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Shell-shocked :-/

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 

I have an IUD. I couldn't feel the string anymore.  My DH hasn't felt it for a few weeks.  I went in to the GYN, feeling foolish, and asked her to check.  She couldn't feel it.  She couldn't see it.  The ultrasound showed it to be missing.  My uterus showed no signs of pregnancy and I had a big black spot in my ovary that the u/s tech assumed was meaning I was ready to ovulate.  I was scheduled for an abdominal X-ray to see if it had moved into my abdomen.  My friend suggested that I take a pg test before I do the X-ray, just in case. BFP. Called my GYN.  She orders a stat HCG test.  118.  Very early.  Too early to show on an u/s.


This all happened yesterday.


I was doing the responsible thing by having an IUD.  I already have 4 children.


My dh is mad.  Not at me, but at the situation.


So, I'm in the 4-week range, which puts me at Nov 30-Dec 1st ish.  I will be early, so if this pregnancy sticks, I will stay in the Nov DDC.


It's not that I'm not happy, I'm shocked and nervous, and wondering what is going to happen.  My family will not be pleased.  I am not looking forward to telling them.  I'm a grown woman, for goodness sake, and I'm scared to tell my parents!  AAAAHHHHH!  Freaking out here...


BTW, congrats to all of you - I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful brat.

post #2 of 23
What a surprise! Congrats on your pregnancy, you will have plenty of people here who will be happy for you! smile.gif

I understand not wanting to tell your parents, I'm pregnant with our third and also scared of telling my parents. Everything will work out, but until then it's just added stress. Sending hugs your way as you adjust.
post #3 of 23

Oh wow! Congratulations! I'm sure you are shocked, that is not news you were expecting at all! My sister got surprised with #4. This was in the early 90's where it was even more insane to have 4 children than it is today. My niece is 17 now. What a lovely girl. My sister and her husband are so glad for that "mistake" so many years ago. The entire family is--aunts, uncles, grandparents, her sister and brothers. What a gift to our entire family.

It's ok to be in shock. Talk about a change in life plans! But you know, things will be ok.


Wendy homeschooling mom to 4 little girls and a new blessing due in November.

post #4 of 23
Thread Starter 

Thank you, you two.  I'm actually feeling a lot better tonight, and am looking forward to my next blood draw on Monday.


post #5 of 23

You didn't do anything 'wrong' and poop on anyone who feels that way. A couple midwife friends have commented that they've attended a few births each where the IUD came out with the baby ;)  NO method is 100%, save sterilization and abstinence. Congratulations on your little one and I hope people can learn to be happy for you! Don't tell your parents until you guys have worked out how you feel about it--you don't have to ;)

post #6 of 23

Congrats!!! and also hugs.

Unplanned pgs can be rough, I know. My ex is super stressed and not too happy about this pg, but I'm already excited and happy about it.

post #7 of 23

Hugs, Mama. Ours is an "oops" too, but I'm trying my best to get out of the "omg" stage and into being excited. I'm seven weeks along and it's still strange. Also NOT looking forward to telling the family, my mom's great but everyone else will likely judge, and my father is doing to be very "dissapointed". Fun.

post #8 of 23
Thread Starter 

Thanks so much for all of your kind words grouphug.gif

post #9 of 23

Hugs Mama.  It is okay to be in shock (tho you say you're feeling better now). 


I was my parent's 4th child and a big ol' mistake!  In fact, the sibling closest to my age is 9 years older than me.  I am sure my parents worried and fretted over money, where to put me, what they'd to, etc.  My crib was in the dining room for quite a while.  The fam would have to be quiet as they watched tv, etc so as not to wake me.  My parent's were not well off and I'm sure they struggled with money.  BUT, my mom took such delight in raising me, her "baby."  She liked to say that she practiced on my siblings and perfected on me.


This little one just might be the best thing that ever happened to you!  i'm sorry you're feeling nervous.  I totally get it - it is so hard!


Hang in there and CONGRATS!!1

PS; This is my 2nd babe and it was pretty much an oops too.

post #10 of 23

This pregnancy is an oops for us as well!  But I don't even have the excuse of a misplaced IUD.  We just didn't think I was fertile yet since ds is only 15 months and still nursing and I only had one, messed up cycle since his birth.  We only did the BD once, too, and boom.  Baby.  I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around it, b/c we were talking about a vasectomy just a week prior to testing. 


We did go ahead and tell our parents b/c they would be even more upset if we waited to tell.  My dad responded with "Really?  I didn't think you wanted more kids.  Well, this is going to a long, hard haul for you b/c your pregnancies haven't treated you too well.  Do you want me to say congratulations?  Congratulations, I guess."  My MIL said "Well, it's not really a mistake if you didn't protect against it.  You can't keep saying it's a accident."  My mom and my FIL were both just happy, which was nice.  My friends are responding with "OH MY GOSH! Were you trying?"  That's such an annoying question.  I get why they ask, but still.


But, in the end, there's nothing I am going to do about it, so I might as well try and get excited.  I've had a bunch of people talk to me about how it will work out, how great three kids is, how it was clearly meant to be, and how much the siblings will all love each other.  These things help to hear.  


My neighbor has 5 kids and wow are they a great family.  Sure, money is an issue, but they make it work, they get creative and they are such helpful and sweet children.  The parents are very wise as well.  I think that many kids will do that to you!   I hope you're feeling a little better about it all and that your conversations with your parents go well!   hug2.gif

post #11 of 23
Thread Starter 

Thank you, Jaimee, for your supportive words.  I had actually become excited about this pregnancy, thumbsup.gif and then I started bleeding.  Not spotting, but bleeding.  I went in for an u/s on Tuesday, and they saw a gestational sac and yolk sac. biggrinbounce.gif The bleeding increased.  I went in Friday (today) for another.  Same sacs, no pole (which surprised me - I thought for sure I had already miscarried).  Going in on Tuesday for another.  If no growth, then non-viable pregnancy.  greensad.gif  I guess it's just not meant to be.  I had HCG level taken today and it was just under 4000.  I'm taking it again on Sunday to see if it goes down or remains the same - if it increases, it doesn't really say much, but if it drops or stays the same, it's NOT a good sign.  I'm so sad. 


I haven't told my parents.  I figure I'll tell them the whole saga after the miscarriage is complete, or after I see the fetal pole.  I'm hoping this bleeding stops. praying.gif

Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post


My neighbor has 5 kids and wow are they a great family.  Sure, money is an issue, but they make it work, they get creative and they are such helpful and sweet children.  The parents are very wise as well.  I think that many kids will do that to you!   I hope you're feeling a little better about it all and that your conversations with your parents go well!   hug2.gif


post #12 of 23

OP, you'll be in my thoughts this weekend and early next week.  The stress of waiting is very awful.  hug2.gif

post #13 of 23

I'm so sorry!  How terrible to finally be feeling good about everything and now not know if everything is okay.  I will be sending sticky thoughts your way.  goodvibes.gif



post #14 of 23

Yes, what Jaimee said! Ugh. Life sure does throw us curveballs sometimes.  One after the other... I hope it is all OK.  I will be thinking of you.

post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 

I passed the little one this morning.  My cramping ended last  night, so I knew the end was imminent.  The Dr has assured me that the IUD is not in me and any residual hormones would not have harmed the baby.  It's just a chromosomal thing, I guess.  My eggs are old.  They're older than me bigeyes.gif  I collected the little blob from the toilet, took some pictures (yes, morbid as it may seem, I'm a scientist and *need* to see proof in order to feel at ease).  And I said "good bye" to the little one, who never had a chance at life.  I'm sad.  But maybe this is a sign that we are to have another.  It's amazing how you can bond so quickly to something that isn't even alive yet.  


So my fifth pregnancy ends in a miscarriage.  This has been an incredibly stressful 2.5 weeks filled with ups and downs.  Ending in a huge down.  At least I have four beautiful children to care for and focus on right now.


Good luck to all!  Have healthy and comfortable pregnancies!




post #16 of 23

I'm so terribly sorry, mama.

post #17 of 23

So sorry for your loss!!  These things have a way of clarifying our thoughts and perspectives on life.  Be gentle with yourself and hug those kiddos close.


Sending peaceful and healing thoughts your way.     candle.gif

post #18 of 23

I'm very sorry for your loss. hug2.gif I understand taking pictures... whatever helps in some small way is what you do! I had a loss at about this same stage of pregnancy.  I collected the little friend and we buried it in the yard, with a picture of the rest of our family. 



post #19 of 23

hug2.gif I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.  I hope everything turns out well for you and your family.

post #20 of 23


Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 4/21/13 at 7:11pm
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