they were a dominating jerk. This paints a very unrealistic picture over time of the dominant posters as those who can do no wrong, those who have an image to uphold. They get to tell people what to do. They are never wrong.
Something in me just doesn't buy it. Something in me doesn't quite trust the facade anymore. That facade is looking pretty brittle, and I wonder about the value of presenting oneself as uber-parent. I'm actually learning a valuable lesson from it, so maybe I shouldn't be annoyed. At the moment I should counterbalance my annoyance with genuine appreciation for what the dominant posters do. One criticism does not put everything they do in the garbage can, but this criticism has finally moved to the forefront lately. It's niggling.
Oh, and I just started a discussion group to put the focus where I'd like it to be--on parents as learners, on speaking with each other as respectfully as we'd speak to our children: