ADVICE PLEASE :) How did you know UC was right for you?

[sunshinemoma]

I know I want a homebirth.  My husband expects us to have a midwife.  I absolutely know a doctor is outside of my comfort zone.  BUT I can't seem to picture giving birth with a midwife either...

I am can picture being so comfortable ucing...but then logically I don't know exactly how to prepare for that and If it's possible to be prepared completely?

How was it for you moms who have decided to or actually have UC'd or UP/UC'd?   When did you come to the decision and what did you do to feel prepared?

Thanks for your thoughts and advice!

[dayiscoming2006]

After a horrible hospital birth with my first, I researched and UC felt the most comfortable to me. I wanted to be more in control of things and felt that it would only be possible with a UC. I sadly didn't manage to get my UC the second time due to my living situation but then ended up with an even worse hospital experience in Romania.

So, now I'm even more determine to UC. Nothing can drag me through any hospital doors unless I feel my child or I are in danger that can only be helped by going to the hospital. Thankfully that is very rare so I'm pretty confident things will go well.

I wish they still had stickied those resources that were up back with the old message board format but they don't.

The book "Emergency Childbirth" has a bunch of info.

I also like Heart and Hands - lots of good info there though I'm turned off by the naked women and the few parts explaining how to be supportive of a Lesbian couple. If you ignore those parts, the rest is quite good. Just wouldn't ever let my kids read that book. 

There's also a PDF I have linked to in a previous and somewhat recent thread that has the short version of how to handle emergencies and there are tons of threads with recommendations on what type of supplies you may like to have on hand, etc. 

There's also another thread out there with information on how to get the birth certificate. Most of the time you'll just need to fill out some information for vital statistics, but, it's nice to have an idea ahead of time.

If you can use the search features on the forum - you'll be able to find stuff a bit easier I think. Hopefully that helps some. I truly believe UC is one of the safest ways to give birth if you are healthy and haven't had any serious complications. 

The negative of having a midwife, is they have to follow some required recommendations for monitoring mom and baby and they may interfere more and make you feel more pressure to do as they say instead of follow what you have learned and what you feel is best in the moment. I am not completely against a midwife being there, just think it'd be nicer without one, personally.

Also, $3-4000 is a lot of money and the typical cost I've seen for a homebirth midwife. That's just not in my price range and they can't do a lot more than what you can do on your own, if you've done your research. If something serious pops up, they need to have you transfered just the same and you may be looking at hospital expenses and midwife expenses in that case.

I prefer that someone is with me during my labor and birth - I would not be as open to solo-UC, though I don't judge anyone that does it that way. My personal comfort is that it is good to at least have someone there who can call for help or give you help if something does go wrong. That's why I'm going to have my hubby review a few bits of material that will help him in accessing the situation and help him to be useful in case of an emergency. 

[KD's Momma]

I have always wanted a homebirth but my husband was always too afraid that something would go wrong.  With my last delivery the hosp was a nightmare, they didn't call my mw until I was about 10 min from delivery, because they didn't believe I was actually in labor.  So, I delivered my own baby in the hosp with help from my DH.  So this time around when that little line appeared and I began this journey again - for the fourth and last time - I said then, I will do this at home, by myself.  I've done it before, my body knows what to do, and I know what to expect. 

[yoma2468]

I realized during the birth of my last child that 1) God is in Control 2) Midwives are just as human as you and I and they have their own fears and past experiences which they sometimes use to make decisions regarding births 3) I realized how totally unnecessary at lot of procedures were.  Therefore, I came to the conclusion that it would be easier for me to overcome my own fears and just let nature happen, then to trust someone else to let go of their fears.You can't control people & how they think, you can only control you. 

[elevena true]

            in my three birthing experiences as of yet, i have had two sweet home births with very hands-off yet knowledgable midwives, as well as one completely unattended home birth. in the first two births i appreciated the support of my dear midwives. i was without a partner, they were very relaxed and hands-off when i needed them to be, and i didn't have any clean-up to do. i've also got to say how wonderful warm counter pressure in the perineal is. i reccommend it to any and all. : )

             for my third birth, i was doing a surrogate pregnancy (read, not my baby, but still my body...) for the biological parents, and they were unwavering on the hospital bit. i thought that because i was informed, experienced, and using hospital midwives that it could turn out beautifully still. however,  in the last trimester i was awakened to all the intrusions/procedures/routine interventions that were protocol and they ( the midwives) would not "allow" me to decline. and they were planning on stealing my placenta- something i grew in my own body- based on it being a bio-hazhard. this was a no-brainer to me. i would do what i knew i could. it is sad that the parents were not able to be at the birth, but i really needed to honor and respect my body, let alone the baby that-while it was not my baby- i did have obligations to. i did an infinite amount of reading and meditation in preparation for the birth. the baby ended up being born at a friend's home nearby. i was able to give him the closeness and gentility of a home birth, let the placenta finish it's work pumping blood into him before cutting the cord, dim lights and skin to skin versus latex in those first moments.

              so, i realize my uc is a little different then many of the stories on here, but it certainly was planned and prepared for. i value and respect midwives and am studying midwifery on my own, and love to support the galliant midwives i know. i appreciate the feeling of birthing in peace and solitude while having extra hands during and after the birth to clean up, watch my other kiddos, make soup, etc. i especially value the closeness and interaction i have with my midwives at my prenatals- again, without a partner, this is invaluable to me. i think one chooses best what will serve them best- really look at yourself, your needs, your options, and you will see what calls most strongly to you.

                     much light in seeking your beautiful birth!

[sunshinemoma]

Thanks, for everyone's reply's.  Dayiscoming thanks for the recommendations..I'm sorry about your previous' births and really hope next one is a wonderful experience for you.  I know what you mean about some midwives being required to follow certain routines regardless of whether it is necessity in each specific birth, hmmm.  I do have access to fully covered midwifery care as well as fully covered hospital care if needed.  So whatever the choice or outcome financially it makes no difference.  

KD, wow!  That is amazing and quite ironic that you, in a hospital, actually BIRTHED your baby without medical caregivers assistance.  I mean during the actual delivery..right?  Isn't that basically a UC in the HOSPITAL??  

yoma, I agree with you...so was is during your last birth that you decided you would UC the next time?

Elevena True-how did you KNOW that your midwives would be handsoff?  

[sunshinemoma]

emergency childbirth, heart and hands...any more suggestions?

[mamahen2coop]

I'm going to be following this thread.
I've been toiling away at my own inner battle between a hospital birth and an out of hospital birth. I originally thought about a homebirth but was unable to find a midwife that I felt comfortable with. So I just decided I'd deliver at the hospital and my mind was quiet... for a couple days. Then I keep reading (I'm LOVING- Gentle birth, gentle mothering : a doctor's guide to natural childbirth and gentle early parenting choices / Buckley, Sarah J) and it makes me just want to UC to avoid the bustle after delivery at the hospital.

If there was only a simple algorithm or magic 8 ball to answer all my questions and know what was right!

[Mamatoabunch]

It is often hard for me to answer this question b/c it just felt right. I prayed and studied what seemed pressing in each pregnancy and just went w/ my gut.

Edited by Mamatoabunch - 3/30/11 at 7:16pm

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by sunshinemoma 

emergency childbirth, heart and hands...any more suggestions?

http://s292.photobucket.com/albums/mm16/sunnywallace/UC%20documents/

EDIT:

Apparently the infant not breathing section is no longer correct. I just saw this on another section of the board where someone else had shared the link. I just wanted to give a heads up. 

Edited by dayiscoming2006 - 3/28/11 at 2:08pm

[mamahen2coop]

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

http://s292.photobucket.com/albums/mm16/sunnywallace/UC%20documents/

Is it bad that reading those made me more nervous? I guess maybe UC isn't for me?

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by mamahen2coop 

Is it bad that reading those made me more nervous? I guess maybe UC isn't for me?

Those are just good things to print out and have on hand in case of an emergency, but emergencies are super rare. There are risks to being at a hospital too. And there could be risks to having a homebirth with a midwife if she does interventions and stuff. Just take it all under consideration before making a decision. 

[lightinmyhands]

don't be afraid of death, just like life, it happens.  IMO, it's more likely for mom and babe to be in serious jeopardy in the hands of a doctor than on their own UCing.  Also, midwife transfer rates don't look so good in my local area, what about yours? get your hopes up for a homebirth, spend a lotta cash on a MW and wind up with a doctor anyhow? no thanks.  Midwives have the same legal worries that docs do--- birth is a lawsuit waiting to happen for birth professionals and they all have their rules to play by for their malpractice insurance.  I don't want any part of that personally. Fear is nothing but a tool of social control, so in order to UC I had to learn to let go of it.  Hell, in order to truly live I've had to learn to let go of it!  If you're spiritual at all (for me it's the universal pulse of life, for some it's "god")...... do you not trust? is that why you'd want a midwife or doctor?  Trust that what's meant to be will be, and trust in your ability to be at peace with the outcomes?

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by lightinmyhands 

 IMO, it's more likely for mom and babe to be in serious jeopardy in the hands of a doctor than on their own UCing.

Absolutely. This is they key, right here.

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by mamahen2coop 

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

http://s292.photobucket.com/albums/mm16/sunnywallace/UC%20documents/

Is it bad that reading those made me more nervous? I guess maybe UC isn't for me?

Nah, it looked scary and alarming to me, too. I think it was the presentation.

Same/similar info and confidence-instilling = Emergency Childbirth: A Manual.

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by ElizabethE 

Nah, it looked scary and alarming to me, too. I think it was the presentation.

Same/similar info and confidence-instilling = Emergency Childbirth: A Manual.

Sorry, if that looked scary. I just used it to print off to make things easy for DH in case something were to pop up. I sincerely doubt anything will.

[ElizabethE]

Day, it's cool! I didn't mean it as a disrespect to you. It's still very good info to have. I think the way it was designed just makes it look scary. I think if it works for you and doesn't have that effect on you, that's good. :) Taping up info like that around is not a bad idea at all, if it doesn't spook the mama.

[mamagrits]

ITA w/ mamatoabunch-- I don't have any other way to explain it except that as soon as I knew I was preggo this time, UC was undoubtedly "right" this time, although if you'd asked me about UC'ing my past births the answer was "no way!!!!" (this is my 4th baby, my others were hospital births, one epidural vaginal, one c-section under general, & one med-free VBAC w/ midwife)  I don't feel at peace when I think about birthing at the hospital again, nor about a MW attended homebirth, but I feel lots of peace when I think about birthing at home w/ DH.  And no, I don't think there is any way to be completely prepared!  (unless you are like mamatoabunch, I bet she's got this UC thing down pat  ;)  )  I can only do what I can do & trust that God will let me know anything else that might arise in the moment.

[elevena true]

sunshine-   

      in seeing how some women's experiences have turned out, i think that i had a lot of luck in choosing my first midwives. that said, intuition and trust (in the universe, impulse, god, source, however you name it...) played a large role in explaining how i knew they would be the right fit. trust and intuition are some of the same components to a beautiful uc, or birth in general. all that said, it was the right fit and felt that way from our first meeting. truly, these ladies were old and witchy, very laid back, and warm and embracing while not pushing anything on me. they never blinked an eye when i refused every single thing they offered- blood work, gbs testing, glucose test,ing, vitamin k, newborn prick, etc. they simple offered objective information about what was available. i thought it was wonderful to sit and talk about anything, while being fully supported. they would help me problem solve any thing that was going on, hook me up with resources, directions to look, and community connections- then rub my baby and say sweet things to her. it was this amazing, holistic care that is, imo, what midwifery or doulahood is about. if we trust our bodies, it seems that most times medical elements are unneccessary. (  <~~~~~~my disclaimer on that statement, though a different thought pattern, is that there are systems bigger then all of us, in the organic sense, and everything doesn't always play out within our power. ) however, pregnancy and motherhood is a huge responsibility; emotions and hormones are big. it is a beautiful time to have the space you are holding also be held by thoughtful and caring people. some women have this in their partner, or close friends, or perhaps have a dedicated little village-like community. i think the aloneness is raw, and the intimacy of true community is also raw. different experiences, for sure. both with blessings and lessons. we as humans have to remember how to rely on our instincts.

      all that is to say, let your own heart and gut guide you. if for a moment either midwife would have challenged my belief systems or (lack of) desires for my medical care or how i envisioned my birth, i would have left then.

[lizzie]

I too just felt like it was the obvious choice for our next child, and that was years ago. I've been reading and learning and researching ever since. My dh didn't come to that conclusion though... until I got pg! Then he surprised me with feeling like UP/UC was what he wanted as well. I felt like it was confirmation from God that we were meant to go down the UC path with this baby.

However... due to a lot of random circumstance in our life, I may very well end up in a birth center. The midwife I'm working with has so far given me every reason to believe she'll leave me alone, and knows I want a UC, and knows that was our plan up until our living situation changed. She's comfortable with us UCing still if we decide to, but ... I honestly won't know until labor starts just how things will go that day. My mw was joking around about how she doesn't worry about my birth coinciding with her being out of town because she knows I don't want her there to begin with, so I know she realizes just how little "support" I want in labor. I still haven't met her back-up mw though, so... we'll see!

But I just believe that UC is the most natural, safe and healthy birthplan in the world. Sure things can go wrong... that's why we listen to ourselves and follow through accordingly. Things go wrong when you're driving too, something I read somewhere - wish I could remember where - said something to the effect of how much more dangerous statistically is driving than birthing, yet no one tries to make a pg woman feel guilty or selfish for driving across town! I feel like having anyone else around but my dh will block my own voice and intuition. If I'm listening to someone who can't even feel what's happening inside of my body telling me what I should do and when, how can I hear what my body is telling me? If someone is talking when I'm trying to relax and pray, thinking they know what I need, how will I hear God's voice? Why would I trust that they know what I need based purely on what other women have needed in their experience?

There was a recent thread on here about UC books I believe. And I love reading the birth stories of others who have already been through it! You'll find them around here too. Welcome! :)

ETA: You know, I think that comment about driving vs birth was in the Mothering mag with the UC article last fall... LOL - where ELSE would I have read something that realistic??