Does anyone else feel sad for their circ'd partner or husband?

[Lory]

Maybe it's silly, but I feel bad to think that someone I care about (or anyone for that matter) was strapped down and went through that much pain because of misinformation. He’s a strong, confident, and independent person, and to think that he was in that helpless position as an infant makes me want to go back in time and protect him like I would if it was my baby. If anyone had tried to restrain this guy as an older teen or adult and cut any part of him “for his own good”, he would have given them a few shiny black eyes to show off, that’s for sure!

So, does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me? I don’t dwell on it or bring it up (except now), but it's kind of unsettling after doing so much research about the procedure. If he made this choice as an adult and liked the results, I'd be happy for him; it just seems like an insult that babies aren't trusted to make this personal choice when they're older, and can be given proper pain killers. I asked a nurse once why babies get cut so early on, and she said "Well they wouldn't want it when they're adults!" ... Yikes! Isn't that a good reason not to do it?

Edited by Lory - 3/28/11 at 8:38pm

[Night_Nurse]

I feel the same way if I think about it.

[ElliesMomma]

of course!

[philomom]

Yes, but I won't say much more.. I am not as anonymous as some of you.

[mntnmom]

I don't think it's silly at all. I would think it strange for a woman to be adamantly against circ', to understand it as violent, painful and pointless, but not tear up at the thought of someone she loves having been violated like that. I was able to protect my sons. Hopefully I can protect many more baby boys in the future. But I could not protect the baby boy that later became my husband. That makes me a little sad when I think about it too.

[SubliminalDarkness]

No, not really. It's kind of pointless and a waste of energy. And at least my DH is completely fine with his own having been circumcised, and I see no reason to challenge that when he is able to separate his own processing of his experience from what should happen to other people. 

[Galatea]

Yes, I do occasionally, and the times I do feel sad correlate with the times I need a break from intactivism.  I also feel sad for myself for what I do not get.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness 

No, not really. It's kind of pointless and a waste of energy. And at least my DH is completely fine with his own having been circumcised, and I see no reason to challenge that when he is able to separate his own processing of his experience from what should happen to other people. 

This is how I feel. He doesn't know what he's missing, you know? And sex is still quite pleasurable for him...

[goinggreengirl]

I did when I first learned about circ. But, it's DH- he's okay with it so I'm okay with it. If I could go back in time and protect him, I would, but I wouldn't ask him to change it now. I am just thankful that he didn't want to make our son go through that same pain (I would never have allowed it anyway!)

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It hits me from time to time. Dh does have a skin bridge that causes him problems from time to time and it is a direct result of his circ so every time I see it I think about what he went through as a helpless newborn.

I have talked to dh about how I feel and he understands and knows that no matter what I love him the way he is.
Edited by MCatLvrMom2A&X - 3/29/11 at 2:36pm

[zinemama]

If I did, I certainly would not be posting about it on a public message board.

[Baby_Cakes]

I do, but only b/c he feels badly about it.  He feels like he was wronged and I share in that grief with him.  If he were fine with it, I'm sure I'd never feel badly for him.  

[Lory]

Oops... I didn't mean to come across as being too open... even though BF doesn't lurk here, if I thought he'd mind at all, I wouldn't have posted it. I was just curious if anyone felt similarly.
 

Originally Posted by zinemama 

If I did, I certainly would not be posting about it on a public message board.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by Lory 

Oops... I didn't mean to come across as being too open... even though BF doesn't lurk here, if I thought he'd mind at all, I wouldn't have posted it. I was just curious if anyone felt similarly.
 

I feel that discussions like these are a huge violation of privacy and are blatantly disrespectful of the men described. I don't care how well-intentioned he might be, I would never, ever want my husband posting details about my sexual anatomy and his feelings about that on the internet. It's such a breach of trust that I honestly have difficulty finding words to express the enormity of how wrong I find it.

Clearly not everyone feels this way.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I have no problem with it because my dh knows about it and dosnt have a problem with it. I am thankful that I have this community of like minded people to talk to about this kind of thing. It helps to get others thoughts on the issue.

[witchygrrl]

Honestly, it doesn't bother me. My DH was raised as a Jew, and that is what is usually done. It doesn't bother him either. Now, if we had a son, we wouldn't circ him, but 1. we do not practice Judaism, and 2. as such, we think it is pointless to do something cruel to a newborn's penis without religious grounds. And if we did have a son and did want to raise him as a Jew, then we'd want a bris shalom instead.

[jenP]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X 

I have no problem with it because my dh knows about it and dosnt have a problem with it. I am thankful that I have this community of like minded people to talk to about this kind of thing. It helps to get others thoughts on the issue.

Same here. In fact, my DH talks about his sexual anatomy, what was done to him, and how he and I feel about it, both online and in person to anyone and everyone. So it is hardly a problem for me to mention here that I feel bad that he was violated as a child, and that the amputation has impacted our sex life now that we are in middle age.

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by jenP 

Same here. In fact, my DH talks about his sexual anatomy, what was done to him, and how he and I feel about it, both online and in person to anyone and everyone. So it is hardly a problem for me to mention here that I feel bad that he was violated as a child, and that the amputation has impacted our sex life now that we are in middle age.

You're not middle-aged!

[purplerose]

Mine doesn't seem to regret being circ'd and our sex life is wonderful. I always wondered how different an intact penis would be but it doesn't affect anything that I can tell. What I mean is there have been no negatives. We won't be circ'ing any boys we have and dh says there's no reason to. At some point you just let things go, especially when it's 30+ years ago and things were done automatically. Some things I don't let go and there have been other things I've learned that made me feel bad for him but it was more a parenting thing, and not something like back in the 70's you automatically circ and bottlefeed. If the guy doesn't care then don't waste time feeling sorry for him.

[PediNP]

Exactly. I have never spoken to another male who is circ'd that has regrets. I would be horribly upset had this not been done as an infant. I've watched these surgeries on adult men and its no cakewalk through recovery! I'm glad it was done and have absolutely no regrets. A chunk of useless skin is no reason to get upset over losing. If I were to ever have a son, he will be circ'd also. If the guy isn't bothered, nobody else should be...just wasted emotions..IMO.