or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Women's Health  › Fitness and Weight Management › Why do I do this????? ... a vent and a cry for help
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Why do I do this????? ... a vent and a cry for help - Page 2

post #21 of 51

Ok, since my computer keeps freezing if I try to quote I'm going to wing it...

 

1. I think realizing that you are doing mindless eating is HUGE. Good for you. I think you give yourself a new rule - anything you eat, you eat with purpose. ON A PLATE. At a table. WITH A NAPKIN.

 

2. You are swinging wildly with your day to day calorie count. I'm guessing you need to rethink what foods are making up those 1800 calories. Go for nutrient dense, low cal stuff. I'm guessing you might not be doing that so your food volume is too low on those days leading to the extra hunger and extra calories the next day. I'm also wondering if you are getting enough protein since your fascination is with red meat currently?

 

3. One thing that helped me is to ask myself a question every single time I go to eat something: "will this take me a step towards my goal or a step away from it?"

 

4. I read and watched all those things you are supposed to watch about how our food is handled. Screw it. Sometimes I still want a fricking Big Mac or a Snickers bar. Ain't nothing I can do about it and I really don't care how it was made or what's in it, I WANT it. ;-) I

 

t is a very hard road to change eating and lifestyle habits we've been comfortable with our entire lives. But it can be done and it is SO incredibly worth it. You can do this.

post #22 of 51

Oh yes, I do understand exactly what you are talking about.  The total mindless eating where I don't even realize I am bringing food up to my mouth until it is already done.

 

One thing I was thinking is that maybe you really wanted a hamburger.  Perhaps it is better to eat a small portion of what you are really wanting, than a regular portion of something that doesn't really satisfy you.  Does that make sense?  Your lunch sounded wonderful and delicious, but maybe for your body, you just really wanted a small portion of hamburger.

 

One thing that is helpful to me is not eating when my environment is a bit out of control.  I am a teacher so sometimes that means not eating until I have my break time, rather than with my students, because being in charge of 20 kids takes me out of the eating moment.  That is when I will eat and not really realize, or appreciate it.  It is better for me to wait until later, when I am able to be aware.

 

I hope that you find something that works.  grouphug.gif

post #23 of 51
OK, I'm totally going to get flamed for this, but.....random snacking is just a habit, and I've found the best way to get out of habits is to put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it every time I'm tempted to do something bothersome. The goal is for your brain to associate snacking with pain. Who knows? It may work.
post #24 of 51

OP, I think you should focus less on calories and more on what you're eating, if that makes any sense. Try a high protein diet, eating every 3 hours and see if that helps. Good fats, healthy carbs, protein, these are all things your body needs and will help keep you full and lead to less cravings/overeating.

 

For the record, I totally get what you mean about not wanting to waste food. What I do is if my son doesn't finish his hamburger, I wrap it up for him and when he gets hungry, he finishes it later. Just an example, I do this with any leftovers instead of eating them myself.

post #25 of 51
Total different pov-- does the extra weight serve you in some way? Does it make you feel safe? Invisable? Does it mean that you don't have to do something that you don't want to do or are afraid to do?
post #26 of 51

I totally do this at times. Waaaaay more than I am comfortable with. And I must TOTALLY disagree with pp who suggested it is about self-discipline. If weight loss was simply about self-discipline it would easy.

 

I have recently struggled to get my weight to come down after having ds. After 1.5 years of training hard with personal trainers & losing NOTHING I started seeing a nutritionist. I have since dropped 40lbs relatively easily. We have eliminated dairy, wheat (actually most carbs) & ALL sugars.

 

When I am perfect with my diet my cravings, food thoughts, desire to eat unplanned items declines significantly. The theory is that these things can be such a negative force in the body that they create an overwhelming "need" for more - almost addictive like. I don't know if I am explaining this well...

 

Have you tried an elimination diet at all? Perhaps if you can find what it is for your body that is causing unrest it will make it easier.

 

As well, with decreasing your red meat are you getting enough protein. Protein needs are often higher than people expect & can again really affect how you feel.

post #27 of 51
Thread Starter 

Thanks for all the advice everyone.  I really appreciate all of you who took the time to really read what I wrote and understand what I was trying to get across.  I am not the clearest writer so I know it can be a challenge, LOL

 

After a good nights sleep (and some nice PM's!) I am trying to start the day anew. While what I posted about yesterday was symptomatic of a bigger issue much of what you all mentioned are things I need to be more cognizant of when listening to my body.  I have considered seeing a nutritionist but funds are pretty tight right now. I feel I do eat very healthfully-lots of healthy fats, lean proteins and whole grains. I probably eat too many fruits and not enough veggies.  I make almost everything from scratch so eat very few chemicals, dyes, etc. Portion control, mindless eating and snacking is my downfall. Doesn't matter if it is "healthy" eating too much anything is still empty calories my body doesn't need.

 

I do need to schedule an appt with my PCP and have my iron levels checked.  I periodically have bouts of anemia and my period was really heavy this week....

 

I started the day with a 2 egg cheddar cheese omelet, topped with hot sauce and wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla. It was yummy and gooey and even better washed down with a big cup of coffee. Now I am off the Y......

post #28 of 51
Thread Starter 

You know this is probably really issue. I need to delve into it but don't think I can handle finding whats on the other side...redface.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

Total different pov-- does the extra weight serve you in some way? Does it make you feel safe? Invisable? Does it mean that you don't have to do something that you don't want to do or are afraid to do?
 


 

post #29 of 51

I don't feel qualified in the slightest to speak about emotional things like eating to fill a void or fluff feeling safe, though I'm aware of such issues and know they exist.

 

But I know all about the waste issue and just wanted to tell you what worked for me!

 

Of course, as others have suggested, there may be ways to avoid waste like putting uneaten portions in the fridge for later.

 

But if it's something you'll need to throw away, I've thought about it like this: is it less of a waste in ME than in the trash? The answer often is no - that if I ate the food it would not nourish me, would not help, would only add to my problems. Hence, the trash is really a better place for it, less of a waste. (Compost even better though :)).

post #30 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post

You know this is probably really issue. I need to delve into it but don't think I can handle finding whats on the other side...redface.gif
 


yeah, I spent time in therapy dealing with what was on the other side.  I'm *mostly* though it.

 

I lost 70 pounds, and  I'm still not at my perfect weight. I am at a very comfortable weight for me, both physically and emotionally. I think that for many of us, what is on the other side is so painful, that carrying around a little extra weight is easier than dealing with what is on the other side. I think that's why people most often re-gain the weight they lose, no matter what method they use to lose it. The extra weight served a purpose.

 

It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing, and simple things like affirmations and journaling can be very helpful. I really like the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.

post #31 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post



I think it all comes back to the fact that I am profoundly unhappy right now. A lot of it is weight related- I don't feel attractive, my clothes fit poorly, I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. and I really miss my mom. I keep hearing that if I fix my mind the weight will "fall off".  That is why I struggle.  Why am I sabotaging myself?
 

 

This stood out for me in your post. Did you recently lose your mom? Grief can be hard on our minds & bodies. I lost my mom 13 years ago and I had a long grieving period during which I had trouble eating, sleeping, and exercising normally. It definitely took a toll.

 

On another note, I am one of those people with a larger frame & stocky/muscular build, coupled with a huge appetite. It is hard for me to lose weight, and even at my "skinny" weight, I have an "overweight" BMI. Like you, I put a lot of emphasis on eating whole, minimally processed healthy food. And I eat a lot of it. I can go a few days eating less than I feel like I want, but sooner or later my body just takes over, and I eat.  So, you're not alone...

 

A few things are helping me:

1) Exercising A LOT. I am realizing how much activity I really need. It has to be every day. It has to be strenuous. I've always considered myself active, but now I'm realizing that I have to be really, really active in order to keep my weight under control. My solution is to ride everywhere on my bike. It's the only thing that I can make time for on a regular basis, and it gives me a much better work-out than riding a cycle at the gym (which I never have time for anyway).

 

2) Cutting out sugar. Right now I have 2 main ways of doing this. I've made a "rule" that I'm not allowed to eat sugar at work. That's a biggie because I work in a building with several food outlets that sell lots of stuff that I would love to eat lots of. Plus people are always bringing in cookies & candy to share. So. No compromises, no sugary stuff at work. The other thing is that I don't keep sweets in the house. Well, mostly not. OK, there are a few sweets in the house. But not very many! And they are for everyone, not just for me.

 

I have been able to very slowly lose weight by making these changes. I figure, slow weight loss is fine. Why rush? If I am making changes that are truly healthy & sustainable, I will lose weight in the right way and settle into a weight that is perfect for me.

 

Please be gentle with yourself. True change is not easy.
 

 

post #32 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post

I try to keep my calories at about 1800 but do cycle them so some days are closer to 2400/2600 

 


I think that statement right there is why you are not losing weight.  I'm probably pointing out the obvious, but 2400/2600 cals may make you GAIN, and sure will not make you lose.  1800 cals is probably what you need to maintain your weight.  You are getting discouraged from lack of progress, which makes you go, screw it, I'm going to eat this because I am not losing anyhow.

 

My advice?  Pick a goal cal range and stick to it.  Depending on your height, it should probably be about 1400.  Weigh and measure EVERYTHING that you eat.  And I mean everything.  Track it in a food diary.  Hold yourself accountable.

 

If you are eating because you are unhappy, that's something you need to deal with.  If you are using your unhappiness as an excuse to eat, then that needs to stop.  

 

Good luck.  Weight loss is hard, it really is.

 

post #33 of 51

OP, thanks so much for starting this thread. I am totally going to print out seashells list from page one and put it in my kitchen.

 

I also want to echo seashells who said that when she had been successful, it was when she eliminated or reduced theoretically healthy foods that just didn't work well in her body. For me that's grains and dairy. Wheat most of all, but it's not just a gluten issue for me. If I turn instead to rice, quinoa, etc, I still can't lose weight. If I eat delicious plain unsweetened organic creamy or non fat yogurt, cottage cheese, etc --- can't lose weight. Not all things are explained by western ideas about calories. Eastern ideas such as ayurveda would say that excess weight is part of a "kapha" constitution, and that heavy, cold, dense foods like dairy would aggravate that. When I've had success (and I read your post because I'm not a success story yet!) it was when I combined joyful exercise (not obligatory exercise) with non-processed food, lower cal choices when I had enough energy, lower non-processed carbs, and no grains or dairy. For me, that's what has worked. Wish me luck as I make a birthday cake for my husband!

 

One more thought - I want to encourage you to take the bravery and real need that led you to post, and use it to get yourself into a financially and emotionally affordable exploration of the deeper issues. I suspect, since you're so active and thoughtful and honest, that you've also got whatever defense mechanisms are needed to keep yourself from delving into issues that you are not yet ready to address. I also suspect that you ARE ready to address some issues, and you can pave the way for deeper exploration by starting to scratch at whatever is comfortable. How about a group setting - overeaters anonymous comes to mind, or a women's group? I know, I know, (boy do I know!) it would mean more work for the rest of your family in regard to childcare while you go do those things, but... take care of the mama, take care of the family. Your family needs you to be at your best, and that means that they're better off dealing with the inconvenience of you doing self-care, than the sadness of you not doing self care. I would even suggest that it's possible that replacing one workout per week with a therapeutic setting might take you further along the road you are seeking.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to remind myself of all these things that I badly needed to hear today! It was like writing a reply to myself. Blessings.

post #34 of 51

I struggle with cleaning plates. One of the biggest helps was stop being the table cleaner.  Everyone is responcible for scrapping their left overs in the trash.  

post #35 of 51

Aw, :hug, HollyBearsMom. I know what you are going through.

 

A few years back, I lost a whole bunch of weight, like 50 lbs. Then I had babies and had to do the whole thing over again. Learning about the times that I was more likely to do that helped me to (somewhat) get it under control.

 

The first thing is just to realize that sometimes you need more calories. If you are exercising a lot, you will need more calories. There is a point at which your body will hang on to the weight because it feels like it's not getting enough nourishment. I know you said you eat a lot of protein and healthy fat, and it sounds like your diet is really healthy, but I figured out that when I eat certain foods is almost as important as what I eat. Eating a carby breakfast, like a bagel or bowl of cereal, even if it is whole grain, will send me straight for munchies all day. My blood sugar does not really respond well to a lot of carbs at all, so I've put them to minimal carb intake at lunch and allow myself more at dinner. None at breakfast. I try to drink coffee with food because coffee all by itself will make me hungry 20 minutes after I drink it.

 

And then there is the emotional part. I am a big time emotional eater. If I'm stressed or depressed, or my anxiety is particularly bad, then I will be snacking all day long, or finishing off the kid's dinners. I find, especially with kid's meals, that I feel like them not finishing it is a reflection on my cooking (it's not rational, I'm just really proud of the food I make), so finishing it off makes me feel better about spending the time cooking it. I like the idea of putting it away. I don't like to use a lot of plastic, but ziplocs have saved me with this - I tell myself, if, after 30 minute, I still really want what's waiting in the fridge for me, I can have it. I almost never go back for it, and one of the kids will eat it later.

 

During times of high stress, and during PMS, I allow myself more calories, and pay careful attention that I also allow myself small amounts of sweets, and exempt myself from feeling guilty about it. Your body needs more calories during the last part of your cycle, and fighting it, just like fighting PMS, will just make you feel bad that you can't win. You don't have to gorge yourself, just allow yourself a 1/2 c of chocolate ice cream or an extra few slices of good cheese or whatever makes you happy and satisfied.

 

Lastly, if you feel like it's emotional, or body image related, a therapist might really be able to help you. I found that positive self-imagery and self talk/mantras helped me a lot, but everyone is different in what works for them. And remember that it's OKAY to mess up sometimes. You will always have tomorrow to try again and get it right.

post #36 of 51
Thread Starter 

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post
I think that statement right there is why you are not losing weight.  I'm probably pointing out the obvious, but 2400/2600 cals may make you GAIN, and sure will not make you lose.  1800 cals is probably what you need to maintain your weight.  You are getting discouraged from lack of progress, which makes you go, screw it, I'm going to eat this because I am not losing anyhow.

 

My advice?  Pick a goal cal range and stick to it.  Depending on your height, it should probably be about 1400.  Weigh and measure EVERYTHING that you eat.  And I mean everything.  Track it in a food diary.  Hold yourself accountable.

 

If you are eating because you are unhappy, that's something you need to deal with.  If you are using your unhappiness as an excuse to eat, then that needs to stop.  

 

Good luck.  Weight loss is hard, it really is.

 

I average 1800 calories a day.  Some days are more, some days are less but the average is 1800 which for my height, weight and activity level is correct for a 1-2 lb weight loss each week.This is per my PVP and every "diet" website out there.  But honestly that is my plan for the day but then I blow it (like I did yesterday). When you get 1800 calories a day and eat 400 finishing someones hamburger that doesn't leave much for the balance of the day.  With my blood sugar issues I can't decide not to eat anything else for the day which is when the calories go over.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by LCBMAX View Post

OP, thanks so much for starting this thread. I am totally going to print out seashells list from page one and put it in my kitchen.

 

I also want to echo seashells who said that when she had been successful, it was when she eliminated or reduced theoretically healthy foods that just didn't work well in her body. For me that's grains and dairy. Wheat most of all, but it's not just a gluten issue for me. If I turn instead to rice, quinoa, etc, I still can't lose weight. If I eat delicious plain unsweetened organic creamy or non fat yogurt, cottage cheese, etc --- can't lose weight. Not all things are explained by western ideas about calories. Eastern ideas such as ayurveda would say that excess weight is part of a "kapha" constitution, and that heavy, cold, dense foods like dairy would aggravate that. When I've had success (and I read your post because I'm not a success story yet!) it was when I combined joyful exercise (not obligatory exercise) with non-processed food, lower cal choices when I had enough energy, lower non-processed carbs, and no grains or dairy. For me, that's what has worked. Wish me luck as I make a birthday cake for my husband!

 

One more thought - I want to encourage you to take the bravery and real need that led you to post, and use it to get yourself into a financially and emotionally affordable exploration of the deeper issues. I suspect, since you're so active and thoughtful and honest, that you've also got whatever defense mechanisms are needed to keep yourself from delving into issues that you are not yet ready to address. I also suspect that you ARE ready to address some issues, and you can pave the way for deeper exploration by starting to scratch at whatever is comfortable. How about a group setting - overeaters anonymous comes to mind, or a women's group? I know, I know, (boy do I know!) it would mean more work for the rest of your family in regard to childcare while you go do those things, but... take care of the mama, take care of the family. Your family needs you to be at your best, and that means that they're better off dealing with the inconvenience of you doing self-care, than the sadness of you not doing self care. I would even suggest that it's possible that replacing one workout per week with a therapeutic setting might take you further along the road you are seeking.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to remind myself of all these things that I badly needed to hear today! It was like writing a reply to myself. Blessings.


Well my son may have some food allergies, waiting for the blood test results. An elimination diet may be in all of our futures! I do realize I need to get back to therapy but have not had the strength to go there.  I need to make myself a priority!

 

(and happy b-day to your husband!)

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by InMediasRes View Post

Aw, :hug, HollyBearsMom. I know what you are going through.

 

A few years back, I lost a whole bunch of weight, like 50 lbs. Then I had babies and had to do the whole thing over again. Learning about the times that I was more likely to do that helped me to (somewhat) get it under control.

 

The first thing is just to realize that sometimes you need more calories. If you are exercising a lot, you will need more calories. There is a point at which your body will hang on to the weight because it feels like it's not getting enough nourishment. I know you said you eat a lot of protein and healthy fat, and it sounds like your diet is really healthy, but I figured out that when I eat certain foods is almost as important as what I eat. Eating a carby breakfast, like a bagel or bowl of cereal, even if it is whole grain, will send me straight for munchies all day. My blood sugar does not really respond well to a lot of carbs at all, so I've put them to minimal carb intake at lunch and allow myself more at dinner. None at breakfast. I try to drink coffee with food because coffee all by itself will make me hungry 20 minutes after I drink it.

 

And then there is the emotional part. I am a big time emotional eater. If I'm stressed or depressed, or my anxiety is particularly bad, then I will be snacking all day long, or finishing off the kid's dinners. I find, especially with kid's meals, that I feel like them not finishing it is a reflection on my cooking (it's not rational, I'm just really proud of the food I make), so finishing it off makes me feel better about spending the time cooking it. I like the idea of putting it away. I don't like to use a lot of plastic, but ziplocs have saved me with this - I tell myself, if, after 30 minute, I still really want what's waiting in the fridge for me, I can have it. I almost never go back for it, and one of the kids will eat it later.

 

During times of high stress, and during PMS, I allow myself more calories, and pay careful attention that I also allow myself small amounts of sweets, and exempt myself from feeling guilty about it. Your body needs more calories during the last part of your cycle, and fighting it, just like fighting PMS, will just make you feel bad that you can't win. You don't have to gorge yourself, just allow yourself a 1/2 c of chocolate ice cream or an extra few slices of good cheese or whatever makes you happy and satisfied.

 

Lastly, if you feel like it's emotional, or body image related, a therapist might really be able to help you. I found that positive self-imagery and self talk/mantras helped me a lot, but everyone is different in what works for them. And remember that it's OKAY to mess up sometimes. You will always have tomorrow to try again and get it right.

thank you! One thing I did find was that I did need more calories.  I was trying to survive on 1200-1400 calories a day which was way too low.  Basically I was in starvation mode. Once I found the right balance of exercise and calories the weight did start to come off so I know that when I eat those calories I can be successful but I keep sabotaging myself and the cycle continues.

 

 

Linda- the multiquote thing stopped working but  wanted to say congrats on the 70 lbs! I am due for a trip to the library so will look for that book. thank you!
 

 

post #37 of 51

hug2.gif

 

A couple of thoughts:

 

How are you tracking your calories? If you are estimating portions and keeping a running tally you might be off. I was. Weighing/measuring what I eat was eye opening. As was forcing myself to enter it on fitday or now, weight watchers. Also, as silly as it sounds I won't eat something now because I am to lazy to enter it. A good example would be free samples.

 

My son scrapes his own plate in to the garbage.

 

If it's worth saving it goes directly into the fridge. I had a bad habit of picking at leftovers while cleaning up.

 

No eating standing up. The bad habit of snacking while cleaning up was twice as bad while cooking. A small taste for seasoning and that's it.

 

Maybe you're not trying to fill a void but just need to break some habits?

 

Additional thoughts on the psychological side:

 

Don't beat yourself up. This is a process right. We'll all have good days and bad days. So, you ate the rest of the hamburger and you are going to go way over your calories because you will need to eat something later. Ok, make the food later a sensible choice and try again tomorrow. Don't use it as an excuse to start a vicious cycle. Don't tell yourself, "oh well, I messed up so I might as well have cake." Stress plays a huge role in weight gain/loss. We all have so much going on at any given time. Don't make losing weight another thing you stress about.

 

Hang in there.

 

 

 

 

post #38 of 51

I think others have touched on this, but are you enjoying the exercise that you are doing? For me, my body image is directly tied to the exercise I am doing, but it has to be something I enjoy and get satisfaction from. I hated the gym so much that it just made me feel worse about myself, but if I go to yoga regularly I feel better about my body right away (even though it looks the same) and that makes a huge difference in my outlook.

 

I also have to have protein for breakfast; otherwise my whole day is thrown off, I feel generally crappy and will tend to crave sugars/carbs.

 

Eating for no reason is definitely a problem for me too though; super frustrating because DP will eat half his meal and just stop because he's full, whereas I will snack while cooking supper and then finish my whole plate just because it's yummy.

post #39 of 51
You are over working out. That much cardio raises the cortisol levels of the body and can lead to binge eating.
Check out the dr mercola peak eight.
Also a lot of woman need to eat like 40% of cal from healthy fats. What ever your body tolerates: avocado, Mac nuts, pasture fed butter and dairy (any dairy makes me gain weight, others it really helps take off weight.)
post #40 of 51

I eat my kids left overs.Try to give it to the dogs instead. If you know you are going to do it then just adjust your one meals to take in that extra. I know I like to snack in the afternoon,so instead of one big meal and snacks I just eat small snack meals in the afternoon.

 

Have you ever tried some of the veggie burgers? Taste decent and sweet potato fries are a great side.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Fitness and Weight Management
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Women's Health  › Fitness and Weight Management › Why do I do this????? ... a vent and a cry for help