I think I need to wean but it is not going well

[Lisa1970]

The baby is 19 months old. I am 15 weeks pregnant. My nipples really hurt! Plus, I am seriously sleep deprived. He wants to nurse all night long. I have tried sleeping in a different room from him, but he will scream his lungs out for his dad. Substituting water or milk has done only the slightest bit. It gives me a little bit of relief. So, he will be nursing for an hour and then I can convince him to take a break to take a drink.

Any suggestions? DH cannot take time off work and send me out of town for this. Until I give birth, I will not have an overnight break from my 1 yr old. (who will be 2 by then)

[CoBabyMaker]

Are you open to just nightweaning or do you really want to wean completely?  I would try nightweaning first.  Yes, he is going to be mad, possibly very mad.  Just continue to try to settle him and eventually he will get it.  You don't need to go out of town, in fact, I would advise against it.  Have you looked the the D.r Jay Gordon nightweaning plan?  It may have some good ideas to help you.  Some people find it's best to send Daddy in.  For us, she responded better to me comforting her since I was the one who did that before.

With less nursing, and time your nipples will get less sensitive.  For daytime nursing try setting limits.  Like before, he might be upset but just help him through it.  It's ok to set boundaries.  For DD I would nurse until I couldn't take it anymore then sing a little song (ABC's , twinkle twinkle little star, whatever).  Sometimes she would come off and be fine and other times she was sad.  Eventually, it will be ok. 

I hope this helps a little and you can start getting rest soon.

[Lisa1970]

We have been trying just night weaning for now, but this has gone on for a couple months and we have gotten nowhere. Or maybe a month and a half.

[CoBabyMaker]

Can you tell us what a typical night looks like for you?  What he does, your response, his reaction, how long things go on for....I'm trying to think of ways to help.  I'm sorry this is so hard.

[Lisa1970]

I try to not sleep in the same room as he does. He sleeps in our room. Sometimes, it goes over ok and I am unsure what goes on then. But other times, he will scream until my husband gives up and gets me, or until I feel bad hearing it and come to him. My husband is in with him so we are not doing CIO or anything and would not want to do CIO. But, when he decides he wants to nurse, nothing will console him. Also, except on the rare occassion where he falls asleep downstairs, he will not go to sleep without nursing. I nursed him to sleep last night and then nursed him back to sleep a few times. He did not go to bed in the first place until after 10pm (he never goes to bed too early, it is worse if he goes to bed earlier than that) and by the 2am feeding, I got him back to sleep and then left the room. But I think he was screaming again by 4am or so. I think there was one other feeding in there. Then we all overslept and did not get up until almost 9am. He had woken dh up who had not gotten up in time for work. So I came back to the room and he nursed for an hour until I finally said no more and carried him crying downstairs and offered him a variety of food and drinks until he stopped asking to nurse. That is an average night. Sometimes, he sleeps more. Sometimes, he nurses the entire night long and screams if I try to leave at all.

[Lisa1970]

Also, my OB wants me to wean by 20 weeks. I know OBs have odd requests like that that have no merit. But in this case, this is the natural birth guru who over sees many midwives and has/had a birth center. He does water births even. So him asking me to wean the baby is odd. I am unsure why he asked. He said it was to prevent preterm labor. I did have a baby early previously, but there was an accident. I am 40 now, so I do not know if age is the issue. Or if I should just ignore his request. It has been suggested by others to ignore his request. I have nursed through other pregnancies with no issues.

[KABB]

My OB with Kadie wanted me to wean our son also for the same reason and also because the baby I was growing within my body needed all the nutrients I could provide whereas my son could get nutrients from other sources. I researched and asked many different people, including LCs about nursing during pregnancy and decided to keep nursing. If/when an issue developed I would stop nursing. The entire pregnancy our daughter grew very well. Toward the end of pregnancy the nursing did cause contractions (but so does sex and orgasm, etc.) but the contractions never did anything-and I can tell you that without a doubt because I was at 1CM the last trimester with no change until my water broke out of the blue and my daughter was born several hours later. She was born completely healthy even though her brother and I nursed the entire pregnancy. 

If you want to wean because it's the right thing for you and your son do it, but if you're weaning just because of what your doctor said not knowing why he said it...I would do research and ask a lot of questions.  

[D_McG]

I think you're not being deliberate enough. Refusing sometimes, nursing sometimes. Nursing for a while and then refusing etc. With my kids at least things needed to be totally black and white with no room for negotiation.

So I would decide if you want to be there or not at night (with DS he needed me there, DD did better without me. Sounds like you'd be better staying there) and then have your set of rules for nighttime nursing (or not nursing). With DS this meant I nursed him the first time he woke and then not again until the next day (not 'when the sun comes up' or anything like that. Just the next day long after breakfast!). With DD I think I weaned the whole night at one time.

There may be tantrums etc but know exactly what you want and don't waver. It was truly the kindest approach for both of mine. They just needed a leader in the process, yk?

Nursing during pregnancy was so awful for me. You have my sympathy. Keep your eye on the prize