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How do I handle this? Help quick please!!! - Page 5

post #81 of 139

I am one of the people who suggested that this thread be shut down (although "screaming" seems a bit harsh, no?). My reason has nothing to do with a random predator fear or that fact that it makes me uncomfortable. The OP has talked frequently about the toxic family that she cut off and my concern was that they could track her down on here and use this post as ammunition. As stated by a previous poster, her user profile and posts contain enough identifying information to make her posts on this site a highly relevant Google hit. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
.......

For those of you who are screaming to have this thread shut down because it makes you uncomfortable shame on you. OP started it because she wanted support and she has not requested it be shut down. This just seems like another manifestation of the random "predator fear" that colors so many posts. Why should we not be able to speak of children and sexuality without having to constantly look over our shoulders? Is that not viewing the situation in the very shame-based model we are trying so hard not to instill in our kids?


 

post #82 of 139

OP Mama:

 

I am young mama who is now older than you, and I have survived CPS. I assure you, all the pimp-talk in the world won't make them go away or return your babies or whatever. I share your sentiments, but it's just not really relevant. You are in their prey-class because you are young and they have heard of you before. Racist? Yes. Classist? Yes. This is America, it's pretty ingrained in the fabric of the nation, eh?

 

Moving on- I think you sound like a caring mama. If your partner sucks, stop explaining it. If he treats your kid bad, don't look for a reason to make that look OK. Just leave him. Nobody here can make that call. I do know that there's an epidemic of what some street-scholars call 'addiction to penis power' or something like that. Where women keep men around even when it does not make sense.

 

The fact that you were reared by toxic parents means you need recovery. Professional help is not the only way to do it, but I have personally found that it steps up the process. Please take this with love. If you can't bear it now, print it off and stick it in a drawer for a month. A year. When you reread it and can find the grains of truth within all these various judgments, and can take them for what it really has to offer, you are a master of your reality. Cause there is truth AND over-judgment here. That's what I think.

 

 

post #83 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by junipermoon View Post


 

 

I agree with all of this. 

 

OP, the reason I feel like it would be wise to keep your kid in your line of sight is because ime the MOST successful treatment plans when very lil ones are having issues involve being constantly hooked up to mama or mama's chosen helpers for support and rewiring.  You don't have to be constantly interacting with him--but be around always just in case the need to intervene arises.  I am certainly not saying you should live in fear!? 

 

I AM saying, it's all about attachment when it comes to treatment plans for young kids--there are various ways to handle various things, but the basis of "healing" in the under five crowd is almost always got to be grounded in healthy attachment and the key is almost always in the hands of the primary caregiver.  You showing him the way.  You shouldn't be overbearing, but follow your instincts and keep him under your wing.  If it were me, I would do line of sight supervision until you are confident he is ready to hatch.  I'd re-home the dog so there is one less thing to worry about.  You have plenty of time to let him run with the neighbor kids, play with dogs or baby sisters and so on by himself, just as soon as he has the internal equipment to do so.  Anyway, you asked for advice, and that is my advice.  Repeated again in shorter format.

 



This is good advice.

 

If a child has developmental special needs, may have experienced some level of abuse (even if it's simply seeing something that has caused ongoing confusion/acting out, or whatever went down with the GPs), is living with a parent under tremendous stress (and I imagine this process with OP's parents has been very time consuming and emotionally volatile for OP), and the family has undergone consecutive transitions (moving) - the child needs high attachment efforts, lots of guidance and supervision. 

 

Young children's experiences literally changes their brains.  The way to heal when some of their experiences have been confusing/complicated/traumatizing includes providing lots of time, patience, attachment and rhythm based activities.  This is a great handout:

 

http://tinyurl.com/3us3qr7
 

Annoyingly, this link needs to be downloaded, but it is a safe pdf document.

post #84 of 139

I totally disagree with you. A person looking for support is open to what others suggest and even if you don't agree at the moment take the opinions of others into consideration. Instead OP has a reason for everything she's doing or not doing as it relates to her son. Instead of taking, what I believe is well meaning concern from the posters who have responded, she offers excuse after excuse or gets annoyed because people are genuinely concerned for the well-being of her son. Someone offers a suggestion and OP immediately shuts it down. Personally, that does not sound like a person looking for support but someone who wants someone to agree with their decision making.

 

Furthermore, I don't believe anyone suggested OP live in constant fear. However, most people agree (as do I) that leaving a three year old unattended to play is not a wise decision. That's not being over protective. Where I live, supervising a three year old is along the lines of responsible parenting especially when that child is playing with a lot of older children.

 

Why should posters who want the thread shut down feel ashamed? The thread doesn't seem to be going anywhere or yielding any positive results! Every suggestion is met with an excuse. I feel comfortable in saying NO ONE in this threads want that baby to have been abused. I am sure everyone hopes that is not the case. However, it is very disconcerting to read posts that suggest a stronger passion for revenge on people who report the family to CPS instead of using that kind of passion to find solutions for what may be the issues of a child who's unable to make decisions for his or her self.

 

A lot of what OP has experienced is very unfortunate and I feel very deeply for her children. OP, it's unfortunate you feel attacked but I truly believe people are concerned for the welfare of your children.

 

I wish you and your babies the best. Bowing out too.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

I have found this thread very frustrating too, but instead because people are fixated on berating the OP rather than offering support. Seriously people, WTF? And then the whole second part of this thread is all about finding the one thing about her parenting style you disagree with and focusing on that. If I were in a situation where I felt comfortable I would certainly allow a three year old outside without me. Does that mean that my three year old must then be abused in some way?? Geez...what a twisted, crappy, jaded view many of you have about the others you share the world with.

Abuse exists as the OP knows given her own experience. Most abuse comes from family members though, not the mysterious sexual predator down the street.

Just because someone refuses to live in constant fear on behalf of her children does NOT make her a bad mom, nor does it mean that her child's issues MUST be because of the one parenting decision she is not in agreement with y'all about. I totally agree with Storm Bride's assessment of the situation. Her DS sounds like he has some other issues that are manifesting themselves sexually because he doesn't understand social boundaries.

OP you have kept your cool in this thread much longer than I would have because you have been attacked.

And you know what?? For those of you who are screaming to have this thread shut down because it makes you uncomfortable shame on you. OP started it because she wanted support and she has not requested it be shut down. This just seems like another manifestation of the random "predator fear" that colors so many posts. Why should we not be able to speak of children and sexuality without having to constantly look over our shoulders? Is that not viewing the situation in the very shame-based model we are trying so hard not to instill in our kids?


 

post #85 of 139


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
 However, most people agree (as do I) that leaving a three year old unattended to play is not a wise decision. That's not being over protective. Where I live, supervising a three year old is along the lines of responsible parenting especially when that child is playing with a lot of older children.

 


 


Right.  And I think what some posters are getting at is that it is a form of bad judgment, which makes one wonder if other aspects of what is going on with this small child are not being taken as seriously as they should be. 

 

Also, I don't believe for one second that CPS marks a particular file with "all future calls are retaliation/unjust".  I'm NOT saying that I wish involvement between CPS and the OP's family, just that this is pretty naive to believe and if there was even a chance that someone would accuse me of neglect/abuse/etc., I would be that much more vigilant in supervising my children... and that includes not letting them be unattended with a pet (really, it is possible to keep them separated when both are not in plain sight)  as well as being outside without an adult.  An 11 yr old neighbor kid is not a substitution, especially not with this particular child. 

 

post #86 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post

 

 

Moving on- I think you sound like a caring mama. If your partner sucks, stop explaining it. If he treats your kid bad, don't look for a reason to make that look OK. Just leave him. Nobody here can make that call. I do know that there's an epidemic of what some street-scholars call 'addiction to penis power' or something like that. Where women keep men around even when it does not make sense.

 

The fact that you were reared by toxic parents means you need recovery. Professional help is not the only way to do it, but I have personally found that it steps up the process. Please take this with love. If you can't bear it now, print it off and stick it in a drawer for a month. A year. When you reread it and can find the grains of truth within all these various judgments, and can take them for what it really has to offer, you are a master of your reality. Cause there is truth AND over-judgment here. That's what I think.

 

 



My thoughts exactly.  This thread is very sad. OP, I hope you and your little ones find the help and love that you need.

 

post #87 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

I have found this thread very frustrating too, but instead because people are fixated on berating the OP rather than offering support. Seriously people, WTF? And then the whole second part of this thread is all about finding the one thing about her parenting style you disagree with and focusing on that. If I were in a situation where I felt comfortable I would certainly allow a three year old outside without me. Does that mean that my three year old must then be abused in some way?? Geez...what a twisted, crappy, jaded view many of you have about the others you share the world with.

Abuse exists as the OP knows given her own experience. Most abuse comes from family members though, not the mysterious sexual predator down the street.

Just because someone refuses to live in constant fear on behalf of her children does NOT make her a bad mom, nor does it mean that her child's issues MUST be because of the one parenting decision she is not in agreement with y'all about. I totally agree with Storm Bride's assessment of the situation. Her DS sounds like he has some other issues that are manifesting themselves sexually because he doesn't understand social boundaries.

OP you have kept your cool in this thread much longer than I would have because you have been attacked.

And you know what?? For those of you who are screaming to have this thread shut down because it makes you uncomfortable shame on you. OP started it because she wanted support and she has not requested it be shut down. This just seems like another manifestation of the random "predator fear" that colors so many posts. Why should we not be able to speak of children and sexuality without having to constantly look over our shoulders? Is that not viewing the situation in the very shame-based model we are trying so hard not to instill in our kids?

 

Well said. Thank you. 


The OP is asking for advice and support so she can get the help she needs for herself and her child. If you have suggestions to offer her free of judgment, belittlement and accusation, please do continue contributing to the discussion. If you find concern with the OPs actions, statements, and situation, please express that in an appropriate way that gives respect to her and assumes the best of her intentions and actions. 

 

If you find this discussion disturbing and cannot post respectfully without negativity then you are likely not the ideal person to be able to give this mother advice in a way she can best receive it and put it to use so please step out and allow others to do so. 

 

Peace everyone. Rainbow.gif

post #88 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post

And that is fine if you are prepared for slashed tires, broken windows, disappearing pets, at a minimum, not to mention your children and your family would be ostracized.  because if you called on me you would have to call on the whole neighborhood and in my old neighborhood there would have been serious, major retaliation. And you wouldn't know who did it, because you would have called on about 14 families with a total of 20 or more kids. And CPS is not going to remove an entire street full of kids, so it would be a waste of your time.  My child was not even the youngest one out there. Why do people think an 11 yr old can't watch a 3 yr old? 11 and 12 yr olds babysit for pay or at least get paid as mother's helpers (and that involves taking the kids out to play). 

 

 

This is pretty much what my old neighbourhood was like. You keep to yourself or you pay the price. There was a vicious pack mentality that I was not interested in being a part of, that my race sometimes excluded me from, and because of that I was on the outside and conspicuous. Big kids watched little kids and often times not in a caring way. There was a lot of mistreatment of the children in my community. Neglect and abuse. Drug use and crime. It wouldn't have been difficult to figure out who said what and at that point the person who called CPS would be in danger. Their children would be in danger. Their belongings would be stolen or trashed. A person could not possibly call on everyone living on the street - though it might be warranted - CPS would have no place to put those children. Most likely nothing would be done aside from making a target of yourself. 

 

I don't mean any of that as a reflection on the OP, who I don't know, but to point out that the above quote is sadly common even if it is shocking to those of us who've been privileged enough to avoid that kind of living situation. 

post #89 of 139

If you know your neighborhood is the way that you describe it to be, why do you allow your 3 year old to go out with the older kids unsupervised by you? You are the mom! You can say no to a 3 year old. No matter the age and if it's "typical" for a 12 year old to babysit a 3 year old, in your neighborhood it seems dangerous to allow this.

post #90 of 139

To the original question - I think I would rehome the dog, asap.  We have a dog and he is part of our family, he's seven years older than my daughter and truly filled that "childless" void for me for a long time so I'm very very attached to him and he is attached to us.  I can't imagine life without him and never never never suggest someone just get rid of a pet.  However, this is the third time it's happened.  You can't rely on the judgment of a small child and a dog and this could potentially go so very, tragically wrong with a bite and then you'll have a son who is hurt and the dog will have to be put down. 

 

We have made a practice of not leaving our dog and our daughter alone together.  She's five and I just now trust HER enough not to impulsively pet HIM too hard both because my daughter could seriously injure the dog and because he might snap back at her.  It takes some effort on our part, but we've managed for five years.  If that's not possible (although you have an even younger child so I would assume you have some way of keeping them all apart when you can't supervise directly but I know, kids can be quick), rehoming is probably your best option and fastest fix. 

 

I know it would be a really hard choice but it seems like you have a lot of other things on your plate.  Good luck to you and your family.

post #91 of 139
Inapprpriate sexual behavior in a young child does not, in and of itself, scream sexual abuse. Appropriateness is a learned behavior and some kids take a lot longer to comply. From everything I've read it seems this kid has been examined thoroughly by multiple people more qualified than we are and the experts don't find any sexual abuse. This little boy has had far more instability than anyone would like their child to experience and part of that is due to his mothers unstable life. Its unfortunate but I have seen a huge amount of growth in the op over the years and im impressed and happy for her children that they have a mother who, even if she doesn't work on our bystander timetable, haws moved mountains for her kids.

Btw- my children have been playing outside in mixed age groups since a bit younger than 3 too. I don't find it to be negligent and neither did the police offer that came by after my rear neighbor called to report me for child endangerment. I do agree that with some of theissues her ds is having extra supervision might be in order.
post #92 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by kawa kamuri View Post

 

This is pretty much what my old neighbourhood was like. You keep to yourself or you pay the price. There was a vicious pack mentality that I was not interested in being a part of, that my race sometimes excluded me from, and because of that I was on the outside and conspicuous. Big kids watched little kids and often times not in a caring way. There was a lot of mistreatment of the children in my community. Neglect and abuse. Drug use and crime. It wouldn't have been difficult to figure out who said what and at that point the person who called CPS would be in danger. Their children would be in danger. Their belongings would be stolen or trashed. A person could not possibly call on everyone living on the street - though it might be warranted - CPS would have no place to put those children. Most likely nothing would be done aside from making a target of yourself. 

 

I don't mean any of that as a reflection on the OP, who I don't know, but to point out that the above quote is sadly common even if it is shocking to those of us who've been privileged enough to avoid that kind of living situation.


Exactly. This is a huge component of the american landscape. In my last place, CPS was the calling card of one set of particularly unpleasant folks. I parked too near "their" spot?: "We're gon' call CPS on you!!!!"     Asked them to stop using my property?: "We're gon' call CPS on yeeewwwwwww!!!" You get the idea. Ugh. 

 

American has planted some depraved seeds that are matured and bolting. Being poor makes people bats$*& crazy. I don't think the OP is lost to sanity, but I do think that those who are just totally reacting to this thread need to wake up. 

 

 

post #93 of 139

Frankly, how would you suggest someone do that when it seems like the care of a three year old is in peril? There's a child involved who's witnessed his mother being physically abused, is moved around from place to place including a communal situation with the dregs of the earth and who has been exposed to lord knows what because his mother allows him to play alone outside. How, pray tell, do you recommend posters give advice to a mother who makes excuses for everything and who ignores the advice of well-intentioned posters?

 

OP claims ALL CPS complaints against her have been unfounded and with malicious intent. If that were true, the state of Virginia would prosecute the people who OP claims are making up lies about her. Clearly, if so many posters are concerned about the welfare of her children and have never met her or her children, then it's reasonable to believe those who do know her and are around her have reason to believe her children need an intervention.

 

It's sad that a lot of people on MDC are more bothered by Disney movies and Dora the Explorer than they are about a mother who, from what she posts, does not put the needs of her children first! I'm 1000% okay with having my membership removed/banned because of this post because THIS needs to be said! It doesn't have to be nice to be the truth. The end! Thanks to everyone for making my MDC experience good while it lasted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Mosher View Posteing



 

Well said. Thank you. 


The OP is asking for advice and support so she can get the help she needs for herself and her child. If you have suggestions to offer her free of judgment, belittlement and accusation, please do continue contributing to the discussion. If you find concern with the OPs actions, statements, and situation, please express that in an appropriate way that gives respect to her and assumes the best of her intentions and actions. 

 

If you find this discussion disturbing and cannot post respectfully without negativity then you are likely not the ideal person to be able to give this mother advice in a way she can best receive it and put it to use so please step out and allow others to do so. 

 

Peace everyone. Rainbow.gif



 

post #94 of 139

waiting2bemommy, YOU are the one who comes here ALL THE TIME talking about how messed up your life is, how messed up your children's behavior is, how messed up your partner is, and how much unnecessary drama and trauma you are exposing your kids to. MDC has thousands of members, yet very few of them are here all the time complaining about all the crazy messed up things that are happening with their kids. If that's not a cry for help, why do you come here? If you don't want people to be concerned for you, get off the freaking internet talking about how your kid is taking off his pants and sticking his penis up a Barbie doll in public and start protecting them.

post #95 of 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post

Frankly, how would you suggest someone do that when it seems like the care of a three year old is in peril? There's a child involved who's witnessed his mother being physically abused, is moved around from place to place including a communal situation with the dregs of the earth and who has been exposed to lord knows what because his mother allows him to play alone outside. How, pray tell, do you recommend posters give advice to a mother who makes excuses for everything and who ignores the advice of well-intentioned posters?

 

OP claims ALL CPS complaints against her have been unfounded and with malicious intent. If that were true, the state of Virginia would prosecute the people who OP claims are making up lies about her. Clearly, if so many posters are concerned about the welfare of her children and have never met her or her children, then it's reasonable to believe those who do know her and are around her have reason to believe her children need an intervention.

 

It's sad that a lot of people on MDC are more bothered by Disney movies and Dora the Explorer than they are about a mother who, from what she posts, does not put the needs of her children first! I'm 1000% okay with having my membership removed/banned because of this post because THIS needs to be said! It doesn't have to be nice to be the truth. The end! Thanks to everyone for making my MDC experience good while it lasted.



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife View Post

waiting2bemommy, YOU are the one who comes here ALL THE TIME talking about how messed up your life is, how messed up your children's behavior is, how messed up your partner is, and how much unnecessary drama and trauma you are exposing your kids to. MDC has thousands of members, yet very few of them are here all the time complaining about all the crazy messed up things that are happening with their kids. If that's not a cry for help, why do you come here? If you don't want people to be concerned for you, get off the freaking internet talking about how your kid is taking off his pants and sticking his penis up a Barbie doll in public and start protecting them.


Yes to both these posts. I feel exactly the same way.
post #96 of 139
Thread Starter 

 Aside from the fact that I do feel very attacked by many of the posters (I think there is usually more than one way to say something, and it's really super helpful if you choose the gentle/kind way to say it) I really feel as if people are maybe not reading my responses completely. But maybe I'm not explaining myself well, or ....something. I just don't know.

 

Something else which I think is true of a lot of people is that I tend to come here and post when I have a problem that needs solving, or a question that really bugs me. That includes gripes about my DP, worries about my kids and so forth. IT's highly unlikely that I'm going to post here just to say "everything is groovy," kwim? So it is very likely that I have inadvertently colored people's opinions of my family, by only posting about the negatives.

 

attuned mama, I promise you, that no way would I stay with a man for 2 years because of his penis. I know it's more complex than that, but believe me, just....no. no freaking way.

 

When I posted about serious problems with my DP and his parenting skills (or lack thereof) many posters suggested that I leave him and get help. I spent several months living with my toxic parents (only other option) and pursuing counseling. We both went to counseling to learn how to communicate and how to parent. Step parenting did not come easy for him, but he worked at it. It was important to him to bond with ds, but he was doing it all wrong, being too pushy and too physical with a child who had just survived domestic violence and was not trusting of men. so he learned new skills that were very different than the parenting he was surrounded with in his community of origin. He and ds are close now and I do not see any fear or anxiety in ds surrounding my DP. I'm saying all this to show that although I didn't post every detail, I took the advice I was given and put it into action.

 

Right now I am keeping either the dog OR ds with me all the time. This is pretty easy because unless the kids bother her she sleeps a lot. I put her bed in our bedroom and I can shut the door so the kids don't bother her. 

 

Everyone in the family currently is getting therapy already. They sent home a behavioral assessment from school and it will be "graded" by the school psychologist, so I will put this information on there as well.

 

 

post #97 of 139


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post

Frankly, how would you suggest someone do that when it seems like the care of a three year old is in peril? There's a child involved who's witnessed his mother being physically abused, is moved around from place to place including a communal situation with the dregs of the earth and who has been exposed to lord knows what because his mother allows him to play alone outside. How, pray tell, do you recommend posters give advice to a mother who makes excuses for everything and who ignores the advice of well-intentioned posters?

 

OP claims ALL CPS complaints against her have been unfounded and with malicious intent. If that were true, the state of Virginia would prosecute the people who OP claims are making up lies about her. Clearly, if so many posters are concerned about the welfare of her children and have never met her or her children, then it's reasonable to believe those who do know her and are around her have reason to believe her children need an intervention.

 

It's sad that a lot of people on MDC are more bothered by Disney movies and Dora the Explorer than they are about a mother who, from what she posts, does not put the needs of her children first! I'm 1000% okay with having my membership removed/banned because of this post because THIS needs to be said! It doesn't have to be nice to be the truth. The end! Thanks to everyone for making my MDC experience good while it lasted.



 


woa there your perspectives are framed by your life experiences and so are mine.  so are the OPs.  everyone who reads here or posts here is for some reason or another looking for support or connection as mothers or primary care givers.  nobody needs to be attacked in order to have a conversation. 

 

"peril" is a strong word to use. the op is a woman, as another poster pointed out, who has moved MOUNTAINS for her kids.  Mountains of a type you might never have seen or even climbed, let alone MOVED.  And she continues to do this--and don't think her kids won't grow up holding that in their heart. 

 

"truth" is another interesting concept you bring up in your post.  if viscously phrased statements and ugly verbal diatribes are more "truthful" in your construction of this situation than compassionate or at least respectful communications, then that is on you and might be something for you to explore.  

post #98 of 139


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post

 Aside from the fact that I do feel very attacked by many of the posters (I think there is usually more than one way to say something, and it's really super helpful if you choose the gentle/kind way to say it) I really feel as if people are maybe not reading my responses completely. But maybe I'm not explaining myself well, or ....something. I just don't know.

 

Something else which I think is true of a lot of people is that I tend to come here and post when I have a problem that needs solving, or a question that really bugs me. That includes gripes about my DP, worries about my kids and so forth. IT's highly unlikely that I'm going to post here just to say "everything is groovy," kwim? So it is very likely that I have inadvertently colored people's opinions of my family, by only posting about the negatives.

 

attuned mama, I promise you, that no way would I stay with a man for 2 years because of his penis. I know it's more complex than that, but believe me, just....no. no freaking way.

 

When I posted about serious problems with my DP and his parenting skills (or lack thereof) many posters suggested that I leave him and get help. I spent several months living with my toxic parents (only other option) and pursuing counseling. We both went to counseling to learn how to communicate and how to parent. Step parenting did not come easy for him, but he worked at it. It was important to him to bond with ds, but he was doing it all wrong, being too pushy and too physical with a child who had just survived domestic violence and was not trusting of men. so he learned new skills that were very different than the parenting he was surrounded with in his community of origin. He and ds are close now and I do not see any fear or anxiety in ds surrounding my DP. I'm saying all this to show that although I didn't post every detail, I took the advice I was given and put it into action.

 

Right now I am keeping either the dog OR ds with me all the time. This is pretty easy because unless the kids bother her she sleeps a lot. I put her bed in our bedroom and I can shut the door so the kids don't bother her. 

 

Everyone in the family currently is getting therapy already. They sent home a behavioral assessment from school and it will be "graded" by the school psychologist, so I will put this information on there as well.

 

 

Great post. 
 

Yes I do think some posters are not totally reading your posts completely.  Or at least are fine tooth combing for what they don't agree with in ways that leave them blind to what a freakin awesome parent you have been given the cards life has been dealing you lately.  I am SO GLAD you keep posting--thank you for that.  Because, even though I don't know you, I am cheering for you from the sidelines.  In the movie I am watching, you are playing the heroine, not any other part. 

 

Good that you have the dog thing under control.  I think if you have a sleepy dog, that could work.  I had to rehome our beautiful lab mix when my youngest was born because it just wasn't working--actually, she is in doggie foster care--I am paying someone with a dog friendly home to take care of her until my littlest is 5 or so--because I just couldn't manage the added stress of supervising dog-small child interactions.  My small herd of goats (no kidding) is less work than supervising that scene--so I hope I did not come off as mean in suggesting you give your dog up...I think I was just worried that managing all of it might put you over the edge lol.   

post #99 of 139

CPS can not legally flag your home so NO calls can be made. The can take the names of callers to rule out your mother and charge her. But no way can they NOT investigate your home from now on just b/c you have had a couple malicious calls. That is not protocal. So dont feel too safe. I assure you that isnt the case.

 

Also, The dog thing wouldnt have raised red flags on its own. But the Barbie incident tells me that he has SEEN sexual activity, if not been a part of it.

 

Kids dont know what thier penis is for at 2/3 years old. To them its for peeing. Not for putting naked females on top of.

 

They dont know that the Barbie should be naked. They dont know that the Barbie should be nakes over his penis. Those are not natural or instintual behaviours for young children.

 

As someone who works with at risk kids in the past.....that would have been a major red flag.

 

Why do you think that your son 1. Stripped the Barbie.  2. Stripped himself and 3. Put the barbie over his gentitals  and Spread her legs!!!

 

Surely you KNOW he must have seen this. There is no way that this was a sensory issue. He saw something.

 

 

post #100 of 139
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenmum View Post

CPS can not legally flag your home so NO calls can be made. The can take the names of callers to rule out your mother and charge her. But no way can they NOT investigate your home from now on just b/c you have had a couple malicious calls. That is not protocal. So dont feel too safe. I assure you that isnt the case.

 

Also, The dog thing wouldnt have raised red flags on its own. But the Barbie incident tells me that he has SEEN sexual activity, if not been a part of it.

 

Kids dont know what thier penis is for at 2/3 years old. To them its for peeing. Not for putting naked females on top of.

 

They dont know that the Barbie should be naked. They dont know that the Barbie should be nakes over his penis. Those are not natural or instintual behaviours for young children.

 

As someone who works with at risk kids in the past.....that would have been a major red flag.

 

Why do you think that your son 1. Stripped the Barbie.  2. Stripped himself and 3. Put the barbie over his gentitals  and Spread her legs!!!

 

Surely you KNOW he must have seen this. There is no way that this was a sensory issue. He saw something.

 

 


I never said that the Barbie thing was sensory. I definitely saw it as a red flag. Do I need to post the actual name of the play therapist here on MDC so people will GET.OFF.MY.BACK. about saying I'm ignoring signs of abuse? I took him to play therapy. She couldn't get anything out of him even with all her tricks and tools. We did a series of session with her to work on his anxiety and some behavioral things. Nothing ever came out about the Barbie thing, now did he ever offer an explanation. The therapists' official "guess" was TV. She wanted us to remove all TV's from our home. I would be willing to say that TV was the culprit because ds has woken up in the night and come out to where we are watching something "adult" in another room. Of course we turn it off or remove him from the room, bu it only takes a glimpse to stick in a child's head. In fact, I even took my MOM to his therapy session one day, in addition to DP coming a few times as well.

 

And you know what, if CPS comes, it will be a waste of your tax dollars. How much will it cost them to do the whole circus again? Another forensic interview? Another round of interviews with everyone who is involved with our life? Another request to every doctor or counselor we have had contact with in the last 2 years for an official statement about our family and their observations? Then, when it's all done and the case is closed again, the legal fees for us to take whoever called *this* time to court? Not to mention the waste of manpower when CPS workers are already stretched thin.

 

You know, if someone chooses to call, it's pointless but I guess I'll just humor them again, wait til it's over, and then blow my lid. I'm so done arguing about it. Oh, and when the CPS worker shows up at my door and frightens my ds like last time by telling him "you may be staying with some other folks tonight" I'll be sure to post a video of him sobbing and screaming and clinging to my legs and DP's legs here on MDC.

 

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