So, am I just wrong? UPDATE

[Adaline'sMama]

We recently visited my parents, and then we had DD's first birthday part where all of the relatives were here. All day long all I heard was ,"Oh, she must be thirsty" or "oooh, she needs something to wash that down with.".

DD is still nursing. I occasionally give water. She has had sips of pretty much everything I drink (except for diet coke and beer). I rarely give her a sippy cup (maybe 2-3 times a month) and I let her drink water from my glass of water all the time. But, its my understand that she isnt thirsty. I never, ever, give her liquid with her meal when she is sitting in her high chair. She self feeds 100%, so I am not sitting there holiding a cup up to her mouth every 2 minutes. Whenever we visit MIL she is constantly offering DD drinks. She fixes her a full sippy cup (watered down heavily) of juice, which I allow ONLY at her house and she never has juice at home. I personally, think we have developed a very bad habit of "washing" food down with fluids. Am I wrong? Do I need to be giving her liquids several times a day?

My parents were convinced that DD was uncomfortable because she had spilled so juice from the orange that she was sucking on down her shirt. They insisted on taking off her clothes, chaning her into a new outfit, and bathing her. MIL later was totally convinced that DD cared that her face was dirty, "Well, its probably distracting her if something is on her face because, you know, when something is on your cheek and you can see it?" I never think that DD cares that she is sticky or has something on her face. Maybe her hands, but I cant imagine having some orange juice on her chest would bother her.

MIL is insisting that I buy DD "good shoes" so that she can learn how to walk properly. Please someone, tell me if Im wrong, but arent bare feet the best thing to learn on? I dont think DD needs to wear shoes until she is walking in public where things could potentially harm her feet.

So, please tell me if Im just being lazy.

UPDATE:

So,reading all the advice and decided that I would give DD a sippy cup to have access to all the time, I bought a cup with a straw so that she doesnt have to tip it back to get water. She is drinking almost 30 oz of water every day now. 30 OZ!!! That is a ton of water. Shes still nursing like a champ, although I think all the water is making her spit up more.

Edited by Adaline'sMama - 4/15/11 at 10:55am

[pianojazzgirl]

It doesn't sound like you're being lazy - you just have different ideas from your parents and MIL.  I think I probably parented my kids pretty much the same way when they were that age. 

Regarding the shoes I totally agree with you. 

Regarding the liquids I'm mostly with you.  I would think differently if it was really hot or dry, but likely at this time of year it isn't.  I also think it depends on how often she's nursing (my ds at that age was nursing 24/7, my dd only nursed maybe 3x a day).  FWIW at that age I regularly gave my kids tiny amount of water in non-sippy cups, and that was mostly for them to practice drinking on their own. 

Regarding being messy, it depends.  I think most babes don't really care, though I'm sure there are those that don't like the feeling of having a messy face.  I know at a certain age both of my kids started to get particular about having messy hands (though it was older than 12mos).  But I imagine you, as her mama, probably have the best sense of whether that would bother her.  However, if my mom wants to bathe my kids - more power to her... one less job I have to do, lol!  In other words, I wouldn't make that my hill to die on.

[cocoanib]

Just different ideas about things. I don't think either way is harmful.

I offer DD something to drink after or during eating. She get's a sippy cup with water or watered down emergen-c/cran juice most mornings and I keep it out so she can drink from it whenever she wants. I do think she get's thirsty sometimes, because she will seek out her cup and get a good long drink.

She also drinks whatever I'm drinking from my cup when were eating together. When were out at the beach or park, I also offer water whenever I'm getting a sip or sometimes she'll just take my bottle or cup and get a drink herself.

I also clean DD up and make sure she's tidy, because I hate the feeling of being sticky or "dirty" myself. If she's eating or playing with something I don't care how messy she get's, but when were done, I wipe her down, because that's what I would do for myself.

As for shoes, we just got DD some soft sole ones and sandals for when she's out of the house walking. She walks better and I'm sure prefers being barefoot, so when were at home, I never put them on her.

[journeymom]

I was one of those kids who needed face and hands not to be sticky.  Perhaps your MIL is like this too. I can just imagine, she's watching your daughter with the sticky orange juice on her chest and her skin is crawling.  It's taking all her self discipline to not grab the oranges and toss them.  She's probably pretty proud of her restraint.

I'm with the other mama, if MIL is willing to clean her up, just let her.

[happysmileylady]

Regarding the shoes-I am with you on that one, I think bare feet are the best way to learn to walk.  HOWEVER, to go out, where my little one will (or even might) be walking someplace not my home, like at a museum or something, they have to have shoes.  If you are going out of the house, you have shoes on.  Even in our own yard, though that's mostly because we had our house built new and and we are still, 8 yrs later, finding construction nails and crap all over. 

Regarding drinks-on one hand, I am with you, on the other, I am with everyone else.  With you-what IS it with people ALWAYS wanting to hand a kid a drink!  DH is constantly trying to get my 2 yr old a drink.  All the time.  He walks in the door from work and asks if she has a drink, if I don't know where it is he gets one for her.  It's like he thinks I am trying to dehydrate her or something.  I figure if she's thirsty she will let me know.  She is 2 and only just learned how to say drink or juice or water, but she's always been able to let us know she wants something, you know.  On the other hand though, with everyone else-it seems everyone is hauling around drinks these days.  It seems like everyone always has a coffee cup or a bottle of water or a can of coke or something with them, all the time.  People working at their desks, cashiers at walmart, and I am even one of them, before I sit down to watch tv, I make sure I have a drink on the end table with me.  So, I guess when folks are asking little ones if they want a drink, they really aren't treating them any different than anyone else.  The first thing you do when someone comes to visit is offer a drink, why would it be different just because the visitor happens to be 1 yr old?  I also have to say, I think it only makes sense to have a drink with a meal ( of food, not nursing.)  Adults do it because it does help to wash down food.  Why wouldn't a little one want to wash down their own table food with a bit of water?

Regarding dirty kids/clothes-eh, I don't think it's a big deal or that it really matters at all.  Some kids get bothered by it, some don't.  Some adults are bothered by it, some aren't.  Different strokes for different folks. 

[chattyprincess]

Dd2 (and for that matter it was the same with dd1 too) is 8mths and always has a sippy cup of water sitting on the coffee table so that if she wants she can take a drink whenever she would like. I will offer her a drink occasionally throughout a meal. Sometimes its nice to rinse your mouth out and to have something to wash it all down with. Dd is competely self fed as well eating a surprisingly large amount for her age.  She nurses on demand which works out to once every 3 hours or so with eating a breakfast, lunch snack and dinner throughout the day as well. I sit with her and my other dd while they eat (generally eating myself too) and keep them company and offer dd2 water whenever she reaches out for her cup. (shes too young with slippery hands to hold on to the cup herself) Its really a personal thing though. My mil doesn't drink hardly a thing all day much less with meals, while for me I easlily drink 2 glasses of water with a meal! To each thier own, definetly not a lazy thing and as your lo gets older they will let you know if they want a drink....

I have always wiped the girls up after meals and would never let them down from the table without doing so. The food/sticky that remains on thier hands and faces would be all over the couches, chairs, walls in no time flat and it would be an ordeal to clean that. Much easier to just clean hands/faces then to go around scrubbing dried who not what off of who knows where every day! This is definetly true for me if someone came to my home, I would be REALLY upset if they let thier child down from the table all dirty to go muck around the house leaving a trail of filth I would have to clean up later. It doesn't take much time and I then use the same cloth to wipe up the table and chairs they messed up! lol. In the summer if the kids are outside playing and all dirty I wouldn't change them if they spilled some juice on themselves because they are generally outside all grimy and in and out of water anyhow, but inside I would for sure. Like I said earlier it would just get all oversomething and make it sticky/dirty and be an ordeal to clean. When we are at Mils house I generally let her have her way with bathing and dressing the kids, so does my sil with her 2...Mil loves it and it really really makes her happy to fuss over her "babies"....Like someone else said its one less thing for me to do and its not truly a hill im willing to die on. I think that bonding time is good for the kids to have with thier grandparents too ya know?

Whenever anyone says the shoe thing to me I point out that babies use thier toes to balance and that it helps thier stability to be barefoot.  I then usually physically point it out to them, I show them that watching my dd she digs in her toes and curls and uncurls them to walk. I insisit on shoes when not in ours or other homes...outside not in our backyard as well. But until they are older I wear a more flexible sole shoe on my girls...

[greenemami]

I agree with you-or maybe we are both lazy ;)

Ds likes to play with a sippy cup or takes sips from my cup, but I don't regularly provide one with meals. Mostly he just shakes it upside down to try to get the water out, although more and more he is trying to suck the water out.  He got hold of a juice box and suddenly knew how to drink out of a straw, lol (we dont' do juice either).  He is still nursing and pees frequently and seems just fine and not at all dehydrated.  When it is hot I will probably be more careful about having water available.

I think bare feet are best too and I don't think anybody really recommends hard-soled shoes for babes anymore.  We have a pair of soft leather shoes that ds wears for now and they work great.

I am def. lazy when it comes to wiping ds down but it doesn't seem to bother him.  It certainly doesn't bother dd (almost 4 y.o.) when she has food on her face, she doesn't even notice and she is pretty picky about they way things feel on her body.  It drives some people nuts to see kids with food on their face, others not so much.  I will try to wipe him down when we are out in public but at home or family's houses, no big deal to me unless he is smearing food from his face or hands all over the furniture or something.

[whozeyermamma]

The constant cleaning of the baby's face thing actually makes me nuts - so I guess I am certainly lazy on that one.

Just at DH at dinner tonight when he kept reaching over to wipe off DSs face - I'm like - he's got peas on his face now, he's going to have more peas in a while and then he goes in the bath. What's the point of wiping every few minutes? DS couldn't care a lick when he's covered in mess - DD didn't either when she was a baby. I'll certainly try to clean them up a little if I'm at a restatrurnt, but not the park or home. I'll hose them down after a meal, but not during it. 

But as the other wise ladies said - if she wants to clean her up - let her go ahead. Pretty soon I'll bet your daughter will start to raise a stink and not want to get all cleaned up every 10 seconds and then maybe you can suggest your MIL at least wait until the end of the meal.

[lifeguard]

I kind of get the feeling sometimes that everyone is just trying realllllly hard to be helpful & to show concern for the well-being of the child which instead comes off as annoying & interfering. My MIL CONSTANTLY tells me ds is cold & wants to put more clothes on him. Her & my Mom both want to give him juice all. the. time. even though we've made it clear he doesn't get juice. I've even had people concerned about him being rfing in the car 'cause he'd be bored that way. Most of the time I just shrug it off & do what I feel is right.

As for the drinks. We have freely given ds water since somewhere around 10 months. Our kleen kanteen bottles are strictly for water & we would keep them where he had access to them - I was often amazed at just how thirsty he seemed to be. He still nurses now & was definitely nursing a LOT at a year so I don't think this practice as a detriment & in fact I'm happy with how much he loves water now (I really struggle to drink enough water in a day 'cause I don't really enjoy it). He's old enough now that he simply asks for a glass water when he wants one & then we get it for him.

[Knitting Mama]

This may be because I live in a dry climate, but my daughter always has access to water, always. I was taught here that by the time you're feeling thirsty, you're already on your way to dehydrated. The key is not to feel thirsty in the first place. So with respects to that, I disagree with you. However, I understand that it might not be the same everywhere; I don't remember carrying water with me everywhere when I lived in upstate NY, for example.

I do agree that people are trying to be helpful for the most part, though. It's annoying and sometimes hard to let go of, but I try desperately to remind myself of this when I'm super annoyed with my inlaws!

[P.J.]

DS (10 mo) always has a sippy cup with water available to him. He drinks quite a bit from it. Sometimes I offer it to him and he gulps it down, so I figure he must be thirsty. Other times we both forget, and either way he's on the breast quite a lot anyhow.

[Hannah32]

I do think babies get thirsty. Mine probably drinks about 4-5 oz of heavily watered juice per day. 

[mamazee]

I start giving babies a little water when they start having solids, and the more solids they have the more I give.  But my babies didn't drink a ton of water at 1 year.  I would probably have water available for them in case they were thirsty.

Shoes - agree with you 100%.  There was a time when your MIL's belief was common practice, but it is no longer common practice.  It probably was when she had little ones is all.

I don't worry about messy faces for toddlers either.  I wipe down the face a couple times a day but I don't sit and do it all the time, and I'd have to if I wanted my toddler's face to be always clean.  Just not a big deal IMO.

[MJB]

I like my babies to be clean, but I don't think they are bothered by being dirty. I know J isn't and he's 8! 

We're not yet to the point of keeping water constantly available but we're getting there. Lately E has taken to drinking out of the big kids' water bottles at soccer, so I should probably bring her sippy.

Barefoot is best! I love baby shoes because they are cute, but we do soft soles until at least 3 (J had some until 5 but was mostly in real shoes by then). I make an exception for rain and snow boots once they are too big to be carried everywhere. L learned to ride a 2-wheeler in leather soft soles!

[YayJennie]

I would never give a baby juice, but that's just my personal preference.  I would offer water with meals, but I certainly don't think it's necessary.  I like to drink water with meals and always have a water bottle with me, so I generally just give sips from mine to my little one. I keep my babies/toddlers clean, but that's just my personal preference because I don't want grubby hands/mouths/shirts all over me,  I don't think my kids care at all if they're dirty.  And shoes I completely agree with you.  I do but my 4 month old in robeez sometimes for the cute factor, but it's not necessary at all.  When my son started walking I had him in soft soled shoes anytime we were outside (unless it was wet out) until he was about 18 months old and started wearing through them too fast.

[Skinjob]

Originally Posted by P.J. 

DS (10 mo) always has a sippy cup with water available to him. He drinks quite a bit from it. Sometimes I offer it to him and he gulps it down, so I figure he must be thirsty. Other times we both forget, and either way he's on the breast quite a lot anyhow.

Exactly the same here. DD (10 mo) takes several large gulps from her sippy several times a day. Also nurses plenty. It's just water. She hasn't reduced the amount she nurses or anything so I'm not worried about it.

[evabea]

I agree with you on most of this; however, when I'm with my baby daddy's family I just let most things slide by. If it's something huge and urgent her dad will speak up (even if it's my opinion not his, he'll defend my views as ours). If they want to mash her food up to a liquid, or overdress her a bit, I'm just so glad they love her and will help out with diaper changes/feedings etc during visits. While I offer my 8-month old water in a sippy cup throughout the day, I don't give her juice ever, or water at meals. I don't think we need to wash food down, and it might interfere with digestion--but that's just my opinion and I don't have proof of that. I try to keep DD clean, I remember in her earlier spit-up phases my friends wanting to clean her face thoroughly after every spit up, but when it happened 100 times a day, I just couldn't be bothered with each incident!

[arieltron]

ugh, I think MILs and regular old mothers, feel an urgent need when around LOs to show that they love them. But a lot of the time, were doing a perfect job caring for them and so MILs have to add random little ways to show their love. Baths, juice, new shoes, etc. Don't let it get to you. Let them do their thing while their around to do it. 

[Lisa1970]

I think the grandparents just enjoy fussing over the baby. I would not worry about it. I am shocked they did not do the hat thing. Usually grandparents insist a baby needs a hat! 

[Adaline'sMama]

Thanks ladies!

I see that everyone seems to offer water more than I do. It is usually what I offer, but I dont have it readily available to her. I think Ill start just filling up a sippy once a day and letting her have it on the floor with her toys. Im still not going to give drinks with meals. I do think I will let MIL know not to buy a ton of shoes. We have a VERY limited amount of space and she has already bought 4 pair, all of which are too small for her little bitty but super fat feet. I dont want her to waste her money, or to get her feelings hurt when I give them away or return them. If she continues to insist that DD needs "good shoes to learn how to walk in" Ill let her buy DD a pair of soft soled name brand shoes (I think thats what shes considering "good"). As for her face and hands, I would never *tell* any grandparent not to wipe it off. If they want to clean her up and bathe her, less work for me. I was just wondering if they were fussing over her to show love or if I really needed to be doing it every time too.

I pretty much let grandparents do whatever (DD even wears disposables when shes with MIL) as long as it isnt completely against what Ive requested. (ie. no meat in her diet, no cow milk that isnt hormone free (for drinking anyway), no hitting or spanking, ect.) Most of the time I just let them do whatever, because they see her at max once a week for a couple of hours.