How do I handle this? Help quick please!!!

[waiting2bemommy]

There are other threads here about my ds and his various issues, but today is the third time I have caught him doing this and I am at a loss.

If you already read, please feel free to comment but now that I've gotten some feedback already I've edited to remove the details.

Update on page 3

Edited by waiting2bemommy - 3/29/11 at 4:57pm

[waiting2bemommy]

anybody?

DP is coming home in a couple hrs and I texted him to tell him and I think he will hit the roof when he gets here. I haven't said anything to ds but he tried it AGAIN later and I said "no one touches your private parts" and he said "the dog can." and laughed. What if he does this somewhere else? yikes....

[zinemama]

Why on earth wouldn't you want to over-react to something like that? I'd have been shocked and shown it, and let my shock and disgust speak for itself. I can appreciate not wanting to shame your kid, but some behaviors are so far over the line unacceptable that a strong reaction is exactly what's needed.

[Shonahsmom]

I don't think this is something anyone on the internet can "help quick" with and I don't think its something you should have online about your kid.

Talk to a pediatrician or a child therapist or something. Not the internet.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom 

I don't think this is something anyone on the internet can "help quick" with and I don't think its something you should have online about your kid.

Talk to a pediatrician or a child therapist or something. Not the internet.

Agreed.

[waiting2bemommy]

Because he is only 3 years old. I told him before "animals do not come near our private parts" and it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. that's why I'm posting for help addressing this. what am I supposed to do? spank him? ground him? get rid of the dog?

I just don't know what to do about a behavior that is completely unacceptable, yet I'm trying to eliminate harsh punishments and spanking from my home especially in light of the fact that some of his other unacceptable behaviors are due to factors somewhat beyond his control (ADHD for example). 

[LAWoman]

What Shonahsmom said.

I can understand you wanting some guidance on this but there are a lot of red flags there. Please talk to a professional.

I would also advise you not to keep that post up for long. MDC is openly searchable by anyone and a post with those key words is not something I'd want floating around on the internet. In addition, your DS is very young now but he won't be forever and god forbid he find that some day.

[Drummer's Wife]

Can you keep him and the dog away from each other when he is not under your direct supervision?

I'd start with that.

[Shonahsmom]

Call your pediatrician tomorrow morning. Get a referral for a child therapist. Stop talking about it on the internet. The end.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom 

Call your pediatrician tomorrow morning. Get a referral for a child therapist. Stop talking about it on the internet. The end.

We already have a psychologist for him due to the other issues going on with him. In fact we are going there tomorrow and this is certainly spmething that will be brought up. But I was just looking for advice on what to say to him in the meantime. I didn't want to say nothing at all, as if this is perfectly fine, but I didn't want to say the wrong thing, either.

[graceomalley]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 

 what am I supposed to do?

Take him to a pediatrician right now.  Get an emergency appointment.  Have him assessed for other signs of sexual abuse.  Get him to a safe place (ie a child therapist) and get this off the internet.  Do you realise how serious your post is?

[Drummer's Wife]

Have you discussed this behavior with the ped or another professional? I ask b/c this sn't isolated, and combined with some other things you have shared, including that your DS spends time at neighbors homes w/o you, there is a chance he has been exposed to something inappropriate or possibly abused.

I know you want to stay on the DL b/c of CPS and the authorities, but don't you think your DS is worth getting some help?

I would be freaking out, but not in the punishing/spanking/mad at my child way. I would be overly concerned about what is going on with him.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife 

Have you discussed this behavior with the ped or another professional? I ask b/c thus isn't isolated, and combined with some other things you have shared, including that your DS spends time at neighbors homes w/o you, there is a chance he has been exposed to something inappropriate or possibly a used.

I know you want to stay on the DL b/c of CPS and the authorities, but don't you think your DS is worth getting some help?

maybe we cross posted, but my ds has been in therapy on and off since he was 2 and as mentioned above, we have a psych appt tomorrow. He has been evaluated multiple times for abuse including this past December when my mother called CPS on us, and each time nothing was found to be of concern. Of course something could have happened since then, but he has not been around anyone new (alone) since then. He just started a public preschool program last week but I seriously doubt this is related to that.

[daniedb]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife 

Have you discussed this behavior with the ped or another professional? I ask b/c this sn't isolated, and combined with some other things you have shared, including that your DS spends time at neighbors homes w/o you, there is a chance he has been exposed to something inappropriate or possibly abused.

I know you want to stay on the DL b/c of CPS and the authorities, but don't you think your DS is worth getting some help?

I would be freaking out, but not in the punishing/spanking/mad at my child way. I would be overly concerned about what is going on with him.

Absolutely. Combined with questionable behavior on the part of your DP that you've shared before, I would be running, not walking, to the psychologist and laying my heart bare. I would hold nothing back - nothing. Your boy deserves that.
 

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by daniedb 

Absolutely. Combined with questionable behavior on the part of your DP that you've shared before, I would be running, not walking, to the psychologist and laying my heart bare. I would hold nothing back - nothing. Your boy deserves that.
 

Ah, just to make sure this is clear, I have NEVER thought that my DP was sexually abusing either of our children. We have certainly had our issues but sexual abuse has never been something I worried about. and as mentioned, a forensic interview in December cleared both of us of any accusations of inappropriate behavior.
 

[daniedb]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 

Ah, just to make sure this is clear, I have NEVER thought that my DP was sexually abusing either of our children. We have certainly had our issues but sexual abuse has never been something I worried about. and as mentioned, a forensic interview in December cleared both of us of any accusations of inappropriate behavior.
 

There is a history of questionable behavior apart from sexual abuse allegations. A serious question: why do so many other women seem more concerned about your boy than you do? Maybe it's your writing style, maybe it's a lack of being f2f, but you seem defensive and minimize things when you receive responses. Would you consider thinking about that?

[Lakeeffectsnow]

Keep the dog and your son separated unless you are in the room.  If you have a dog crate, keep the dog crated or use a baby gate to keep them separated.  Most three year old children shouldn't be around dogs unsupervised around dogs no matter how much you trust the dog or the child.  It's too easy for them to get knocked over, jumped on, or bitten.  It's not really developmentally appropriate.  Yes, keeping them separated is a pain and often inconvenient, but it's probably best under the circumstances.

What you tell your son is "That is private.  You don't let the dog touch your private parts (or whatever word you use)."  If he argues with and says it's okay.  You say, "No, it is private."  

Deal with it calmly and matter of fact.  Without knowing your history, it's a serious red flag to me.  While you may want to avoid CPS, I would take him in as soon as possible. 

[marinak1977]

This maybe naive, but is it possible that he discovered that dog licking him feels nice after getting licked accidentally and he's using the dog to masturbate so to speak? I understand that lots of kids experiment with their privates (we haven't reached that point yet, but I do remember playing doctor with friends when little). I actually remember something similar happening to a friend (there was no abuse happening in that situation).
If a child is naive about sexuality and private behavior, he/she may be doing it because they don't think it's wrong. In that case, I'd focus on explaining over and over how the private parts are for him only to touch, and keeping the dog away. I'd also act very sad/disappointed if I caught him doing this again.
I do understand that this could also be a red flag, but just want to offer another possibility if he doesn't show any other signs of abuse.

[NewDirections]

Originally Posted by daniedb 

but you seem defensive and minimize things when you receive responses.

Above x a million.  I just cannot believe that the first two times you saw your son do this you thought it was "funny".   It is very obvious that is not normal behavior for a child.

I find it really upsetting you are not taking this more seriously.  Your son is acting out because he is probably being abused.  Why are you not doing anything to help him besides posting online.

[gbailey]

Have you asked him why he wants the dog to lick his private area? I agree with the other posters. Your DS needs help and he needs help ASAP.  I know you don't believe your partner could have done anything to hurt him and hopefully he hasn't but something is seriously wrong and your son needs help NOW. I am curious to know how your partner responded to your text. You say it's not your partner, you say it's not the new pre-school. It's SOMETHING! Something is wrong here and instead of making excuses you need to start finding some answers and sadly, as well meaning as the mom and dads are on here, I don't think anyone can help you unless you're willing to take a long, hard look at what's going on with your child and the people who are around him. The poor baby needs help.