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Who do you plan to notify when labour begins? (vent) - Page 2

post #21 of 37

We won't be telling anyone not directly involved with the birth until after the baby is born. We still have to figure out child care, which could be a bit tricky since we just moved here and we don't have any friends yet. wink1.gif With #1, we called my mom and MIL which resulted in lots of "checking in" calls that annoyed me and my midwives. Ha! My mom is a huge worrier, so it's much easier on everyone if she just doesn't know about it until after the fact. With #2, we didn't call anyone until after the birth and it was so nice! Of course, I went into labor at 4am and she was born before 9am so it's not like we had much time to make phone calls anyway. Still, I loved that it was all on our terms, and nobody was pestering with those "where's the baby?!?!?!" questions.

 

Hopefully I'll be feeling super high and excited after this baby is born, and if that is the case then we'll be calling everyone to let them know. I tend to get very silly after my babies are born and I love to share the happy news as soon as I can. I know this time will be different since we have two older children instead of just one, so I know we'll have a lot more to take care of, but I imagine we'll be welcoming any available visitors/meal givers/gift bestowers soon after the birth. 

 

I think it's important to guard that desire of privacy, especially during such a magnificent experience. If you feel the need to not tell people, then don't tell them and don't feel guilty about it! 

 

 

post #22 of 37

It's interesting to see the range of feeling in privacy...I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting everyone to know you're labouring, it's just such a personal thing.  The PP talking about welcoming visitors soon after reminded me of that - my sense of privacy extends beyond the birth, really...if I had my way, we would be left alone for a few days before any visitors.  I HATED having everyone in and our of our hospital room and then our home after DS1 was born, it did not mesh well with my ramped-up case of baby blues.  This was not an anticiapted reaction (I knew I wanted privacy during birth, not afterward!), so it was a learning experience for us.  With DS2, we compromised and Dh's parents and sister came to meet baby on the day he was born, and then we politely said we would like to have a couple of quiet days to recover before my parents arrived to visit.  Both sides of the family came that day and we had a nice dinner together.  I was ready to feel social and enjoyed it instead of feeling sickenly anxious about having so many people around..This time we are extending our private babymoon to 3 days (I don't know if we can hold them off much logner than that, LOL!).

post #23 of 37

OP - AMEN SISTER!!!

 

Except for being a doula, I could have written your post word for word.  I learned my lesson with my first birth & don't plan on telling ANYONE save my midwives & doula this time around at the very least until the birth is imminent but preferably until the baby has arrived.  This will be a complete guilt ridden mine field where it comes to my mother but I honestly don't care.  I'll deal with her disapointment later.  The most important thing to me when labouring is that I'm comfortable & for that I need privacy.  I recognise that now & plan to honour that need for myself. 

Now I'm just praying I labour & deliver while DD is @ daycare so that I don't have to call in backups to look after her....

post #24 of 37

With my last (first) labor, I wanted to kick everyone out of the room. I was irritated, angry and I know it didn't help anything. My MIL had broken her foot and was jacked up on painkillers and came up from the ER (at the same hospital) to be with us. When it came time for the c-section, everyone was trying to wake up my (very sleepy) husband, and she just sat there laughing. The woman laughs at everything. She drives me nuts, and will not be informed until the baby gets here. My mom was one of the forces that pushed us into a c-section. She irritates me on a normal day. She wanted to be in the room, but she's my only sitter. She wanted my 73 year old grandmother and my 51 year old father (who has severe back and neck issues) to watch my kids as well as hers (12, 10 and 9). I was NOT cool with that. She was highly upset when I told her I didn't want my grandma and dad watching the kids by themselves and wanted her to watch them. She *thinks* we're going to keep her posted on the progress of the labor, but I am tempted to call her to get the kids, then call her once the baby is here. Mainly because when she comes, so does my dad and brother, and I want some skin to skin time after the baby gets here, and they're "funny" about seeing skin. So, if they're not comfortable with it, they can stay home. My in-laws will be called when the baby gets here.

 

You're not abnormal, you're not unreasonable. You're an independent mother. You and your husband have made the decisions. It's now up to everyone else to accept them.

post #25 of 37
Thread Starter 
I can't begin to express how much I appreciate everyone's input and support on this. blowkiss.gif It's like I got a big grouphug.gif
I was feeling like I was the only one in the world who desired substantial privacy during birth bag.gif and that I was being mean to my mother by denying her a blow-by-blow account. But you have all reassured me that my need for privacy is legitmate; that it's ok to do what feels right for our little family; and that everyone else will get over it! Thank you! hug.gif
post #26 of 37

I would not feel guilty about anything related to your desired birth plan, especially when it comes to notifying people.  This is your labor/birth and what you and DH desire is what should be respected.  Believe me, once the baby is born everyone will forget about this. 

 

We will probably just notify my parents and older sister when I go into labor.  I have two girls- 6.5 and 3.5 yrs old and will need someone to care for them while I am at the hospital.  I have a history of fast labors so initially we will all just head to the hospital when I am in labor and then call relatives to pick the girls up.  Unless the labor is planned or long, I doubt my husband will call his family prior. 

post #27 of 37

With my first son, I had him at the hospital with a CNM.  We notified people my parents and my DH's parents that we were at the hospital and in labor, but did not give updates after that.  And luckily no one called to check on us, not that either of us would have answered the phone anyways.  My mom did end up coming to the hospital, uninvited, but by that time I was okay with it and my baby and hour later.  I never told her to stay away or anything, I just never invited her cuz I didn't think I'd want anyone there.  But she helped alot so I was glad she came.  We mainly notified people too cuz we were excited to be in labor, however, I knew none of them would come to the hospital until we said it was okay, so I was alright doing that.  Once the baby was born, our whole families showed up!

 

With my 2nd, we had a homebirth.  I had to notify my mother, since she was going to be watching my older son.  I also texted my Dad when my water broke, and I think we told my DH's parents too.  Usually that's all we need to tell, as they start calling everyone and the message gets through the grapevine.  Again, though, I knew no one would just show up to my home so I was okay with telling them labor had started, especially since we have a small home like you too.

 

One thing I didn't like was with my homebirth, my labor was a really fast and intense, four hours, midwife didn't make it, my DH delivered the baby.  My SIL got a little mad that we didn't call her right when the baby was born.  Um...well....my midwife wasn't even there, I could barely move cuz I was actually in some pain, my DH was helping clean up - why would we stop everything to call you??  We notified everyone the baby had been born about 2 hrs after, once everyone was settled down and cleaned up.  I didn't purposefully not tell anyone, I was just busy with the aftermath of delivery.  Plus, to me, it seemed like since we had a homebirth we had a lot more to do ourselves.  There wasn't a nurse to clean up the baby while I could just lie in bed like I did at the hospital.

 

So, to end my long rant, I think what you want is perfectly acceptable, its your birth and dont' feel guilty about it.  

post #28 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluepetals View Post

It's interesting to see the range of feeling in privacy...I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting everyone to know you're labouring, it's just such a personal thing.  The PP talking about welcoming visitors soon after reminded me of that - my sense of privacy extends beyond the birth, really...if I had my way, we would be left alone for a few days before any visitors.  I HATED having everyone in and our of our hospital room and then our home after DS1 was born, it did not mesh well with my ramped-up case of baby blues.  This was not an anticiapted reaction (I knew I wanted privacy during birth, not afterward!), so it was a learning experience for us.  With DS2, we compromised and Dh's parents and sister came to meet baby on the day he was born, and then we politely said we would like to have a couple of quiet days to recover before my parents arrived to visit.  Both sides of the family came that day and we had a nice dinner together.  I was ready to feel social and enjoyed it instead of feeling sickenly anxious about having so many people around..This time we are extending our private babymoon to 3 days (I don't know if we can hold them off much logner than that, LOL!).


yes!!!!!

and i didn't realize that last time around. SIL was begging on the phone to come down at 2am while i was still in the delivery room (and she has a full-time job and 5 kids of her own!) and FIL came at 6am when i was finally situated in bed, baby was asleep, and i was just about to relax for the first time in 2 days. i am definetely thinking about holding off calling after the birth this time....or at least having some visitation rules or making a "come back later" sign for the door for uninvited visitors.

 

post #29 of 37

<due date crashing> DH and I have 4 kids. 2 hospital and 2 at home. Our family was far enough away that they weren't going to "drop in". We still didn't call anyone not directly involved until after the baby came. Depending on the time difference, we waited until the next morning! If you want your privacy, that is YOUR choice.

post #30 of 37

I'm not telling my family. The only ones that will know are a few friends that live in another state and are fully aware of my UC plans and know about natural childbirth. They will be praying for me. :)

 

I think I'll have hubby call my family to tell them I had the baby and that we are fine or whatever after baby is here. Hopefully they don't ask too many questions. I'll probably just tell hubby to keep it short and sweet and say he has to go take care of the kids and stuff, but wanted to let them know. They'd probably be offended if they found out a few days after the birth or something. 

post #31 of 37

I'll tell my younger sister when I go into labor and she'll tell my other sister and dad.  They won't bug me. They'll wait until they hear the news of the birth.  My younger sister will come to the hospital and stick around, but I won't worry about her.  I'll be very sad that my mother isn't there to be the first to see the new baby as was the case with all the others.  I only wish she was there to "bug" me.  She passed away almost two years ago and it pains me to think of my mother never knowing this child.

 

My MIL will know right away too because she is the one taking the kids for a couple of days.  She'll wait for the call after the birth too and probably wait 24 hours until she brings the kids to the hospital to meet the baby.

post #32 of 37
the only people i'll be telling when i go into labour are my mum cos she's watching the kids, my birth partner and the hospital oh and maybe you guys on here and my fb birth group lol but anyone else will find out when little man puts in his appearance though no one will be phoning or showing up at the hospital me and my birth are just not that interesting my dad will probably not see Xander till his next party whenever that is
post #33 of 37

My parents will know because 1. they live below us and 2. they will be watching our daughter during the whole thing and we will tell my husbands parents just so they aren't left out. My one request, really demand, is that NO ONE be at the hospital waiting in the waiting room. I don't plan on calling anyone until the baby is born and we are out of labor and delivery and comfortable in our room. One thing that will help with this is that we switched to a midwife and she only delivers at a hospital about 30 minutes away. Our last hospital is 2 blocks away from where we live so it was easy for everyone to just show up. 

 

The entire family was in the waiting room for my daughters birth including my BIL's quasi girlfriend who I don't like and she doesn't like me, plus when she came in to meet the baby she basically told us we named her "Rhino"!!  I just really don't see the point of waiting hours and hours in a hospital for a baby to be born. 

 

Plus all during my labor the nurses would come in and tell me that my mother keeps asking how i'm doing and if the baby is here yet and so on and it just drove me crazy and didn't help the situation I was in. 

post #34 of 37

My first was induced 10 days late and my parents had already flown in from Canada. It was great to have them there already pre-baby, but they had do go and distract themselves at a museum for the day. They were in touch with my inlaws (who were still in Canada). Mostly it worked, but one parent called at well into the evening to see how things were going. I was sitting in the bathroom in transition so it was a real interruption. I had never though to tell people not to call. I don't remember exactly when we called them after the birth, after the snuggling but before we moved rooms. I was so hyped up that once we were settled we called all our siblings and grandparents. My parents waited until the next morning to visit and I was really happy to see them. They are really calm people who remember to bring your favourite snack. My father had to get over seeing me nurse (and pump) but he manned up.

This time hopefully the baby will come after the due date so my Mum will be here to look after the my son. I had not thought of calling any family before (they are all out of the country, so no dropping in). I will have to talk to my Mum about when we will call her with updates, certainly pretty shortly after the baby, assuming it is not the middle of the night. We can have her initiate the family new chain. I will talk to everyone about not calling.

 

For labour in general. I think it is all about the birther. The other parent does get a say, but mama has an unconditional veto. Or they can birth the baby. It is about you and your baby, not anyone else.

post #35 of 37

last time was so easy since we lived several states away from all our family.  our plan was to call my mother and my MIL when we were in labor but it was honestly such a confusing time that we didn't call anybody until an hour after dd was born.  since it was the middle of the night, we didn't have to spend much time on the phone.  our first visitors were my mom and step-dad who arrived the day we left the hospital and i thought that worked out perfectly.  

 

now we live in my hometown so i'm not really sure what will happen.... i know we'll have to notify someone so they can watch dd and i'm hoping that my mom will be willing to drop everything to whenever we need her because we plan on laboring at home for a while and i want someone to be ready to take her when we're ready to go.  we haven't discussed it with her yet.  i'm also hoping that we don't have people waiting in the waiting room but i know that my mom and step-dad and dad and step-mom will visit us soon after.  i'm hoping everyone else will wait until after we get home.

post #36 of 37

If I didn't have my ODS I'd do the exact same as you, no one would know. I made the mistake of calling when I went into labor with ODS and I got calls every 20 mins for "update reports" even though I thought I made it clear after call 2 that we would call when baby came. It was annoying. 

 

This time, the only person who will know is my mom, because she is watching my ODS and she'll be staying with us from 39 weeks until the baby is born. I told her that my phone will be off during my labor and so will DH's and we do not want any calls during labor. She is free to tell whomever that I'm in labor but she won't be getting progress reports. I figure I'll let her deal with the craziness. If she needs us she can call and leave a VM and we'll check periodically to make sure ODS is ok but we won't be accepting or making any calls until baby is here and we're ready to talk. 

post #37 of 37

We called my parents to let them know when I was in labor.  My mom bulled my dad into calling to check on us at one point.   Our midwife picked up the phone while I was moaning loudly in the background a few minutes before the baby was actually born (because she thought maybe it was the 2nd midwife needing directions/lost/something) and basically told him to bugger off.  

ROTFLMAO.gif

 

 

He feels incredibly sheepish about the whole thing and still hasn't forgiven my mom.

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