Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood
I don't understand why it's not okay for somebody to "skip over the grief phase" if they truly feel there is nothing wrong with them. You think they should be forced to feel bad about it??? If they don't feel bad, why does that bother you? And no, I wouldn't be "horrified" or "disgusted" by another woman's body, horribly scarred, disfigured, or not. If a person is fine with it and thinks she has a great sex life, then she is and does. It's all relative.
No one should be forced to feel anything... but if you read back over this thread, the most common response to the OP was "It is a waste of time to feel bad for the circumcised man." This denies the grief many women and men do feel, and thus is unhelpful to them. If it does cause emotional pain, telling the person that it is a waste of time to feel bad about it is very damaging, b/c denying pain only makes it last longer. My dh is fine with his, yet I had to go through a long grieving process b/c I was not fine with it when I found out the truth about circumcision. I do get offended here when people say it is pointless to be sad if he is not, b/c it was not pointless for me. My grief informs and fuels my advocacy, and circumcision very much is my hill to die on. IRL, I control it, but this used to be a safe place for like-minded people to congregate and discuss circumcision. Now... :-/
Like another poster said, I very well may have too much empathy. Or, it could be as I see it, which is that when people view circumcision as just a poor choice and not circumcising as a good decision based on a preponderance of evidence, I think, "How can you not be instantly revulsed, horrified and outraged by circumcision? What part of tying a baby down and slicing off his genitals calls for a moderate reaction?" I simply do not understand the moderate response. To me, it is a clear-cut ethical decision: cutting babies' bodies is wrong, period.
Having done this for a long time, I know that there seem to be 4 schools of thought on circumcision:
1. Circumcision = good, foreskin = bad.
2. Circumcision = intact. (I.e., "Each parent has to make their own decision...")
3. Circumcision = not the best choice. (I.e., "I wouldn't do it, and I don't think others should, but it's not my place to say anything/it's not the worst thing/etc.")
4. Circumcision is unequivocally awful.
IME, in real life, many people are at #1. Some more are at #2. Many people here on MDC are at #3. And only a few people are at #4 and I think I know them all online. Believe me when I say that #4 is not best or better or desirable, b/c it causes me serious problems. I find it almost impossible to even speak when the topic comes up b/c my brain literally clouds and I see red and feel like I might faint - that is how much it upsets me. It makes it very hard for me to advocate effectively in some situations, but in other situations, it is quite effective for people to see passion. Everyone learns differently, and there is no one style or message that reaches everyone.