Children's Last Names - Page 2

[osker]

We got married legally in 2006 and DW changed her last name to mine. I was about to start a doctoral program and knew that I had always wanted to be Dr. "".  So she changed hers to mine. Our kids will have our shared last name and her maiden name as their middle name!  She changed her name legally with our marriage certificate and it was all easy as can be. However, she did have a really hard time getting a passport because the federal gov wouldn't recognize the marriage certificate (although the social security office had no problem with it).

[aljm41910]

DesertSunsets, did you apply for your name change in your state of residence or in CA?  My wife and I live in NC but got married in DC last April.  I want to change my last name but have hesitated doing it because I expect a huge battle.  Also, does your marriage license say anything about it being for a same sex marriage?  I haven't sent off for a copy of ours, we have the certificate that is for framing.

[DesertSunsets]

aljm, I applied for my name change in my home state of Arizona.  I expected a battle over it as well, and was *shocked* to get nothing of the sort.  Our marriage certificate does not specify our genders, it says "party A" and "party B".  I should also mention, my wife has an androgynous name, even if the specific spelling is the feminine version.  Even so, I don't expect that Social Security Administration would have raised a fuss because it was a legal document.  I think different clerks could potentially cause more or less problems, if they wanted.  

I just went online beforehand and printed out the form I needed to fill out, then took the marriage certificate down to Social Security.  I waited in line longer than it took the clerk to actually complete the necessary forms.  He issued me a receipt of name change and told me I'd receive my new SS card in the mail in a few days.  I used the receipt of name change to get my name changed through the DMV and the bank, everything has been pretty straightforward.  

Good luck!  I know it can be hard to have faith in a system that has let us down so many times, but in this aspect at least, it came through for me. 

[aljm41910]

Thanks so much for the info.  I think I'm definitely going to give it a try.  My thinking is they may say no because but having my DW last name they think I'm going to try to work the system to get something out of it.  I am already on my DW insurance through her work and I am her beneficiary if anything should happen to her.  I want her last name because we are a family and I want the children that we have oneday to have the last name of both their moms.

[AngelaM]

We are STILL wrestling with this issue, and our DD is almost 3!

I wish that we had met earlier and done what AtlantaFemme did- everyone taking a new name. That would have been the best solution for us, emotionally, I think. BUT, when DP and I met, we had already both started publishing with our original last names, and were/are both ambivalent about giving up the little bit of name recognition we might have in our fields.

We slapped DD with a riduculously long hyphenated name. 14 letters. 6 syllables. An "x" and a "z." And she has a funny hippy first name too. So much to hate us for...

Currently, DP and I are playing around with the idea of each adding each other's last name as a middle name. The problem there is that it just gets confusing. I'm Angela XY, and DP is DP YX. No one can figure out HOW we're related! Also considering all just going hyphenated, but trying to balance the personal identity/professional identity thing. I like hearing about other people's solutions to this question.

[korey]

Angela - DP and I both changed our last names to a new family name. I have also published and built a professional reputation with my maiden name, and here's what I did:

My maiden name is "Jane Doe." Our new family name is "Smith."

My new legal name is Jane Doe Smith.

Personally, I pretty much go by Jane Smith, Jane Doe Smith, or Jane D. Smith.

Professionally, I've kept it Jane Doe, because that's how people know me. The only exception is when signing legal documents, I sign and write my full, legal name, Jane Doe Smith.

DP, on the other hand, didn't really care about keeping her maiden name and just goes by "Mary Smith." And baby, of course, is just "Baby Smith."

Does that make sense??? You might have to read it a few times!

[starling&diesel]

Hi Angela!  I cannot believe that Ocean is almost THREE!  Where did the time go?

I was going to chime in to say that I still publish under the same name I've always published under, which is different from either of the other two names I use. 
My name at work with the ambulance is my maiden name.

My family and legal name is DP's last name. 

I can use any of them, legally, but all my ID is in DP's last name.

Just to make it interesting!

[AngelaM]

Korey, I really like that solution. I'll present it to DP. Though I also sort of suspect that at this point, we don't have the energy to change any more documents!

S&D, I know, right?!? And congratulations on your new bean! I'm so excited for you guys. We're getting excited about planning for number 2, but haven't actually started the process.

[MujerMamaMismo]

We hyphenated DS's name and I regret it a little bit as it's long and cumbersome and I am now so comfortable in my mothering that I don't care whose name he has (I gave birth to him). We always wanted him to have DP's name to make a clear statement to her family and others. Changing my name is not something I am comfortable with, nor would I be comfortable with DP changing hers. The hyphenated thing for DS came when I freaked out about him not having my name just after he was born. He is now commonly known only by DP's surname and we just use the hyphenated name for official documents which are pretty rare given his tender age of 2! I think we'll do the same for any future kids, regardless of who births them.

[serepartera]

Our son's name is hyphenated as well. DP and I have both kept our names, but are toying with changing to the hyphenated one as well. It was an easier decision for us as we both have very short, easy, last names that flow well together. So, he's got 9 letters plus a simple (VERY common) first name that came with him when he joined our family as an older infant. He was adopted, so I'm not sure if our feelings would have been different if we had been looking at who carried him and who didn't. We are TTC right now, and this (hopefully!) baby will share big brother's name!

I love seeing how different families solve things like this, and the mom/mommy/mama/opa/etc etc debate!