Yeah, I've given it my best shot twice (3rd time wasn't able) but it's still not comforting. More than anything the fact that the babies never drop and heads show no sign of molding is what leads the doc to believe I may really have too big of babies for the opening. I don't necessarily buy it. I don't think that happens very often. God designs us better than that.
I was upright for the first labor, and half of the second until the epidural because of the pre-E. My contractions were two minutes or less apart almost the whole time. Only had pitocin with the first to see if it would help move things along. Pitocin wouldn't be an option anyway because the doctor's biggest concern is that I may have 3 separate scars on my uterus which increases the chance for rupture. He wouldn't do anything to induce or make contractions stronger.
The only chance I have at all is to stay home as long as possible. My DH jokes that this time we will have a homebirth, because I'll be afraid to go to the hospital too early! A planned homebirth just isn't an option this time. I may be able to find another "underground" midwife to assist me, but given the poor VBAC environment around here I'd be concerned that they would be hesitant to transfer to the hospital if needed. My last midwife asked me not to name her and blacked out any identifying info on my prenatal records when she copied them for me to take to the hospital last time (when she dropped me.) I'd also be afraid of being dropped again and out $4000 for nothing.
Considering I haven't been successful at a homebirth with support, I don't really feel comfortable going UC. I never would have know about the pre-E the second time if the doctor weren't there.
These reasons are why I'm going to try to VBAC if I go before 40 weeks, but probably go in for a RCS if after 40 weeks. It's kind of a deal with God--to give me the wisdom to know when to accept the intervention and not beat myself up about it. I would feel completely different if I was somewhere where the environment was actually supportive for a VBAMC. But when I have to fight sooo hard, it's just not the same. I find in life that the road is not hard when I'm heading the right direction. I've overcome a lot of obstacles in life and when I'm heading in the right direction, things line up. Things may not be easy, but they line up. Nothing is lining up in this situation. IF I go into labor before 40 weeks then I will consider that lining up for a VBAC. I know the odds are against me, but if anyone can do it in this environment I can.
What would I need if I did accidentally have the baby at home though? Since we've planned homebirth previously, I do still have a box of supplies with cord clamps and other things, but I have taken a few things out of there I think. We have plently of old towels. Anything major that we can't do without?