Those of you who did not change your last name... - Page 2

[MelKnee]

Dh and I are married.  I kept my name.  The kids have a mash-up of both of our names.  The last 3 letters of my name followed by the last 4 letters of his name.  It turns out that is a "real" last name.  When we did a Google search there seems to be about 150 people with that name in the U.S.

[earthworm]

Hyphenated here. Well, technically my oldest child's last name is the same as my husband's but we want to change it to being hyphenated.

[Forthwith]

DS has my wife's last name.  Our situation is a little different than yours though  - I'm DS's bio-mom, so we felt it was important that DS and DW had something special connecting them.  DS and I share genes, and DS and DW share last names.

If it were somehow possible for us to have a biological child together, we would probably have done something else.

[Lisa1970]

Don't strap your little baby down with a bad surname just for sexist reasons. I know a woman who made fun of me for being a stay at home mom, still used her maiden name, was all "liberal" (except of the close minded variety, you know, the non breastfeeding, no cosleeping, does everything by mainstream "cool" standards) anyway...she said she hated her husband's name, but when she had her baby, she gave the baby his name. I asked her why she did not give the baby her name, and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. Well, she had that attitude toward me anyway, as I was a stay at home mom. I was not even home schooling yet. But she would tell me how she could never respect her mother because her mother did not work. Stupid stuff.

Anyway, my children have my last name. I have been married for some time. All my children are by my husband. But they have my last name. I think, eventually, the sexist assumption that all babies must have the father's last name go by the wayside and parents will pick the last name according to which one they like best or represents them the best.

[CatsCradle]

I kept my last name because I didn't see any reason to change it.  I like my last name and it is part of my identity.  DD has DH's last name mainly because we like DH's last name and all the other grandchildren were girls who took their respective spouse's and/or father's names.  DD is the only grandchild in the family with the DH's old family name.  It is special to us for that reason.  

[NannyMcPhee]

My kid has his Dads last name, but I know many people who gave their kids the Moms/other parents last name. I also know a few families that couldn't decide, or didn't like their last names, so made up a new last name for their kids.  Sometimes the adults changed their last name to match as well. Sometimes the name would be something completely new or a mixture of both the parents lasts names. Maybe that would work for you?

[HeliMom]

We are married and I kept my name. DD has mine and DS on the way will have mine too. My name is an important part of my identity and only if we all change our names to something new will DH share the same last name as our children. He's also welcome to switch his last name to mine at any point too.

It sounds like your DP is more upset about the fact that one child will has your ex's last name, and that you won't give the new baby his, than it just being picking which parent's last name to use. It might seem silly but I think he's jealous.

[Snowflake777]

I didn't change my surname, and DD has DH's. My surname is difficult to spell & pronounce in DH's culture, so we decided to go with the easier choice seeing as we live in his country. I figure DD can always add my name later if she wishes.

I know plenty of people who have used the mother's surname. My friends did it simply because they liked the mother's name better (the father took his wife's name too, which solves the problem of having different surnames). Others have done it by giving boys the mother's name, and girls the father's name. Slightly confusing I guess, but it's no big deal unless you'd hate having to explain it. 

[GoBecGo]

I have 2 DD's with different fathers.  I am no longer with DD1's dad (XP), she is first-name my late-mothers-name XP's-name.  I'm still with DD2's dad (and intend to be until i die or he dies) but have no intention whatsoever of getting married, and DD2 is first-name middle-name DP's-name.  I will probably have one more kid and though DP hasn't heard about it yet, i intend to give it MY last name.  So the kids will all have different surnames.

[ollyoxenfree]

We are married. Both children have DH's surname. I was happy to go the traditional route and give them their father's last name. I really dislike the hyphenated combination of our names (and actually, I think most hyphenated names are awkward, so it wouldn't have been my preference anyway). If I really cared, I suppose I would have compromised with one child using his name and one mine. 

[voca]

My husband and I have different surnames, our daughter has his name largely because he is the stay at home parent, and we didn't want to add to his challenges by violating too many cultural expectations all at once. She has my last name as a middle name.

Friends of ours with two children flipped a coin to see which name they would give the first child, and then gave the second child the other last name.

[msmiranda]

I didn't change my name when I got married, and if I had had my way, all the kids would have had my last name (I don't care for DH's last name).  But he said he shouldn't be punished for all the sins of mankind throughout the ages, and I saw his point, so we agreed to alternate with the kids.  My first son has DH's last name, second has mine, third will have his, fourth (should we be so blessed) will be mine.  In the unlikely event there were a 5th I think we would flip a coin bc 5 is our absolute outermost limit, but 4 is what we were always aiming for, so 2 kids with each last name.  Our families pretty much hate it and think it's stupid, but I wasn't going to be the only person in my family with my last name.  I really don't think it's all that confusing and it has never caused any problems at day care or pediatrician office or anything.  

[pumpkin]

DD has my name. We gave her DH's middle name which has been used by several generations in his family.

We let sex decide. Had she been a boy she would have gotten DH's last name. We wanted something fair and it was more meaningful than flipping a coin.

[kawa kamuri]

his surname 1st and mine 2nd. no hyphen. 

[rhianna813]

DH, DS and I all have the same hyphenated last name.

My sister has been married and divorced twice, and has a daughter from each marriage. Each daughter has her father’s last name and my sister uses her maiden name. So they don’t share any common last name. That makes me kind of sad.

[CorriJ]

I changed my name when I married and our children (when we have them) will have my DH last name. But a large part of me changing my name was I was abused by my biological father and I didn't want to keep his last name. I also really like my hubby's last name.

I also wanted to add that you should do what ever works best for both of you. 

[Laurski]

Originally Posted by philomom 

Dh and I are married. He kept his name, I kept mine, the children bear a hyphenated name.

Same here!  And both of our last names are long, tough to spell, and country of origin specific; as a result, DD has an 18 letter long hyphenated German-English last name.  It's WWII all over again!

She can always change it if she'd like when she gets older, and I figure it will just help her learn more letters of the alphabet in the meantime...