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post #21 of 83

Yeah, you need a lawyer like yesterday.  I absolutely don't think you should send your children back after break, but I also think that if he doesn't put them on the airplane, then you need to drive to their hometown and pick them up.

 

You NEED a lawyer.  If your family member atty's aren't getting back to you, pick up the phone book and start calling.

post #22 of 83

Lawyer.  Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.  Don't dawdle on this.

post #23 of 83

I'm sorry for the situation your kids are in!

 

I can't add much on what to do, but if you find yourself in a situation where he has the kids and you think he will flee (sounds likely?), something that was suggested to me when addressing potential child abuse issues with DH's ex/DSD was to have the lawyer file a motion that limits the ex's ability to travel beyond some court-defined radius/area while the investigation or court matters are in progress. From what I was led to believe, a court is relatively likely to grant this request if a parent has disappeared with the kids before. I don't remember what the motion was called, but the result of such a motion is that if he would flee with your kids, that any law enforcement who find him could arrest him (as opposed to your having to go through family court to try to find him in contempt of the custody order) or if the kids are found, to take the kids into custody. It won't prevent him from fleeing, but at least if he tries, you might be able to get the kids back faster than without the motion, regardless of which custody change method you choose to pursue.

 

Also, get the best lawyer you can find/afford. It can make or break your case.

 

Good luck.

post #24 of 83

I know it might be too expensive, but is there any chance you can get a round trip ticket and pick up your kids at their school with court order in hand?

post #25 of 83
Thread Starter 

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Edited by AtYourCervices - 7/17/11 at 7:04pm
post #26 of 83

When the kids are in your custody you go to family court and file an ex parte emergency hearing and you provide all facts and documentation stating why you need temporary custody. If the judge deems that the father is providing an unsafe living environment then the judge may grant temp custody to you until you go back to court for more permanent orders. You will need to have some serious proof to back up your claims. I would not hesitate to file the instant you have the kids in your custody. It is easy enough to file an ex parte and you will be heard within 24 hours before a judge. Get a lawyer ASAP. If the father is suddenly refusing to give you visitation then go in to family court and file an ex parte and show proof of your attempting to contact the ex and then show his message saying he is refusing the visitation. If he does not give you visitation he will be in contempt. You do have to file any court papers whereever your original order is from.

post #27 of 83

Ah ok the kids are on there way. Here in CA I can go online and download ex parte papers and fill them out online and print them. I can also walk in to the court house for them. Get a lawyer and file ex parte asap.

post #28 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

The kids are with my dad now. They're flying down here tomorrow. My uncle unfortunately doesn't know lawyers in that particular county so he wasn't able to recommend anybody. The lawyers I've tried to call haven't picked up (and no answering machine/service?!). I'm going to take the kids to the doctor next week to get checked out, keep trying to get in touch with a lawyer, and fill out the paperwork for the courts.


What about a lawyer in YOUR county?  If you are going to get emergency custody it will most likely be done by a court where YOU live, not where your children live.  You need to speak with a lawyer where you live, who knows about inter-state custody laws.

 

Try calling your state bar association to get some phone numbers.

 

post #29 of 83

 

I agree, an ex parte in your state might be just the ticket. Definitely call a lawyer in your area ASAP. Given the degree of loserdom that you're working with here, having the venue changed to your state would probably solve the whole problem. He won't bother to come out there to fight for them.  

post #30 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by amers176 View Post

Lawyer.  Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.  Don't dawdle on this.

.

 


 

yeah that

 

 

Call a lawyer and start acting in your children's best interest (I am sorry but at 12 there is no way I would let my dd live homeless and in unsafe conditions because she wanted to be with her boyfriend!!!  ) .  It may well take a while and the clock is ticking. What are you waiting for?   Don't waste another minute in bringing your children home safely.  Maybe you don't want full custody but at least take them until their dad can get his freaking act together.

post #31 of 83
Thread Starter 

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Edited by AtYourCervices - 7/17/11 at 6:48pm
post #32 of 83


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

So, I was only able to reach one lawyer and it's basically $1500 right off the bat, and $175 an hour. My husband is throwing a fit. I'm still trying to get ahold of other lawyers.

 

 

My ex husband has refused to give me the address where he's staying (with the former prostitute), and has basically said he intends on continuing to conceal the children from me (I have this all in writing). Isn't that the definition of kidnapping? I keep telling my current husband I don't want to send the children back to living like that, but he's insisting we have to follow the letter of the law, send the children back to my ex husband next week (with no actual address as to where they're going) and eventually go back to court when we have the money in the bank to spend on lawyers fees. The police department won't do anything to help in a parental kidnapping case when both parents have custody. They've just told me I'd have to take him back to court after he kidnaps them. But, how can I take him back to court when I don't know where he lives?! I figure if I have the kids stay here, at least he can take me to court for parental kidnapping and then he'll actually show up in court and we'll have an address for where he's been staying (so the living conditions can be properly investigated).

 

I just don't know what to do here!!!

Wow, your current DH sounds a little unreasonable.  File ex-parte where you live.  There has got to be more than 1 lawyer in your area.  Call the local courthouse, call DCFS, call the bar association in your state and get recos.  Don't send them back without a fight!
 

 

post #33 of 83
So you didn't go in and file ex parte and you're still holding off on actual action while you go back and forth with you husband? I know you feel torn but you have let this go on way to long. The money belongs to you too and your husband is always going to have something else he prioritizes over your kids. You've given him enough go be a mom first for a while.
post #34 of 83

yeahthat.gif

 

Time to put your foot down, mama. File ex parte, keep the kids, and then it's all on homeless ex to pay a lawyer, come to where you are, etc. etc. Put that shoe right on the other foot. 

 

Your DH deserves to have input, but at the end of the day it's your choice and your duty. Protect your kids. 

post #35 of 83
Thread Starter 

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Edited by AtYourCervices - 7/17/11 at 6:52pm
post #36 of 83
He's doing you a huge favor by giving you a reason why you can't send them back. Maybe if you keep the written conversation going he court will be easy for you. Get that ex parte hearing scheduled now. When are you supposed to send them back?
post #37 of 83
Thread Starter 

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Edited by AtYourCervices - 7/17/11 at 6:48pm
post #38 of 83

You'll never have enough money saved up to fight for your children. We had to put down a $2500 non-refundable retainer just to hire our attorney. Our case should have never gone as far as it has and still going. The bills just keep racking up but in the end it will be worth it.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

So, I was only able to reach one lawyer and it's basically $1500 right off the bat, and $175 an hour. My husband is throwing a fit. I'm still trying to get ahold of other lawyers.

 

 

My ex husband has refused to give me the address where he's staying (with the former prostitute), and has basically said he intends on continuing to conceal the children from me (I have this all in writing). Isn't that the definition of kidnapping? I keep telling my current husband I don't want to send the children back to living like that, but he's insisting we have to follow the letter of the law, send the children back to my ex husband next week (with no actual address as to where they're going) and eventually go back to court when we have the money in the bank to spend on lawyers fees. The police department won't do anything to help in a parental kidnapping case when both parents have custody. They've just told me I'd have to take him back to court after he kidnaps them. But, how can I take him back to court when I don't know where he lives?! I figure if I have the kids stay here, at least he can take me to court for parental kidnapping and then he'll actually show up in court and we'll have an address for where he's been staying (so the living conditions can be properly investigated).

 

I just don't know what to do here!!! 



 

post #39 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

My ex husband has refused to give me the address where he's staying...and has basically said he intends on continuing to conceal the children from me (I have this all in writing). Isn't that the definition of kidnapping?

 

No, it's not the definition of kidnapping.  The kids are with you.  Technically, he has threatened to interfere with your right to contact them; and potentially threatened to block your parenting time, next time they're supposed to visit you.  However, the fact that he did not stop them from visiting you RIGHT NOW would make you look unreasonable, if you refused to send them back, based on your fear of "kidnapping".

 

Without the lawyer (for now), file an EMERGENCY petition (this lets a judge issue a temporary ruling even if it's not possible to schedule a hearing with both parties beforehand) with the court where HE lives (you will also need to have him officially served with a copy of whatever you file with the court), asking that he "Show Cause" for refusing to let you know where your children will be living when they leave your home; and for threatening to deny contact with them.  Attach a copy of whatever it is you have in writing from him, to that effect.  At the same time that you file the Emergency Petition to Show Cause, file an Emergency Petition for the Children to Remain with Mother Pending the Outcome of CPS Investigation, Custody Evaluation and Modification Hearing; a Petition to Order Custodial Evaluation; and a Petition for Modification of Custody.  Use whatever Court paperwork you already have, as a template for how to write up your petitions.  Be brief.  State only the major concerns, not all the details.  You will get to hash those out at the custody hearing.  Then do whatever the court orders, even if it's not what you want.  Then, you can shop around for an attorney to follow through on these petitions.  You won't have to pay him/her for writing and filing them, because you will have already done it.   

 

 

...my current husband...he's insisting...we...eventually go back to court when we have the money in the bank to spend on lawyers fees.

 

 

A PP is right:  If you are set on the course you want to take, here, you cannot wait until you've saved up enough money.  There is never enough.  You have to do what you think is right for your kids, anyway.

 

The police department won't do anything to help in a parental kidnapping case when both parents have custody.

 

No, they won't.  They view this as a civil, not a criminal matter.  In my state, that is the official police position EVEN THOUGH our state law says interference with parenting time by either the non-custodial OR custodial parent is criminal.  Police are not an effective avenue for you.

 

I figure if I have the kids stay here, at least he can take me to court for parental kidnapping...

 

Bad idea.  Then YOU start off the court proceedings on the defensive.  If you're going to do this, you want to be the one initiating things based on your concern for your children's welfare and HIM to be the one having to defend his bad behavior, NOT the other way around.  If it's not too late (if you haven't already sent the kids back), what I suggested is the better way.  A judge will neither listen to, nor sympathize with, complaints about you not being able to afford an attorney (and therefore trying to goad your ex into initiating the lawsuit, so it would be more affordable for you).  Be up-front about what you want and why.

 

I haven't checked this thread in a while, so if you HAVE already sent the kids back, you can still file the Emergency Petition to Show Cause (if he doesn't immediately respond, by disclosing to you and the Court what his and the children's address is, he will look really bad at the custody hearing); the Petition for Custodial Evaluation; and the Petition for Modification of Custody.  Once you get that ball rolling, if he doesn't toe the line and let you talk to the kids whenever you call and see them every time you try to visit, he will just push the judge further and further into your camp, at the custody hearing.  But you have to toe the line, too, and wait for a ruling in your favor.

 


 

 

post #40 of 83

I just wanted to address this, and then I'll come back in the morning.  It's a $1500 retainer, but then THAT money is applied to the hourly fee.  Then when the $1500 is used up, you pay more in retainer.  It's against the ethical rules for a lawyer to charge a retainer and then bill hourly on top of that.  So its $1500, but that is 10hours of time, and then you pay for more time.

 

YOU NEED A LAWYER.  You're children are WORTH it.  I'm serious.  If your children are couch surfing, and you do NOTHING - it is possible they will never forgive you, especially since you are living in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, very very far away from them.

 

ETA - $150/hour for a lawyer is a STEAL.  If they're good.  Thats less than I pay by quite a bit, and I got a discounted rate b/c I was referred by my lawyers professor from when she went to my school.  You won't find any cheaper than that, I don't think.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

So, I was only able to reach one lawyer and it's basically $1500 right off the bat, and $175 an hour. My husband is throwing a fit. I'm still trying to get ahold of other lawyers.