I'm done.I can't take it anymore.

[muldey]

I've posted before about my ex,how he's an alcoholic and homeless.Well lately things have got way out of hand.He's constantly drunk.Comes here banging on the door for HOURS,like he's going to break it down.The cops are sick of me calling,they just take him to the hospital.I'm going to try for another restraining order in the am,but it's difficult since he is homeless they can't find him to serve him.The last time he got really drunk he threatened to snap my neck,and I cannot have him around our children.They don't need to hear the constant knocking or screaming.Last night around midnight he was outside my house,screaming,swearing,scaring the crap out of me.Thankfully dc were asleep.My mom and I called the police(she lives in the basement apartment,and he was right outside her window).They took him to the hospital by rescue,and the officer I spoke to was very nice and told me just to keep calling on him.This morning I heard him knocking,but refused to answer the door.I went outside around 12:30pm,and he was passed out drunk on the porch.I could not wake him to tell him to move.So I called the police again.I had to leave,so my mom watched for the police and talked to the officer for a while,telling him the whole story.He said that they can serve him if I go to get the restraining order.But,I talked to the restraining order office and they said it has to be the constable,but I am going to try anyway.He was so drunk this afternoon that he peed himself.A social worker from the hospital called to ask a few questions and told me he'd be there for 24 hours,so I have enough time to get to the city and get the restraining order before he gets out.He needs serious help,and I just cannot do anything for him,he has to do it.So I'm cutting him out of our lives.

The problem is the divorce agreement states he has unlimited visitation,as long as he is sober(which seems to be never these days).So I want to put the kids on the restraining order as well.Is it enough to put them on since they've seen him like that and seen him come after me?The restraining order office said there has to be a specific incident,is that enough?I do not want him anywhere near us.He really scares me.

Now for the kids,I want to put them into therapy to help them with their feelings.Ds is autistic and is glad daddy is gone.Ex doesn't understand his needs at all.Dd is upset.Exh used to play with her,they would put the music on and dance and sing for hours.He obviously favored her.It's just such a mess.Any ideas on what I can do for the kids?I was thinking Alateen for dd,but there doesn't seem to be any programs like that for ds.I'm going to call an agency that deals with kids and try to get them an appointment.

I'm just going crazy right now.It's so hard to deal with this.I wish he would go for help and get better,but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

[bananabee]

Wow. I'm so sorry. He has threatened to snap your neck, and he has scared you and the kids with his screaming, pounding on the door, etc. I would definitely put the kids on there.

[StephandOwen]

Think about it this way- if you have a restraining order with only you on it then it only "stops" him from going around the kids when they are with you. This leaves him wide open to (legally) go to their schools to see them when you are not around (or their friends houses or extra activities or whatever). Are you okay with this? I'm willing to bet you aren't. Put them on the restraining order.

[Halfasianmomma]

Hm..how old are the children? I agree that Alateen for the eldest is an excellent idea, even if she's not officially a "teen" yet. I took my former DSS to Alateen when I went to Al-Anon, and he was only 12. He didn't go for long but he said he got a lot out of it and continued joining the online chat meetings afterwards.

As for the younger child...perhaps a counsellor who specializes in families dealing with addiction?

I agree that you need to put the kids on the restraining order; I would also see about modifying the custody order. You have plenty of proof that your X is an out of control alcoholic with no place of residence. Seems to me that would be enough to at least reduce the time he is allotted, and possibly only grant him supervised visitation until he can prove he has been in a recovery program for a year.

[Phoenix~Mama]

*hugs*  I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this.  Dealing with drunks is so scary. 

I'd definitely put the children on the order as well, because then you know they are fully protected by the law.

I've heard really awesome things about ala-teen.  I wish my Mom would have gotten us into something like that, but then again my Mom lives in a constant world of denial. 

Stay safe sweetie.  It sounds like you are really thinking of everything and clearly despite your ex still causing chaos in your life.  I hope you get the order soon so next time he shows up they can put him in jail and keep him away from you for awhile.

[muldey]

I did go get the restraining order,and the children are on it too.I dropped off copies to each of their schools.They're doing ok without daddy around,actually better.I found out he was on his way to a drug treatment facility on Thursday.They were supposed to be bringing him there by rescue.I don't know if he actually went,but I haven't seen nor heard from him since.Hopefully he went and this works for him.The restraining order office said they can't serve him there.I'm not sure why.I'm looking into Alateen but couldn't find any local meetings.I'll keep looking though.Both dc are going into therapy soon.I have to call on Monday to speak with intake.I feel so bad for saying this but things are so peaceful without him!The kids aren't even fighting.Ds hasn't had a serious issue since ex has been gone.This is truly the best thing I have ever done for us.Thanks.