Tell me I don't completely suck.
I'm having a tough time lately. I'm absolutely exhausted, and we've had one bout of colds, flus, or whatever "bugs" after another since September. There have probably only been two or three weeks in all that time when one or more of us wasn't ill. DS2 probably gets sick the most, followed by me. I'm not getting anywhere near enough sleep. I'm so exhausted that I can't fall asleep easily (totally illogical, but it happens a lot). DD2 is still nursing at night a lot. We moved her into her own bed a few weeks ago, and she moves back in with her first night feeding, which is helping, but I'm wiped.
DS2 almost certainly has special needs. In fact, I'm taking him to the doctor today, to get a referral to a pediatrician, to start the evaluation/assessment process. I don't know what's going on with him, but he's not like any other child I've ever dealt with. I spend my whole days in crisis mode, trying to get food prepared and at least a minimal level of cleaning done, while dealing with one outburst/issue after another. He usually plays outside for a couple of hours every day, but he can't go out unsupervised for a while, after he hit a neighbour's little boy in the face. (This is common. He hits at least one person in this family every day.) I'm on hte PC a lot, but it's mostly when I'm feeding dd2. (This isn't the case right this minute. I just needed to get this out.) I yell at him too much. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, because of the inevitable first meltdown - sometimes...at least twice a week, that first meltdown is what gets me out of bed.
So, yesterday I had to run ds1 somewhere, and my nephew (almost 16) was watching the kids briefly). He was watching old Sonic Underground episodes on Netflix, and ds2 was watching them with him. When my nephew left, I let ds2 watch a couple more episodes, then a couple episodes of another show before I turned it off. DS2 asked to watch Knowledge Kids (not a very accurate name!) cartoons this morning, and I said, "go ahead". I was still in bed, and actually fell back asleep when he went back downstairs. I got up very shortly after that - about 9:30. I'd say he started watching cartoons at about 9:00 or 9:15. It's now 2:10. We're leaving for dd1's piano lesson at about 2:45, and I'll probably just let him watch cartoons until then. He took one break to eat breakfast and one break to eat lunch, and that's it.
I'm feeling like a contender for "World's Worst Mom" today (I often do, especially where ds2 is concerned). But...I've been able to actually get some cleaning done in the kitchen without screams in the background. He hasn't hit his baby sister or thrown a toy at anybody, or gotten into the sugar cannister to eat spoonfuls, or spilled my vanilla/dish soap/olive oil/vinegar all over the floor. And, it's been nice. It really has. He's being so peaceful. But...that's five hours of cartoons!! This is all kinds of messed up, but I just do not know what to do with this kid...
Thanks for reading this, if you did. I don't even know why I posted it, except that part of me thinks that letting him sit in front of the tv for two days, then just acting as though everything is normal, is even worse than letting him sit in front of the tv all day in the first place.