It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
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I really wanted a VBA2C. When I asked the OB at our first appointment, she said no way, but after ACOG changed their guidelines, she agreed to give me a trial of labor.
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For the first 30 weeks, I had placenta previa. It cleared at 30 weeks, and I had a breech/oblique/transverse baby for most of the rest of the pregnancy. My OB did ultrasounds at all my last appointments, and she was actually head-down the week before my scheduled c-section. If she was head-down on the date of the scheduled c-section, the OB was going to support me going for a VBA2C despite my multiple risk factors for rupture: overweight, AMA, history of scar tissue in and out of the uterus.
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At the ultrasound the night of my pre-op, she was oblique, but I was having regular contractions that wouldn't let up. They were strong, too. I asked the OB on call if she would just break my bag of waters and let me go for the VBA2C, and if it didn't work, then they could just section me as scheduled in the morning. She refused, saying an OB would have to be insane to let me go for a VBA2C. I was surprised, since my OB is on the same rotation and was very supportive. I knew the baby was oblique, but also that she was not engaged, and maybe she would go head-down.
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I cried when we got home. I so didn't want a third c-section. I hate c-sections. I had signed a consent for a tubal ligation if I had to have a 3rd c/s, and was planning on getting my tubes tied.
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When we got to the hospital, I had the shakes and was still having decent, regular contractions 4-6 minutes apart. They did another ultrasound for position - still oblique - and did a vaginal exam. Despite hours and hours and hours of regular contractions (the nurses called it early labor, and it felt like it), I was not at all dilated or effaced at 39.5 weeks.Â
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I resigned that it was going to be a 3rd c/s, and made up my mind to just give control over to God. I had done moxabustion, acupuncture, and gone to the chiro to try to turn my baby, but she just didn't want to go head-down.
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I walked into the OR. There were so many people in there! It is a teaching hospital, and there was one doctor and someone else to whom I hadn't been introduced. I guess my anesthesiologist was a resident or something, because this guy, who smelled bad, was getting her ready to give me the epidural/spinal. I had asked just for the epidural, but a different resident had told me that because I was getting my tubes tied after the c-section, I needed to have both.
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The epidural was by far the worst of all 3 I've had. I kept telling the timid little resident and the doctor that it didn't feel right. It felt like the needle was hooking nerves on my right side or something. I kept telling them I felt like I was being poked on my right side. The doctor was so awful to me. He kept telling me to "worry about my baby" and "stop upsetting myself". When they laid me down, I could still feel the needle on my right side. I kept asking the girl if she had ever done an epidural before. He kept telling me, basically, to shut up. He got really irritated with me and told me everything was fine, and that she knew what she was doing. The doctor actually doing the epidural never actually said anything to me.
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My husband came in, and we waited to meet the baby. It took forever. With 3 c/s, I had a lot of scar tissue. I kept asking, "What's taking so long?" I had asked for them to "drop the drape" so I could see DD2 be born (as I had seen DS), but they didn't really have it down to a science like the previous hospital, and so they handed DH a hand mirror for him to aim. They told him to get it ready, but all I could see was my own gore, so I just looked away.
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All of the sudden, everyone started pushing really hard on my belly. They left big bruises! The incision they made for DD2 was too small, and they couldn't get her out. It was unreal, though, how long they kept trying to push her out that too-small cut. There were at least 6 hands pushing full-force on my abdomen. Someone yelled, "Nuchal cord!"
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Finally, I saw a glimpse of her as they whisked her away, all blue and sticky. No one even showed her to me. I asked if she was ok, and someone said, "they're evaluating her now". Probably that dick anesthesiologist. I kept remembering to just give it all to God. All my worry, everything. I heard her cry, and DH said she was perfect. He showed me a picture he had taken of her with the camera. She was lovely!
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And then he brought her all swaddled up to sit with me while they did the tubal ligation. I started dry-heaving. I heaved and heaved and heaved. They gave me something for the nausea. Something started to feel bad, and then things started to be really painful. I couldn't talk or think or anything. I started sobbing. I was going in and out of consciousness. DH was asking them to give me more pain medicine. I don't really remember anything else. At some point, I started kind of hallucinating. I couldn't remember why I was there, or what was happening to me. I thought I had maybe had a stroke or had brain damage. I was chanting in my head, "Give it all to God." because I had no control. I couldn't talk. I fought my eyes open a couple of times and saw DH and DD2 and remembered what had happened. I thought I was dying. I kept thinking of my other children's names, but couldn't remember who they were. It was horrible. People were talking to me, and when I could get my eyes open, I couldn't understand what they were saying.
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I woke up in recovery with a nurse holding my baby on my chest, skin to skin. I opened my eyes and saw her. The nurses had so much compassion. I tried to nurse the baby. I didn't understand what had happened. It was my third c/s, and I had never been unconscious before. Eventually, one by one, the doctors started to come in. The anesthesiologist guy came in and I HATED him. I even said he was a cocksucker (I was totally out of it, if it isn't clear. I wouldn't usually say something like that.) I just wanted him to leave. DH agreed.
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The OB came in, and I was expecting some sort of explanation about what had happened, but she just said everything went fine. There was a little accreta on the placenta, which they had saved to show me.
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Everyone was kind of on eggshells, but I was enjoying the baby. When they wheeled me to a postpartum room, my nurse came in and introduced herself and said, "I heard your anesthesia wore out during surgery. Would you like to talk about it?" and I asked her to leave - I hadn't understood what happened until right then. I was still waiting for someone to explain to me what happened. I was still scared to death at not being able to think or communicate. I was shaking.
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The next day, DH and I talked about it. He said that the anesthesiologist had left after the baby was born when they started tying my tubes. When I was in pain, he told the girl to give me something, but she didn't know what to do. He said he had yelled at her 3 or 4 times, and my OB was trying to reassure me that they would give me something for the pain RIGHT NOW. Finally, she called the other doctor. At some point during this, she was asking me questions about how I felt, and I told her to shut up. I have no memory of this at all. I just remember using my Hypnobabies to get through the pain and trust God. I don't remember talking to anyone, although I guess I did. DH said that at first I answered her, "I don't understand" and then "I don't know", and then "shut up". Finally, the guy told her what to do and she put something called "ketamine" that made me absolutely out of my mind. And then after horrible hallucinations and feeling like I'd had a stroke or something and being completely unable to talk, I passed out.
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He said that when he was waiting in recovery for them to wheel me in, the anesthesiologist had come in and picked a fight with him, saying I shouldn't have told his student to shut up, and that I was out of line! I mean, the anesthesiologist had asked DH if he could "have a word", and after our traumatic experience, picked a fight with my poor husband! My husband totally lost it, and the nurses and my OB thought it was going to come to blows so they called a mediator, who suggested that the anesthesiologist leave. DH was holding the baby, for God's sake! And that DH go back to being Daddy and Husband and they resolve this dispute another time.
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And then, I guess the moral of this story is that eventually, a nurse brought in my placenta and said it was "fascinating". She asked me if I wanted to take it home. I said no. She spread it out on a chux pad on a tray and showed me how it had 2 separate lobes. In the middle, the cord was inserted only into the amniotic sac - it wasn't attached to any tissue at all! They said it was a bi-lobed placenta with a spot of accreta and a velimentous insertion. She showed me how thin the sac was at the insertion compared to the rest of the sac. She said it was one of the most interesting placentas she had ever seen and that they were going to send it off to pathology. That if my water had broken, it would have likely left one lobe behind and there would have been problems for me and/or DD2 with the accreta'd lobe and the insertion.
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The c/s was 2 weeks ago. I really didn't want it, and it was horrid. It was HORRIBLE. I'm still not feeling great. But I don't feel bad about it. I did fight for the VBA2C. It just wasn't meant to be, and, ultimately, I think that the 3rd c/s was the most necessary of all three.Â
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We filed a complaint against the anesthesiologist that is being reviewed by the hospital board. My OB applauded the complaint and said the guy is horrible, and that usually he's a very good doctor with a bad bedside manner, but in this case he was not even a very good doctor.
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My daughter is lovely. I'm babymooning, and I'm so glad she arrived here safely. I read here the whole pregnancy trying to balance our lean budget with my desire to VBAC - could we afford a doula, could we afford hypnobabies, could we afford a birth center/midwife off insurance, etc. I kept thinking my determination alone would make it happen, but I feel pretty ok with the outcome at this point.
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