DS is 26 mos old. He's a sweet kid, generally well behaved. I've avoided having to discipline him because for the most part, if he is acting up, I can redirect him or distract him. Very seldom to I have to just say "no" to what he is doing. And when I do say no, he, of course, has a tantrum. So I try to avoid having to say "no" to him - it makes things more pleasant for both of us.
DH does not see this the same way. I feel like DS does something "wrong", DH says "no", DS melts down. DH will put DS in time out for some infractions (such as throwing toys). I just feel like he unnescesarrily escalates things. He, on the other hand, says that I am too soft and am afraid of saying no.
Both of us are into gentle discipline as we define it (not sure what common definition is) which to us means that we do not spank or hit, do not yell or use nasty tone, and try not to act out of anger.
Am I too soft? Does DS just need to get used to hearing no?
So for an example, DH goes to get a banana. I leave the room, and DS starts screaming. I come back, ask what happened. DH says "he wanted to hold the banana". I said, so let him hold the banana. DH says well, what if he made a mess? Well, so what? He wants to hold the banana. It's exciting for him to be involved in whatever Daddy is doing. I figure no harm in letting him hold the banana.
There are other examples - this one sounds pretty petty when I reread it - but this is our typical pattern.
Am I wrong?