DH taking over half the nighttime parenting...need advice

[artpen]

Some background first:

DD is 17 months old.  Sleep has always been tough.  She normally wakes up every hour or two.  Sometimes she'll give us a 3 or 4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night.  I nurse her to sleep, and usually nurse her at each waking.  She typically spends half the night in her bed (futon on the floor) and half the night in our bed (but lately I've been falling asleep in her bed).

A couple of months ago we used Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning method for about 6 hours each night.  However, it didn't seem to stop her from waking up (but she was able to be rocked to sleep instead of nursed during that time).  Then we all got sick and of course started nursing throughout the night again.

I probably wouldn't mind nursing her throughout the night so much if she would just side-nurse.  But she insists on climbing on top of me to nurse (doesn't help that I have small breasts and it probably makes it hard for her to side nurse.  I even try to put her in that position and she'll nurse for a bit but then climb on top of me.

Anyway...

Two nights ago my DH started taking over half the nighttime parenting.  The first night he took over around 2AM until 6:30AM when he brought her to me in our bed.  She screamed a lot, then would fall asleep only to wake up within a few minutes and start crying again.  It was heart-breaking to hear her cry mommy mommy over and over again.  She finally fell asleep for a couple of hours until 6:30.  Last night, her first wake-up was around 3 hours after she went to sleep, and I spent the next few hours in and out of sleep with her on top of me nursing.  She was particularly clingy, and I wasn't able to sneak out of her room until about 3:45AM.  She woke up about 10 minutes later, at which time DH went in to comfort her.  She screamed and screamed for about 30 minutes, then finally fell asleep.  DH put her in her bed and came back to our bed, and she slept until 6:30, at which time he brought her to our bed and she nursed on and off until 8.

My question is: 

Are we confusing her by splitting up the night like this?  My reasoning for doing this is so I can change her diaper or put her on the potty at one of her first wake-ups (so DH doesn't have to), with the hope that she won't wet her diaper the rest of the night because she's not nursing.  Should I just have DH do all the nighttime parenting for the next week or so to get her used to that and (hopefully) reduce her wakenings?  My ultimate goal is for one wakening a night, which sounds like sleep heaven.

Anyone have any advice?  Sorry this is so long.  Hopefully it's not too confusing.  Thanks in advance!

[waiting2bemommy]

Yeah, I would just focus on one thing at a time....get the night waking under control first, and then work on the potty training.

FWIW, my ds was daytime potty trained at 15 months but he still wets the bed regularly at 3.5 yeard old. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I think it might be a bit much trying to do both at once. Then again I am a lazy night time parent which is partly to blame for ds wetting the bed....if I wake him up he stays dry. You sound more diligent than I am, kudos to you!!!!

[ssh]

Just because you stop night nursing doesn't mean she will wake less. Night waking is really normal up until  3 years old. Here's a link on some research http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleepstudies.html . Here's a good article on normal sleep patterns of babies and toddlers http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html .

[D_McG]

I think it would be confusing. I have 2 kids and took 2 different approaches to nightweaning them. They both worked so my point is just that it depends on the child.

With DS I refused to nurse him from his first waking on. He was in bed with us so I would nurse him the first time he woke and then go 'no more until tomorrow'. Not when it's bright or when we wake up or anything. Just a LONG LONG TIME from now lol. I wanted him to know that we were just done for the foreseeable future. After a week of this I weaned that first waking, too. I was fully weaning at the time and had a definite date I had to be done by so had a 'failure is not an option' kind of mindset, which helped.

With DD I had to move out for 3 nights. I slept on the couch and she slept with Daddy. Comforting her without nursing her was driving her mad. With DS he was happy to take what he could get (he got snuggles, songs, soft words). Not my little girl though. She was so pissed off about the whole thing and did better that I was out of the bed altogether.

So if I were you I would simplify it. In the middle of the night I think things need to be REALLY simple and non negotiable. For us having day weaned first was v. helpful because we'd dealt with all the drama that comes with first hearing 'no'. I'm not suggesting day weaning but definitely day limits/structure helped with our process. I think the main reason it was easier to wean my second was that I never did the really OTT on demand thing I did with my son. I always had much clearer boundaries and awareness of and respect for my own limits. It made for a much more pleasant nursing AND weaning experience.

Good luck! Life with a sleeping toddler is a whole new and fabulous world