The only negative thing about preparing for a home birth...

[havsulen]

...is that my house has to be ready at all times. And is it? No!

Not to my crazy nesting urge standards, that it. I see every normal mess that a family of four creates every day as something that needs to be fixed NOW! And not all by me! Poor hubby is turning grey and running away from me every time he sees me, because he knows (quite right!) that I'll give him another project to tackle. Waking up and seeing the kitchen full of dishes makes me feel so crap. I need a cozy, inviting space for my birthing time - and being a work from home mother, I can't do it all.

How are you dealing with getting your space ready, home birthers?

And thanks for letting me vent!

[StarCat]

this is the #1 reason my husband is not on board with a home birth!  I think he knows that I would be the same way and just doesn't want to deal with it!  He did agree to homebirth when there was no other option but he prefers to do the birth center and once that was an option he said an absolute no to home birth.  oh well.  the birth center is nice. 

[mclisa]

Not a home birther (I think), but we are trying to keep things in order and food stocked up because my parents will be coming over the watch the older kids while I'm in labor.  Hopefully they will be able to find everything.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I'm 38 weeks today and not ready at all (I've said this so many times on MDC that I feel like a broken record).  Part of me just had some block about setting up the major stuff until 37 weeks so that has a lot to do with it.  We also had my sister living with us and other small things that made me not really get into major nesting.  My shower was 2 weeks ago so most the the baby buying, set up and stuff was on hold until then.

Little by little I'm getting things done though.  

One think I could NEVER do is expect the main traffic areas to be clean at all times.  I know you're mainly venting but I think I would get that out of my head if I were you.  That may literally drive you crazy.  ;-)  I figure the kitchen, a last minute vacuum (spring brings in the dirt big time with DC playing in the yard) and a quick bathroom clean-up is part of early labor prep in a homebirth.  Gotta have something to do, right??  

I also have, as some MDC mama put it, some late term projects for the waiting around.  I want to finish this dresser and I have something that I want to paint, curtains to make but these are all things that I've accepted may not get done.  That may help.  

[windymama]

I have some boxes and bags set aside so all the clutter/crap can go into those in early labour.  I think having it "out of sight, out of mind" will help me.  I'll sort 'em sometime postpartum (like when the kid turns one! LOL).

Our place is always a mess, but when you have 4 people and only one who actually cleans (aka me), what do you expect?  It'll be clean enough for the homebirth.

[Lauren82]

I am dealing with the same anxiety! Luckily my midwife tells me everytime she comes over to stop worrying about the dishes or whatever. But I cant help it.

[Sihaya]

My midwives always comment on how I must have been cleaning and how nice it looks every time they visit. It makes me feel a bit better about what I see as a complete disaster. I am definitely not worried about what they will think when they come to attend my birth, more what my mom and MIL will think and mostly that if it's that bad to start with, how bad will it get while I'm babymooning since no one is staying with us to help and DH simply doesn't see dirt or messes.

One thing that is helping me not completely freak out is having the birthing space all set up and organized in a room DS doesn't have access to so when I go into labor, even if the rest of the house is just awful, I can go in there and have somewhere to relax and get away from the mess.

Another is that starting April 1st (about a week before my EDD), we'll be using disposable dishes and eating out of the freezer to keep the kitchen relatively clean. We don't have a dishwasher and both HATE doing dishes, so this is a compromise that will really reduce stress for everyone towards the end of the pg and in the early pp days.

[justrose13]

i'm having this same problem! i hadn't even validated myself in these feelings until your posts... i think it's helped me!

i keep telling myself that i'll/we'll have some time to do some last minute things like vaccuum, dishes and clean the bathroom but then when i'm trying to sit and relax in the evening i get to thinking "but what if i don't?!" ugh.

i really hate the idea of switching to disposable dishes... but DP and i also HATE doing dishes (and we even have a dishwasher!) so maybe it would just be ok for a short while... it would really lighten the load!

[Full Heart]

Having done this a few times I am not so worried about it while I am in labor, its the time afterwards where its really bad.  I can't clean while I am laying in bed for days.  So the house goes to pot.  If its already a mess before hand...omg its like a natural disaster hit.  No one can clean like I do so (not because I am particular, but because I do this every day and have it down  to a science.  I can get it done quickly and orderly) so things just do not get done if I can't do it.  Yea I want a nice clean house for the mw to come to but I have 8 kids, its not gonna be clean all the time.  Thankfully she came from a big family so I hope she understands. 

[CookAMH]

I'm doing light maintenance cleaning and keeping up with laundry, that is about it. DH knows to tidy the toys in the family room when labor starts as that is where our birth team will hang out. We clean the kitchen most nights, if not by after breakfast in the morning. Otherwise, I'm not too worried.  I just went through DS's toys upstairs in the living room and sorted out a bunch of old stuff and slimmed things down, so that helps to have less being pulled out.

We always need to vacuum and it's a pain b/c there is something wrong with ours that makes it very hard to push and pull the vacuum. It's so satisfying though to have our bedroom carpets clean.

[pattimomma]

Just call me Gestational OCD! I am driving my family crazy wanting to keep the house clean at all times. The kitchen and the laundry are the worst parts. With four kids nothing stays clean very long. Like the PP if this place is a mess when I go into labor you can bet it's going to the dogs fast postpartum.

[twegs]

I'm not have a homebirth, but my MIL is staying with my two other children while the husband and I go to the birth center.  She is a neat freak!  She was actually a cleaning lady for a long, long time and I NEVER feel like my house is clean enough for her.  She doesn't say anything, but is always cleaning when she's over.  I mean, I'll take all the help I can get, but I don't want her to come to a trashed house.

We switched to paper dishes a couple weeks ago.  That is the one thing that I'm giving myself!  Paper plates are like god's gift to a late term pregnant, working mother of two!  It has really helped me keep up.

I plan to use them until at least two weeks after the baby comes! 

[EricaRN]

Count me in here! I swear I've actually reconsidered (not seriously though) NOT having a homebirth because of the messy house. I was sooo hoping I would go into labor last week since the house was so nice and clean after our home visit. But no dice. And now?.. ha! It's bad!! Like a PP said, as long as my birth space is clean I can live with that because I can go retreat there while I make DH straighten up the other rooms. However, our bedroom (where the birth tub is and where I'll be laboring) is now totally trashed. Seriously!! DH threw unfolded laundry on top of my piles of folded laundry which happens to be right next to my laundry bins of birth supplies. So now there is unfolded laundry spilling out into the baskets of birth supplies. And DD and DS keep coming in and trying to pull out parts of my birth supplies. DH has left soda cans, bags of chips, etc. on his nightstand, there's cluttered paper/mail on the desk (which I just cleaned off last week), etc. I'm about to go nuts!! But I'm too damn tired to do anything about it myself anymore. The other frustration is that DH is in school full-time and is coming up on finals. He really needs to be spending alot of time studying since I'll want his help for a week or so when the baby comes. But it's frustrating when I see him relaxing in the evenings or whatever because I'm feeling like "HOW CAN YOU NOT BE FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS???" lol. Of course i know I can't work him to death either.

today I'm a little grumpy because we had like 5 things taht needed to get done before 5pm when we're leaving for dinner to celebrate my brother's bday. Well, ONE thing has gotten done and it's 3pm! Maybe more would get done if DH didn't insist on taking a 3 hour nap! I know he's tired and has been working hard but I'm DYING here feeling like all I want to do is scream in at him right now to get his ass up out of bed and get to work!!  too much? haha! Trying not to freak out but feeling like there is NOOOOO urgency on his part and wanting to kick his butt into gear. grrrrrr. Oh well, it'll all be fine. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

[EricaRN]

Yep, the bitchiness won out.  I couldn't hold it in anymore and yelled at DH to get up out of bed and get to work! I feel kind of bad, but at the same time it needed to be done. And now he's washing dishes and I feel  better. I seriously don't care that he's mad right now because at least things are getting done. I know I could've been nicer about it (Read: I totally lost it) but it felt good to just get pissed and let it out. whatever- I seriously don't have the energy to care right now. *sigh* Anyone else wanna join me on Crazy Island?

[Sihaya]

Erica, I'm totally on Crazy Island with you already! I did the same thing to DH last week. I know he's working hard but whenever I see him just sitting there I get SO angry because if I'm sitting around it's because I was contracting or don't have the energy to do what I'd like to be doing. And it did feel so good after I flipped out

[EricaRN]

LOL. we'll be bad together!

DH didn't even get upset at all. He didn't say a word and got up and started doing dishes. And has been chatty with me the whole time. Which is his way of apologizing without saying he's sorry. Which if he DID say he's sorry I'd probably get mad at him for making me feel guilty. HAHAHA! Are we nuts or what??

[allical1284]

I feel you completely!!! Every time I get everything cleaned and picked-up, I desperately want to move out of the house until I go into labor.  

One thing that I've done that has helped is that I have kept my "birthing space" spotless; I plan to do all of my laboring/delivery in our master bedroom and master bathroom area, so every morning, I make sure that it is spotless in those areas then I close the door, and DD and I only go in there for nap time the rest of the day.  Same goes for night time; before I go to bed, I make sure thee areas are cleaned up.  I figure I can shut myself off from the rest of the house while I'm in laborland at least...

[MnMtm]

I have been stressing a bit about my house. I have been doing really well and getting and keeping our house clean since we moved into our new place a few weeks ago, at least on my days off. I work the weekends, but I'm off during the week. DH has been stressed big time about not being employed and me going on maternity. Between that, and him getting frustrated with our new kitchen set-up, our house, especially the kitchen was pretty much trashed by the end of the weekend. Somehow, I'm not that stressed about it. I am really thinking that I'm going to have this baby within a couple days of his EDD, so I am feeling like I have another week before I have to really be ready. That makes me feel less stressed about getting everything ready for our homebirth. With DS, I went into labor on my EDD. Let's hope I'm right because if I suddenly start getting contractions, I may freak out a little bit. I did get the kitchen clean, and our main living area, and bathrooms. I still have to get the bedrooms cleaned up and the clean laundry put away. I guess sometime soon, we'll all know how it's played out for all of us!

[mclisa]

Originally Posted by pattimomma 

Just call me Gestational OCD!

I love that term!

[havsulen]

I am happy to see that I am not the only one in crazy land!

But I must admit that my reason for being uncomfortable with the mess is not because I am worried about what our midwife or visitors might think or say! My reasons are alot more egoistic than that! I want our house to be clean and nice for ME to be able to enjoy my birthing time together with my family. I want to be able to concentrate without being disturbed by avoidable clutter. I just feel so much better when our house is in order! Thank you IdentityCrisisMama and others who pointed out that I have to let some of the worries about our main traffic areas go. Yes, I DO need something to do in early labour! ;)

But hey, you guys: guess who hired a cleaning team today? Yes, me! Yesterday, hubby and I went over the whole house to try to put away as much as possible, and today, two wonderful ladies were here for two hours, and I can't even tell you how happy it made me! Such a treat! And I am sure that when I am 80 years old I will not regret spending the money on this at this particular time in my life - I am calling it a much needed intervention-craziness-prevention! ;) I know it's not the solution for everyone, but I am just mentioning it as I wish you could all have the feeling I have now! 

Hugs and best wishes to you all in coping with our challenge!