Sitter took a shower and color treated her hair while she was supposed to watch DD in our house

[isabella.4567]

I am shocked beyond words. I cannot think of an excuse that makes this even remotely OK.  Am I overreacting? In my eyes this is wrong on so many levels. She left the tube with the color treatment in the shower and a mess all over the place - puddles of brown water, brown spots all over the bathroom, hair on the floor, one stained and one wet towel that she left in the garage on the dryer, not even bothering at all to clean up after herself. 

The bigger issue is, that obviously she was not doing her job of watching DD (4 y). I might jump to conclusions but if you took a shower in another person's house, wouldn't you use the guest bathroom? She gives DD a bath when she is here, so I am wondering if she had DD in the bathtub in the guest bathroom while she took a shower in the master bathroom which would be just soooo wrong leaving a child unattended in the bath.

Anyway, I am mainly sad that it seems impossible to find long lasting quality child care. We have struggled to make it work with her since she started as our part time nanny in October, dealing with her being sick several times or unavailable for our date nights bc her other job at a store or her own parties took priority, her carelessness,  then reduction of hours bc she needs to study more. We would have fired her a long time ago if it was not for our daughter having to get used to another person again. 

 

[syn_ack89]

I would NEVER use her again.

[greenemami]

I don't have a nanny, but I agree that sounds very strange.  A shower, maybe I could excuse thinking she got really messy doing some sort of activity or something...I know that I shower and leave my 4 year old to play by herself for a few minutes for my shower, so I wouldn't be hugely upset by this (except if dd was also in the tub while she was in the shower and couldn't hear her)

But a shower in the master bath while she dyes her hair and doesn't even bother to clean up after herself?  Umm, no.  Not so much. 

Sorry you have to deal with this, but combined with all the other problems, it seems like she is just disrespectful/not ready for responsibility in general.

Good luck!

[VisionaryMom]

No, it's not normal or okay. I'd fire her.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by isabella.4567 

She left the tube with the color treatment in the shower and a mess all over the place - puddles of brown water, brown spots all over the bathroom, hair on the floor, one stained and one wet towel that she left in the garage on the dryer, not even bothering at all to clean up after herself. 

The bigger issue is, that obviously she was not doing her job of watching DD (4 y).... She gives DD a bath when she is here, so I am wondering if she had DD in the bathtub in the guest bathroom while she took a shower in the master bathroom which would be just soooo wrong leaving a child unattended in the bath.

The mess part is astonishingly rude, and although I shower while my DD plays in my room, I'd worry about the lack of supervision with a nanny too. Since your DD is 4, can she tell you what she did while the nanny showered?  
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by isabella.4567 

We have struggled to make it work with her since she started as our part time nanny in October, dealing with her being sick several times or unavailable for our date nights bc her other job at a store or her own parties took priority, her carelessness,  then reduction of hours bc she needs to study more.

 

Carelessness is a big problem, and while an occasional sick day is understandable, repeated absences would get annoying. The date night thing is confusing -- it seems reasonable to me that her other job would take priority. Did she not know her hours there ahead of time or something and double-booked her time? 

Anyway, overall it sounds like a bad situation -- I'm sorry that you're going to have to find someone all over again. I hope the new nanny is a good match for you guys! 

[bodhicitta3]

I would give her a chance to explain herself and tell her WHY it wasnt ok but ultimately I think I would fire her!

 

[Peony]

 I admit that I put up with more then I should sometimes for the sake of not having the kids get used to someone else or finding another sitter, but this is over the line for me. You are not overreacting, I wouldn't use her again. 

[isabella.4567]

She explained she thought it is OK to take a shower like in her previous nanny job where she was like part of the family and she assumed it was the case here, too. She also said she thought she cleaned up everything because she would never want to leave a mess. - Well, her eyesight must not be very good and she must have forgotten about the wet and stained towels.

She said - and DD confirmed it - that she  had DD in the bathroom with her, so at least DD was not left to herself in the tub in the other bathroom.

I do not see the necessity to take a shower (unless there was a messy activity with DD, like PP said), let alone color her hair in the 4 h time period she works at our house. That's simply not doing her job and I made that clear to her. I am still just shaking my head. Also, with 4 h per week it's kind of impossible for her to be or become "part of our family". She has that disconnect from reality which we have noticed in other situations before. I asked her: "Could you/would you do this at your job in the store? What makes you think it is OK to do it in our house?"

Limabean - originally when she still worked more hours with us, she agreed to babysit Saturday nights, saying it would not be a problem with her other job - she will ask for the early shift. Well, it was a problem with her other job. We were flexible, saying we can do Fri or Sun instead but that did not work out either. But that's the past - she significantly reduced her hours with  us after 3 months bc it was too much for her. That was a huge disappointment, too because when we hired her I stressed the fact that I am looking for somebody long term. Now we are struggling with childcare - doing aftercare at preschool, using the help of a friend, DH pitching in and the former nanny doing one afternoon a week.  All because I do not want to bring another person in DD's life yet again. .. and yes, I am bitter about it.

[VisionaryMom]

Again, I would fire her. She's only there 4 hours a week, for Pete's sake. She shouldn't be doing anything personal (besides going to the bathroom) while she's there. She has 164 other hours a week to take care of dyeing her hair.

[One_Girl]

That is appalling!  I don't think it would be bad if she showered and cleaned up after your dd was in bed (weird but not something that would concern me).  The guest bathroom thing doesn't seem like a consideration to me because I don't know anyone who has a guest bathroom.  Dyeing her hair, leaving a mess, and doing it all when your child is awake is beyond awful though.  I would not ever use her again.

Edited by One_Girl - 3/31/11 at 7:36pm

[GuildJenn]

I think it's appalling too and it makes me wonder quite a bit about boundaries with this person - professional boundaries, personal boundaries.

Rather than worrying about the quantity of people in your child's life, keep going for quality eh?

[annekevdbroek]

Yeah, that would be a no-go. We have nanny 4 days per week while I work. I make sure that we are flexible in terms of her personal time (e.g. if she has a doctor's appointment during her work day) and she has alloted sick days and such. However, she would *never* color her hair while here, take a shower (unless something completely messy happened), or leave a mess. Your sitter is only working 4 hours a week. I'm sure you can find someone else for such a small amount of time. Making a commitment to sit every Saturday night was probably too much for her, particularly if she is young and likes to go out.

[springbride]

Wow!  Not ok!  We have a nanny 10-12 hours a week and she is just wonderful.  I found her at a local church.  If you need to find people, I would suggest looking around at the local churches.  Many of them have a bulletin board where college students looking for work can post their name and numbers, you can interview them then.  I have found the best quality sitters this way.  They have all be very respectful of our home and played with DD instead of just watched her.  

 

[7thDaughter]

When a relationship takes this much emotional energy from you, it's time to move on.  You will never feel comfortable with her again.

Your sitter has a boundary problem.  Most people would not shower at someone else's house, and the hair coloring thing is downright bizarre.  I really wouldn't want a sitter undressing in front of my kid, either, really.  You had already noted plenty of minor issues already.  Boundary problems progress over time.  Bring this relationship to a close as quickly & pleasantly as possible. 

Your child will adapt and probably like the next sitter better after a period of adjustment.  I found a teen girl at my church who was fun and reliable - I paid her very well for her time and scheduled the same hours every week, so she liked working for us and never overbooked.  It was worth the extra money. She worked for us for 3 years until she left for college.  The kids remember her fondly. I remember it was money well spent.  You get what you pay for. 

[philomom]

When I was nanny.. I did sneak a shower during naptime a handful of times. But doing your hair with stinky chemicals in someone else's bathroom? I think that's not okay!

[Lucy Alden]

I'm just wondering at what point she decided to bring hair dye with her to work?  Nail polish, sure.  Tweezing her eyebrows, fine.  Something that requires her to undress and bath in front of my child....not even remotely OK.

[Ekatherina]

did anyone mention about the danger chemicals in the hair dye could cause to your child!!!! just smelling them brings adults headaches, let alone kids! I would not only fire her, I would sue her for making health problem for my child. Imagine if your dd had some respiratory problem or allergy problem, she could get into the critical situation! I am sure  if I didn't sue her, dh surely would! how irresponsible! 

[SubliminalDarkness]

Absolutely fire her. There is a serious lack of good judgement, not just in this situation, but other things you described. No way, no good. I'm sorry. 

[Katielady]

Another vote for fire.

[BeautyforAshes]

Hope you've already gotten rid of her...