Need help getting DH on board with avoiding Disney and licensed characters - Page 3

[Storm Bride]

MDC was down for a while earlier and a post I made got lost in the shuffle. But, I have trouble with the gender thing. I watched Disney moves, including the older princess ones (Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, which I didn't like as well as the other two, except that I loved the two fairies arguing over the dress colour). I never internalized any of the messages that I hear people talking about from this stuff. DD1 does like princesses...but she also loves digging in the dirt for spiders, snails and worms. And, she gets most of the princess stuff second hand from a neighbour, and banning Disney from our house wouldn't change that at all.

I certainly agree that everybody needs to make their own decisions about this stuff, and if I hadn't married a man who loves Disney and whose parents love Disney, we wouldn't have anywher near as much of it in our home. But, he is their dad, and it's not like I'm the only one making decisions here. If this is a hill to die on, it's a hill to die on, but there's no way the OP can actually stop her dh from liking Disney or sharing it with their kids. I suspect that arguing/debating it is going to make it a bigger deal that it already is.

[CrunchyMama74]

Hi, OP here. First of all, thank you to everyone for your responses, they were all thoughtfully written and each gave me something to think about. I can see now that my wording was a bit harsher than intended; I guess what I'm really looking for is tools to facilitate an educated discussion regarding what we will and won't allow regarding "mainstream media", what the facts are about cartoons, etc. My husband and I had very different upbringings (i was homeschooled, raised on a commune) and as a result we have very different views, but we have learned to approach them with respect and love.

Lesson learned: don't post in the heat of the moment! I clearly came off much harsher than intended.

[laila2]

OP Thanks for your kind words.  I wanted to clarify a bit.  I think what you exude will have a lot of influence on what your dd decides for herself.  I do not exude the ciderella stories etc, therefore DD does not hold a candle for the princess.  And I also wanted to point out, that at some point she will be exposed, and that best happens with you who cares best.  When we watch the movies together, it gives me oppotunity to add my opinions on what is happening, for instance I say, cinderella is happy because she found a prince, because a long time ago women thought those were the only choices (or words to those effect).  then I go on to tell her how many choices are available in the present world.

[quaz]

I haven't read all the posts, and I will need to go back and do so. I have thought about this over the yeras, and I haven't figured out my thoughts on it.  We didn't licensed items here. We did however, have nice toys. Groovy girls received a ton of play for years.   My daughters do have a princess doll or two they received as gifts, but they didn't play with them. They did love the princess nightgowns I'd pick up on clearance at the Disney store, but they always pretended they were someone else rather than a Disney princess. Peter Pan did play into their play, but when it comes from a book, I'm not sure I can condemn the licensed aspect.

Strangely enough, I've seen FAR more play drawn from having read Harry Potter, and next to no princess play despite licensed Disney items in the home.  All recent pretend play now revolves around HP plots.  I think we would have a hard time saying reading the books have stiffled their imaginary play, but they are pulling from something they did not overtly create.

I think it is a laudable goal to do everything to retain their creativity. My point is that I think a bigger impact to creativity has less to do with licensed items and far more to do with the tone set in the home. Quality toys, free time, free access to art supplies. I found this bolstered creativity far more. 

[Ella Enchanted]

Children can be exposed to some licensed characters without it completely stunting their imaginations.  It's a balance.  If al they have are dolls that go to tv shows and movies, and they watch the shoes/movies all the time, that's a problem.  But if they have a few, and watch less on the screen, then some Disney princess dolls mixes with their other toys is just fine.  I understand your concern, I really do.  Keeping our daughter from being oversaturated in mainstream media was a concern for us too. So we put some limits on it.  Disney is okay (a sentimental part of both our childhoods that we are sharing with our daughter), Sesame Street characters and Barney and most other things drive me up the wall.  Neither my husband nor I care much for Dora the Explorer, but her grandpa thinks Dora is adorable (his girlfriend has a granddaughter obsessed with it and so he sees it a lot), so we let her have the Dora things her grandpa gives her.  Nothing really wrong with a character that encourages bilingualism.  Barbie is banned.  I did internalize the message that extreme thinness is beautiful, and that life needs a dream car and Malibu mansion.  I got over the latter two, but the first message I got from Barbie was skinniness is beautiful, and I have lasting issues.  Plus Barbie is very much about materialism.  Any dolls that cross-promote with other brands are out.  At no time can her licensed-character toys make up more than 5% of the toys she plays with.

The key is moderation and being involved in play.  "Oh no, Generic Dolls 1 and 2 and Ariel are trapped behind the couch!  How are Tiana and Generic Doll 3 going to save them?!"  You and your husband can BOTH have your way.  He can share Disney with her, as he has every right to do, and you can encourage free-play by combining the Disney toys with non-Disney.

The thing is, books aren't going to help your case if he won't read them.  You don't need to be convinced of your position, and he's thoroughly convinced of his position.  The books that are out aren't about the evils of having a few character dolls among many other non-character dolls.  The books take the extreme cases, the kids who have everything charactered, from dolls to dresses to lunch boxes.  Moderation isn't harmful, but a total saturation is.

[NYCVeg]

I just wanted to add that whatever you decide, be aware that your approach may change (or may need to change as your child gets older). When dd was very young, it was easy to regulate what she saw. She didn't see any television/movies/DVDs until she was two and a half. Nearly all of her "baby" toys were natural and all were free of licensed characters. 

When dd started going to nursery school, she simply had more exposure to those things. She's always been in schools that discourage commercial characters, but kids still talk about them. Out of nowhere, she could identify characters that she saw--including ones that we didn't know. We also started allowing limited amount of screen time, but only DVDs or streaming videos. She now gets birthday gifts from her friends and some of them are NOT what I would choose--Tinkerbell, etc. But you know what? It's such a small fraction of what she owns and sees that I just can't get that crazy about it. 

When she was one, my dd was diagnosed with very serious and extensive food allergies. So though we always swore we wouldn't be Disney parents, we now plan vacations to Disney every year or two. You know why? Because they are SO good about food allergies, even allergies as extensive as my daughter's. Disney World is literally the only place we've gone where she is able to eat in the restaurants. Being able to take a vacation where we don't have to pack an extra suitcase full of food and worry about prepping every single meal or snack is worth the tradeoff of ending up with one or two Disney stuffed animals in my house. 

We have some lines we're firm on. We're okay with some screen time, but nothing with commercials. We'll buy some licensed items (mostly stickers and invisible ink books), but if dd wants anything else, she needs to purchase it with her own allowance money. But we're not going to take away, say, the licensed character party favors she gets at a friend's birthday. No clothing items with characters. These are compromises that work well for us.

As for the gender messages, I agree wholeheartedly. But sexist and heteronormative messages pervade every aspect of our culture. I don't fool myself into thinking that if dd doesn't watch Rapunzel, she's going to avoid those messages. So instead, we work actively to explain and counteract those messages, in an age-appropriate way. In any case, I had a couple dozen Barbies and watched every Disney movie that came down the pike, and I still ended up a hardcore feminist--so go figure. 

[Ldavis24]

I have very very fond memories of playing for a long time in the bathtub with my Simba and Nala figures and a host of other animals. They were a part of my imaginary play! I used the licensed characters the same as I did the non licensed ones, I don't think they had any affect at all on my imagination..

Now Barbie, I had tons of them and they are something my daughter will NEVER have...That is one of the few gifts that I will give right back to the giver no matter what DD's age...I honestly HATE Barbie, thank you for giving an entire generation of young girls warped and distorted views of what beauty is...Ick