another STTN question

[LHcj2008]

My baby is about 14 weeks old and wakes up multiple times a night. I don't even count them. He sleeps in the bed with me. During the day he nurses every hour.  However, I do think some of this is for comfort and not hunger, but he goes at the boob each time like he is ravenous (and has 3-4 poopy diapers a day on top of all his wet ones...is there such a thing as a baby with a monstrous metabolism?)

He is now able to take naps by me moving him to his crib after he's asleep, or I can do the nurse-and-roll-away, but he wants to be nursed to sleep every time. He is able to be put to sleep a little more aggressively w/o nursing- we put him in the Ergo and go walking, or we swaddle him, shhh and pat and walk him around the room, but usually he fights this a bit by crying some.

He is starting to go down anywhere between 5:30 and 7 pm and will usually be asleep for 2-3 hours, then will wake up and will be put to bed with me right after (with a small routine of lights out in bedroom, soft music playing, pajamas, swaddle, nurse to sleep). Then he is asleep anywhere from 1.5-3 hours usually, and I'm thrilled if I get 4 hours. Last week I got 5 hours two nights in a row and I felt like a new person.

Anyway, when he does wake up, he wakes grunting noises and moves his head around with his eyes closed. At times I've left him go to see if he can fall back asleep, and he rarely does (though it has happened), and I always just end up dream-feeding him.  I do use the pacifier sometimes once I've nursed him a bit. Once he hits 5 am, he almost always wakes up every hour or 90 min from that point on until we wake up around 8 am.

I don't know if this is "normal" sleep behavior for his age range, but I keep reading about how babies are supposed to be STTN around this time. He is EBF and was quite small at birth and now weighs slightly over 11 lbs. Should I be concerned about the number of times he is waking up? That he does not really know how to put himself back to sleep? Should I be worried that nursing is really the only thing that works? Is he overtired? Ugh.

I feel stressed out lately ever since I read a few books about infant sleep and keep hearing other moms talk about their baby waking once or twice in the night. The first few months of this were fine and expected, but since he hit 3 months I'm starting to feel extremely exhausted and unmotivated to do much during the day except trying to nap with him.

[Knitting Mama]

I don't think there's anything accurate in "should be" when it comes to STTN!! Some babies do it easily, others don't, and still others go back and forth. Mine was not STTN at 14 weeks, I can tell you that much! She does now, but she's a year old-- yet some of her friends of the same age don't at all. If it works for you in the sense that you're able to sleep and nurse at night, I honestly wouldn't stress it. And I wouldn't try to force a baby as young as yours to go longer without nursing. Nursing on demand is very important for the first year of life, in my opinion (though I know some people say only until 6 months; I am not one of them).

[ashleybrook]

my mom was telling be that when she had babies they said at 6 weeks babies slept through the night! and that my sister did at 6 weeks to the day...i had to laugh because i know everyone does this at a different age. i have friends with a two year old who doesn't STTN...though it's certainly not hourly.

put down all those "should" timelines...and nap if you need! mostly do what you can to nurture yourself! i know it can be difficult, i'm in the trenches too! hugs to you!

[LHcj2008]

I know, I should just chill out.

I think what gets to me is that, being a first-time mom, I'm always reading studies and so forth from "experts" about sleep who claim that sleep disorders will likely develop if you don't get babies STTN by 6 months, and yes, they all seem to advocate CIO or some form of it (which I don't at all). It starts to shake my confidence when I read things like how nursing to sleep is a negative sleep association and my baby will want that for the rest of his youth and won't be able to fall asleep independently, etc. He prefers to nurse to sleep, but he can be walked & rocked to sleep.  Still, it's not like I'm anywhere close to putting him alone in his crib and walking away while he drifts off happily to sleep by himself. And it just seems that the literature out there on sleep seems to claim that this should be promoted around 3-4 mos. before "habits set in".

I think I need to stop reading things like this and just gravitate towards what the AP people say.  I start to doubt the way in which I'm going about things...which is basically a stab in the dark as I'm just following my instincts and what I feel is right at the time.

[Knitting Mama]

From day one, my daughter nursed to sleep for every single sleep. Sometimes it was nursing and sleeping at the same time, for hours on end. Around 10 months old, one day she finished nursing and wasn't asleep yet, so I had to pat her back to get her down. It happened again and again, and now, at nearly a year, she is about half and half with nursing to sleep vs. patting to sleep. It's totally, 100% possible for babies who are nursed to sleep to get to a point of not nursing to sleep on their own.

[BetsyS]

My children haven't slept through the night without some help (night weaning for one, another just needed time--lots of it, and the third is a baby), BUT...  the night wakings usually slow down after about 6 months old or so.  And, then, closer to a year, I've sort of helped the sleep along. 

My 2nd is and was a light sleeper.  He didn't sleep through EVER until he was 21 months old, and he still wakes a few times a week at night.  He just needs reassurance, and he goes right back to sleep.  But, guess what?  He was the one of mine that never nursed to sleep.  So, that throws that whole don't nurse to sleep=great sleeper theory out of the water. 

Nursing to sleep is also a great trick to have in your back pocket for when you are out and about with a tired baby or at grandma's house for the night and people are still awake and talking in the living room.  Nursing to sleep is really, really easy.  Don't discount that.  It doesn't last forever.  In fact, if it gets to be bothersome, most any routine can change in a matter of 2 weeks with a little kid.  I'd just enjoy your baby, let him sleep how feels right, and just sort of go with it. 

[nm7300]

I totally agree w/ your third paragraph! This has been a HUGE problem for me, too --- just last weekend someone told me how they stopped co-sleeping w/ their 6mo & now he "sleeps 12 hours every night" & I had this total freak-out....like, "I must stop co-sleeping, it's ruining my life!" And then I had to talk myself down, and I remembered that I generally love co-sleeping, my 8mo loves it, it's healthy, he's too little to be sleeping that long, and night-nursing is an important part of our relationship & his health...etc.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that your sleep patterns overall sounds very much like ours were when DS was that age. He still nurses to sleep every night and/or I walk him in the Ergo while nursing. Basically the same for naps, but his SAHD gives him a bottle & then walks him. Especially at 14 weeks (and even at 8 months), it's totally natural to want milk, comfort, movement to get to sleep! I'd definitely ignore people & books pushing "independence" & "self-soothing" for babies. And I definitely do not believe that NOT sleeping through the night will have any negative effects later in life --- more likely, babies who are soothed & comforted during the night will be the fearless kids sleeping w/o nightlights later on! :)

p.s. Kellymom has some great info about sleeping:

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/index.html

Originally Posted by LHcj2008 

I know, I should just chill out.

I think what gets to me is that, being a first-time mom, I'm always reading studies and so forth from "experts" about sleep who claim that sleep disorders will likely develop if you don't get babies STTN by 6 months, and yes, they all seem to advocate CIO or some form of it (which I don't at all). It starts to shake my confidence when I read things like how nursing to sleep is a negative sleep association and my baby will want that for the rest of his youth and won't be able to fall asleep independently, etc. He prefers to nurse to sleep, but he can be walked & rocked to sleep.  Still, it's not like I'm anywhere close to putting him alone in his crib and walking away while he drifts off happily to sleep by himself. And it just seems that the literature out there on sleep seems to claim that this should be promoted around 3-4 mos. before "habits set in".

I think I need to stop reading things like this and just gravitate towards what the AP people say.  I start to doubt the way in which I'm going about things...which is basically a stab in the dark as I'm just following my instincts and what I feel is right at the time.

[greenmulberry]

Originally Posted by LHcj2008 

Anyway, when he does wake up, he wakes grunting noises and moves his head around with his eyes closed. At times I've left him go to see if he can fall back asleep, and he rarely does (though it has happened), and I always just end up dream-feeding him.  I do use the pacifier sometimes once I've nursed him a bit. Once he hits 5 am, he almost always wakes up every hour or 90 min from that point on until we wake up around 8 am.

My baby does this too, it is so weired!! She is 6 and a half weeks old. I tried to ask the pediatrician about it but he thought I was asking why she doesn't STTN, but I was curious about this grunting wiggling half sleep/wake thing.

[MamaKickyPants]

The only sleep expert I trust Dr. James McKenna. Hi is an actual expert (as opposed to people who write books based on their opinions and social conventions) who has done years of research on actual infant sleep and mama-baby sleep and co-sleeping. Google him. Read. Be reassured!

[Ginger Bean]

The grunting and other noises are normal. It even has a name: Grunting Baby Syndrome. :) Google it -- it'll go away soon!

My baby used to grunt and squeal when he was that age -- it felt like I was sleeping beside a pig!

Then he was quiet and "slept like a baby" (that saying is a joke!). Then he hit another phase and would shout out/wail in his sleep. He never even fully woke up, but each scream took a year off my life.

All this restlessness is especially bad between 4:00-6:00am, I find. Babies enter into really light sleep in the early morning hours. Early morning waking is a big complaint of parents everywhere! If I nurse often/long enough, my son will eventually go back into deep sleep for an hour or two. When he was younger and not as good of a sleeper as he is now, he would just wake up. He'd stay up for 45 mins and then go back to sleep for 2 hours -- by that time, I was fully awake and unable to go back to sleep, and I would think, "this little punk tricked me!" Sometimes it helped if my husband took him out of bed so I could stay drowsy (I have a really hard time going back to sleep in the early morning -- just like babies).

I know Weissbluth isn't favored among attachment parents (heh), but if you ignore the CIO stuff (yeah, I know), there's a lot of good research about typical sleep patterns of babies, if you want to know about that kind of thing. I was surprised to hear he "approves" of nightfeedings up to 9 months old -- and older than that for co-sleeping, breastfed babies. It seems he doesn't think co-sleeping babies' sleep is that interrupted when nursing at night. It's different when you have to take a child out of a crib, etc.

Does your baby suck his thumb? I don't know how you feel about thumb-sucking, but my baby was a better sleeper after he found his thumb (on his own). He was able to sooth himself to some extent -- still needed night feedings and help when really restless, but otherwise much better, especially for naps. You could help your daughter find her thumb, if you don't disapprove of thumb-sucking.

Edited by Ginger Bean - 4/7/11 at 7:45pm

[LHcj2008]

Thanks for all of the advice! It is funny- historically, as soon as I post a concern of mine on these forums, the "dilemma" in real life seems to dramatically improve, or go away completely. Since posting, my baby has slept 5 hour stretches each night (now that I said that, he'll stop, I know it). I'm not expecting it to happen every night but I'll take it!

I find that the less I stress about a "schedule" and just go with his lead, the happier everyone seems to be. The advice in books and general advice from people around me that I keep seeming to find myself involved in really emphasizes a schedule, a routine, blah blah blah and I start freaking out because, yes, we have a day-to-day pattern which I guess you could call a schedule, but by no means does my 14 week old have a set bedtime, or even a set napping place like a crib for that matter. B/c he doesn't have a set bedtime he doesn't have a strict bedtime routine (though we do try as best we can to stick to the main things like pajamas, swaddle, nurse, etc. and we play the same bedtime music in the bedroom). Then when I hear other moms I know in real life whose babies are STTN and they are all regimented, etc., I start feeling this first-time-mom anxiety that I am going to mess up my child because I am not doing all of that.

So, from all of your reassurance here, I decided that what I've been doing is just fine, and by going with the flow the past few days, he has slept really well at night! (Again, we'll see how long this lasts). I love co-sleeping and nursing him at night because he does generally pass right back out and I do too. And the past few days my husband put him to bed at night AFTER I nursed him by walking him and it was fine, and then we put him to sleep in his bassinet and, when he woke up after I slept a bit (one night after 5 whole hours in his bassinet!), I brought him in bed with me where he stayed. So, I've calmed down and regained my confidence. I definitely don't want to cut back on the nursing and don't mind it at night. I nurse on my demand and have a great supply. I just wanted to get a bit more sleep so that I could function, and started feeling paranoid that my baby was going to have a sleep disorder or something like that since I keep hearing stuff from these "experts" who claim babies should be STTN around now...crazy.

It is funny- my baby does the grunting/snorting thing which almost seems like he's rooting in his sleep in the middle of the night, but I always assumed it was normal. Just funny. But he also does the screaming in his sleep from time to time which has scared the you-know-what out of me like you mentioned, Ginger Bean. It is like a baby nightmare. What do 3 month olds have nightmares about? We wonder that. Does he dream about the breast that doesn't give milk or something? :)