Baby setting mama's curfew: UPDATE

[nilatti]

Ok, this thing has started in the past few weeks, and it is NOT COOL.

If I'm out past 7 pm, my son (6 months) starts to freak out and scream uncontrollably. My husband claims that he'll scream for three hours straight.

Now, I should note that my husband tends to exaggerate a little, so I kind of doubt that Silas really screams for three entire hours...but I've definitely come home to find both of them looking totally traumatized.

It's also probably relevant to note that Silas is home alone with his daddy for about 5 hours every morning and does fine. Also, 7 pm isn't bed time at our house. Silas typically sleeps from about 9 pm to 10 am (with a few nursing/potty breaks). 7 isn't any special time at all.

I don't go out that much, really, but twice a month I have evening meetings (usually 6-10 pm). Also, the nature of my job is such that I sometimes have to work evenings. I *must* be able to go out in the evenings. DH suggested that maybe I should just not go out in the evenings any more, but that really is not an option. We've never had this problem before. DH puts the baby to bed sometimes when we're all home, and he's fine with that. 

Before I start really worrying about this (and probably fighting with my husband about it), could someone tell me, is this just one of those short phases that will solve itself before I come up with a plan to fix it? If not, ideas?

[Adaline'sMama]

Do you ever leave him for several hours during the daytime?

[nilatti]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

Do you ever leave him for several hours during the daytime?

Yes, I leave him with my husband for 5 hours every morning because I work then.

[Adaline'sMama]

Hmm.. Okay, I was thinking that maybe the issue was actually the amount of time you were gone instead of what time you were gone during.

The only thing I would say is that its been my experience that "bedtime" changed pretty rapidly sometime around when DD started crawling. She used to stay up until 10 or 11 every night. Then she went to bed at 8:30 for about 3 months. Shes just started walking, and now she wants to go to bed around 7. 7:00! Thats still daylight, but we've noticed that if we miss the window of oppurtunity to put her down between 7 and 8, she will stay up until 10 fighting sleep and being super grumpy. It may be that if you are leaving him for 5 hours in the morning, and then you are gone at night too, he misses you. If its something that you have to do, Id maybe suggest to your husband that he do some of the following:

Wear him in a sling

Try some solid foods while you are gone as distraction

Play music and dance for or with him

Go somewhere, like to the grocery store or to the park

When DH watches DD and she wants me, he has had really good luck with these things, especially taking her places. She's a ham, and she loves to put on a show for new people, so the grocery store would entertain her for  a couple of hours.

[nilatti]

I guess I should have said (though I didn't think of it until now) that the times when this has happened have all been Sunday nights--so we've been together since Friday at noon. I don't go out much during the week, I guess.

I talked with my husband about your suggestions, and he thinks that taking the baby somewhere else might help. Apparently he gets the most upset when he looks at the spot on the couch where we nurse! :(

Thanks for your thoughts.

[carmen358]

My DD does this still...and she's almost 15 months. I absolutely have to be home for her bedtime or she does indeed have a complete meltdown - it only happened twice and I've decided not to let it happen again. My DP was also traumatized by it. I'm a sahm for now and my DP took the first 5 months off of work to be home with baby and I as well so it's not like she's not used to DP. During the day I can go out for a few hours but at bedtime I simply can't go out. She nurses to sleep and is very adamant about that happening. I'd like to be able to go out  and have DP stay home to do bedtime routine but I just don't feel good about it knowing that it's so bad for everyone. It will change eventually.

I know that probably doesn't help you because you said you have to go out for work. How is your DH able to put your baby to bed when you're there? Are you still around? Maybe he should try it without you being visible and see how that goes? Another theory is, could your son be going through teething or a growth spurt and that's why he suddenly feels like he needs you at night? Just brainstorming...

[nilatti]

DH puts him to bed when I'm home all the time--he's actually way better at it than I am. I think maybe the only difference is that S usually gets only one bottle per day, and it's in the morning. It could be that he feels like he needs the breast in the evening or something.

I'm hoping it's just teething/developmental and he'll outgrow it! That's most of why I was posting--I was hoping someone else would say, "Oh, my kid went through the same thing at this age, and it cleared up by X months!"

[wishin'&hopin']

We went through something similar but due to the nature of my work night meetings are non-negotiable (I am home most days).  It did get better by about 9 months...what helped us was the fact that I made an effort to regularize my night meeting schedule (so I work most Tuesday nights) and my DW (I'm the nursing mama tho') does most of bedtime (apart from the nursing part) when we are both home.  It's never as smooth as when I'm home...but he doesn't freak out anymore about it!  We also ALL had to just accept that sometimes mama has to work...and we are all going to be sad about that but it's just the way it is!

[les_oiseau]

My thoughts would be that maybe Silas wants to nurse at this time. When my ds was little, about the same age, he would literally nurse from 5:30 or so until 8 oclock. It drove me absolutely insane. It would be that long of nursing and screaming when he wasn't nursing. Maybe your baby is ready for some mushed food, or cereal? Or maybe he just wants to nurse? Maybe he is teething and does well handling it all day, but around 7 he's tired of sore gums and just wants to nurse for relief?

Whatever the reason, be encouraged by the fact that it is just a phase. It will be tough to get through, but soon enough he will stop doing this. If I were you I would not stop going to the meetings, especially if they are job related. By letting he and his daddy go through this they were create a special bond and be closer for it.

[nilatti]

Thanks for the helpful thoughts! 

I just wanted to let you know that I was out on Saturday night, and everything was FINE. I discussed your ideas with DH a few days before, and he said he'd try some of them. I think it just helped to have a plan of some kind. :) He gave Silas some yogurt (new favorite food) and then took him to the grocery store. When I got home, they were both fairly happy and our week's shopping was done! Silas had a great time riding in the cart and flirting with the ladies at the check out. The only wrinkle was that he freaked out because he wet his diaper on the way home...not bad! 

And THANK GOODNESS. I was really worried about this.

[Adaline'sMama]

Yay! Ill bet your DH just loves showing him off.