Would you be comfortable with this? - Page 6

[Neera]

No. It would be like me leaving my dd in the car for a few minutes alone.

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by Neera 

No. It would be like me leaving my dd in the car for a few minutes alone.

Which is actually perfectly safe under most circumstances.

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I grew up with trains.  I grew up riding trains alone.  I rode trains alone by about six or seven.  But, I don't think i'd be comfortable sending her on a train alone.  I'm not sure what has changed for me, but, I just wouldn't feel right about it.

What if she got 50 yards from the station, and started to cry?  What if she didn't get off, and daddy didn't get on to look for her?  What if he thinks she's on car #7, but she's on car #9?

I would let her take a friend and sit alone on the train with her friend while I sat several rows behind her minding my own business.  

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Originally Posted by MamitaM 

No way in Hell! If I ever saw a young child alone on a train I'd call the conductor and make a HUGE deal out of it and if they didn't do anything you bet your ass that I'd follow that child (but not in a scary way for them) and have a word with their parents!

That would be an overreaction and that's why people are afraid to leave their kids alone.  I think we REALLY underestimate our kids, or the parents who know them.  

I voted "no, I wouldn't let her go alone", but I wouldn't panic if I saw a child alone on a train in another country.  I've seen toddlers get on an elevator or escalator alone, and I'll follow those kids because Mom turned around for a second.  But, if a parent put the child on the train, I think I'd trust mom and dad's judgement more than my own.

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

I grew up with trains.  I grew up riding trains alone.  I rode trains alone by about six or seven.  But, I don't think i'd be comfortable sending her on a train alone.  I'm not sure what has changed for me, but, I just wouldn't feel right about it.

What if she got 50 yards from the station, and started to cry?  What if she didn't get off, and daddy didn't get on to look for her?  What if he thinks she's on car #7, but she's on car #9?

I would let her take a friend and sit alone on the train with her friend while I sat several rows behind her minding my own business.  

Why wouldn't daddy get on to look for her in this scenario? This train is 2-3 cars long (short distance commuter train) and it sits in the next town for about 10 minutes until it turns around. If daddy is standing on the platform and she doesn't get off, why wouldn't he look for her after a minute or so? 

She already sits by herself sometimes. The big deal to her would be navigating the getting on/off by herself. I do worry about her starting to cry once the train left the station but she sounds fine with going with her 2 friends. She doesn't think she is ready to go by herself. She does think she is ready to go with her same-age friend to Zurich's high train station.  That ain't gonna happen. 

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by Neera 

No. It would be like me leaving my dd in the car for a few minutes alone.

In some cases, leaving my 6 year old in the car by herself would be perfectly fine. I wouldn't do it in lots of areas but I think it is OK in other areas. I do leave my DD outside the grocery store (in a courtyard) to play and eat an ice cream from time to time. Grocery shopping is boring to her and we live in a very safe town. In DD's case, she is perfectly capable of coming in and getting me if she needs anything. 

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Originally Posted by lalaland42 

Why wouldn't daddy get on to look for her in this scenario? 

I have no idea, but sometimes things happen that we don't understand, and don't forsee.  Stuff just happens.  Once, our neighbor left all the kids at home. (one was 12 yrs old, so perfectly reasonable) but there was a sudden bizzarre horrible storm that none of us ever saw coming, and she was trapped inside the grocery store, while the kids rode out the storm alone.  Nothing bad happened, but it was just something nobody thought could happen.

Also, I assumed the train was huge, like those in the city I grew up in.  So, if it were a smaller train, in a smaller town, I might feel differently.  I think we all have different feelings based on where we live now, or where we grew up.  Whatever our own experience is, changes how comfortable we feel with different situations.  

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

I have no idea, but sometimes things happen that we don't understand, and don't forsee.  Stuff just happens.  Once, our neighbor left all the kids at home. (one was 12 yrs old, so perfectly reasonable) but there was a sudden bizzarre horrible storm that none of us ever saw coming, and she was trapped inside the grocery store, while the kids rode out the storm alone.  Nothing bad happened, but it was just something nobody thought could happen.

Also, I assumed the train was huge, like those in the city I grew up in.  So, if it were a smaller train, in a smaller town, I might feel differently.  I think we all have different feelings based on where we live now, or where we grew up.  Whatever our own experience is, changes how comfortable we feel with different situations.  

I think that is definitely true. In fact, I think if I were Swiss, I wouldn't be hemming and hawing about all of this. I'd make a decision and that would be that. My Americanness comes out in small ways sometimes.  It is a smaller train and I can actually ride my bike along the train tracks because there is a bike path so if it stopped or whatever, I could just ride up to it. I would definitely give her my cell phone to call her dad if anything came up. 

DD seemed to have a bit of a hard time turning 6. I guess it is kind of tough letting go of baby and toddlerhood so I think she'll wait a bit until she asks again. That is perfectly OK with me. 

[meemee]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

In some cases, leaving my 6 year old in the car by herself would be perfectly fine. 

wait WHAT?!!! <not talking directly to you lala> u mean no one leaves their 6 year old alone as they go to pay for gas and are away for a few minutes?

really?!!! i live in a big city where crime does exist but its not everywhere. neither would i call any neighborhood safe. 

but really a 6 year old is old enough to be alone in the car for a few minutes. unless of course certain conditions are not conducive - like weather, really bad neighborhood.

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by meemee 

wait WHAT?!!! <not talking directly to you lala> u mean no one leaves their 6 year old alone as they go to pay for gas and are away for a few minutes?

really?!!! i live in a big city where crime does exist but its not everywhere. neither would i call any neighborhood safe. 

but really a 6 year old is old enough to be alone in the car for a few minutes. unless of course certain conditions are not conducive - like weather, really bad neighborhood.

Well, last time we had this discussion here, I learned it is illegal in CA. In TX (where I lived before Switzerland), I think you have 5 minutes. Some people think it is child abuse to go inside to pay for gas and others think that is ridiculous. *I* am glad I don't have to worry about cars or car seats anymore.

[SoulJourney]

lala...I am SURE things are different in Switzerland than they are in the States so I can't say what I would or wouldn't do in your scenario. I will say that it IS legal for children to fly on airplanes alone once they turn five and, much to my dismay, My DS started making the 2 1/2 hour flight alone to see his dad last month. NOW I see that he's not only perfectly capable but he loves it and it's not a problem. I'm still a nervous wreck until I get the text from his dad that he's there safely, but he's fine and it's good for him that I trust him and allow him the opportunity to feel independent.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

Well, last time we had this discussion here, I learned it is illegal in CA. In TX (where I lived before Switzerland), I think you have 5 minutes. Some people think it is child abuse to go inside to pay for gas and others think that is ridiculous. *I* am glad I don't have to worry about cars or car seats anymore.

let me tell you if we lived in switzerland we would be leading a MUCH different life.  definitely with less protests from dd. 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Daffodil 

Which is actually perfectly safe under most circumstances.

It could be perfectly safe or quickly get v. unsafe. I worry that I might get distracted and forget about for I don't know, for a certain amt. of time or someone notices the child and I think it's against the law and don't want anyone calling the cops even if I have just left for a couple of minutes. Or it's a small chance but what if she unstraps herself because she knows how to and gets the attention of a pedophile. I don't know. In the case of the train ride I worry because I know that kidnappings happen in minutes.But that's just me.

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by Neera 

It could be perfectly safe or quickly get v. unsafe. I worry that I might get distracted and forget about for I don't know, for a certain amt. of time or someone notices the child and I think it's against the law and don't want anyone calling the cops even if I have just left for a couple of minutes. Or it's a small chance but what if she unstraps herself because she knows how to and gets the attention of a pedophile. I don't know. In the case of the train ride I worry because I know that kidnappings happen in minutes.But that's just me.

How could someone get kidnapped off a train if that someone's dad is waiting outside the train doors?

[ameliabedelia]

My 6-yo would not be ready for that at all and I can't imagine her asking to do something like that, so no way.  I do think in the situation you describe it sounds safe enough.  I probably still wouldn't do it though...even if my child was ready and wanted to.  It just seems sorta pointless to me and a lot of hassle (having her dad be at the next stop, taking her to the train, and you would need to probably ride another train to catch up with them.).  I would think I would wait for a solo train ride to be when she is older (and able to handle a bit more than just those 3 minutes by herself) and when it would actually be helpful to have her ride the train by herself.

[Neera]

Sorry, I hadn't read all the posts and haven't still but have read most. I have visited Holland and Germany but not Switzerland and imagine that it is a lot safer than here. When I was talking of kidnappings I was thinking about a busy train in a crowded town here in the U.S. So, just ignore that.

[Sharlla]

I would be comfortable with my 12 year old, not my 5 year old.

[serenbat]

When I was talking of kidnappings I was thinking about a busy train in a crowded town here in the U.S. 

Where in the US is this happening?

I live within two hours of two of the largest US cities and get daily news from both and I don't see this happening. I do see thousands and thousands of children that take trains daily and no reports of this.

and I do see a lot of unfounded fear not backed by facts

I see people afraid of letting children do most normal (at least it use to be) activities.

If there was real evidence of this I could understand, but still most crimes are committed in large part by people we know, not random strangers.

[Carma]

I see people afraid of letting children do most normal (at least it use to be) activities.

Actually I do think things used to be safer. For example there used to be less traffic, more moms at home able to watch the neighbourhood kids. More siblings, etc. But also kids used to be more independent because parents were very busy around the house (before washing machines etc.). On the other hand there is also more independency today with more kids being in daycare. The first thing they learn is to hold their own bottle at < 6  month old....(nursing WOHM myself, I hated that) and after that self (spoon) feeding by 12 months, potty training and going to bathroom by themselves. I think more so than kids that are home with a parent.

I am also for giving kids independency. But a solo trainride I would not do. It could be perfectly safe to do for these 3 minutes with dad waiting etc. But the child does not understand that it is a special safe case and might hop on a different busy train with many stops by herself. That's why I wouldn't do it, even though this particular case has very small chance of danger. It is like letting a child steer the car on your lap on your own driveway to me. Very small chance of danger but I wouldn't do that either for similar reasons.

I do let my kids bike on our cull-de-sack by themselves (I watch them through the window). They can get their own snacks and drinks if they want something. They can decide what they wear to school (even if it is wrong season etc.).  Things like that, which also gives them a sense of independence I believe. My kids are 5 and 3.

Carma

[Sharlla]

at age 5-6 I would not have been allowed to take a train by myself (and I'm 31 and grew up in a small town)   I was allowed at age 10 to ride my bike into town though

Originally Posted by serenbat 

Where in the US is this happening?

I live within two hours of two of the largest US cities and get daily news from both and I don't see this happening. I do see thousands and thousands of children that take trains daily and no reports of this.

and I do see a lot of unfounded fear not backed by facts

I see people afraid of letting children do most normal (at least it use to be) activities.

If there was real evidence of this I could understand, but still most crimes are committed in large part by people we know, not random strangers.