2nd baby and baby shower etiquette?

[JanineRivera]

So what exactly is the etiquette around having a baby shower for a 2nd baby?  It seems to me that it has become much more normal

to have a another shower.  If so, what should I know?  Do you still do the same kind of thing with registering?  There a few things I am sure we will need this time around but it seems weird to have another full blown shower?!  We aren't finding out the sex of the baby this time around so it is not like we will know that we are having a boy this time and need boy stuff (we have a dd).  What are your thoughts on having it after baby is born as a way to meet the new baby?  And this way I would know better the things that we would really need by that point.  Just kind of thinking out loud:)  Thanks for any input on this ... for some reason I have been thinking a lot about it.

[scsigrl]

Has someone offered to throw you one?  Till then, I wouldn't even mention it.

Personally, I think unless there is a BIG age gap (as in "I got rid of everything cause I thought we were done!" kind of thing) that it's pretty tacky.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a get together with CLOSE friends (like less than 10 people) or a Mother's Blessing but I am not about the second (third, fourth) shower.  For me, a Mother's Blessing is about the birth process while a shower is about gifts.  Again, this is all my personal feelings!

If there is a big age gap and you kind of are starting over, I don't think I would register.  I am kind of anti registry anyway though.  If it's a second, I would be happy with whatever aI got, not expect the big ticket items and be sure you have some time between the shower and time baby arrives to get the things you need.  I would still keep it small too.

[Dlynn918]

Ive heard of a great idea for second showers for families who have kids closer together. It is also a celebration to prepare mom and dad for a new addition, but this time every guest brings a dish that is ready to be frozen so the family doesn't have to worry about cooking meals for a while! I think its a WONDERFUL idea! I really think it depends on your family and friends and what works for you. Its not like this is 1950 and there is a standard of etiquette for these things anymore. Its whatever a whatever works goes...I'm sure some cranky old aunt will poo-poo a second shower but if it's done as a party for the whole family then why not? As long as Aunt Mildred is invited then she will get over it and be happy.

I'm having my 3rd baby, but my kids are 14 and 9 so in a sense we are starting over. I'm not expecting or planning a shower (I do think planning your own shower is a bit cheesy and presumptuous! LOL) but if someone else in the family takes it upon themselves to do so I'm sure not complaining! I would be very grateful! That being said this is DH's first bio-baby and I have a feeling his family is going to want to have a big party...that's they way they are. Any excuse for a big gathering with lots of food and wine and everyone is there "with bells on"! BUT we are planning on purchasing what we need ourselves anyway until we hear otherwise. That's our feelings, just thought Id share them, but I'm a firm believer that it's a personal choice and no one decision is correct.

[Earthylady]

We didn't have one for our 2nd child and I would have felt really odd having one.  With my 3rd, my SIL threw me a shower, and even that I felt a bit uncomfortable, but she was being so incredibly supportive and sweet and there were only about 5 ladies from church that came, so it was very small.  We didn't know what we were having, but I'd given away most of my stuff thinking it'd be several years before we had anymore kids.  Little did we know we'd have another one 2 1/2 years apart to the date in spite of trying to prevent.    I did a very small registry of just a couple of things, like some onesies, a wipes warmer, pajamas, little things like that.  We got all the big stuff like the swing and high chair and stuff ourselves.

I also had a blessingway with some close friends and another girl that was due a couple of weeks apart from me.  It was really fun, but most people have no clue what one is.  I will probably try to do one this time, but I don't like that I'm going to have to take charge and plan and inform everyone of what to do at it.  LOL

[scottishmommy]

We won't have a shower for this one. The first time was fun. My friends are all poor musicians, so they has a children's book shower. Books aren't expensive and they all got to get their favorite ones from childhood. It was really special. Anyway that's sort of a fun idea for a shower if your friends are broke! I love the idea of bringing freezer meals over! I think i'll do that for my friend's shower!

[scsigrl]

I like those ideas but I really dislike asking people to bring ANYTHING to something like this.  Like I said, I don't even like the registry thing though!  I have seen the new thing where if you bring a box of diapers you get a lottery ticket for a gift card or some other "big prize".  

It's all makes me cringe.

[cparkly]

MIL and friends threw a baby shower for us before our DS was born. It was very nice of them, and awkward for me.

We are planning to have a Sip and See for this baby. We will invite friends and family over when the baby is a month old, for apps and drinks. That is much more my speed.

[scsigrl]

Originally Posted by cparkly 

We are planning to have a Sip and See for this baby. We will invite friends and family over when the baby is a month old, for apps and drinks. That is much more my speed.

I love this!  I have heard of them before but it isn't common in this part of the country.

[Mommel]

This is my first, and will likely be my only... so I don't really have an answer from personal experience... but I have been to second and third baby showers before. I don't think it's tacky to have one, just maybe a bit tacky to expect gifts... although personally I think it's just as tacky to ask for gifts at a first shower as it is not to bring one. It's kind of like an unspoken thing. When I got married I didn't even put registry information in our invitations... family asked and then spread the word... or if friends asked, I told them, but I think it's more common that the person who throws you a shower gives out the information... *shrug* I don't know... I'm of the mindset that manners don't change over time... or at least they shouldn't. I also realize that many people see me as a little too rigid in that regard, so I'm willing to concede that I could be wrong. LOL

[JanineRivera]

Thanks for your input ladies:)  

Scsigrl - No, there have not been offers to throw me a baby shower yet ... I wanted to be prepared just in case and I have a feeling my Mom will be asking me what I want to do and I just wasn't sure.

My dd will be 3 when this baby comes so we still have her newborn stuff but we borrowed things like a swing and vibrating baby seat so hopefully we will be able to borrow those things again.  And if we have a boy obviously we will need some boy clothes but we do have a lot of friends with boys so we will likely get a lot of hand-me-downs.

So in the end it seems like a baby shower is just not necessary this time around but I do like the idea of some kind of ceremony like we did when I was pregnant with dd ... my Mom had a beautifiul shower for me with blessings and henna.

I do like the idea of the frozen meals!  I also love the idea of a Sip and See ... I think that would be something I could see myself doing!   

[rareimer]

Originally Posted by Dlynn918 

Ive heard of a great idea for second showers for families who have kids closer together. It is also a celebration to prepare mom and dad for a new addition, but this time every guest brings a dish that is ready to be frozen so the family doesn't have to worry about cooking meals for a while! I think its a WONDERFUL idea!

this is what we did for my second baby--some people (well, most people,) still brought gifts, because i had a boy, and had no boy stuff, but that was their choice to do so.  but with a second baby, the awesomest thing was the food--it was needed!  i am hoping people will do the same thing for me this time.  although this time, i do need baby stuff, because i got rid of most things, but all in all, i would definitely choose meals if given the choice ;)
 

[learnlovebe]

With my first, I had a very small shower.  We were in the process of moving at the time, so I didn't have a big work crowd to pull from, and neither did my husband, and we we hadn't joined a church yet either.

With my 2nd, I had formed close friendships w/ a group of mamas- we had met at parent/child classes my community offered.  From our first class, we clicked as a group, and we remain good friends today.  At that time most of us only had one (or 2, there were a couple sets of twins), but several of us have had #2 (and now 2 of us are on #3).  When the round of 2nd babies started, this was a topic that we discussed.  We didn't want "showers", but we wanted to celebrate the pregnancy, and we felt that *all* babies should be celebrated, no matter their birth order.  Our celebration evolved into a mama's night out- we'd go get pedicures, where we'd bring in sparkling cider and treats, we'd go out to dinner.  Most of us chipped in together to get the mama a gift card to her favorite store- so she could get what she needed either before the baby came or after.  Some of us went on our own and got or made a gift for the mama/baby.  When it was my turn, altough I knew it was coming (I was the 4th to have #2!), but it was still very special to me.  I felt honored and blessed to have such good women in my life.  One of them made (knit) me a beautiful little hat, and it was one of my favorite gifts, ever.  After the baby came, the same group all brought my family meals as well (as I did for them when they had theirs). 

That said, that's the only sort of "shower" i've ever been to for a 2nd child, and it was just within our little group.  And I've known a TON of women who have had 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies.

I think it really depends on the situation, if it's normal in your area/social group/etc. 

[FarmerCathy]

I know my SIL was going to throw me a shower last time, but I miscarried.  I'm going to ask for a Blessingway if she does offer again.  I think you should do what feels right for you.  I feel awkward getting gifts anytime so, a shower would also be awkward, I don't like the attention all on me.  I think a Blessingway would so fit my style because no one is expected to give gifts and its much more intimate.

[JessiFish]

I don't usually attend 2nd baby showers. I went to one that was a surprise for a very close friend and and I went to one that my best friend had for her daughter. I wasn't planning to have one with my second pregnancy but I would like to do something special this time, since we lost that baby. But I don't want a traditional shower and I'm not sure if the friend who would be most likely to throw me one would know what else to do.

[Phineasmama]

I had a baby shower with my 2nd since it was a boy, and a friend offered. My first shower was terrible, I not only didn't get anything on my registry but I got the cheapest crap you have ever seen, like broken picture frames...I'm serious! I wish people had just saved their money. I was literally almost in tears after the whole thing because I don't really care if people buy big expensive gifts, but it's the thought that counts and it honestly seemed like people had just gone to the Dollar Tree or thrown some stuff they had around the house into a gift bag, it was so weird.

Anyways, my second shower was actually way better, it was here instead of back home so a different group of people. I got a few cute little onesies and a TON of breastfeeding supplies, like lansinoh and milk storage bags, which was really cool. Thank goodness my friends were so supportive :D

[19spitfire]

I was given a shower for my second child and felt very uncomfortable. So for my third DH and I hosted a Welcoming Celebration about a month after his birth. The same idea as a sip and see. It was really nice! I enjoyed it much more than having a shower. It was really nice to have a celebration of new life.

[time4latte]

I really like the idea of a Sip and See... My husband is a pastor and we just relocated about 5-6 hours from our friends and family. I only had 1 shower with DS and I got a majority of what I needed.  Since we announced this pregnancy two women (from two different social circles) have mentioned throwing me a shower.  I didn't ask (and wouldn't), they offered.  I love that there is something to celebrate, because there is and I don't mind the attention. Because two have already mentioned throwing a shower I figured it would be best to register for things that needed to be replaced, restocked, etc. or things I think I might need with two (like a double stroller) that I would just live without otherwise. This way I'm not getting duplicates of things I already have and don't need. I didn't find out that DS was a boy until two days before he was born so everything we have for him is gender neutral. Even most of the clothes up to about 6 or 9 months is pretty neutral.