Originally Posted by mymary
Overdone cleaning, maybe. Thats one I didn't think of.
My husband is expecting a problem. He is so completely against it, and says he is going to get UTI's, etc. He makes fun of his penis all the time. Calling it an anteater. Its sad to write this, because I dont know what to do. I believed it was best to not get him circ'd at the time of his birth, but all the ridicule and explanation I have to go through really wears me down. I also think of my sons future and the pros and cons of this decision. How in the hell am I gonna make him feel ok about this if his FATHER doesn't believe in it? My husband loves our children. He is very close to our son, and I worry that my son will take this attitude of my husbands to heart. I do not want him to feel something is wrong with him. I just dont see how he wont. Im sure my husband wont purposefully make an issue out of it to my son, but the "view" will come through.
What a struggle.....
I hope I'm not going to come off as abrasive, because that's not my intent. But, if my dh made fun of my son's penis, all hell would break loose. That's completely unacceptable (and infantile) behaviour. I need to find the link, unless someone else posts it, about men and their feelings about keeping their baby boys intact. It will probably give you some insight into why he's acting this way. But, regardless, I wouldn't tolerate it for one second.
There are no cons to your decision. If your son wants (or needs, but that's very, very, very rare) a circumcision later in life, he can get one. If you had forced him to undergo the surgical removal of a functioning body part, for no reason, there would have been nothing he could do about that later in life. There are no cons, because this isn't your decision to make - it's your son's.
I don't get the culture around this at all. I'll freely admit that. But, I find the idea of having regrets over this, or wondering if one made the right choice, to be about as logical as wondering if you should remove your baby's fingernails, or remove their earlobes, or remove any other normal, healthy, functioning body part. I have two boys and tow girls. All four are intact. All four have had diaper rashes. Three of them have had, at one time or another, really bad diaper rashes - including sores that looked ulcerated. They were mostly my fault (not changing diapers quickly enough, etc.) and one seemed to be a reaction to chemicals in the diapers. They had nothing to do with the presence or absence of the foreskin, labia, clitoral hood, etc.
Don't listen to your husband about this. He has no right to ridicule your decision, and less right to mock your child's genitals.
ETA: I really doubt you're going to have to "make" your son feel OK about having a foreskin. There may be a few (very few) exceptions, but most intact males I've met would either rage or laugh their heads off at any suggestion that they might be better off without the foreskin. "It's the best part" is not an uncommon viewpoint.
ETA: About the whole "messing with it" comment...I think that was probably in response to what you said about moving it around to look inside. That is retraction, and it's not necessary, unless you have a reason to think there's a problem. My intact sons are currently 18 and 5.5, and I never moved the foreskin of either one of them at all when they were little. There was never any reason to do so. In your son's case, I may have taken a closer look to when I noticed the red tip, but that's really all that's necessary. It's quite likely that his foreskin is beginning to separate, and I'm sure your son does manhandle it (both my boys sure did!), but he knows which motions feel okay and which ones don't, and nobody else does, yk? It doesn't sound to me as though you were likely to have caused any problems, but it's just not necessary to do anything with his foreskin, yk?
And, just for reassurance, it does sound like some basic separation, and/or scratching from his nails, and/or diaper rash. It doesn't sound like anything to be overly worried about, although I'd certainly monitor it.
ETA: One last time - I just re-read your OP and noticed what you said about the ammonia smell. That sounds like he may have been too long in a wet diaper and/or your diapers need stripping. That smell, imo, makes a bad case of diaper rash even more likely.
Edited by Storm Bride - 3/27/11 at 5:59pm