Moms of two (or more!) expecting again - WEEKLY CHAT

[lisabww]

Hello ladies! 

I was so intrigued by all the wonderful posts I got from my panic-laden message, that I thought I would try starting this thread to see if there was any interest. Am feeling a BIT more settled about the thought, but realize I am going to need some support (OK - LOTS of support) before this little one arrives. 

So my thought is to introduce ourselves (please feel free to not post anything that makes you uncomfortable) by posting a bit about our present family, what number we are expecting, our age, what kind of work we do (in/out of home), hobbies and where we live. And maybe our biggest fear about having #3 (or more!). 

Then I thought I would throw out a topic to discuss for the week - or the month, depending on the interest (and my getting around to starting the thread each week!!). 

Oh, and lurkers and first time moms are welcome!! I don't feel like moms of more than two have any more inherent wisdom that first time moms - just maybe more experience??!!

So I am Lisa, living in Baltimore with dh (a Brit) and two dds (aged 5 and 2), so this would be #3 for us (due November 24). I am originally from TX, but really like living here - good mix of north and south! I work 2 days a week in health care and am home with the girls the rest of the time. I am 39 - wanted to have my 3rd before turning 40, and just barely made that deadline! I (used to) love traveling ;-) but now have to settle for more local exploits, except for a trip over to England to visit dh family. I enjoy cooking, speaking Spanish and French with my patients and family, hanging out with the fam (my mom and two brothers live close by) and watching documentaries and foreign films. 

Biggest fear....hmmm...having enough patience to get through the day without losing it, while also enjoying this stage in my life. It is a hectic stage (and I am not so great with hectic) but it is also the only moment we have (for me and my kids)...I guess I'll like to be able to surrender to (and even occasionally enjoy) the chaos...I'd just like to be more intentional about it this time around (whenever possible!!)

This week's (month's??) topic : Lots of people have mentioned to me how important it is to reserve some 'special time' for the older children - before little one arrives, and after... Anyone have any ideas/ experience of what are good ways to spend this time?

My thoughts : quick moments (walks in the neighborhood, working on a puzzle while little sister is getting put to bed), or half/full day events (going to the zoo, a bike ride with a picnic). I also want to include my mom in doing some activities with each of them. OK - everyone just descended upon me, so will stop here, but looking forward to hearing from you gals!!

Lisa in Baltimore

[NicaG]

Hi Lisa! I'm just popping over here from the October ddc. I'm also expecting #3 and I am terrified. It sounds like our kids are around the same ages, I have an almost-six--year-old and a 2.5 year old. I'm 37, will be 38 when this baby is born. I just told my mom last week about this pregnancy. She thinks I'm insane ("why are you doing this?"). I've been feeling sick and exhausted every day, my defenses are down, so her comments really upset me. I am just hoping I can find the energy and patience for another baby....I hear you about surrendering to/enjoying the chaos. It's hard sometimes to remember to enjoy this time of life, in the midst of all the laundry and housework and diapers.

But on my better days I'm really excited and I think #3 will be a fun challenge. My kids are spaced 3+ years apart, so that makes things a little easier. My dd is very attached to me and in the middle of the terrible twos, and i'm a little worried about her reaction to the new baby. I need to be better about spending time alone with my oldest. Dd has just been taking up so much of my energy lately. Morning sickness and tantrums are not a great combo. Both dh and I come from small families, and our kids have no cousins, so we're looking forward to our big happy family!

I don't have any family nearby, so I think I need to be better about hiring help to get through the newborn months. We have a good babysitter, but she's in college, so I need to make sure she can take on some extra hours. My dh travels internationally for business every couple months, gone for a week at a time, and it's hard to be completely on my own.

As for me...I used to work in book publishing, now trying to figure out my next move. I am a little sad that this baby will set back my goals a couple years. I was thinking of going back to grad school for speech pathology, but that will have to wait. I am feeling a little burned out on the sahm life, I think I need more outside interests, have been thinking of volunteering to teach esl. I love studying and speaking French, used to love traveling too, but that's on hold for a few years.

We were in Baltimore last fall, what a fun city! My kids loved the aquarium. We're in New Jersey, right outside of NYC.

[txtarheel]

I've got to go pick up the kids from preschool, but I'm saving myself a spot in this chat!  I can't wait to get to know you ladies!

[Motivated Mama]

I also would like to participate in this chat, but have to pick up two of mine from pre-k

I have 3 close together - almost 5, 3 and a 1/2, and 2, and this one will be almost 3 years behind my last so the first "spaced" child. I am exhausted!

[Gemini529]

Well I don't quite belong here since I only have one other child but I could use some advice! I am exhausted chasing around and nursing my 10 month old. I don't have all out vomiting morning sickness but I have been really nauseas and have had horrible heartburn. Ii keep getting hunger pangs but when I open the fridge, everything looks disgusting! I could barely handle listening to my son nurse because thesound of him gulping down milk was making me sick. How awful is that? I feel like I haven't been able to do things with him that I normally would because of how tired I am. Seriously I don't know how you ladies are managing with 3+ kids!

[berry987]

Great idea for a thread! I am expecting my fourth child (due date Nov. 2nd). I have three boys, ages 6, 4 and 2. Just typing that out is kind of unbelievable to me - when did I get responsible enough to have three kids, let alone four??! I just turned 35. 

So far my biggest challenge is having enough energy for my kids. They go 100 miles an hour all day long and lately I just want to nap in the afternoon. I'm thinking about hiring a mother's helper for the summer. Our next door neighbors have a 13 year old who loves kids - thinking about paying her to come over for 2 hours a couple days a week to run my three ragged while I take a nap. I don't want to end up plopping my older boys in front of the TV every afternoon (my 2 yo still naps). My other challenge is getting exercise. I tend to gain A LOT of weight with my pregnancies and I am still battling 20 pounds from my last pregnancy. I don't want to gain as much (usually I've gained around 50 lbs) and I know getting to the gym will help. But, again, that requires energy, organization, and apparently the planets aligning. I did make it today, though! Swam laps while my 4yo and 2yo stayed in the gym daycare and it felt really good.

This was a surprise pregnancy - so it took a little getting used to at first. We live far from both sides of the family, so I'm trying to envision flying with four kids for visits home. All of this has me thinking that maybe we should move back closer to our families. 

But I am excited - elated actually - about this surprise. I always wanted a big family (I am one of five kids) but the idea of being pregnant again, dealing with all of the ups and downs of having a newborn, etc. was daunting. So nature took care of my hesitation and here I am!

Oh, as for the "special topic" (reserving time with older kids): Yes, I need to do more of that! Right now my 6yo is in kindergarten so I get bits of time alone with his brothers (with the 4yo while his little brother naps, etc). I don't get much time with my oldest, though, and he begs me all the time (usually just before bed) to play with him. So I try to take 15 minutes while his brothers are tubbing to just hang out with my 6yo and play Legos or whatever he wants. Otherwise, I feel like it's just about being present with them. We eat dinner as a family and spend the time talking and sharing. While the kids eat breakfast I put dishes away and talk to them. I moved my computer upstairs so I can't get on it when I am with them. That helps - makes me more attentive and responsive to them.

[kdhfly]

Hi, all! I have two girls (29 months and almost 13 months), and we're expecting the next around Nov. 23rd!  Our first two are 16.5 months apart, and there will be 20.5-ish months from two to three.  We were okay with having kids close, although I much prefer this time around because nursing while pregnant with a baby under one was really difficult physically and emotionally.  I'm so much more relaxed this time around.  Currently we're in the the suburbs of Philadelphia, but in June we're moving in with my parents for a year (they charge lower rent!) while my husband finishes his last year of grad school. Next year he's going to have to travel a bit for conferences/interviews, so I'll have help and we can save for a house when he does get a job.

Right now I'm actually concerned about making sure I spend individual time with our younger daughter. I often put DD2 to bed first while DD1 plays in her room/reads for a few min, but I'm always rushing because I don't want DD1 to come in and interrupt DD2 as she falls asleep.  Lately I've been trying to add a little time for reading/talking instead of just brush teeth, nurse, and go to sleep. I look forward to hearing what other moms do as well. I'm always looking for new ideas!

[howdeepistheocean]

Hello All. I'm almost 27 and pregnant with my 4th, due Nov 24. I have 3 boys, 6yrs, almost 5 yrs, and 2.75 yrs. This will be my biggest space and I hope it all works out great. I feel fine so far, more energy than usual, and so am trying to clean and cook. My house feels way dirtier than usual and is driving my crazy.  I'm expected morning sickness around wk 8, as that is how it has been the last time.

  We did plan this pregnancy but still it feels like "WHAT am I CRAZY?" I just knew I had to have 1 more and thought I'd better get on with it, or I'd never do it. 4 does seem like a nice number.

  I'm planning on UP/UC and feel good about that, my last labor was 2 hrs long from start to finish, so I feel like I hardly could get to a hospital in time anyways, by the time I called my dh home from work. So it just feels like the right and peaceful decision. I've already had 2 baby UC, so I know what to expect.

  We live on 2 acres in the woods, in a little cabin my dh built. My house is somewhat small, but my boys will be outside all summer long, and for a few hrs a day this spring and fall. So I do get some alone time, even tho I'm a homeschooling stay-at-home mom of 3 boys!

   About reserving "special" time. Right now I do school, which is mostly fun reading with my older two boys, while my 2 yr old is napping. And often read books to my 2 yr after my older two are in bed for the night, tho right now he is in the barn with his daddy. I would imagine I will do the same once the new one comes along. That seems very far in the future!

So I'm excited about this but it can be overwhelming too... my dh just lost his job today...which we expected might happen but not so early. So I'm trying not to be stressed about that, and wondering if I should have done this (got pregnant) but am excited too, and it's too late to change it now.. I just have to believe that it will all work out.  ~Kristie

[rachdoll]

Hello ladies!

Baby #4 is on the way!  A complete surprise, and we are excited, but still a bit shocked.  We have 3 daughters, 8, 5 and 1... or, 9, 5 and 2 when baby arrives in November.

We live in central Texas, and I teach preschool 2 days/week, with my youngest in class with me, so I feel very much like a sahm, even though the stay home part is a  misnomer.  :-)

We're still working on the balance of giving our three girls some special one-on-one time, so I'm not sure how we'll work a fourth into the mix, but it'll work out.  Sometimes the 'special' time is letting just one go with to the grocery store, and then that one gets to pick the cereal for the week, etc.  Not perfect, but sometimes that's the best we can do.  I'm trying to make our 'dates' more official and special, so I am so happy this is the topic this week!

[Motivated Mama]

Hi there ladies!

I have baby number four on the way and like a fellow mom posted, this will be the largest gap between children. I just turned 28. DD1 and DS are 15 months apart and DS and DD2 are 17 months apart. DD2 will be almost 3 when this one is born, so I'll have children ages 5, 4, 2, and newborn in Nov/Dec!

I SAH during the week and work as an emergency vet tech on the weekends. DH is a mailman and also delivers for and manages a pizza restaurant. My job has now become very limited as I cannot work with anesthesia or xrays, my lifting has been limited as well as working with the potential dangerous (unvaccinated or unfriendly) animals. I love my job, but with DH working SO much and with a new one on the way, I see me getting done soon. I also have the practicum portion for my masters of public health remaining and plan to work this summer for my city's public health department. Once the baby is here, I should be able to SAH for awhile. Ideally, I'd like to take at least a year.

Morning sickness is off and on. So is exhaustion. DD2 is a very feisty and stubborn child and hauling her around is proving to be quite the chore. I had a loss last August and I have an ultrasound this Friday at 7 weeks. I'm just trying to get through this first trimester and I'm not worrying myself about much...just getting through each day one day at a time.

[justamama]

Hi Ladies!

I'm expecting #4. A BIG surprise. And a very, very welcome one! We have a 5 year old (she turns six in June), a three year old, and our youngest turned one on the 23rd. All girls. I'm guessing this baby is a girl, too, but we won't find out until birth.

My nausea is making it hard to be a good mama to the older girls. They wind up watching too many cartoons while mama is crashed in bed with the door open. The fact that my oldest is super independent and even on days when I am up she prefers to get breakfast for her and the three year old doesn't help. When I feel like I'm dying and she comes in and says "Mama, you stay in bed, I'm getting cereal for me and Reese and I'm going to take Lucy (baby) to play with me, too. Just rest and feel better," it is hard to argue some days. I love that she can do that, and that we've raised such a caring, compassionate child, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of her, too, since she's so little and its not her job to care for siblings.

My biggest issue right now is just wavering on prenatal and birth choices. We plan to UC, for sure, but are wavering on UP. Even with our homebirths (one of which was an unintentional, but very much wanted, UC...I'd dreamt the birth happening exactly the way it did my entire pregnancy), we always had that 20 week ultrasound to confirm there were no anomalies that could make birthing at home a risk. I am feeling so, so torn. Which means DH and I need to be praying, talking, and researching it as much as we can.

[Motivated Mama]

Is anyone feeling tightening in their lower abdomen / pelvis? Like braxtons? It seems kind of early, but I've felt what feel like Braxton-Hicks over the last 2 days maybe twice a day. I know experienced moms feel it earlier because they know what it is, but this early?

[willsmomm]

Originally Posted by Motivated Mama 

Is anyone feeling tightening in their lower abdomen / pelvis? Like braxtons? It seems kind of early, but I've felt what feel like Braxton-Hicks over the last 2 days maybe twice a day. I know experienced moms feel it earlier because they know what it is, but this early?

Yes! Lots of that. I have a subchorionic bleed which is irritating my uterus so I am getting lots of them but other things will set them off too: doing too much, working out, not drinking enough water... It's going to be a loooooong pregnancy.

[chiro_mama]

Hi ladies!! My name is Shauna and I am expecting my third November 11.  I have a DD(11 almost 12) and DS who just turned 2.  Sometimes I think having three kids will be a breeze, and others I get really nervous wondering how I can handle my 2 yo and a new baby.  I am a chiropractor with my own office and currently bring my 2yo with me when my DH is working, which isn't everyday, THANK GOODNESS.   I only stayed out of work for a week and then returned 1/2 days 2 days a week and built my way back up to full-time.  The problem is I had my DH with me to keep the baby while I had patients to work on. I'm afraid this time I won't be able to come back to work as fast or be able to work and have the new baby and DS with me on days my DH has to work and can't come too.  We live in SC and both our parents are in other states.  I know my MIL would help if she was closer, but unfortunately thats not possible.  Hopefully I will figure something out in the next 7 months.

As far as spending time with the older kids, my DS gets a lot of attention, but I've started coaching my DD's basketball team, so that helps us have time with just us.  When the new baby comes, that will be something me and DH will have to focus on.  The big age difference has my DS spoiled with our undivided attention, so it will be interesting to see how he handles a new baby.

 

[Jaimee]

Hi!  My name is Jaimee and #3 is due at the end of November.  Huge surprise as I didn't think I was fertile yet.  Still wrapping my mind around it while dealing with the exhaustion and nausea.  I have a daughter, 4 years, who was born at a free standing birth center in Tucson, AZ and a son, 15 months, who was born at home in Maryland.  We are planning a home birth with this baby as well.

Lisa, we live in Towson!  And before that we lived in Austin, TX!  What a small world... it seems like we should know each other.    Are you involved with BaltAP?

I've been having a lot of guilty feelings about what this pregnancy will do to our little one who is only a baby really (he'll be 22 months when this baby is born).  I see that some of you have kids very close in age... how did it go with nursing, co-sleeping, and diapering?  I feel very out of control of the situation b/c I want my son to nurse as long as he wants, preferably past 2 years, but it is so painful right now.  And he's been nursing a lot lately, which I attribute to a slightly reduced milk supply and the fact that he's getting his molars.  I desperately want to night wean him b/c the night wakings are killing me and exacerbating my nausea, but it will be a lot of work to night wean him right now, I can tell.  I'm stressed about transitioning him to his own bed before the baby comes b/c he isn't night weaned and b/c we're moving to Illinois in July (dh got a new job), which will cause upheaval in everyone's sleep.   I also would like him to be potty trained before the baby comes b/c 2 in diapers sounds awful and I don't have enough cloth diapers to be diapering 2 at the same time!  It's just so much to think about and I feel like it's a lot to expect of my little guy and it makes me want to cry.  Any advice or positive experiences would be much appreciated!

I feel like it's been challenging staying connected with my daughter through all the changes- my second pregnancy, moving to Maryland, the birth of my son, etc.  And now I'm doing it again!  Another nauseating pregnancy (my m/s lasts until 30ish weeks or so!), another move to a new state, and then another child that will take up my time.  How do you all stay balanced?

[lisabww]

Hello ladies!! I loved reading all your posts...totally sympathize with the exhaustion and morning sickness...it is a killer for me - and much worse than my other two pregnancies, for some reason...In terms of birth-ideas, we are planning a hospital birth, with the same midwife group that delivered my first two...I admire you ladies who birth at home - it just makes me too nervous, but I think it is a wonderful, courageous, powerful experience for those who can do it...I work at the hospital where I will deliver, so know the good and the bad there- still it is a hard choice...

I was going to start a new thread every week, but there were some really cool posts that I don't want to lose...so let me know - should we just keep adding to this, or start a new thread each week?? Am happy to do whatever works for everyone else...

I'll go ahead and throw a topic out there this week, though, and feel free to reply. Am wondering if anyone else has a reluctant partner...We planned this pregnancy, but were both a little shocked that it happened as quickly as it did (I've had some issues conceiving in the past...) so we were in shock for a while...I am presently 'out of shock' but my dh remains in this bad-mooded universe and it is starting to get to me...Not quite sure what to so about it (except for telling him to call his shrink and talk about it if he isn't willing to talk to me about it...he's not taken the bait) and am hoping that at our first ultrasound this week things will seem a bit more real and less scary (or MORE scary??!!) and he will get over himself..I don't remember this reluctance with our first two pregnancies, so this is worrisome...any similar experiences out there??

Wishing you all a good week, 

Lisa in Balto 

PS. Jaimee - what a lot of coincidences...I hope we get to meet sometime - PM me if you like and we could grab a coffee??

[rolliniris]

I am pregnant with my third...and already have two young boys close in age...apprx 19 months a part. which will be about the same spacing with this one...I have had weird reactions from people that I've told. They look at me like I'm crazy...only 1 person has said congratulations. I am married, own a home, have a wonderful husband, am financially secure, am a loving mother...so i don't really see the problem with having multiple children close in age. Am wondering if society thinks it's taboo to have a large family. I think it's awesome, I've always wanted a large family that is close...but when i tell them I'm pregnant, they're like, WOW! already? Has anyone else had similar reactions?

[smallbrit]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for this thread, and glad I'm not alone! I have a girl (4 -1/2) and a boy (just turned 2) and am now totally unexpectedly pregnant. Oh, and I"m a Brit, living in Phoenix now, by way of Austin, Dallas, Wilmington DE, and now really hope to be settled here. If all works out well, the spacing will be about 2.5 years each, which I'm pretty happy about, although I never, ever saw myself with more than 2 children. Each birth has a story to go with it - DD was a 31 week preemie and DS was a birth center birth where he came out and my placenta didn't (so my ideal birth was just that, but the afterbirth was everything I'd wanted to avoid - hospital, pitocin, monitors, and anesthesia!) so I'm really hoping third time is a charm and there is only a good story for this child.

If you asked a week ago, I would have to say I was the reluctant partner. We'd only ever planned two ( but this is a fairly apt lesson that if you take yourself off your birth control pills because they're giving you bad skin breakouts, be prepared for the consequences!) and DH is the eldest of three children and has always been adamant that two was it. But it took him about 2 hours and then he changed his mind. Me? My life so far has been a life with two children - one on each hand! - and I'd sort of seen it continuing that way. We go to Britain every year and I also go back to TX to see friends and I manage to do it quite a lot of times with the children but without DH. I don't think that's going to happen with three kids. However, baby fever is starting to kick in, and I'm getting excited. I'm an only child of an only child, so a big family is something I just know nothing about. I've only told a couple of people so far, and all reactions have been very positive. No one has yet asked if I'm crazy... it may just be me who has moments of thinking that!