If you're having a girl, is your DH/DP freaked out?

[Blanca78]

Maybe "freaked out" is a little strong. But my DH comes from a family of all boys, and is having a lot of anxiety about having a girl--he feels like they are just a huge unknown to him, and he's feeling stressed about wanting to protect her from all the evils of the world that girls must contend with. The evils of the world freak me out, too, but since I am a girl, and have always loved being one, I guess I'm not in the same place as him.

THis is our first kid. Has anyone else out there faced a similar dilemma? I'm trying to figure out how to reassure him. I know once she's here it'll all seem more real and manageable to him, and I KNOW he'll be a great dad, but for the time being, he's anxious. I found one book on being a dad to daughters, but it's pretty cheesy--it's all about "Being a strong guiding light to her" etc. BLECH. I just want a way to help him understand that girls aren't scary, and he will mean the world to her, and he will be a good dad.

[Kedrosami]

I don't think girls are as different from boys as people think, especially as babies. Babies all need the same things: food, comfort, security, love, a calm and stable home. The only thing he really needs to know at first that would differ from being dad to a baby boy is, with girls, always wipe front to back with poopy diapers.

By the time she starts identifying with her gender, he'll figure it out. A lot of being a parent comes intuitively. And little girls love hanging out with their dads just as much as little boys do. An involved dad is a blessing to any child, girl or boy. The main thing he needs to do is be there, be loving, and do his best. No worries!

[Blanca78]

Thanks! That's what I've been trying to tell him--once she's here it'll click into place and I know he'll be in love and his anxieties will melt away. I think a lot of it is that since we are both new to this everything baby is so abstract anyway, and I at least have experience with babysitting and little sisters.

[Buddhamom]

Once he holds her it will be instant love!  My DH says no one will ever love him like his daughters.  Having said that, we are on daughter number four and DH is the opposite of yours and couldn't imagine raising a boy because he feels so natural with his girls.  As for protecting, our older two are 21 and 19 yrs. and DH still coddles and tries to protect them.  He will act all cool to them and then when they have their backs turned he is doing background checks on their boyfriends *LOL*  They know it and laugh because they know he loves them.

[EnchantedMamma]

We have a son already, but are expecting our first girl.

DH is a bit intimidated by the idea of changing little girl diapers (although I pointed out that if I can carefully clean his son's 'junk' after a good poop, then he can handle the girlie bits just fine, too!).

However, he is also looking forward to having a bond with his daughter. DS is very close to me. We know he will have a good relationship with DH in ways he won't with me, but a girl will probably also have a special bond with DH that will differ from my relationship with her. The whole gender thing and psychological development and self-identification process will be so interesting to see in DS and DD-to-be.

He knows several co-workers who have 'Daddy's little girl" relationships with their daughters and he is looking forward to that!

As far as the 'evils of the world', remind your DH that he gets the awesome opportunity to set your daughter's expectations for how she (and women in general) should be treated. Watching how he treats you, his mother/other women, and her, will set her standards high!

[NicaG]

We have a son and a daughter. Dh loves our son dearly and was really happy to have a son for our firstborn . He was a liitle apprehensive when we found out we were having a girl, but all that melted away when she was born. He loves having a little girl, and I think he's even hoping our next dc is a girl.

[kriket]

How funny! My DH also comes from 4 boys, where I come from 3 girls, and we each wanted the other gender :) DH tells me how loud and rough-n-tumble it is growing up in a house of boys, and I remind him how much screaming, drama, door slamming and menstruation goes on in a house of girls!

I agree, boys and girls aren't really different as babies. You only start to see a tiny tiny gender difference in the toddler/preschool years. Even that depends on the kid. Some girls aren't girly, and my DS  can clean house with the greats!

[Blanca78]

Thanks, all! These replies are helpful. It's like, I know perfectly well that he will be just great with her--I just wish he realized it! I think he's stressing himself out unnecessarily. At the same time, I know he's excited--he always talks to my belly and kisses it--"Hey there, little girl!" It's so sweet.

[Adaline'sMama]

We only have a girl, but my DH has said that he feels like hes really glad we had a girl first because it gave him the instant ability to love her and be silly and sensitive and super affectionate. He thinks that if our baby had been a boy he would have had to get past the hurdle of trying to be "tough" or "hard" or whatever he thinks he is most times :)