DD prefers the plastic doll :(

[Triniity]

Hi, 

I guess Title says it all, doesn´t it? My DD has a couple of dolls, presents from different occasions (and why do all the grannies think that a "hello kitty baby doll" is the best present ever *hhmpf* 

She has a Waldorf Doll, and she does play with her. She (Lotta) is handmade by me. She got her for her last birthday. But she plays mostly with one of her "baby born" babies, little full plastic babies, able to drink, and pee and eat and everything (which she thankfully did not find out yet) She got the doll by chance by a guy who picked it up from the trash and gave it to her, together with a bunch of cloth and a "baby born pink closet" And she loves the whole system, changes cloth all the time and carries her with her. 

I must confess, I feel a tiny little bit hurt by it, since I made the doll with love and thought she would love it, and she does, but she plays mostly with her "baby"

What do you think. Should I interfere? Should I just let it go and wait if the phase just changes? If I do anything, what should I do?

Thanks for your suggestions! 

[stormborn]

I know how you feel but I don't think you can do anything but let it go.  When dd1(first girl grandchild in 15 years!) was little she got loads of beautiful handmade dolls, some passed down for generations. She didn't like dolls. At all. Never played with them.  Then dd2 came along, and she adores dolls. But her absolute favorites that get dragged everywhere are a tiny $3 doll from target and a scarred, faded yardsale baby with a lazy eye and a frown!

[lach]

I don't think my daughter's ever touched her Waldorf doll.  Her very favorite toy is her Carolle doll.  She sleeps with her and takes her everywhere.  The Waldorf doll might appeal to my aesthetic tastes more, but I would never take a beloved toy from her just because of that.

[laangel]

Hi, although it is heart breaking for you with the time and love you invested in the doll you made I would let her continue to play with her baby born doll. It sounds as if she is having lots of fun and imaginative play with her baby and for me that is what is most important. Keep your dolls around and she may gravitate to them in the future. Is the doll you made a 'baby' doll? If not maybe that is what is attracting her and you could make a more 'baby' style doll? I have a link for a really cute baby style doll tute if you'd like it and it would help (not sure if I'm allowed to post it here though?)

hugs Laura x

[RollerCoasterMama]

DS never would play with his big doll that I made him.  He liked the little velour ones better, but not much.  They've been handed down to new little boys that need dolls!  :)  No one has given him any plastic dolls---though he likes them well enough when we visit grandmas. 

HOWEVER...he loooooves horses.  And has several beautiful wooden ones.  Plus several plastic ones (the Schleich kind...his dad lets him pick one out now and then as a treat and I don't mind--they're great for the tub!).  Those plastic horses are really the only consistant loophole in our "natural toys only" house.  He definitely prefers those plastic horses.  They're "real" he tells me.  I used to be really hurt.  I went through a lot of effort to get him the lovely wooden horses since I know how much he loves horses.  But he loves the plastic ones!  They are very appealing and lifelike so I can see why he likes them.  I do feel better when I watch him play with them though...he's super creative with them.  He builds elaborate fences and barns.  They ride in his wooden vehicles.  He drags them all over town.  He truly loves them.  So I've come around.  As long as they don't over-run the house, I'm ok with a daddy-splurge now and then.  :) 

I think you just can't stop them from liking what they like.  (Did I ever mention that the beautiful dollhouse I designed and built myself is usually home to either the cats or being used as a stable?  Oh well...when he outgrows it, I'm reclaiming that dollhouse for myself!!)  And it sounds like she's getting lots of creative, nurturing play.  When she's a little older, you can get her interested in making dresses for one of her Waldorf dolls...esp with girls, the age range for dolls can go so much longer! 

[Triniity]

Thanks for your supporting answers :) . 

I would never just take the beloved doll away, that would be plain cruel. I guess it is the thing with love, now it´s the doll and in a couple of years ... okay, let´s not go there yet ;) 

My thoughts on intervening were more into including Lotta (the waldorf doll) into our life, as in "did you bring Lotta?" "Do you think she needs to be changed" and stuff like that. I am not even sure, if it would be the right thing to do, since DD has chosen her "love", and, in a way, it is her right to love who and how she chooses, isn´t it? I am getting all philosophical now ... 

And Laangel, no Lotta is not a baby, she is a little girl, just like her "mommy". Do you think I should try a baby doll? 

As I said, maybe I should just let it go....(There is just so much stuff in the package with the baby born, and somehow it finds the way into our house, little plastic seats, cloth, pacifiers - DD did not even have one ... )

Maybe it is my lesson, I cannot control or change anything really, nor should I ... 

[lach]

Keep in mind that Steiner assigned spiritual significance to various different materials, and that is the main reason why a Waldorf doll is such a specific thing.  If you are not a believer in anthroposophy, as I am not, then there's no reason to think she'd get something out of a Waldorf doll that she wouldn't get out of a plastic one.

It sounds like she's still very young.  As she gets older, I think the bells and whistles of the baby doll will probably be less appealing an the friendship aspect of a special doll friend more so.  I think that will be the opening for the Waldorf doll :) 

[Melaniee]

They can't like what they don't have. I know this is tricky with gifts, especially as they get older. However when mine were younger things that I didn't want them to have disappeared very quickly after they received them. My son never noticed until he was 6 (then I had to stop doing that and start talking to him about things).

Having said that, if it's already truly beloved I would not take them away. Sometimes things get put away though, so other things can shine or get a chance to be played with (a telling comment that we have TOO MUCH in our house, isn't it?).  And if put away things are never missed, they get put away further and further.  If they are missed, we find them and bring them back out (or depending upon HOW put away they are I may do so overnight so the kids don't find my hiding spots).

Both of my children get very attached to things the instant the thought of giving them away comes up, from me.  My little one can easily give away many things if it is her own idea. My older one suddenly will pine for something he has not touched or even looked at in 2 years if I mention giving it away. 

And on that note, my youngest was given a plastic baby doll (by me! gasp!) first. Later a Waldorf doll. His Waldorf doll never got any attention.  I was really sad about it, but I didn't take away his beloved doll.  With his sister I started with Waldorf dolls from the beginning and though some plastic ones have found their way in, they are all equally played with by her.

[TulsiLeaf]

This happened with my daughter and the waldorf doll I made her.

So all I did was when she was playing with her dolly, I played with the doll I made.

After a few times she was very interested in it and it's now her favorite doll.

Good luck.

[JudiAU]

Originally Posted by Melaniee 

They can't like what they don't have. I know this is tricky with gifts, especially as they get older. However when mine were younger things that I didn't want them to have disappeared very quickly after they received them. My son never noticed until he was 6 (then I had to stop doing that and start talking to him about things).

Having said that, if it's already truly beloved I would not take them away. Sometimes things get put away though, so other things can shine or get a chance to be played with (a telling comment that we have TOO MUCH in our house, isn't it?).  And if put away things are never missed, they get put away further and further.  If they are missed, we find them and bring them back out (or depending upon HOW put away they are I may do so overnight so the kids don't find my hiding spots).

Very true.

[CCJWGM]

It can be sad and heartbreaking can't it?  The "fairies" came and left homemade presents for DD who tossed them aside in indifference.  She still loves the fairies and makes traps, playareas, houses for them.  But my heart was so broken when I put so much effort into fairy presents and to have her toss them aside (literally).  I finally let it go.  She is her own person.  She is about DOING and I'll let her make her wonderful fairy worlds.  She is happy with just finding "pixie dust" all over the house so I'll leave it at that.

Somewhere on internet land I read an excerpt from a Steiner lecture.  It was about a beloved "ugly" doll not made from the proper materials.  What was said is that the daughter's love makes the doll real despite the materials it is made from and the daughter should be allowed to keep it. 

You could try to have her play with Lotta more but in my experience children will push away more when things are presented in that manner.  A million and one things could be going through her head of which you'll never know.  My DS does not want to play with things I make because he wants them perfect, unmarred, unplayed with.  However, he loves me making them.  It's ok.  I'll keep on making things he doesn't play with.  He'll grow up with the impression of the love. 

[ecoteat]

We experienced this too. It bothered me for a while, but then DD explained that the doll I made her wasn't a baby because she had long hair, and she wanted to take care of a baby doll. I considered taking off the hair I spent HOURS making and giving the doll baby hair and some baby clothes, but I decided to just wait it out and figured that dd would enjoy her more as she got older. And she has. She still loves the cheap Wal-Mart doll the neighbor gave her (I've had to replace the cloth body on her twice! So she's kind of handmade, right? At least now she's cotton and stuffed with wool!). And we bought her a Corolle doll hoping that she'd choose a better quality partly-plastic baby over the cheap one. She loves all her dolls equally now, I think.