Should I keep SAHMing???

[chewynotcrunchy]

Some days I wonder if DD would be better off in day care while I work.  I just don't feel like I do a very good job staying at home.  I guess I just don't know what to do with her.  We go to a mothering group once a week and sometimes hang out with other moms, but most the time we are home.  I absolutely love being home with her, but I just don't think she gets much stimulation.  She is a little over 4 months old.  I hold her for naps and then when she is away I try to interact  with her, but there are just so many songs I can sing and books I can read.  I end up putting her in the wrap or bouncer and do dishes or make dinner.  I find it hard to keep narrating what is going on, so a lot of the time she is in silence.  I lay her on a blanket with some toys for about 30 minutes a day while I do laundry or feed the dog or something.  Sometimes we go for a walk, hopefully much more often now that it is getting nicer.  I just don't know what to do!  What do you do with a 4 month old?  If I really can't keep up the one sided conversations and singing, would she be better off in day care while I work part time?  I worry that she will have delayed speech development or something because I don't talk to her enough... 

Any advice or insight?  Are some people just cut out to be SAHMs???

Thanks!!!

[katelove]

That all sounds fine to me!  I also worry about the lack of talking as I am not a natural "chat-er" so there is quite a bit of silence in our day. But, your baby is getting plenty of stimulation watching you do things, being read and sung to etc. Don't forget you can read anything to her - your own current book, the newspaper, MDC posts  I find that when I don't know what to say to J, I grab a book and read to her for awhile. 

If you love being home with her and don't need to go back to work then I would not consider day care for a second. Your baby needs you! She needs closeness and cuddles and one-on-one interaction and, even quiet downtime.  

It does get easier. I found that age the hardest (so far). They're awake between feeds but not able to do much for themselves. I found it got easier as J was able to roll, sit, crawl etc. Now, at 10 months, she is great at occupying herself with books and toys while I work nearby and she is more interactive so we can play games.

Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing a great job.

[zinemama]

If you really want to work and have a deep desire to go back, then you should. However, that doesn't seem to be the situation. Relax. You don't have to "do" anything with a 4mo, beyond going about your daily round, just with her. Who can sing and narrate everything all day? Not me. Frankly, I would enjoy the relative calm you've got going now. Soon enough she'll be a toddler you will *have* to chase around and interact with all day, like it or not.

[scottishmommy]

You need to read a great book called "Einstein never used Flashcards". It will put your mind at a rest. Honestly, I never really interracted much with DD at that age. I did respond to her coos and cries, but I didn't initiate much. Now at 2 she is extremely verbal. I think one of the great fallacies of our time is the idea that mothers don't instinctively know how to interract with the babies. As long as you respond to most of her verbal cues (crying, cooing, etc) you are doing fine.

[cappuccinosmom]

To me it sounds like you're doing all the right things. :)

And I'm pretty sure in daycare they wouldn't be paying one person to be eyeball-to-eyeball with your individual baby every day.  What would she gain sitting in a swing or bouncy seat, rather than being snuggled up on your back with you right there to feed her and attend to her needs?

[mamazee]

She's only 4 months old - just keep holding her and you're dong great.  And she probably won't get held that much in daycare.

The first year is a real adjustment.  Try to relax and be easy on yourself.

[Summersquash]

You're doing great Mama!!!  I also found that 4-6 month age to be tough to think of things to do with them.  As others have said, your baby is learning a lot from just being with you, watching you do the various things around your house, feeling different textures of hair, blanket, wrap, etc., listening to your voice, the street and nature noises.  

Have you checked out storytime at your local library?  That might be a fun change of scenery for you guys once in a while if you feel like it.  My library had a great 2 and under storytime and I learned a few new songs and finger games to do with DD there (plus met some other mamas).

[chewynotcrunchy]

Thanks for the replies and support.  Some days I just look at this perfect little girl and know that I am never going to be good enough for her and it makes me feel inadequate.  It really helps to hear that I am doing OK.  I fear that I am making being a mom a lot harder than it has to be!      And I feel lots better knowing that this is just a tough age and it will get better from here!  In a year or two I will probably be longing for quiet and boring!    And thanks for the book recommendation, scottishmommy, I will check that out!  Our library has a lot of story time for kids 12months and over, which seem silly to me.  Why can't younger kids enjoy a story time?  Oh the joys of small town living!  Anyway, thank you all for your kind words and encouragement, it means a whole lot!!!

[BetsyS]

I felt like this when I first became a SAHM.  Terribly guilty that I was getting to stay at home, and thinking that maybe my LO would be better in daycare. 

Hogwash!  My babies appreciate ME being home with them very much.  Sure, they'd be fine if we had to do daycare, but we don't, so they get the benefit of me at home all the time.  It's not bad for them, it's not worse than daycare.  It's good for her to be home with her mama.  You love her like no one else does.  You know exactly the things she needs. 

Enjoy that baby!  Tonight, dinner went uncooked for 45 minutes as I held my 9 month old.  I could hear his big brothers playing outside, and I knew that the time he'll want to sit in my lap instead of running outside is very, very limited.  So, I try to enjoy it while I can.  Do the same. 

[NewBeginnings1]

You're giving her the best thing that you can. She's in a stable and loving environment. She thrives on your presence. When she needs you, you are there. Soon she'll be exploring on her own with independent play. In a short few months, you'll have so many more things to do together. Hang in there if its really what you want. I joined a gym and go 3x a week. This gives her a chance to be cared for by other people and also gives you time to clear your head. You're doing great!

[IngaAnne]

Originally Posted by chewynotcrunchy 
 Our library has a lot of story time for kids 12months and over, which seem silly to me.  Why can't younger kids enjoy a story time? 

I work at a library and can tell you that the age listed for story times are usually just a guideline to let you know what age range the activities are geared towards. My not quite 2 year old goes to a group geared towards 3-6 year olds (and he has been since he was just over a year old) . There are lots of younger siblings there, including infants. The younger ones can't always do all the activities themselves, but they have fun anyways. Unless your library strongly objects, you should pop in at a toddler story time to see what it's like. As long as your daughter doesn't scream through it and the space isn't super limited, I'm sure people wouldn't object. 

I hope you find something fun for both of you :) As others have said, there's not a lot to do with a 4 month old. Honestly, even at the moments when they seem to just be staring out into a quiet room their brains are making a million connections and they are learning.

[Erin77]

My son is six months old and I feel/felt the same way- sort of like, maybe I should leave this to the professionals? I think it's a side effect of the fact that I was very good at my office job and got lots of positive feedback, and now I'm in uncharted territory! I personally decided that I am going to continue to SAH until my son is 2.5 or so and can go to a preschool. I made a list of "enrichment" activities (peek a boo, books, songs about body parts, narration) and make sure I do them all at least once a day. Other than that, I figure he's learning by running errands too, right? It's true that no one else will give him the one on one that I can (can't afford a nanny) so the direct attention and simulation, even if I don't know what I'm doing, is going to benefit him. 

[les_oiseau]

One of the most liberating things I have heard yet, is that the best thing a mother can do for her baby is to live her own life. Which, I took to mean that there is nothing wrong with just letting your baby be. (I hope this is not taken the wrong way) But I always felt like I had to do certain things to make my staying home with my kids "worth" it. I had to be "productive enough" or do the "right" things. Now that my kids are older I see that there is no way I can do all the right things, or even keep them stimulated or busy all the time. Alot of the times when my kids are bored, they have to find something to do. I will read with them, take them for walks, set up crafts, bake things together, etc, but when I am busy, I think it is perfectly fine to expect that they can entertain themselves.

The point I am getting to is that I don't think there is anything wrong with silence. Neither do I think it would be wrong for you to turn on your favorite music, or the news or something. Or even read a book while she is playing on the floor. It might be good for her to see her mama doing things that she enjoys.

[ElsieLC]

A 4-month old will go just about anywhere with you, so do some fun (for you) stuff out of the house before she wants to crawl all the time. I see lots of mothers with babies on the free day at local art museums. In winter, plant nurseries can be a nice place to go. Both of those places have interesting environments for babies. She will be getting all your attention in just a few months.

[31rubies]

You are doing a wonderful job....don't even think about daycare!  They just need to be with you, period.  That's all she wants or needs!  When I just had my youngest, my inlaws wanted me to put her in daycare, preschool, anything... to "stimulate" her and "get her used to being with someone besides you".  Needless to say we have completely different parenting views!  Your heart will tell you what to do.  BTW, your baby is BEAUTIFUL!!

[chewynotcrunchy]

I haven't mastered the multi-quote yet, so sorry for the general reply.  Thanks so much for all the wonderful advice and insight- it is helping a lot!  It is so nice to hear so much encouragement!!!

[frugalmum]

I have never narrated to or gone out my way to "stimulate" my babies.  I just love them and make sure their needs are met!  You don't have to be a teacher, it's ok to just be a mom.  Whatever stimulation your baby needs she will receive just by having her needs cared for.

[waiting2bemommy]

You sound like I did when I had ds! I worked 7-3 during the school year, but I had lots of time off due to school breaks, and summer vacation of course, so I had my times as SAHM as well, and I was seriously worried about doing everything right. I brought him outside and set him in his bouncy seat while I read a book or went online. He watched the birds and babbled and was quite happy. I did fingerplays and songs with him. I did tummy time with him where I tried to teach him how to roll over, crawl etc. He started storytime at 7 months, because my mom was my sitter when I had to work, and that was the youngest I could convince her to take him for me. I laugh about it now because in spite of all my devotedness he walked at 13 months while my dd who has gotten decidedly less of that "quality" care, walked at 10 months! And she spent most of her time on a blanket on the floor, watching her big brother, or on my back in the wrap as I went about my day. Of course I interacted with her, but it was a different more matter of fact kind of interaction.

I will say it---babies are kinda boring. They are cute, but they are boring. And smelly, according to my ds. It does get better. Maybe pick a project you want to get done, and work on it now before she gets mobile!

Oh and one other thing both my kids LOVE---homemade picture books. I used laminate paper or dollar tree sheet protectors to drool-proof a bunch of family pictures, and then put them all on binder rings. Then we would sit and look at the pictures, and of course there is a story behind each picture, so I tell them the story, over and over, and it is a wonderfu bonding experience.