ADVICE PLEASE :) How did you know UC was right for you? - Page 2

[mamahen2coop]

Originally Posted by elevena true 

sunshine-   

      in seeing how some women's experiences have turned out, i think that i had a lot of luck in choosing my first midwives. that said, intuition and trust (in the universe, impulse, god, source, however you name it...) played a large role in explaining how i knew they would be the right fit. trust and intuition are some of the same components to a beautiful uc, or birth in general. all that said, it was the right fit and felt that way from our first meeting. truly, these ladies were old and witchy, very laid back, and warm and embracing while not pushing anything on me. they never blinked an eye when i refused every single thing they offered- blood work, gbs testing, glucose test,ing, vitamin k, newborn prick, etc. they simple offered objective information about what was available. i thought it was wonderful to sit and talk about anything, while being fully supported. they would help me problem solve any thing that was going on, hook me up with resources, directions to look, and community connections- then rub my baby and say sweet things to her. it was this amazing, holistic care that is, imo, what midwifery or doulahood is about. if we trust our bodies, it seems that most times medical elements are unneccessary. (  <~~~~~~my disclaimer on that statement, though a different thought pattern, is that there are systems bigger then all of us, in the organic sense, and everything doesn't always play out within our power. ) however, pregnancy and motherhood is a huge responsibility; emotions and hormones are big. it is a beautiful time to have the space you are holding also be held by thoughtful and caring people. some women have this in their partner, or close friends, or perhaps have a dedicated little village-like community. i think the aloneness is raw, and the intimacy of true community is also raw. different experiences, for sure. both with blessings and lessons. we as humans have to remember how to rely on our instincts.

      all that is to say, let your own heart and gut guide you. if for a moment either midwife would have challenged my belief systems or (lack of) desires for my medical care or how i envisioned my birth, i would have left then.

Where can I find one like that?!!!! Your response was very helpful and encouraging to me. thank you

Originally Posted by lizzie 

I too just felt like it was the obvious choice for our next child, and that was years ago. I've been reading and learning and researching ever since. My dh didn't come to that conclusion though... until I got pg! Then he surprised me with feeling like UP/UC was what he wanted as well. I felt like it was confirmation from God that we were meant to go down the UC path with this baby.

However... due to a lot of random circumstance in our life, I may very well end up in a birth center. The midwife I'm working with has so far given me every reason to believe she'll leave me alone, and knows I want a UC, and knows that was our plan up until our living situation changed. She's comfortable with us UCing still if we decide to, but ... I honestly won't know until labor starts just how things will go that day. My mw was joking around about how she doesn't worry about my birth coinciding with her being out of town because she knows I don't want her there to begin with, so I know she realizes just how little "support" I want in labor. I still haven't met her back-up mw though, so... we'll see!

But I just believe that UC is the most natural, safe and healthy birthplan in the world. Sure things can go wrong... that's why we listen to ourselves and follow through accordingly. Things go wrong when you're driving too, something I read somewhere - wish I could remember where - said something to the effect of how much more dangerous statistically is driving than birthing, yet no one tries to make a pg woman feel guilty or selfish for driving across town! I feel like having anyone else around but my dh will block my own voice and intuition. If I'm listening to someone who can't even feel what's happening inside of my body telling me what I should do and when, how can I hear what my body is telling me? If someone is talking when I'm trying to relax and pray, thinking they know what I need, how will I hear God's voice? Why would I trust that they know what I need based purely on what other women have needed in their experience?

There was a recent thread on here about UC books I believe. And I love reading the birth stories of others who have already been through it! You'll find them around here too. Welcome! :)

ETA: You know, I think that comment about driving vs birth was in the Mothering mag with the UC article last fall... LOL - where ELSE would I have read something that realistic??

I agree 100%. We downplay the risks involved with our everyday life that we deem to be necessary and acceptable.

Although my gut feeling is still wavering on what to actually do, I think if I'm truly honest with myself, delivering in the hospital is not what I want for this baby. I think if it was, I wouldn't have thought to even look into homebirth with a midwife or UC at all. Only 17 more weeks to marinate on the subject!

[mama naturale]

I think my last hosp birth made me realise I could do it on my own so I was determined to do it on my own with #4. I really had no worries and it all really went well. This time I seem to have more worry, I am not sure why. I know I can birth unassisted and there is no other option for me but I guess I am only concerned for what I have no control over.

[justamama]

My first birth, I started wanting an elective c-section under general anesthesia. I wanted a baby, I wanted nothing to do with the birthing process. I met women on an AOL ddc who thankfully were willing to help educate this scared, probably crazy sounding, 20 year old. I stayed with a hospital birth because even if I knew of a homebirth midwife, I couldn't afford anything. I so wish I'd had a doula. Even so, we wound up with a medicated labor (2 shots of narcotics..which don't really work on me anyway) and natural birth. The best birth possible for me in that place, in that time.

My second birth I wanted a homebirth but could find no midwife. The CNM that does homebirth was booked. I settled in with the hospital CNMs. But felt drawn to UC. All of my birth dreams were of my husband and I with me squatting in the tub at our house while it was snowing outside. A midwife friend found a homebirth midwife for me through a yahoo group for midwives. We hired her. She was at another birth and didn't have her cell in her pocket, so didn't get our calls about me being in labor until baby was almost here. It was a super fast, super intense posterior labor, but it ended in baby turning and us having our peaceful birth in the tub with just Dh and I. <3 For it being the "hardest" birth, it's still my best.

My last birth, the midwife did make it. She was a great support person. She honestly was. But every cervical check felt like an intrusion. Not her fault at all, just how I felt. DH spent my labor while we were alone (only 30 minutes; I had a 2 hr labor and he got there 30 minutes into it) cleaning because the midwife was coming, not focusing on laboring WITH me. Again, not the midwife's fault. It was DH's fault. But had nobody been coming over, it wouldn't have even been thought of to load the dishwasher while his wife is in labor!

With my births getting shorter and shorter, and our money being stretched thin anyway, I can't justify the cost of a homebirth midwife. Even if I could call the second my first contraction hit (and I usually have prodromal labor, so it takes me a few to tell its real), I may be looking at a 75-90 minute birth if this one follows the pattern of the others. It takes about 25 minutes to get from where the midwife lives to here. So she may be here for a half hour of labor/birth time and then to clean stuff up. In my head, I can't put that financial hardship on my family for what may amount to such a short time, if a midwife were to make it at all. And I really can't justify trying to drop the kids off with someone else (who all live in the OPPOSITE direction of our preferred hospital!), and make it to a hospital. Particularly if DH is at work! It just wouldn't happen. I'm all for unassisted homebirthing. Unassisted van birthing, notsomuch! UC just makes sense. And DH is totally on board. When I found out I was expecting we both said "Okay. Just us for the birth, right?" :) I've wavered a bit, listening to those around me, etc. But in my heart, and in my head when I'm being rational, this is what makes sense for us for this baby. And I'm having birth dreams that it is just DH and I. I've only had birth dreams with my other UC. I think my subconscious approves. ;)

Sorry for the novel! I talk a lot when I'm tired. LOL

[mamahen2coop]

Originally Posted by justamama 

My first birth, I started wanting an elective c-section under general anesthesia. I wanted a baby, I wanted nothing to do with the birthing process. I met women on an AOL ddc who thankfully were willing to help educate this scared, probably crazy sounding, 20 year old. I stayed with a hospital birth because even if I knew of a homebirth midwife, I couldn't afford anything. I so wish I'd had a doula. Even so, we wound up with a medicated labor (2 shots of narcotics..which don't really work on me anyway) and natural birth. The best birth possible for me in that place, in that time.

My second birth I wanted a homebirth but could find no midwife. The CNM that does homebirth was booked. I settled in with the hospital CNMs. But felt drawn to UC. All of my birth dreams were of my husband and I with me squatting in the tub at our house while it was snowing outside. A midwife friend found a homebirth midwife for me through a yahoo group for midwives. We hired her. She was at another birth and didn't have her cell in her pocket, so didn't get our calls about me being in labor until baby was almost here. It was a super fast, super intense posterior labor, but it ended in baby turning and us having our peaceful birth in the tub with just Dh and I. <3 For it being the "hardest" birth, it's still my best.

My last birth, the midwife did make it. She was a great support person. She honestly was. But every cervical check felt like an intrusion. Not her fault at all, just how I felt. DH spent my labor while we were alone (only 30 minutes; I had a 2 hr labor and he got there 30 minutes into it) cleaning because the midwife was coming, not focusing on laboring WITH me. Again, not the midwife's fault. It was DH's fault. But had nobody been coming over, it wouldn't have even been thought of to load the dishwasher while his wife is in labor!

With my births getting shorter and shorter, and our money being stretched thin anyway, I can't justify the cost of a homebirth midwife. Even if I could call the second my first contraction hit (and I usually have prodromal labor, so it takes me a few to tell its real), I may be looking at a 75-90 minute birth if this one follows the pattern of the others. It takes about 25 minutes to get from where the midwife lives to here. So she may be here for a half hour of labor/birth time and then to clean stuff up. In my head, I can't put that financial hardship on my family for what may amount to such a short time, if a midwife were to make it at all. And I really can't justify trying to drop the kids off with someone else (who all live in the OPPOSITE direction of our preferred hospital!), and make it to a hospital. Particularly if DH is at work! It just wouldn't happen. I'm all for unassisted homebirthing. Unassisted van birthing, notsomuch! UC just makes sense. And DH is totally on board. When I found out I was expecting we both said "Okay. Just us for the birth, right?" :) I've wavered a bit, listening to those around me, etc. But in my heart, and in my head when I'm being rational, this is what makes sense for us for this baby. And I'm having birth dreams that it is just DH and I. I've only had birth dreams with my other UC. I think my subconscious approves.

Sorry for the novel! I talk a lot when I'm tired. LOL

that made me giggle because I'm fairly certain my hubby wouldn't think to do that even if we were having company.

Not to thread hijack, OP, but I'm loving to read these stories of how/why you all ended up choosing UC. Somehow it just feels the most right for me in my gut at this time. My head is taking a little more convincing, but I think it'll come around after I read the EC book. I do have a little insider knowledge about what to do in OB emergencies, which is good and bad because I'd know what to do but it makes me more aware of the fact that random emergencies happen to even the healthiest of women. However, not even being in the hospital would prevent them, you'd just be closer to help if you needed it. I would bet against all odds though that I wouldn't have any of them. Plus, statistically, who knows what low, low percentage of women have PPH or cord prolapse compared to 30% Cesarean rate, 80%+ epidural rate, and who knows what percent unnecessary intervention with internals and pitocin rate.
anyway... I'm starting to feel more gut feeling about UC than I have about this birth yet.
Time to start assembling the materials! But that's another thread.

[howdeepistheocean]

This is my 4th pregnancy (I'm due Nov 24) and I feel peaceful and right about my decision to UP/UC. It has been a journey, almost a circular one that started with my first pregnancy much the same way, but with a much less experienced and innocent young mother. 6 years ago, exactly this time, I was due with our first child, due Dec, 2005. After a lot of research and reading and discussions we decided to have a UP/UC birth...I was confident in my decision even tho every unexperienced. My pregnancy went well, I stayed healthy and couldn't even tell I was pregnant at  6 mo...hardly. At 33 1/2 wks I started having contractions. Never having had them before I was worried, but somehow convinced myself they were Braxton Hicks and I was fine...I drank some wine and tried to relax. After a few calls to my DH and getting more worried, he decided to come home from work. After a call to an out of state midwife for advice, she advices to go to the hospital because it was probably early labor. By that time I was in the bathtub and I said...nope, can't go, the baby is coming out. And we had a very unexpected early labor, where our first son, Gabriel Eben was born, just about 20 min after the midwife call. He came out crying and looked fine...Apgar of about 9. We were very relieved and after examining him and making sure everything was fine, we cleaned up and got him cleaned up and warmed up. We decided not to go the hospital, because he was doing very well and knew they would demand he stayed there for weeks. Not sure if it was the best decision or one I would make again, but I think it was the way it was meant to be. He nursed extremely well, and gave us no worries at all. He was 4.5 lbs, and we had a perfect, blissful, heavenly 6 wks with him. Dec 25, 2005, Gabriel died in his sleep to SIDS. I in no way blame my birth and often am very thankful that I got those 6 wks in such perfect peacefulness rather than the hospital stress, as he would have been out of the hospital by then and could/would have died anyways...depending on ones view of fate.

   My second pregnancy started soon after, only 3 months after losing Gabriel. Of course I was an emotional mess, and we decided that a midwife would be our best option for this birth. She was very sweet and understanding, but after realizing I was in labor at 15 wks, advised me to go to the ER, where I had a very traumatic birthing experience, the dr invalidating my baby, and my right to keep him, I had to demand they let me take my tiny baby boy (Adriel) home...where we tearfully buried him in our nearby mountains. Looking back, if I were to go into labor that early again, I would rather peacefully miscarry at home, than subject myself to the ER where they did nothing but traumatize me, and make it 100x more difficult.

   9 months later we adopted our two sons from Liberia West Africa age 2yr & 10 mo, and 9 mo after returning home with them I find myself pregnant again...This time I chose a very laid back sweet female Dr to do prenatal care with. She was aware I wanted to UC and was ok with that. I was concerned about premature labor and was considered high risk because of premature labor and late miscarriage. After a somewhat stressful, but quite uneventful pregnancy I gave birth to my 5th son, (if you count the ones in heaven and our adopted ones) at home UC under water with my dirty dh arriving just in time from work (he does construction) to help me through the last 40 min of very very intense labor. The labor lasted 2 hrs from the moment I know I was in labor, to when our son was born. I was 38 1/2 wks pregnant and my dr said I don't have a premature labor risk after this. So now 2.5 years later I feel ready to attempt a UP/UC again, but with much more awareness and experience. I plan to go to the hospital in the event of premature labor, which I'm not too worried will happen...I am due Nov, the same month as my first son was born. It feels special and healing in a way as well.

   My boys at home are now ages 6 yrs, 5 yrs, & 2.5 yrs, so I already have a busy house...feeling great now, but from experience morning sickness usually hits around wk 8.

  Sorry, I wrote a novel as well..but the decision UP/UC can often take years to come to a realization of.

 

 

[annaliseree]

I want to say I would never do UC, but truthfully, I probably would if I couldn't have a homebirth any other way.  That being said, I would ABSOLUTELY encourage you to find an amazing midwife that you 'click' with!  A great midwife will be unobtrusive...  leaving you to birth your own child the way you want, only being there to help if needed and 'guard your space'.  She will also feel like family.  If either of those statements don't fit, then keep looking!  A great midwife is worth the search and will allow you to safely have the experience you desire!

[ElizabethE]

I am enjoying all your stories. They are all relate-able and touching.

Annalise, midwives are not necessary at birth. Also, many women find out when it's too late that even the coolest midwife is obtrusive accidentally, by her mere presence. Others seem cool at first and then don't do what they said they would, even if you've come to love and trust them. In any case, "keep looking" can be an infinite task for what any of us may seek, and could result in an accidental UC anyway... for what we are seeking is just not always possible to find.

[lightinmyhands]

interesting to me, this changing wave of thinking, and how it's only mildly different.  many, many women are coming to realize that doctors aren't necessary to have a safe birthing experience, but I hear so very many of them still full of fear of birth and insistent that a midwife is necessary.  Same fear, just a slight shift in responsibility.  Good for business for midwives I guess, but is it good for birth?

[sunshinemoma]

Wow, this is awesome reading through all these posts.  Thanks for sharing your stories and ideas.  I feel that putting my trust in a "professional" will cloud my view of my own intuitions and instincts.

I have recently been priviledged to attend two homebirths.  One was straightforward and the other one involved SD.  This crucial situation was dealt with by the midwife and oxygen was then used.  However, I am skeptical of how helpful the midwife was in resolving the SD.  She was pulling on the head and putting constant downward pressure,  I asked if it were possible for her to slip her finger in and under her little armpit in there (coincidently I had JUST read the emergency pages that are referred to earlier in this thread)...that was when she went in and was able to dislodge the stuck shoulder.  The midwife later explained she used the "corkscrew manuever".  I feel that there is always a chance of situations that need educated assistance but I don't really believe that having a professional ensures a good outcome.  Or even that the professional will give the best/needed assistance...

I wasn't extremely impressed with either of the midwives..

Or, maybe, I just felt that If I were the labouring mom, that I would prefer not to have their presence and routines in my space.

Edited by sunshinemoma - 4/3/11 at 8:43pm

[ElizabethE]

It is a shift Light, and not a good one since in order to be recognized and counted as medical professionals in this country alongside doctors, many midwives are very adherent to the common medical way of practicing and viewing pregnancy/labor, anyway. Hence the term "medwives". But, even if they weren't so medically minded, shifting responsibility to anyone and laboring under the delusion that it's in their expert hands (and thus out of yours) is ... less than ideal.

Sunshine, I totally agree with your opinion and assessment of what you saw with the midwives.

[lightinmyhands]

it took me one appointment with a local midwife and the birth center's physician to know that it absolutely wasn't right for me.  I declined the "routine" blood work and the midwife looked at the doctor and actually rolled her eyes.  Not to mention they were both visibly annoyed by my then 4 year old acting, well, like a 4 year old who is bored at a doctor's appointment.  While one the one hand the experience was really sad and a total waste of $200, on the other hand it led to a magnificent home birth attended by no one but daddy.  

[rsochi]

I had an awesome midwife I clicked with.  But she's so awesome -- everyone else clicks with her too, which means she's very busy.  It isn't necessarily her fault, and she knows her stuff.  I hope I can still work with her in the future despite no longer using her services for my birth.  However -- when it came down to her being too busy, it was easier for us to prepare for a UC and not have to worry about having a midwife not show.

I don't know if it still counts as a UC or not, but there are also some doulas who are willing to be around for your birth if your hubby is gone or maybe not comfortable or whatever.  While they aren't trained medical professionals, they do know that having a mother move can help with SD and how to manage other issues that may come up in labor.  But, you have to find one you can trust and that trusts in YOU.  :) 

And, I didn't make the full decision to UC until I was over 37 weeks.  So it's never too late either!