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How do I handle this? Help quick please!!! - Page 4

post #61 of 139

Not leaving a 3 yr old outside by himself to play with such older kids would not be over protective. You feel your mother was over protective, but you have gone the complete opposite direction. I agree with getting a 2nd opinion. In fact, since his diagnosis is so vague, I get the impression he has not had a real workup. Try a neuropsych. They diagnose things like autism spectrum disorders so it is a great place to start. Good luck!

post #62 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

Not leaving a 3 yr old outside by himself to play with such older kids would not be over protective. You feel your mother was over protective, but you have gone the complete opposite direction.


I agree with this. 

post #63 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

Not leaving a 3 yr old outside by himself to play with such older kids would not be over protective. You feel your mother was over protective, but you have gone the complete opposite direction


ITA w/this. IIRC the child wasn't even 3 at the time. I mean that is just crazy. I have a child that age now and I will leave her for short periods with my DS (who is 4). Within ear shot at all times. Just for safety, not that I suspect he'd do anything intentionally to hurt her.

But the idea of my DD out of my house, out of my sight, with a group of neighborhood kids? It's unfathomable to me. In light of everything that has gone on and is going on with your son developmentally I really suggest you revisit your perspective before CPS makes the decision for you.
post #64 of 139
Thread Starter 

 I really suggest you revisit your perspective before CPS makes the decision for you.


thanks, but I've already had CPS called on me and they found nothing amiss. They also flagged our family so that any future calls would be known to be malicious. And the person who called? (my mother) Will not be seeing her grandchildren, whom she "loooooves" so much, anymore. When she called CPS and started running off at the mouth to them, she talked herself right out of 2 beautiful grandchildren. I told her the other day to go adopt some other grandkids because these ones will never step foot in her house again. I haven't even gotten so much as an apology. I also let people close to her know, A) to explain why I won't be seeing them either, since I'm not taking any chances and B) to forewarn them that she might do it to them. everyone knows now what she did and apparently she has gotten some flack for it and lost some friends. Good. If she persists in harassing me, since the police don't seem to care, my next step will be to forward the case information to my father's employer, who is a private contractor providing services for Social Services and the Health Dept, and file new charges against both my parents in court. If they keep messing with me and my kids, I *will* bring them down. 

 

It made me so angry that I wanted to physically hurt her. I didn't, only and I do mean ONLY because she was my mother. anyone else would not have been so lucky.

 

I DO. NOT. PLAY. with people who mess with me and my kids. Anyone who dares try should know now that a call to CPS is tantamount to declaring war on me and I will stop at nothing, and I do mean nothing, to keep my kids. I don't call CPS on people unless I KNOW that something is wrong. And even then I agonize about it and try everything else in my power first. I have given people money, food, clothes even when I had very very little if I thought it would help that mama be less stressed so she could think straighter and be a better mama. 

 

There would be major major fallout for anyone who called CPS on me. I have had it called on me "anonymously" before and it was not very difficult to find out who it was. I won't say how because I *shouldn't* have found out, but I did get a name and address with very little effort. (Turned out it was my mother that time too, but using her friend as a go between)  I don't think anyone would dare, at this point. 

post #65 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post




IF BIG IF, the dog penis licking thing were an isolated incident I would actually laugh at it...I mean it's gross but if it was just one thing I wouldn't be phased. From everything else that has happened to your son though I can't say it is ok even a little bit...

 

I actually went through all your threads just browsing and I see a repeated pattern of you thinking other people are abusing other children. There are multiple threads where you ask if you should possibly call CPS or if it seems like there is something really wrong. You seem to be able to see a lot of issues with other adults and kids but you are blind to the fact that your son is acting out in such bizarre ways that there is a really good chance he was abused. 

Just because the group of psychologists you worked with didn't find anything doesn't mean it is not there. I feel like it is easy for you to see possible abuse (based on your past posts) whereever you happen to be living but with your own child it just couldn't be true. You admit that perhaps something happened at your parent's (why was he even with them if they abused you!?) and you refuse to consider your DP could EVER do something like that. Well unfortunately I have heard many MANY stories of mamas who just couldn't ever possibly imagine someone that close to them doing something like that and then maybe months, or years later the truth comes out.  I am not saying your DP did anything but YOU can never know for sure, so please don't be angry when people make suggestions to that effect.

 

I wish the best of luck, trouble seems to follow you like a bad habit, I hope you can find your son some help and I would scrap the therapists you have and start all over with a new one. Or multiple new ones. I would not rest until I had some answers if it was my kid.

 

All this. If it were *just* the dog and penis thing . . . yuck . .. but kinda of funny and not a big deal. Within the wider context of all your posts on MDC . . . alarming. You are *so* attuned, as Ldavis has said, to (possible) abuse around you, but you seem unwilling or unable to consider it in your own family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Your son is SOOO LITTLE.  I was shocked when I read one of your posts about him playing outside with other older kids.  And you dont know where he could possibly be abused?  Maybe the older kids were behaving in ways they shouldnt and he watched it all go down?  That is still a form of sexual molestation.  Even if he was never touched. 

 

Stop letting him out by himself.  HES 3!  I have my own yard and my kids dont go outside where I cant see them.  And my son is older then yours.  I know you said you guys moved, and im guessing that when you were letting him out it was when you were in that communal living situation, (Where, i might add, you thought a little girl was being sexually molested, or at best, inappropriatly handled by a neighbor.)

 

I have noticed a pattern in your posts as well, and trust me, I have read alot of them.  You seem to backpeddle alot when your common sense is ever questioned.  And I KNOW you posted about your partner in the past about issues you were having with him and your son.  If I took those posts out of context, then maybe its time to stop posting about every last little thing that is happening with the four of you.  Sometimes discretion is best. 

 

I dont mean to sound harsh, but I am seriously genuinly concerned about your son.  Not that I think you would LET anything happen to him, but because sometimes we are so intuned and smart about what we know to be "true", we cant see the forest through the trees. 

All this too. My DS has been pretty free range (we live in Europe in a great neighborhood with lots of kids and very little car traffic) but wasn't ready to be out of my sight til he was around four, and that's still on the young side, imo. You've lived in pretty sketchy places and, I don't think you've made great choices re: supervision of your son. That's in the past now, but I don't get how you don't think abuse could have occurred.

Also, you *have* posted in the past about how your partner was mistreating your DS. Maybe not sexual abuse, but behaving in an abusive way, nonetheless. You have lived a very unstable life, with lots and lots of moves and you were even, if I recall correctly, in jail for a while. So, from what you've posted, I see all sorts of opportunities for various kinds of abuse to have occurred.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post





I didn't catch where the OP's psychologist said this was normal behaviour. Where was that?

 

OP's ds has numerous issues. That's already been clearly stated.  The fact that those issues are sometimes manifesting in a sexual way does not have to mean there is or was sexual abuse happening. DS2 also has issues (so far undiagnosed - most people say SPD, autism spectrum or some combo of both, and I've definitely wondered about aspergers). At age three, he was always naked, thought it was hilarious to take his clothes off in situations where he'd been told not to, and loved playing with his penis, even with other people around. When I first read the OP, my very first thought was "oh - thank goodness we don't have a dog!".

 

OP's son has had numerous upheavals as she's tried to straighten out her life (and I reiterate, OP, that I think cutting out your parents was the best thing you could have done!). He's lived in a lot of different places, in a lot of different circumstances, in a very short time. He was, if I recall, present when his father hit OP, when he was very, very little.

 

This boy has special needs. He's had a lot of ups and downs in his very short life. Is there a particular reason why so many posters are so fixated on the idea that he must have been sexually abused? Not every single problem that manifests sexually is about sexual abuse. The dog thing could very well be about it feeling good. The Barbie thing? It could be any number of things. Kids don't process this stuff the same way we do. I remember hearing a very young child (years ago - can't even remember for sure if it was ds1, or a friend's son) comment that if he had a baby, it would have to suck on his penis. Adults around were horrified, and he explained his thinking - men don't have boobs, so the penis must be the way a man is meant to feed his baby. It never even crossed this kid's mind that men aren't meant to feed a baby at all, because that made no sense to him. People explained everything to him...but I can just imagine how that comment about a baby would have sounded if overheard by a stranger at the mall, yk?


I do agree with this. We're all jumping on the sexual abuse bandwagon, but SB makes a good point. Not only are there various special needs in play, but, as I said above, there has been a *very* unstable living situation for this poor little boy throughout his young life -- multiple moves, step father who threatens him, mom in jail, sudden lack of contact with grandparents (not saying that wasn't justified, but still . . . ) -- so I can imagine that his behaviors could be much different than a kid who hasn't gone through so much.

OP, I hope you can provide safety and stability to your kids.
post #66 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post





thanks, but I've already had CPS called on me and they found nothing amiss. They also flagged our family so that any future calls would be known to be malicious. And the person who called? (my mother) Will not be seeing her grandchildren, whom she "loooooves" so much, anymore. When she called CPS and started running off at the mouth to them, she talked herself right out of 2 beautiful grandchildren. I told her the other day to go adopt some other grandkids because these ones will never step foot in her house again. I haven't even gotten so much as an apology. I also let people close to her know, A) to explain why I won't be seeing them either, since I'm not taking any chances and B) to forewarn them that she might do it to them. everyone knows now what she did and apparently she has gotten some flack for it and lost some friends. Good. If she persists in harassing me, since the police don't seem to care, my next step will be to forward the case information to my father's employer, who is a private contractor providing services for Social Services and the Health Dept, and file new charges against both my parents in court. If they keep messing with me and my kids, I *will* bring them down. 

 

It made me so angry that I wanted to physically hurt her. I didn't, only and I do mean ONLY because she was my mother. anyone else would not have been so lucky.

 

I DO. NOT. PLAY. with people who mess with me and my kids. Anyone who dares try should know now that a call to CPS is tantamount to declaring war on me and I will stop at nothing, and I do mean nothing, to keep my kids. I don't call CPS on people unless I KNOW that something is wrong. And even then I agonize about it and try everything else in my power first. I have given people money, food, clothes even when I had very very little if I thought it would help that mama be less stressed so she could think straighter and be a better mama. 

 

There would be major major fallout for anyone who called CPS on me. I have had it called on me "anonymously" before and it was not very difficult to find out who it was. I won't say how because I *shouldn't* have found out, but I did get a name and address with very little effort. (Turned out it was my mother that time too, but using her friend as a go between)  I don't think anyone would dare, at this point. 


Leaving a not even 3 year old unsupervised out of the house with a group of older children is completely irresponsible and dangerous. I don't really care how angry or vengeful a CPS call would make you. All I care about is that your son is safe.
post #67 of 139

Seriously.  Your totally missing the point some of us are trying to make.  Just because he didnt go inside anyones house does not mean he couldnt have been witness to inappropriate behavior while outside and not under your supervision.  Just because your mother kept you cooped up til you were 18 (which wasnt all that long ago, was it?) doeant mean letting your 2 year go out and play with much older children is somehow making up for her overpotectedness.  You are essentially trusting just anyone to make the same decisions about his health and well being that you would.  Not smart, imo.  and certainly not smart when we are talking about other children who are much older then him.  Hes still just a baby, even at 3 and 4 years old, and has no idea what is inappropriate and what is ok, or how to defend himself against older kids.  He is going to go along with anything they say because he probably thinks they are the cats arse. 

And thats great you feel so strongly about anyone who messes with your kids, but why would you serve him up on a silver platter in the first place?  Nip it in the bud before its even a possibility. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post





thanks, but I've already had CPS called on me and they found nothing amiss. They also flagged our family so that any future calls would be known to be malicious. And the person who called? (my mother) Will not be seeing her grandchildren, whom she "loooooves" so much, anymore. When she called CPS and started running off at the mouth to them, she talked herself right out of 2 beautiful grandchildren. I told her the other day to go adopt some other grandkids because these ones will never step foot in her house again. I haven't even gotten so much as an apology. I also let people close to her know, A) to explain why I won't be seeing them either, since I'm not taking any chances and B) to forewarn them that she might do it to them. everyone knows now what she did and apparently she has gotten some flack for it and lost some friends. Good. If she persists in harassing me, since the police don't seem to care, my next step will be to forward the case information to my father's employer, who is a private contractor providing services for Social Services and the Health Dept, and file new charges against both my parents in court. If they keep messing with me and my kids, I *will* bring them down. 

 

It made me so angry that I wanted to physically hurt her. I didn't, only and I do mean ONLY because she was my mother. anyone else would not have been so lucky.

 

I DO. NOT. PLAY. with people who mess with me and my kids. Anyone who dares try should know now that a call to CPS is tantamount to declaring war on me and I will stop at nothing, and I do mean nothing, to keep my kids. I don't call CPS on people unless I KNOW that something is wrong. And even then I agonize about it and try everything else in my power first. I have given people money, food, clothes even when I had very very little if I thought it would help that mama be less stressed so she could think straighter and be a better mama. 

 

There would be major major fallout for anyone who called CPS on me. I have had it called on me "anonymously" before and it was not very difficult to find out who it was. I won't say how because I *shouldn't* have found out, but I did get a name and address with very little effort. (Turned out it was my mother that time too, but using her friend as a go between)  I don't think anyone would dare, at this point. 




Leaving a not even 3 year old unsupervised out of the house with a group of older children is completely irresponsible and dangerous. I don't really care how angry or vengeful a CPS call would make you. All I care about is that your son is safe.



 

 

post #68 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post

thanks, but I've already had CPS called on me and they found nothing amiss. They also flagged our family so that any future calls would be known to be malicious. And the person who called? (my mother) Will not be seeing her grandchildren, whom she "loooooves" so much, anymore.

 

<snip>

 

 

I DO. NOT. PLAY. with people who mess with me and my kids. Anyone who dares try should know now that a call to CPS is tantamount to declaring war on me and I will stop at nothing, and I do mean nothing, to keep my kids. I don't call CPS on people unless I KNOW that something is wrong. And even then I agonize about it and try everything else in my power first. I have given people money, food, clothes even when I had very very little if I thought it would help that mama be less stressed so she could think straighter and be a better mama. 

 

There would be major major fallout for anyone who called CPS on me. I have had it called on me "anonymously" before and it was not very difficult to find out who it was. I won't say how because I *shouldn't* have found out, but I did get a name and address with very little effort. (Turned out it was my mother that time too, but using her friend as a go between)  I don't think anyone would dare, at this point. 


And next time it may NOT be your mother calling CPS. (BTW - THAT is who the flag is about - not ANY call to CPS.) It may be your neighbor, concerned for a very small child being allowed out to play with much older children unsupervised.

 

I can tell you that I was pretty lax when it came to what ages I'd let my kids do stuff, but <3, outside, unsupervised by someone other than a bunch of 11yo's? No way in flippin' heck. And if I saw a neighborhood kid whose parent was allowing that repeatedly? *I* would call CPS - your anger be danged. It simply is not safe or responsible. Sorry.

 

post #69 of 139
Thread Starter 

Well, I'm sorry, I guess we just disagree on this. Maybe if you all saw it you would see why it was a non issue. He was allowed in two adjoining yards and their bordering driveways, all clearly visible from my front and side kitchen windows (which were usually open, so I could hear most of the conversation). And the house was only 700 sq ft so I could sit on my couch and look out the kitchen window. I'm pretty sure if one of the kids had been doing something overtly sexual I would have noticed. Of course they sometimes went to the park, where trees and fences blocked the view, but I was comfortable with that and still am. And I got to know these kids first. They played in my house My neighbor and I were in and out of each other's houses all day long. The dads were friends....for a time my DP was laid off and was the SAHP and so was the other dad. They and all the kids spent a lot of time together in one house or another.

 

And the people saying he could have seen something inappropriate, he could also see something inappropriate at daycare, or on a playdate with me and the other mom right there and the kids in another room playing, or when we go to the library and the homeless/mentally ill people are standing around cursing and making obscene gestures, or when we are at the hair shop or on the bus to new york and an r-rated movie is playing. You are telling me that your children are NEVER exposed to any of that?

 

Anyway it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks......they can raise their children how they see fit and I can do the same. They're my kids and I'll do it my way and people who don't fit in with that are frankly not welcome in our lives.

post #70 of 139
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post




And next time it may NOT be your mother calling CPS. (BTW - THAT is who the flag is about - not ANY call to CPS.) It may be your neighbor, concerned for a very small child being allowed out to play with much older children unsupervised.

 

I can tell you that I was pretty lax when it came to what ages I'd let my kids do stuff, but <3, outside, unsupervised by someone other than a bunch of 11yo's? No way in flippin' heck. And if I saw a neighborhood kid whose parent was allowing that repeatedly? *I* would call CPS - your anger be danged. It simply is not safe or responsible. Sorry.

 


And that is fine if you are prepared for slashed tires, broken windows, disappearing pets, at a minimum, not to mention your children and your family would be ostracized.  because if you called on me you would have to call on the whole neighborhood and in my old neighborhood there would have been serious, major retaliation. And you wouldn't know who did it, because you would have called on about 14 families with a total of 20 or more kids. And CPS is not going to remove an entire street full of kids, so it would be a waste of your time.  My child was not even the youngest one out there. Why do people think an 11 yr old can't watch a 3 yr old? 11 and 12 yr olds babysit for pay or at least get paid as mother's helpers (and that involves taking the kids out to play). 

 

post #71 of 139

Then this thread needs to be closed and the constant need and asking for advise needs to stop. 

 

Bowing out out of PURE frustration.  CIAO!

post #72 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post


 


And that is fine if you are prepared for slashed tires, broken windows, disappearing pets, at a minimum, not to mention your children and your family would be ostracized.  because if you called on me you would have to call on the whole neighborhood and in my old neighborhood there would have been serious, major retaliation. And you wouldn't know who did it, because you would have called on about 14 families with a total of 20 or more kids. And CPS is not going to remove an entire street full of kids, so it would be a waste of your time.  My child was not even the youngest one out there. Why do people think an 11 yr old can't watch a 3 yr old? 11 and 12 yr olds babysit for pay or at least get paid as mother's helpers (and that involves taking the kids out to play). 

 


You do realize that all of that would land you in JAIL - and your children would be FORCED into foster care?  You seriously think slashing peoples tires, breaking their window's, and killing their pets is appropriate behavior?  IT'S NOT.  If you did that to someone who called CPS on you (and usually they don't even tell you who called), you're kids would be taken away even faster.

 

Put that protective mama instinct in play BEFORE something happens - start watching your children like a HAWK.  IRRC your DS is the older of your 2 children right?  If he's acting out sexually (and why doesn't really matter IMO - the behavior needs to be addressed anyway) you need to make sure that your dd is safe as well.

 

post #73 of 139
The one thing I want to point out is, keeping an eye on your kid isn't just something to protect him. It's also something to protect others (kids, animals, etc.) because regardless of whether any abuse occurred, he clearly has issues, and to be perfectly honest, I would not be comfortable with your DS & my DS playing together without direct and constant supervision.

I had over-protective parents too (I didn't ride a bike or take a walk down the street until I was SIXTEEN, which is when I basically moved out, for ex.) and I get that you don't want to make that same mistake, it's something I'm SOOO conscious of too. But I have a very smart, tentative (doesn't run off or get into trouble), highly verbal, cautious 2yo and I cannot for the life of me imagine letting him play outside unattended yet. When you add in your DS's other issues, I would be even less comfortable with the idea. I do think you've swung too far in the opposite direction.

But regardless... the point is, there are a million things here that point to possible abuse but even if he weren't abused, there are lots of issues all around that suggest to me that he needs ongoing therapy. So no, I wouldn't drag him around to a million therapists 'til someone says, Yup he was abused (and I'm sure you could find lots that would say that, right or wrong)... I am saying to get a second, maybe even third, opinion to clarify exactly what's going on and settle on a comprehensive treatment plan.

Your posts really worry me -- I get that you feel attacked/defensive, and you totally know the situation better than we do, but I also remember the level of denial you had with that situation with your parents (cosleeping with DS etc.) and now, hindsight is 20/20 and you can see more clearly. You seem to show that same level of denial now, so that's what worries me. greensad.gif
post #74 of 139
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




You do realize that all of that would land you in JAIL - and your children would be FORCED into foster care?  You seriously think slashing peoples tires, breaking their window's, and killing their pets is appropriate behavior?  IT'S NOT.  If you did that to someone who called CPS on you (and usually they don't even tell you who called), you're kids would be taken away even faster.

 

Put that protective mama instinct in play BEFORE something happens - start watching your children like a HAWK.  IRRC your DS is the older of your 2 children right?  If he's acting out sexually (and why doesn't really matter IMO - the behavior needs to be addressed anyway) you need to make sure that your dd is safe as well.

 



I didn't say that I would do that. I have a dog and my kid would be heartbroken if someone took off with him. I don't think any of my old neighbors would have actually killed the pet. And no, I would not slash tires because imo that's just immature. But I might tell everyone in that person's circle what they did, and warn them that this person is a busybody, and to stay away, and otherwise embarrass/humiliate them to make my point. I know how awful it sounds, but I would do it if someone took it to that level. I was just saying that in my old neighborhood, hypothetically, if someone called CPS on the whole street, because all the parents were letting their 2 and 3 yr olds play outside, then that is probably what would have happened. No, I dont' slash tires and break windows. Those things can be fixed pretty easily. I would much rather have the person have to live with the humiliation of being a slanderer and be ostracized by those around them. Like my mom. It's not that hard to find out who called. Like I said, my ways of finding out I won't share, but I *always* find out. I don't care what they tell you, nothing is anonymous. Any information one wants can be gotten if you know where to look.

 

I was very worried about my dd and that was whyv I initially posted....I was trying to find a way to handle the behavior before he started repeating it, and I didn't want my dd to see it or God forbid he try something with her. You raise a very valid point about that.

 

crunchy mommy, yes, this thread took a turn where I do feel very attacked. and I would not be offended if a parent didn't want my ds playing here without constant supervision. I would respect that parent's level of comfort.

post #75 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post

Well, I'm sorry, I guess we just disagree on this. Maybe if you all saw it you would see why it was a non issue. He was allowed in two adjoining yards and their bordering driveways, all clearly visible from my front and side kitchen windows (which were usually open, so I could hear most of the conversation). And the house was only 700 sq ft so I could sit on my couch and look out the kitchen window. I'm pretty sure if one of the kids had been doing something overtly sexual I would have noticed. Of course they sometimes went to the park, where trees and fences blocked the view, but I was comfortable with that and still am. And I got to know these kids first. They played in my house My neighbor and I were in and out of each other's houses all day long. The dads were friends....for a time my DP was laid off and was the SAHP and so was the other dad. They and all the kids spent a lot of time together in one house or another.

 

And the people saying he could have seen something inappropriate, he could also see something inappropriate at daycare, or on a playdate with me and the other mom right there and the kids in another room playing, or when we go to the library and the homeless/mentally ill people are standing around cursing and making obscene gestures, or when we are at the hair shop or on the bus to new york and an r-rated movie is playing. You are telling me that your children are NEVER exposed to any of that?

 

Anyway it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks......they can raise their children how they see fit and I can do the same. They're my kids and I'll do it my way and people who don't fit in with that are frankly not welcome in our lives.


 

You just contradicted yourself. I don't think you're seeing the forest for the trees, here. Sometimes your child has been out of your line of site/hearing. Sometimes when they go to the park. Sometimes when they're in another yard. When they were in a house. When they were in a house with your DP they could have been in another room. Older kids do inappropriate things sometimes, sometimes with each other and sometimes with younger kids. Your child is also, if he is indeed autistic or somewhere on the spectrum, not entirely "normal" in the kindest sense of the word. His processing of things could be entirely different from an average child. His sense of what's appropriate and not could be 'off' from even where other 3 year olds are, and other 3 year olds don't even have a great sense. Let alone under 3..... 

 

This is all just very concerning. You say he's been evaluated by professionals. Fine. You want to drop it there? Fine. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. 

post #76 of 139

You asked, "how do I handle this?" Here's how I'd handle it.

 

First and foremost, I'd take my child to another therapist to get a second opinion. Even if he wasn't abused, it is clear that he has some dysfunctional behaviors that need to be addressed. For his own protection and the protect of other children (his younger sibling, other children he comes in contact with, etc.) he needs ongoing therapy to address these issues and behaviors. Burying your head in the sand and clinging desperately to the conclusions of one therapist who deemed your child "not abused" not does negate the fact that your child needs help. 

 

Second, I'd stop letting my child play unsupervised. Just because the status quo in your neighborhood is to let (very) young children play unsupervised, does not mean that you need to do the same. Your young child does not have the social, emotional, verbal, or behavioral skills to navigate such situations and you are asking for trouble. From what you've stated, these children come from families who would engage in criminal behaviors such as slashing tires, breaking windows, stealing pets, etc.  Are these really the role models you want for your children? I'd also like to point out that there's a difference between hiring an 11 or 12 year old to look after your child as a mother's helper (one-on-one situation, a voluntary, paid responsibility, etc..) vs. expecting a 12 year old to voluntarily assume the responsibility of looking after a toddler while out in the neighborhood playing with friends. 

 

Lastly, I'd do some serious soul searching and digging deep within your mama heart. If this issue with the dog were an isolated event, my response would be different. But this issue, coupled with the disturbing behaviors he's exhibited in the past, paints a very different picture. It's too soon to tell the extent of the damage your son has experienced, but its not too late to get him help. To stop thrusting him into harms way. To stop exposing him to people who have the potential to harm him. To stop making excusing and accepting responsibility for the the well being of your child. 

 

With that, I am bowing out of this thread. I'm uncomfortable with the amount of personal information and identifying details that have been divulged here and think it best that this thread be closed. 

 

post #77 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post





I didn't say that I would do that. I have a dog and my kid would be heartbroken if someone took off with him. I don't think any of my old neighbors would have actually killed the pet. And no, I would not slash tires because imo that's just immature. But I might tell everyone in that person's circle what they did, and warn them that this person is a busybody, and to stay away, and otherwise embarrass/humiliate them to make my point. I know how awful it sounds, but I would do it if someone took it to that level. I was just saying that in my old neighborhood, hypothetically, if someone called CPS on the whole street, because all the parents were letting their 2 and 3 yr olds play outside, then that is probably what would have happened. No, I dont' slash tires and break windows. Those things can be fixed pretty easily. I would much rather have the person have to live with the humiliation of being a slanderer and be ostracized by those around them. Like my mom. It's not that hard to find out who called. Like I said, my ways of finding out I won't share, but I *always* find out. I don't care what they tell you, nothing is anonymous. Any information one wants can be gotten if you know where to look.

 

I was very worried about my dd and that was whyv I initially posted....I was trying to find a way to handle the behavior before he started repeating it, and I didn't want my dd to see it or God forbid he try something with her. You raise a very valid point about that.

 

crunchy mommy, yes, this thread took a turn where I do feel very attacked. and I would not be offended if a parent didn't want my ds playing here without constant supervision. I would respect that parent's level of comfort.


Here is my question and then I am running far away from this thread...

Why are you more concerned with retatliating against the "busybody" who would call CPS out of concern for your KID than figuring out why they might have felt the need to call CPS?

 

Like I said I read through all your threads and you were on the verge, or did call CPS on more than one occasion for other people's children. You WERE the busybody in those situations. I'm not saying it is wrong but you are right here saying you'd flip out, humiliate and ruin a person because they are concerned enough to call CPS about your kids, when you in fact have been in that position literally, wondering if you should call CPS...

 

I think you are allowing the whole "I will fight the world if someone dare calls CPS on me" thing to overshadow the fact that you are ignoring the very serious behaviors of your son, abuse or no abuse he NEEDS more help than he is obviously getting and I think that should be your primary focus instead of bellowing about how you will "fight for your kids"....I think every mama here would fight as hard as they could for their kids, myself included...I very much doubt anyone thinks you wouldn't so you can let that go...Just get the help your son desperately needs and try to be open to the possibility that you don't know everything that could have happened to him...

 

Peace,

I am outta here fast now.Bolt.gif

 

post #78 of 139
I have found this thread very frustrating too, but instead because people are fixated on berating the OP rather than offering support. Seriously people, WTF? And then the whole second part of this thread is all about finding the one thing about her parenting style you disagree with and focusing on that. If I were in a situation where I felt comfortable I would certainly allow a three year old outside without me. Does that mean that my three year old must then be abused in some way?? Geez...what a twisted, crappy, jaded view many of you have about the others you share the world with.

Abuse exists as the OP knows given her own experience. Most abuse comes from family members though, not the mysterious sexual predator down the street.

Just because someone refuses to live in constant fear on behalf of her children does NOT make her a bad mom, nor does it mean that her child's issues MUST be because of the one parenting decision she is not in agreement with y'all about. I totally agree with Storm Bride's assessment of the situation. Her DS sounds like he has some other issues that are manifesting themselves sexually because he doesn't understand social boundaries.

OP you have kept your cool in this thread much longer than I would have because you have been attacked.

And you know what?? For those of you who are screaming to have this thread shut down because it makes you uncomfortable shame on you. OP started it because she wanted support and she has not requested it be shut down. This just seems like another manifestation of the random "predator fear" that colors so many posts. Why should we not be able to speak of children and sexuality without having to constantly look over our shoulders? Is that not viewing the situation in the very shame-based model we are trying so hard not to instill in our kids?
post #79 of 139

 

Quote:

He was recently diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, and unofficially with anxiety

 

OP, I encourage you to post on the SN board here.  There's lots of experienced moms there who can help with ideas.

 

Who diagnosed the above, and through what process?  I ask because both  Asperger's and ADHD are not typically diagnosed until 7-8 years old or later, and it's now called Sensory Processing Disorder rather than the old SID.  Is your son receiving any therapies specific to his special needs, like OT?   I believe that kid's and parents' time and energies are valuable, and it's important that they get the help they need so I hope that the clinicians you're seeing are experienced and giving you the guidance and help that's right for your son.

post #80 of 139


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

I have found this thread very frustrating too, but instead because people are fixated on berating the OP rather than offering support. Seriously people, WTF? And then the whole second part of this thread is all about finding the one thing about her parenting style you disagree with and focusing on that. If I were in a situation where I felt comfortable I would certainly allow a three year old outside without me. Does that mean that my three year old must then be abused in some way?? Geez...what a twisted, crappy, jaded view many of you have about the others you share the world with.

Abuse exists as the OP knows given her own experience. Most abuse comes from family members though, not the mysterious sexual predator down the street.

Just because someone refuses to live in constant fear on behalf of her children does NOT make her a bad mom, nor does it mean that her child's issues MUST be because of the one parenting decision she is not in agreement with y'all about. I totally agree with Storm Bride's assessment of the situation. Her DS sounds like he has some other issues that are manifesting themselves sexually because he doesn't understand social boundaries.

OP you have kept your cool in this thread much longer than I would have because you have been attacked.

And you know what?? For those of you who are screaming to have this thread shut down because it makes you uncomfortable shame on you. OP started it because she wanted support and she has not requested it be shut down. This just seems like another manifestation of the random "predator fear" that colors so many posts. Why should we not be able to speak of children and sexuality without having to constantly look over our shoulders? Is that not viewing the situation in the very shame-based model we are trying so hard not to instill in our kids?

 

I agree with all of this. 

 

OP, the reason I feel like it would be wise to keep your kid in your line of sight is because ime the MOST successful treatment plans when very lil ones are having issues involve being constantly hooked up to mama or mama's chosen helpers for support and rewiring.  You don't have to be constantly interacting with him--but be around always just in case the need to intervene arises.  I am certainly not saying you should live in fear!? 

 

I AM saying, it's all about attachment when it comes to treatment plans for young kids--there are various ways to handle various things, but the basis of "healing" in the under five crowd is almost always got to be grounded in healthy attachment and the key is almost always in the hands of the primary caregiver.  You showing him the way.  You shouldn't be overbearing, but follow your instincts and keep him under your wing.  If it were me, I would do line of sight supervision until you are confident he is ready to hatch.  I'd re-home the dog so there is one less thing to worry about.  You have plenty of time to let him run with the neighbor kids, play with dogs or baby sisters and so on by himself, just as soon as he has the internal equipment to do so.  Anyway, you asked for advice, and that is my advice.  Repeated again in shorter format.

 

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