Aside from the fact that I do feel very attacked by many of the posters (I think there is usually more than one way to say something, and it's really super helpful if you choose the gentle/kind way to say it) I really feel as if people are maybe not reading my responses completely. But maybe I'm not explaining myself well, or ....something. I just don't know.
Something else which I think is true of a lot of people is that I tend to come here and post when I have a problem that needs solving, or a question that really bugs me. That includes gripes about my DP, worries about my kids and so forth. IT's highly unlikely that I'm going to post here just to say "everything is groovy," kwim? So it is very likely that I have inadvertently colored people's opinions of my family, by only posting about the negatives.
attuned mama, I promise you, that no way would I stay with a man for 2 years because of his penis. I know it's more complex than that, but believe me, just....no. no freaking way.
When I posted about serious problems with my DP and his parenting skills (or lack thereof) many posters suggested that I leave him and get help. I spent several months living with my toxic parents (only other option) and pursuing counseling. We both went to counseling to learn how to communicate and how to parent. Step parenting did not come easy for him, but he worked at it. It was important to him to bond with ds, but he was doing it all wrong, being too pushy and too physical with a child who had just survived domestic violence and was not trusting of men. so he learned new skills that were very different than the parenting he was surrounded with in his community of origin. He and ds are close now and I do not see any fear or anxiety in ds surrounding my DP. I'm saying all this to show that although I didn't post every detail, I took the advice I was given and put it into action.
Right now I am keeping either the dog OR ds with me all the time. This is pretty easy because unless the kids bother her she sleeps a lot. I put her bed in our bedroom and I can shut the door so the kids don't bother her.
Everyone in the family currently is getting therapy already. They sent home a behavioral assessment from school and it will be "graded" by the school psychologist, so I will put this information on there as well.