It took an army to feed my baby.
Not the most common phrase to hear, but such a powerful, bold, true statement.
I, alone, did not feed my baby. Numerous cans of formula did not feed my baby. Fresh cow milk, nor goats milk fed my baby. An army of sweet, generous, caring mothers fed my baby. Not just one, or two, but an entire army.
Levi Alexander entered the world at 5 o'clock in the evening on August 19, 2010. His birth was a triumphant VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) attended by an encouraging midwife. A surge of power rushed over my body as I birthed this wonderful, precious gift from God. Feelings of sadness and grief from my past cesarean delivery no longer haunted me for I had proved to myself and to others (and to that pushy OB who forced me into a cesarean) that I could indeed birth a beautiful baby the way nature had intended. I was strong. I was triumphant. The first words that escaped my lips when I laid eyes on this sweet creature, "I did it. I knew I could, and I did". As I latched Levi onto my breast for his first feed, emotions flooded my body and overwhelmed me. I had birthed him vaginally, and I was determined to breastfeed him. Due to my own lack of knowledge at the time, lack of support around me, and scores of problems nursing, I did not successfully breastfeed my daughter. However, I was determine to make breastfeeding work with Levi. I had armed myself with every resource available - from lactation consultants, to La Leche League leaders. I made sure I had, what I thought at the time, was a pro-breastfeeding supportive pediatrician. I was delivering at a good hospital, very baby-friendly, with a great midwife. Surely I could do it this time. I read every book. I read every article. I bought every pump, cream, bra, and gadget that I thought I'd need to make it happen this time. The first 24 hours of our nursing relationship was bliss. Sheer bliss. He nursed so eagerly and then looked at me - deep into my soul - belly full of warm mommy's milk and eyes that just screamed "thank you". He was so content at my breast. I breathed a sigh of relief. Little did I know this was the calm before a massive storm we would soon face.
At a mere 48 hours old, everything came to a screeching halt. The world stopped. Again. Levi began refusing the breast. Stubborn little boy - he gets that from me I'll ashamedly admit. He looks at my breast as if it's an object of torture. He won't open his mouth to latch. He cries. He screams. He looks at me in horror when I try to latch him to my breast. I call for backup. The nurses can't console him long enough to work on latching. The lactation consultant comes in. He refuses. He pulls and pushes. He claws at my breast. Nothing happened to my sweet boy, I just don't understand. I didn't send him to the cold, sterile nursery. I didn't jab him with needles and vaccinations. I didn't allow him to be circumcised . He has been snuggling with me since he arrived earth-side. But he won't eat. We were discharged on a Saturday with strict intent on seeing the LC (Lactation Consultant) on Monday morning. We did, and sure enough she - even after working with us for over three hours - couldn't get Levi to latch. We had been dropper feeding him my expressed colostrum and by Tuesday my mature milk had come in. Many attempted nursing sessions were spent crying, wishing and praying he'd just latch on and nurse. I felt like I had milk, if I could just get him to drink it. We dealt with this, and under the guidance of the LC we gave Levi a little formula dripped over my nipple to get him started. Sometimes this would work, sometimes not. Finally - we resorted to the "wonderful" (aka - DEVILISH) device known as a nipple shield. The nipple shield allowed him to finally latch on, which was a huge relief even though I knew nipple shields could cause a host of problems. Finally, Levi was latching on, having good wet and dirty diapers - I prayed our issues were resolved. Days turned into weeks and Levi's two week checkup rolls around. He had gained back up to birth weight! Hooray Levi and hooray for mama's milk! We continue on and I notice Levi is looking a little slim comparatively. Everyone comments on how tiny he is. We check in with our LC just to make sure things are ok. They aren't. He isn't growing. He hasn't gained any weight at all. He seems to be getting enough judging by his output - what goes in must come out, right? The pediatrician starts demanding we supplement with formula. I refuse. Yep, I'm stubborn. Remember, he gets that from me. I delve into trying to figure out what is going on. I consult with a friend and another LC and we determine that Levi may not be nursing effectively because he has a posterior tongue tie. We were able to get an emergency referral to an ENT and has his tongue clipped at 5 weeks of age. By 7 weeks of age, he still hasn't gained anything and the pediatrician is pushing panic buttons. She demands we start using formula on top of nursing. I'm so tired. I just don't know what to do. I'm putting him to the breast every hour at this point, how can he not be getting enough? I'm starting to doubt myself. Another week goes by a he gains a meager 2oz. According to the pediatrician, my milk "isn't good enough", and "doesn't contain enough fat". for Levi. I just don't buy that. Something has got to be wrong. I determined it simply must be a supply issue. Women with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) tend to have problems with prolactin levels and producing enough breastmilk due to hormonal imbalances. There's nothing that can be done about this currently. At 8 weeks of age Levi is in the 75th percentile for length and 5th for weight. He has lost 9oz in one week. I am ashamed. Brokenhearted. Worried. Immediately panic buttons are pushed by both me and the pediatrician. I agree to begins supplementing. The pediatrician wants me to stop breastfeeding altogether, but I refuse. Some mommy's milk is better than none in my opinion. There has to be another alternative to formula thought, there just has to be.
While I delve into researching another option for my precious baby boy, I continue doing everything I can do to increase my supply - nurse every hour, pump between feedings, herbs, supplements, medication, teas, pills, foods. Anything that will help. About this time, a new phenomenon started to sweep across Facebook and sweep across the nation. Eats On Feets (now Human Milk 4 Human Babies) - a non-formal Facebook group for each state where moms join together to provide breastmilk for babies in need. This is exactly what I need. So I posted a plea for help.
“We are desperately seeking milk. My little guy is EBF [exclusively breastfed] and losing weight. I have done everything in my power to make breastfeeding work — but things are going quickly downhill. He is 3 months old and 8 lbs. 11 oz. (born 7 lbs. 3 oz.) … if anyone has any information or milk they could share with us to keep us away from formula, PLEASE let me know.”
It took a boat-load of strength to compose that short message and reach out and ask for help. I had to admit that I couldn't provide enough for my son. I had to admit a small amount of defeat and accept that I needed help. I had to do it for my son. I couldn't let him starve, he didn't deserve that. No matter how much I wanted to exclusively breastfeed him, I couldn't and it wasn't his fault. Once I got past that realization, reaching out and asking for help seamed to be the natural thing to do. Very quickly I'm contacted by several amazing, selfless, wonderful women who are willing to (A) Donate their stored breastmilk freezer stash, (B) Begin pumping for Levi and donate to him on a regular basis, or (C) Wet nurse Levi. I am beyond overwhelmed at the generosity of these women. Perfect strangers, who would soon become close friends, offered to pick up the slack and feed my son when I was unable to provide enough breastmilk for him. We received our first donation and with tear filled eyes I accepted. I remember the first time one of the donor mama's held Levi and watched him drink a bottle of her precious donated milk - tears filled the eyes of both of us - such a strong connection was there. Milk was shipped from New York. Milk was brought home by visiting friends from North Carolina. We traveled all over the state of SC - hours upon hours away - for precious liquid gold for Levi.
Within several weeks, Levi began acquiring a nice set of chunky rolls on his legs and a much happier demeanor. I worked so hard on my milk supply. I began taking the drug Domperidone which is known to increase Prolactin levels and increase milk supply. I took every herbal supplement there was. I drank every tea. We were also able to successfully wean off of the nipple shield which proved to have a dramatic affect on my milk supply as well. This was a major accomplishment in my book. I thought we'd always have to nurse with that piece of silicone separating us, but Levi had other plans. One day during an early morning nursing session he just decided he was done with it. Ripped it from my breast, pushing it away and ravenously searching for my nipple to latch on to. He latched like a pro from that moment and I could tell his suck was so much different with no shield. My body could actually feel us breastfeeding rather than having that silicone to deflect the senses.
I continued to nurse him as much as possible - every 2 hours around the clock - as well as provided him with adequate supplementation from these wonderful women. At the recommendation of several of Levi's "milky mama's" we changed pediatricians to a very "non-mainstream" pediatrician who was thrilled that Levi was receiving donated milk. She was so encouraging - always willing to do weight checks and assured me I was doing what was best for him. At 5.5 months of age, Levi began showing a huge interest in sold food. He didn't care for pureed things, but loved picking at tiny pieces of whatever was on our plates and gumming them until his heart was content and belly was full. While I had intended on keeping him strictly on breastmilk until at least 6 months and hopefully longer, he had other plans. He began with just a few bites here and there and quickly showed us a huge love for fresh yogurt, fruits, vegetables, grains, and even meat. I noticed as he began eating more solid food he didn't desire near as much donated milk, but still was nursing as much if not more.
I talked with his pediatrician and we agreed to do a one week trial period. No donor milk supplementation for an entire week, watch his diapers, and we would see how he did. Amazingly, he passed the test with flying colors! He gained 8oz that week on his mama's milk alone. At his 6 month check-up, we were given the "OK" to discontinue all use of donor milk supplementation. Levi is now 7 months old and is thriving on my milk alone. He's been off of all donor milk supplementation for 4 weeks and in that 4 weeks he's gained 1lbs 11oz! He nurses about every 2 hours during the day, and still wakes every 2-3 hours at night to nurse. He eats a full breakfast and dinner and a snack or two in between. He is a complete and total booby baby and I don't see him weaning any time soon. Our goal is to nurse until age 2, but I'll be thrilled to surpass that.
If it weren't for these generous women - Levi's "milky mama's", I probably wouldn't have made it breastfeeding this far. Each and every one was so encouraging - never belittled me for having to supplement. Each one formed a bond with Levi and I formed a bond with each of them. Wet-nursing and donor milk is such a taboo subject, but there is simply no reason. The WHO (World Health Organization) not only recommends nursing until age 2, but also recommends donor milk and the second (first being the mother's milk) choice when it comes to infant feeding. Formula is the last choice. While the decision to use donor milk was easy for my husband and I do accept, it was not so easy for all around us. I faced opposition from friends both online and in real life. Questions and comments about how I may regret my decision since breastmilk is a bodily fluid and carries a risk of disease transmitting. Simple fact is, yes - yes it does carry that risk. But first and foremost let me ask how many mother's with HIV or other life threatening disease do you see nursing their babies. If a mother cares enough to nurse her child, she cares enough not to pass along deadly disease to her baby. This made perfect sense in my mind. Secondly - each of our donor's to Levi gave us up to date paperwork stating they were free from transmittable disease. This sealed the deal in our mind.
One of Levi's milky mama's wrote an article on her experience with milk sharing. I wanted to incorporate this enlightening excerpt from it:
The FDA discourages informal milk sharing, but milk banks are expensive — upwards of four dollars an ounce — and, so far, unregulated. As long as babies need milk, women will find a way to get it to them. There will always be mothers of a Levi, a John, or a Lincoln who need a little bit of help, mothers who know that, according to the W.H.O., the best infant feeding choice — after breastmilk of their own, either directly or expressed — is donor milk (51). There will always be women, like me, who are proud and honored to direct-nurse, wet-nurse, co-nurse, or milk-share. It’s our milk, and until the FDA develops a system for providing breast milk free of charge to every human baby, we’re going to step up and donate.
The bold speaks volumes of the attitude of each and every one of Levi's milky mama's. None of them blinked an eye to help a hungry baby in need. Each and every one of these women went above and beyond the call of duty. Not only did they do the best for their own baby, but they helped another mama - a mama who was down on herself and brokenhearted over her ability to feed her baby - to do the best for her own baby. In the 3.5 months that Levi required donated milk, he was lucky to receive over 4,000oz from over 10 different women. There will never, ever be enough words to say how thankful we are for the precious gift that was given to our sweet boy. At first, there were twinges of defeat when I had to admit I needed help and had to reach out to other women to feed my baby. However, looking back I realize I wasn't defeated. I did the strong thing. I did what many women couldn't or wouldn't do. I did what was best for my baby and that is never defeat. I persevered through so many obstacles - many told me that they had never seen a woman try so hard to feed her baby the way God intended. Looking back, I think they may be right. So many obstacles had to be overcome and so many trials were sent our way, but by going with my instinct and doing the best I could - Levi and I overcame all of these obstacles. I'm so thankful for the love and support of my friends and family, and of course the love and support of Levi's milky mama's. When I lacked this support with my first child, I failed. But with the help and support of many around me, this time, I was far from a failure.
When I could not do it alone, some amazing women lifted me up and carried me along.
It took an army to feed my baby.
