I'm a SAHM to two kiddos (9 yr dd/8 mo ds) plus two cats. We live in a 4th floor appartment with no elevator. I have no car and may not use DP's company car for insurance reasons. My DP works out of town (with said car), usually 5 days a week so he's mostly only home on weekends. We have no family in this city to help out and my few friends all work and are too busy to come help out. I am totally resenting the workload situation and his criticism of my seemingly poor job as mother/housewife. I'm working from dawn until way past dusk taking care of the baby, helping with homework, shopping, cooking, cleaning, cat litter, laundry, laundry, laundry. I feel like a complete wreck. Everything hurts and I've now developed tendonitis in my right arm. So I've been letting the housework go this week (since I can't NOT carry the baby) to give my arm a rest. He's going to be livid when he comes home to the mess our appartment is in.
And actually DP resents my requests for help when he's home on the weekends. In fact, he actually manages to get out of doing anything other than maybe carrying the groceries for me occasionally. The only things he will do on the weekends without me asking (but with many loud complaints) is to take out trash and do the cat litter - if he does it at all. He thinks I should be able to keep everything picobello all week so he can come home to a clean, comfy home. Afterall, he pays for me to do all the shopping, pay bills, cleaning etc. And if I need help, dd should be my cleaning lady. All he wants to do is play on the weekends. He says he deserves his weekends, implying I don't.
And it doesn't help that he keeps comparing me to one of his SIL's who has 4 kids and runs a tight ship. She's got one teen, one pre-teen, a primary school child as well as a DH who's home everynight to help out. Only the toddler is the only one who can't really help out. DP also fails to realize the fact that SIL doesn't have to walk to and from the supermarket carrying everything and then climb 4 flights of stairs with groceries and a baby every other day - they've got a house and two cars. I only just recently got a buggy for the baby.
Anyhow, I'm being made to feel spoiled, unreasonable and incompetent that I'm not able to do everything and still have time to take care of my needs and DP'S needs. It boils my blood that he acts like I'm running a hotel. All week long he doesn't have to clean, shop, cook or do any laundry because the hotel takes care of everything for him. He works only 8 hours a day. I rarely get a break. And to make matters worse, he's starting to blame AP for me being exhausted. We used to be on the same page, but now he's against everything I do parenting-wise. He thinks if I'd just let ds cio and feed him on a schedule, everything would be just fine. And I'd have time for me and more importantly, for him. harharhar.
So, am I being spoiled and unreasonable? Am I asking too much for him to help out on the weekends? DP is text-book passive aggressive so my gut feeling is that he's just trying to blame me for any problems I'm having instead of being a man and helping his partner out because he doesn't want to have to do menial housework. If you're with me on this one, please help me with making him see reason. If you think I'm totally off-base, please help me see the error of my ways. I just can't believe I'm supposed to do all this by myself AND cater to his needs.