So, am I just wrong? UPDATE - Page 2

[Knitting Mama]

I totally don't want to come off as aggressive or anything asking this, but why are you adamant about not offering water with meals? I'm just curious. As an adult, I find that I have a hard time eating without having water along with my meal, so I've always assumed it was the same for my girl. Plus, as she learns how to eat more and more solid foods, the water helps when she starts to cough from swallowing something wrong.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by evabea 

I don't think we need to wash food down, and it might interfere with digestion--but that's just my opinion and I don't have proof of that.

Hmm..I know with my ds that if he doesn't drink water or milk with meals he gets SUPER constipated.  So we offer water with meals, and encourage him to drink it.

[lifeguard]

I'm curious about the water with meals thing too. I can totally see avoiding caloric beverages, but I don't see a reason to avoid water at meals.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

Thanks ladies!

I see that everyone seems to offer water more than I do. It is usually what I offer, but I dont have it readily available to her. I think Ill start just filling up a sippy once a day and letting her have it on the floor with her toys. Im still not going to give drinks with meals. I do think I will let MIL know not to buy a ton of shoes. We have a VERY limited amount of space and she has already bought 4 pair, all of which are too small for her little bitty but super fat feet. I dont want her to waste her money, or to get her feelings hurt when I give them away or return them. If she continues to insist that DD needs "good shoes to learn how to walk in" Ill let her buy DD a pair of soft soled name brand shoes (I think thats what shes considering "good"). As for her face and hands, I would never *tell* any grandparent not to wipe it off. If they want to clean her up and bathe her, less work for me. I was just wondering if they were fussing over her to show love or if I really needed to be doing it every time too.

I pretty much let grandparents do whatever (DD even wears disposables when shes with MIL) as long as it isnt completely against what Ive requested. (ie. no meat in her diet, no cow milk that isnt hormone free (for drinking anyway), no hitting or spanking, ect.) Most of the time I just let them do whatever, because they see her at max once a week for a couple of hours.

It sounds like you have a really good attitude. I let my mom buy stuff for Daniel that I think are totally unneccessary just because she seems to very strongly want to do it. I always think "well it's not MY money" you know? I let DS have a sippy cup with water in it because I want him to develop a taste for water early on. He also seems to really enjoy his sippy or playing with straws or drinking out of cups, so I totally encourage it. It's pretty hard to get toddlers to drink liquids I've heard, so why not develop a habit now?
 

[happysmileylady]

The only concern I can see about having water or other liquids with meals is if the child tends to fill up on the liquids and avoid the food.  That's actually something that does concern me with my 2 yr old sometimes, she's so tiny.  But, if your child hasn't had fluids with meals previously, I would guess that would be less of a concern overall, the habit to eat first has already been developed.

[DevaMajka]

About the water, I wish I'd given ds1 water when he was still nursing. He STILL is really resistant to drinking water, and he's 6yo now (and he weaned before he was 4). He drinks very little fluids (about 1/4c in a day) if he's not reminded constantly. I'm really tired of micromanaging it! So ds2- he gets water every day, and we offer water at dinner. He doesn't actually drink much of it, but I want to get into the habit of it, kwim? BUT I don't think you're hurting her any by not giving her water. If she's thirsty, she'll want to nurse and that will be plenty of fluids.
Dp and his family need something to drink along with a meal. I totally don't (unless it's a pop with something greasy like pizza ). Obviously, it's not good to drink with meals if it's being truly used to "wash food down" instead of actually chewing properly.

For the mess, you'd know if it bothered her. If you don't think it bothers her, then I'm sure it doesn't. But it might bother your parents, and as long as your dd was happy in the bath and getting changed, it's all good as far as I can see. (If she was unhappy about the bath/clothes changing, then I would say that your parents were in the wrong).

For shoes- yep, barefoot is best, and soft flexible soles are second best.
 

[Ginger Bean]

I think people want to give juice to kids all the time because they associate juice with "vitamins" and "fruit"... therefore healthy. I think it's just marketing. It's supposed to be a healthy alternative to soda, but it's not really.

[D_McG]

Why would you not give her a drink with meals? That is very odd, IMO. You might want to have a think about that.

I hate it when my kids are sticky or have dirty clothes.

I' with you on the shoe thing though.

[BetsyS]

I offer water, but I had to train myself to do it.  My dh's entire extended family is just incredibly thirsty.  They always have a drink on them at all times. 

My family of origin on the other hand?  The opposite extreme.  We would have a glass of water or tea or coffee at a meal, and that was it.  Sometimes the glass was finished, but often not.  If it was really hot (like 100 degrees in August), we might have another glass of water in the afternoon. 

So, I learned to drink more.  LOL.  And my kids do like water all the time. 

I also wash hands and faces because, as my kids got mobile, I figured out that they were causing a huge amount of mess just because I was too lazy to wash hands and faces.  That 1 minute here and there (I don't clean mid-meal at the table, though) keeps an ENORMOUS amount of cleaning at bay.  I'm not big on cleaning, so whatever I can do to prevent that, I try to do.

[dawncayden]

From the time I offered solid food I paired it with an inch full of water in a sippy. I only offered water with my first son until he was 2 I think, no juice until 2. WIth my second son, I think he had juice before one. Honestly I think you get lazy as you keep having kids and just don't look at things the same. Things that used to feel like a big deal, imho, really aren't anymore. Things with my parents or Dh's parents used to bug the heck outta me, and now not so much. It is just not worth it. We all are different around babies, and it doesn't mean that some of us are wrong, we are just different. Of course there are things that I put my foot down on, but there are also so many things that I've just let go. 

If I were you, I'd take a breath when I'm visiting, and just allow them to do things/help out. Ask yourself if it's really a big deal. The most important thing to look at is, how does your daughter feel. If she is unhappy with what they are doing, then get involved.

About wiping up your daughter, I don't really see it as a big deal to wipe her up. Maybe you mom is concerned she will get her furniture sticky. I usually just do one big wipe up at the end of eating and not through out, but if your daughter doesn't seem to mind, then why should you?

With shoes, I'm with you. But that doesn't mean she shouldn't have shoes. Tell the parents that you are keen on getting some soft soled shoes...give brands, and that she will wear those out of the house, but be barefood inside the house.

[Greenlea]

At that age I was offering my DS a straw cup of water all the time (we did a straw "sippy" cup instead of a regular sippy cup).  He wasn't nursing though, and was only taking a formula bottle 3x a day, so I figured he'd be thirsty.  And even now at 2yrs, he is constantly drinking water.  Everyone comments about how much water he drinks.  I do not give him juice though.  Well I didn't until he was sick and couldn't keep any solids down, I totally messed that up cuz all he asks for is juice now.  But anyways, I don't think giving her some water with her meal is bad.  Don't you drink something with your meal?  I think as adults we get way less water than we should anyways, so starting a habit of drinking water early is good for them. 

As far as being clean, I don't clean my DC until they are all done eating at the table.  If they get down from the table, I clean them up so they don't get food or stickiness all over the house.  However, I probably wouldn't change their clothes if a bit got on them, as they will probably just get something else on it again anyways.

And yes, barefeet are best for learning to walk.

[Artichokie]

if you are nursing on demand, then you DO have liquids always available.  If not, you could have a cup of expressed breast milk or water out.  We never used a sippy cup ever and juice is not recommended for a 12 mo old at all, even watered down. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Grrr...the multiquote has hated me for two days :).

Aimee,

I am not really "adament" about not giving water with meals, its just that she self feeds and I typically use that time to do dishes or pick stuff up around the house. Im not sitting right there with her while she is eating, offering a drink. Ive given her a sippy with meals before, and it winds up on the floor about ten seconds later. Basically, we always nurse right after she eats, so Im not really concerned about her not having enough liquids. At most of her meals, she has something that is "wet" like orange slices or grapes. She doesnt choke anymore, so I dont really think that she NEEDS the water to help her wash her food down.

For the past couple of days (since Ive started this thread), I have left out a sippy cup of water all the time and attempted to offer it to her multiple times per day. She takes two sucks off of it and throws it in the floor. I have offered her more open cup water in the past few days and she has happily taken it, drinking between 3-6 oz per day. I usually use a shot glass to give her water, and I gave her a lot more when she was first starting solids and I was sitting right with her while she ate each meal.
 

Originally Posted by Artichokie 

if you are nursing on demand, then you DO have liquids always available.  If not, you could have a cup of expressed breast milk or water out.  We never used a sippy cup ever and juice is not recommended for a 12 mo old at all, even watered down. 

This was pretty much my thought exactly. I am still nursing on demand, so she is getting tons of fluids. I was under the impression that babies who were breastfed (esp. if nursing on demand) didnt really NEED any other source of hydration. DD is still nursing tons, and doing a lot of "drive by nursing", where she is playing and then comes to me for nursing for less than 2 minutes. I consider this to be her "having a sip of liquids", the same as we would if we were doing something and reached for our glass of water. 

She still cannot drink from an open cup alone without spilling all of it on herself, and she isnt a huge fan of sippy cups (weve tried 6 different kinds, and she really loves to chew on them, but she doesnt drink a lot for them).

Thanks everyone for your replies.  I am making an effort to give her more water so that she develops a good habit, and a taste for it, but not because I think she needs to have it.

[Knitting Mama]

Sounds like a great way to do things!

We do the shot glass cup too, it seems to work so well because it's got a small rim for her little mouth!

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 
I am making an effort to give her more water so that she develops a good habit, and a taste for it, but not because I think she needs to have it.

I think this is the key point. If you're offering nursing on demand then for sure she doesn't NEED it, she's probably plenty hydrated. The whole point, though, of foods before a year are to experiment and learn good eating habits, not necessarily eat for sustenance. So just like she doesn't need food for sustenance but she gets it to play with and explore new tastes and textures, the same goes for water. It's good for her to learn that there is a beverage out there available that isn't milk but is still healthy and yummy. So many kids get hooked on juice at this age because they're used to beverages with flavors, like breastmilk or formula.

[happyhippie]

I really think balance is important in every aspect of life. Rhythm is also very important. Your DD probably knows what to expect every time she goes to her grandparents home. She is probably comfortable with that. Even the fussing. 

Water is good for everyone. Your in laws are just expressing their own way of loving (and fussing)  and possibly the only way they know how to "parent".

Please believe, they most likely did the same thing with your DH. Is he healthy?

I know, it's hard. I have an Rn for a MIL who thinks I am a crazy lunatic. But I have to remind myself that she is only human too, just wanting to feel the love of a beautiful innocent babe.

[Ruthie's momma]

I think that you are forgetting how very much much grandparents love to fuss over their grandchildren!  Whether your DD drinks water with her meals, gets her face wiped off repeatedly or wears just the right shoes are of little consequence.  In the end, you have the ultimate say.  What is of consequence is the fact that your little one has so many people in her life who simply can't wait to worry about such relatively meaningless aspects of her care .  So unless your relationship with your parents and in-laws is toxic and they bring actual disharmony to your and your family's lives, count your blessings and be thankful that they all care so much! 

[NannyMcPhee]

Yeah, honestly, it sounds like your daughter has some loving Grandparents :) It sounds like they just like to fuss and coo and have fun with their grandbaby. Nothing they are doing or suggesting is dangerous or wrong or harmful so just relax and enjoy the beautiful bond that is forming with your daughters extended family :) (I always use the Grandparent time to relax and have some me-time)

[McGucks]

You have gotten some very thorough responses, so mine will be short.  But...

1.  Everything you mentioned would have likely totally gotten on my nerves.  And I wouldn't have permitted a bath unless it was given by me.  I am funny about that kind of thing, maybe.

2.  Back in the day, parents were marketed to that kids couldn't learn how to walk unless they had their Buster Browns.  We know better now.

3.  I realized awhile back (DS2 is one year old now) that many of the things my MIL did or said that either got on my nerves big time or made me angry were things that, if one of my friends did or said (or bought) wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.  It took me a long time to come to this realization, but it helped me a bit in my feelings towards my MIL.  Make no mistake about it, though, these comments or actions or whatever still grate on me...but I am slightly less likely to, say, complain to DH about it.  I am now more likely to just feel annoyed and slightly less likely to get p.o.'d about it.  Not always, though

[treeoflife3]

Personally, once my kiddo started solids, she was given a sippy cup of water in her reach so she could have constant access to it.  At first she preferred the breast but now she drinks quite a bit of water.  She also still nurses quite a bit.  I figure babies get thirsty just like adults do, and I know for me the only thing that quenches my thirst is water, not milk or anything else.  I also can't eat without a drink so that would be normal to me too to offer a drink with food.  However, you know your kid best so if you don't think she is thirsty than she just might not be.

I DEFINITELY agree about the shoes though.  My kiddo only wears shoes when it is very cold or if her feet will be touching the ground in public.  She is barefoot around the house (inside and outside) so long as weather permits.  Socks inside though... we just don't do shoes inside haha.

As for cleanliness, I DO clean her up once she is DONE eating.  I don't care to have a sticky kid walking around getting everything else sticky.  Cleaning her is a lot easier than cleaning her, her toys, the tv, the couch, the cat, and the rug hehe.  I'm ALWAYS happy to have someone else do it though.  I'm a SAHM to a deployed soldier.. I take all the breaks I can get!!