I agree, the fear-mongering is really horrible around this subject.
My daughter started developing breast buds at 8, and got her period at 10.5 (about six months before I did). She is healthy, happy. She's eaten an excellent, whole foods/mostly organic diet her whole life.
Puberty is not "early" at 9 or 10. It's just not. My daughter was one of the first in her class to develop, but not the only one, and now that they're all 10 or 11 she doesn't look that much different (other than she is very tall, she's 5'5"!) She's not overweight (never has been, if anything she falls on the underweight side of things). She still plays with dolls, hangs out with friends, loves to write and imagine and all the fun kid things (climbing trees, building forts, ect). One can do that, and still have a period once in awhile, I don't think my daughter is unusual in that at all.
I worry for girls who have to be in an environment that says "developing boobs is bad" or "omg you're 'growing up' too quickly". I know I have had to go mama bear postal on a few people in my life to prevent them from putting their ignorant and shaming comments on my kid. Her body started changing. So what? She just learned how to care for her changing body. It didn't need to put limits on her, or expectations, nor did it fundamentally change who she is on the inside. Some of her peers that are undeveloped are into boys and the like, she is not. I'm glad for a face to face community that isn't shaming towards her (or any of the other girls) regardless of the state of their physical development.
Thank you so much for your post! My dd is about the same as yours, and I have struggled with holding a balanced view of it all. I needed to hear this. Thanks!!