Nurse-in at a church?

[Celticqueen]

In my 4 years of steadfast research and lactivist enacting, I have seen a lot of "nurse-in's" at restaurants. Has anyone ever arranged one for churches?

As a conservative Christian, I have noticed that churches are one of the absolute anti-breastfeeding friendly facilities around America. Last week, a woman at church was breastfeeding her baby (WITH A COVER EVEN!) and was asked to go to the nursing room. She gladly did, etc. But it really struck a nerve with me. I wouldn't have even used a cover, but that's just me.

Can we do this? Can we do a nurse-in at churches? I wonder what it would be like if around my state, in churches all over, women of ANY religion or non religion would be willing to nurse in a church service, with or without a cover, to take a stand?

I live in Oregon, which is supposed to be one of the most liberal states in the nation, so I end up being amazed at the discrimination so many breastfeeding mothers get over here...2 years ago, a woman shoved a blanket in my face at a Christian event saying "You look like you need this. My husband looked at you"

I wish there was something I could do!

Thoughts?

[AnnieNimIty]

That is an interesting thought. I think if you did it not as a nurse-in per se, but have a ton of nursing mom's attend the services and nurse during them. Ya know peacefully and respectful of the meetings. I think that would be awesome.

I doubt these same people who ask nursing women to cover ask for Victoria's Secret to cover their window decorations.

[Celticqueen]

Yes exactly- what I am referring to isn't really an outward protest- just a peaceful sit in the service nursing time where lots of women all over the state would go to a local church and do this. Churches are some of the most unfriendly toward breastfeeding in public I have ever wittnessed. When I was a new mother, I was outright "made" to leave the sanctuary to go to the nursing room. As in, flat out told to because it was making people uncomfortable. Why should women have to go to a nursing room if they don't want to?

[ambivamom]

This might be something you should talk with your church board or pastor about. In my church, using the services to make any "statement" is really, really frowned upon. Some churches have religious beliefs about modesty and such that can come into huge conflict with breastfeeding; it can be an uphill battle. :(

[tea_time]

Perhaps you haven't found the right church for you?  I go to what I describe as a "crunchy/hippie" type church with a very grace-based focus. I didn't have any issues with BF in services or events.  They had rooms if you wanted to BF alone, but in the church was no big deal.  A nurse-in happens every sunday. ;)

[HopefulJo]

It's funny you say this, because my church is where I nurse in public the most frequently. In the service I attend, there's rocking chairs set up in the back as a comfortable space for mamas, and there's a nursing mom's room for those less comfortable with being in public or needing a quieter place, with a video feed of the service on a TV in the room. I've been very happy with our church's accommodations, and have noticed other mamas nursing with no problem. I think this must vary from congregation to congregation.

[Midwesterner04]

I think it varies by congregation, too. I am Catholic and have nursed without a cover at every single Mass I have attended since my baby was born (at several churches), and all I have ever encountered are smiles and kind words about my "beautiful baby," "what a sweet age," etc. I tend to seek out more conservative parishes and those are often full of families and lots of nursing moms, which probably helps.

Every mom who calmly nurses in public makes her own contribution to the eventual acceptance of nursing as normal, so kudos to you for nursing your baby when your baby was hungry! I think positive comments to nursing mothers also are helpful--if moms asked to cover up or leave also heard "it is great that you are nursing your baby," they would be more likely to continue to NIP, as might other moms who would otherwise feel uncomfortable as the only NIP-ing mom.

?

[indie]

It really seems to depend on the church. I've nursed in all sorts of churches. The conservative low church type churches (Baptist, nondenominational, etc.) tend, in general, to get creeped out by bf in the service. The more liberal and/or high church congregations (Roman Catholic, Episcopal) have been more accepting. My personal opinion is that this has something to do with a general tendency towards a poor theology of the body in the low churches. Its why you see such obsession in those churches about things like drinking and dancing. The higher churches tend to have a better developed theology of the body in part because the sacraments are so bodily oriented.

My current church has a number of women who BFed their children into toddlerhood including our priest. I've tandem nursed in the service, received communion while nursing, nursed while volunteering with the youth group.

We even had a former priest preach about Ricki Lake's homebirth.

So, yes, it just depends on the church.

[LynnS6]

I'm an Oregon mom who goes to a pretty liberal church and I nursed in church all the time without feeling bad. (Well, I did with dd; alas, ds was far too distracted to nurse in public, so I had to leave. But that was my son's issue, not the church's.)

Have you tried talking to the pastors and the church leaders? Do they know that Jesus was breastfed?

[Tjej]

It sounds like you should talk to the administration at your church with an open heart and try to find a way to make BFing more supported at your local church. 

Tjej

[camprunner]

I've been to a church who let me nurse (with a quiet nurser) during the service and also been to one who didn't even want me to nurse in the building (not even in the nursery).  Needless to say when I did the latter anyway, it among other lifestyle choices we have caused issues.  In the church we are attending now, my first question even before getting pregnant was "Will you let me nurse in the sanctuary?". The woman giving the tour turned thee shades of red and said "I don't see why not...but no one's ever asked me that before."  We'll see in a couple of months I guess. It's so big that my guess is no one will notice...

[MnMtm]

I'm LDS, (Mormon) and I nurse at church frequently. I've gotten a couple of surprised resonses, but no negative ones. And I've never been asked to leave or go somewhere else to nurse. Personally, I would be uncomfortable attending a nurse-in at a church, but I would talk to whoever is "higher-up" in the church about it.

edited fpr spelling

Edited by MnMtm - 4/23/11 at 12:02pm

[KempsMama]

I attend a fairly traditional Catholic church and have nursed every at every mass since my LO was born as well.  I've also attended other Catholic churches (including a Marionite) and have had no problems. 

I don't think a nurse in is appropriate at a church-but there must be other ways to help change some of the mind sets. 

[milkcake]

I personally don't attend church since I have always had a hard time finding one I liked where I live (mostly GA and SC) -

I would think a nurse-in would be too confrontational? It just seems it wouldn't be the right church for you. I grew up in a Baptist church and women NEVER nursed in the sanctuary, cover or not. I fear the day my family asks me to attend a service with them during a visit!

If you talk to your pastor and see what goes from there, maybe talk to the other mothers and see how they feel about the issue beforehand so that if you have support from the other mamas you can all go at one for a more compelling argument.

[gypsymama2008]

Hmmm, I find this thread really interesting.  I'm from Portland, Oregon and go to church and our church has an international breastfeeding symbol on the billboard outside.  I never had a problem nursing my daughter at church never with a cover in the sanctuary, the nursery and anywhere else I happened to be with a hungry child and several other women with children have done so as well and no one has ever voiced a problem with it.  But it's also UCC church which is a very liberal and progressive Protestant denomination so perhaps that makes a difference.  I also had an experience when I went to my friend's church (which was non-denominational) for her baptism with my 9 month old daughter and they had a cry room where you could hear and watch the service but a loud baby wouldn't disturb anyone but someone did tell me while they were directing me where to go "to close the curtains over the viewing window or cover up if I was going to nurse because people might see me."  I was actually just amused that they thought it would be such terrible thing for people to see me ("A mother feeding her baby!  Oh the horror!") and I honestly think they thought I would be uncomfortable with that, so it didn't bother me all that much.  I also didn't feel like it was appropriate to say or do anything because it was not my church and I didn't really feel like it was my place (Had I not be allowed to nurse my daughter at all that would have been different and I would have made a bigger deal about it in that case).  I guess I feel like if it's your own church you absolutely have a right to try and change things, however, I'm not sure having a nurse-in is the best route to take.  Perhaps talking with other people in the congregation (particularly parents), talking with church elders, talking with the pastor/minister/priest/rabbi/other religious leader and work on changing things that way.  Also, it might be worthwhile to find out if it's an official policy about people not nursing in a certain area or just something people have not done a lot of times religious leaders are willing to work with members of their congregation.   I'm not opposed to nurse-ins I'm just not sure that it would particularly help change much without creating some hostility, and it would probably be worthwhile to try other avenues first.

I've also found that as a nursing mother it's handy to have a few responses to rude people who makes comments about nursing at the ready.  No one should be throwing a blanket at you and telling you to cover up, that's ridiculous.  You would have been well within your right to have said "I'm sorry but if you're husband has a problem with seeing people eat he probably shouldn't go out in public" or something of the like.  If something like that ever happens again you should absolutely talk to the religious leader because that type of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.

[APToddlerMama]

I rarely attend church, though I do have strong Christian beliefs, so I don't know what my church's response would be to breastfeeding.  Regardless, I don't think a nurse-in in church is the most effective way to communicate your point.  I think it is different at a restaurant or similar public places where you are a paying customer, etc., but at church you are part of a community and essentially in a relationship with the other members.  When you are part of a community/relationship that is otherwise working for you, I think it makes more sense to gently try to change attitudes through dialogue and education, not organizing a group of people to "revolt" (which I don't really mean that....just mean that will be how it is perceived) against the current norms at your church.  I think you will gain much more ground through discussion and education. People have to become comfortable with the idea of public breastfeeding and I just don't think that seeing a large group of women breastfeeding is going to accomplish that at church. 

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

I rarely attend church, though I do have strong Christian beliefs, so I don't know what my church's response would be to breastfeeding.  Regardless, I don't think a nurse-in in church is the most effective way to communicate your point.  I think it is different at a restaurant or similar public places where you are a paying customer, etc., but at church you are part of a community and essentially in a relationship with the other members.  When you are part of a community/relationship that is otherwise working for you, I think it makes more sense to gently try to change attitudes through dialogue and education, not organizing a group of people to "revolt" (which I don't really mean that....just mean that will be how it is perceived) against the current norms at your church.  I think you will gain much more ground through discussion and education. People have to become comfortable with the idea of public breastfeeding and I just don't think that seeing a large group of women breastfeeding is going to accomplish that at church. 

I agree completely. 

I think it would be blatantly rude and disruptive to a religious service. I've never been asked to not breastfeed at any of the churches I've attended (Protestant) and sometimes I've used blankets, sometimes not. If a woman was asked to leave or nurse elsewhere I would find that offensive and would hope there would be a way to get that across without a nurse in during a service. 
 

[sosurreal09]

I go to an Assemblies of God church and they are SO weird about nursing! I was nursing my 18 m/o in the NURSERY where the kids go and one of the volunteers freaked out and was like "/Oh God let me get you a blanket! I said oh no we don't use one and then she insisted I turn my chair around b/c "some fathers may be coming" I refused and then EVERYONE there told me I had to. I told them "There is no shame in God and God gave me breasts TO nurse my child". They didn't care though! The original woman who said something to me said "Oh I know I nursed for 7 years but you shouldn't be flaunting your breasts."

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I go to an Assemblies of God church and they are SO weird about nursing! I was nursing my 18 m/o in the NURSERY where the kids go and one of the volunteers freaked out and was like "/Oh God let me get you a blanket! I said oh no we don't use one and then she insisted I turn my chair around b/c "some fathers may be coming" I refused and then EVERYONE there told me I had to. I told them "There is no shame in God and God gave me breasts TO nurse my child". They didn't care though! The original woman who said something to me said "Oh I know I nursed for 7 years but you shouldn't be flaunting your breasts."

 Wow, how RUDE. I don't even know what I would do if I was treated that way. Good grief. 

[sosurreal09]

Seriously, now I feel really awkward every time we go in. Heck the pastor even gave a sermon once about being a parent and he was saying how expensive it is, he was like "babies NEED formula and we all know how much that costs" I was reaming inside like "no they don't God gave us breast milk for free!" It seems like a very un-breastfeeding friendly place...