Super slow distracted eaters

[shnitzel]

Usually threads about food are about how picky their toddler is. Mine generally eats a wide array of food but the slowness is getting worse and worse. Her meals seem to take over an HOUR. She spends the first 20 minutes while I am eating with her talking about my food and her food and swiping a bite or two of my food, which is identical to hers. Then she spend the next 10 minutes taking a nibble here or there while standing on her chair brandishing her fork. Then I get fed up and leave the table. And it goes on like this for another half an hour until she finally gets interested in her food and eats a decent amount. She focuses better when i am not there but that also distracts her because she wants me to come back and sometimes she tries to tip her chair over. Last night DH and I sat down to dinner, we ate slowly and with talking during our meal finished in about half an hour, Dh went out for 45 minutes and DD was still eating when he got back. 

I feel like I am going insane. If she was eating during that time it wouldn't bother me but I want to step back and let her eat what she wants when she wants but she can't seem to eat that way.

[crunchy_mommy]

A few thoughts here.

What would happen if you just end the meal when everyone is done? After eating at a leisurely pace with chitchat etc. of course. Would she be hungry again an hour later? Would she just not eat? Would she protest about ending the meal in the first place? I would think if she understood meal time is only 1/2 an hour long (or whatever time you deem appropriate) she would eventually realize she needs to eat during that time.

Often DS gets up in his chair and plays at the table with his cup and fork while I'm finishing cooking dinner. DH might sit & chat with him or not... and then by the time we serve the food, he's gotten the 'playing' part out of his system & he just eats. Though he's not a big eater anyway.

And my other thought is, I read something about sensory processing disorder that some kids need just the right level of stimulation before they eat. There is this vibrating thingy with rubber texture that you can put in your kid's mouth for a minute or two before they eat, and that provides them the sensation they need to be able to eat. You can also do something similar with a toothbrush or a washcloth... I'm probably not describing it correctly, maybe someone else can explain it better or you can google it...

[Skippy918]

My son's a dawdler at the dinner table too.  He'll eat a little bit, play a little, get distracted by something.  We could be done and he'll still be at the table.  I'll start cleaning up while he finishes and then he'll usually finish.  Other times he'll eat half his meal, says he's done because he got distracted by something, then we'll go play for a bit and then he'll come back later to finish it.  I just don't let it bother me.  If it takes an hour for him to eat, so be it.  I'll also sit on the couch and read while keeping an eye on him while he finishes up.

[TwoBites]

They really enjoy spending time with us and interacting with us, that's why we use games that make the eating part FUN.

[shnitzel]

I think one of the key issues is that when I feed her lunch and dinner I feel like I desperate to get food in her because if she doesn't eat well she doesn't sleep well and spends the day and night nursing and nursing and nursing until I have trouble being a good mommy. So the meal has a time limit and the longer she eats the late she naps/sleeps and I like her to wait a bit before going to sleep at night so that she won't throw up. Which is why I don't want her to take a half an hour break. I don't feed her much between meals because she seems to dislike eating unless that is all she is doing. 

She gets really excited to eat and doesn't really play, she watches what I eat and comments on it, talks about the colours of the food, references how it was prepared (I make everything from scratch) the temperature of the food, how I should cool it down for her, that I should add more salt to my soup that she needs salt in hers that husband needs more rice on his plate now I need more salt the soy sauce has to be right there on her plate, she needs 2 drops of soy sauce.... it is all food related but she wants everything to be just so and is so excited by it which is great but she can't seem to get around to eating. She isn't playing around just making sure the food is perfect.

Thank G-d it isn't sensory (except for egg yolks sometimes), she doesn't have any sensory avoidant or seeking behaviours. 

She wants me to sit with her while she eats but if I engage her too much she gets distracted so I get very bored. 

I want eating to be a pleasant happy process for her and I don't want to push her at all since I think it is unhealthy but she seems to forget about eating if I don't say anything.