Originally Posted by sosurreal09
I think all of this is fine and I am laid back about it but DCF I am sure would not agree. I can't spend my whole life cleaning my house like a maniac and buying furniture we can not yet afford b/c DCF may show up and take my kid. I already have a friend who lives like that b/c she was threatened by them before and ALL she does is clean and yell about messes. Her DD is 22 m/o and she will play with a toy and the second she puts it down her mom comes and swoops it up and puts it away. The LO is miserable and the mom is miserable, no one can play, no one is happy, and yes my friend is completely paranoid about DCF showing up and lives in fear over it. Her case is closed btw, but she still lives like that. It is not healthy at all. Every time she comes to my place it's like OMG DCF would take your LO in 2 seconds! You need to do x,y,z and blah blah blah. My home is not dangerous. my LO is happy healthy and thriving in a very loving and attached family, she eats very healthily and is very advanced for her age, yet DCF would look at my messy home and possibly freak out (very probable) b/c I never seem to have the energy to properly put everything somewhere...well that sucks
To demonstrate this on a very personal level- I debated posting this before but didn't want to seem to be using scare tactics or to make this too personal..
After my ex filed a report against me, I went through the same thing your friend did. I still can't stand to have anything out of order. Yes, ultimately it was closed, and the fact that he had maliciously filed a spurious report was used against him so I have sole custody, but it was awful. The CPS worker used a camera to document 'animal feces' on my couch. It was a couple plastic hamburgers from DDs play kitchen set. I had to take them into court to show them to the judge to prove my point, and the CPS worker STILL claimed I was lying. The judge, happily, saw through her. They also claimed that they had found her with lice- patently untrue, and only because I jumped through hoops left right and center could I disprove this claim. Without connections to a few entymologists I wouldn't have had recourse. Again, the judge was appalled when he saw the information I used to back up my claim. My favorite complaint that the CPS worker lodged was that there were copious quantities of drugs visible on the living room carpet. In that case, I had just sprinkled a box of that powdered carpet freshener throughout the house and was in the middle of vacuuming when they knocked at the door. The police officer there even argued on my behalf at the time, but the CPS worker said she was noting it because I was just covering up the drugs that must have been there. The officer testified on my behalf.
When I didn't want to sign a piece of paper saying that she could send my child anywhere she wanted to, I was threatened that if I didn't I would never see her again. I stuck to my guns on that one, and she was only released to kinship care for that short while, but it was still horrifying. Then, when they did take her, they praised me for having such a polite and happy child, and for being so calm and collected to make everything feel safe for her.
It was horrifying. I should have made them request a warrant, but I figured- Well, I have nothing to hide, they can come right in and see that! There was nothing to hide, and the CPS worker fabricated a report. Had she shown up without a police officer present I would not have had a chance to refute the claims. Because he documented everything himself, we were able to show his photos to the judge. The only things she photographed were shot in such a way as to appear dirty or dangerous (for example the plastic hamburgers she claimed were animal feces, or a patch of white powder on the carpet). The officer's photos showed the whole room, and the judge was clearly very angry with the CPS worker for her deceptive tactics.
It took forever to sort my life back out, and while we did manage to protect my child from the trauma, I had to deal with horrible flashbacks whenever someone was at the door, and I still live in fear and will sacrifice playtime for a few minutes to maintain a stepford-wife-esque level of clean in our home. Also, since I work in human services, I have to explain a lot, and background checks show that I have been investigated- that alone prevents me from a few job offers. A closed case found in your favor can still show up.