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Vancouver(ish) Tribe: SPRINGing forward! - Page 6

post #101 of 179

If anyone would like to get in on our annual blueberry order, berries are coming August 11th (most likely). PM me if you're interested. They're 3.35/lb, organic, pick up in North Vancouver in the evening.

post #102 of 179

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking but haven't introduced myself. I'm Catherine and I have 2 girls, a two and a half year old and a new 3 month old. Thought I'd say hi!  

I had a really hands off homebirth with my second. My first was also a homebirth but a little more intervention because of high-ish blood pressure and GBS+. With Z I caught her myself in the water and kept her right on me for quite a while. DH and DD1 were definitely the first people to touch her . I was with Patti et al at Pacific Midwifery.We loved them!

 

post #103 of 179

welcome, new folks! things are always a little quieter in the summer around here.

 

does anyone know where i can get hand carders in vancouver? let me know here - or send me a message on fb. 

 

also, i'm beginning an archiving project about people making things, i'd love to have contributions to, if you have old family photos to dig through! the description is here:

http://pinterest.com/homemadestories/keepsakes/

 

x elisa

 

post #104 of 179

Hi Elisa,

Do you mean wool hand carders?  If so you can get them new from Birkland Bros. on Main St. I think they carry the Ashford brand.  If you're not wanting to invest too much into it, and don't have a lot of fiber to process, you can make make do with a couple of dog brushes that are available at any pet store. 

 

Occasionally you can find wool carders on Craigslist but I just did a search and didn't find any. 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by artparent View Post

 

welcome, new folks! things are always a little quieter in the summer around here.

 

does anyone know where i can get hand carders in vancouver? let me know here - or send me a message on fb. 

 

also, i'm beginning an archiving project about people making things, i'd love to have contributions to, if you have old family photos to dig through! the description is here:

http://pinterest.com/homemadestories/keepsakes/

 

x elisa

 



 

post #105 of 179

thanks ellaine! x

post #106 of 179

Hello all. I haven't been around here much lately, but I was wondering if anybody knows where I can get my hands on large quantities of reasonably price, preferably organic, berries. I was at the Farmers Market on Saturday, but everything was pretty expensive. I don't mind driving out to Richmond or the valley if it will be cheaper. I also don't think I can do u-pick this time.

TIA.

 

 

post #107 of 179


@VancouverMommy: Get some from Tricia below!

Quote:
Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog View Post

If anyone would like to get in on our annual blueberry order, berries are coming August 11th (most likely). PM me if you're interested. They're 3.35/lb, organic, pick up in North Vancouver in the evening.


@Caterina : welcome!

 

If anyone is needing some office space (1050 sq feet in East Van by Trout Lake) please get in touch with me. We are selling/leasing and moving into a bigger space!

 

post #108 of 179
Thread Starter 

Gee, and here I thought there was nothing going on here these days.  Did y'all end up doing a beach meetup?  I'm afraid I'm all tied up with working a short trip away until after the long weekend, but I'll keep my eyes peeled in case something happens...

 

Lisa - how did Evan's appointment go?

post #109 of 179

Hey!  It's hard to believe that some of our older kids are turning 10-11-12!!!  It's been almost a decade since I joined this forums.....   I don't really come here as much as I did back then, but once in a while I wish I did, since I've learned so much and met so many nice people here.  

 

Anyway, the reason I was here tonight is to research on vaccines for older children, as in 12 years old!  My children have not received any vaccines, but I remember that my plan was to consider the Mumps vax for my boy if he became a teenager and hadn't had the disease.... because of complications if he does get it now.  I wonder if any of you have any advise or research material related to vax's in older children.

 

I will search on the archives here, but also wanted to come here and say hola.gif

 

Elena

post #110 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by vancouverlori View Post
Lisa - how did Evan's appointment go?


Slightly frustrating. I really liked the pediatrician, but she was very much working from a checklist, and not really listening to my concerns outside of said checklist, yk?

 

She tentatively diagnosed ADD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), neither of which addresses several of my concerns. So, we'll see how things go for now, but aside from ordering some bloodwork (not done yet), she basically told me to be a different parent.

 

post #111 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Len View Post

Anyway, the reason I was here tonight is to research on vaccines for older children, as in 12 years old!  My children have not received any vaccines, but I remember that my plan was to consider the Mumps vax for my boy if he became a teenager and hadn't had the disease.... because of complications if he does get it now.  I wonder if any of you have any advise or research material related to vax's in older children.

 

Elena


Hi Elena, I don't have a specific answer to your question but wanted to provide a resource that you might not know about as you do your research. There are homeopathic immunizations available locally: Little Mountain Homeopathy & Access Natural Healing

 

All the best!

 

post #112 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

She tentatively diagnosed ADD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), neither of which addresses several of my concerns. So, we'll see how things go for now, but aside from ordering some bloodwork (not done yet), she basically told me to be a different parent.

 



Didn't she refer you to a child psychology centre for assessment?

 

If you haven't already, definitely talk to Shelagh Noonan at Self design. She has been an amazing resource for us. For example, we couldn't get a ped appt until November, so she told me I could arrange for the assessment *before* we see the ped, then we can bring the report to the ped and that should expedite matters greatly. There is funding to help support the cost of testing privately (which is how we can get into the assessment before we could get a ped referral). They even recommended a local psychologist who works with SD-ers and gets where we are coming from as parents and homeschoolers. You'll want someone like that for the assessment so they don't end up basically blaming you for everything!

 

Good luck, Lisa. And feel free to PM or email me if you want to discuss this more... Hugs!

post #113 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
She tentatively diagnosed ADD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), neither of which addresses several of my concerns. So, we'll see how things go for now, but aside from ordering some bloodwork (not done yet), she basically told me to be a different parent.

 


:( hug2.gif I feel for you.  Not as helpful as you'd have liked.  I know you knew you needed to do something different, but you went in hoping for guidance on what to do, right?  Have you read Gabor Mate's "Scattered Minds" yet?  I know I mentioned it to you, and I can lend you my copy (though you may want one for your own reference).  I found it very easy to read, and very very eye-opening.  I'm sure I mentioned that it put me a little out of sorts to really confront my own ADD tendencies, and some of their origins.  But after a few weeks of feeling off-balance, I felt like I knew myself better, and you may feel that way about Evan and your relationship with him.

 

I have to admit that ODD seems like an extreme diagnosis, though I'm not around him very much, so I don't see all that goes on.  Extreme impulsivity is more like what I've seen and heard from you, which would fit with ADD.  Evan seems too loving to be ODD, but maybe this is what it looks like at this age and with a highly forgiving and loving parent?  And I can see how this doesn't address some of your concerns.  I hope the folks at SD can help you get more useful help.

 

post #114 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by vancouverlori View Post


:( hug2.gif I feel for you.  Not as helpful as you'd have liked.  I know you knew you needed to do something different, but you went in hoping for guidance on what to do, right?  Have you read Gabor Mate's "Scattered Minds" yet?  I know I mentioned it to you, and I can lend you my copy (though you may want one for your own reference).  I found it very easy to read, and very very eye-opening.  I'm sure I mentioned that it put me a little out of sorts to really confront my own ADD tendencies, and some of their origins.  But after a few weeks of feeling off-balance, I felt like I knew myself better, and you may feel that way about Evan and your relationship with him.

 

She did give me some guidance (basically to impose consequences immediately), and I've been trying to implement it, but...I sometimes get the feeling people don't believe me about Evan and consequences. We apply them, but they just don't seem to connect in his head. For example, dh just brought him inside. He got some new waterguns for his birthday yesterrday, and wanted (understandably) to try them out. So, we had a deal that he'd squirt our garden, and the grass, and trees, etc., but he was not to shoot people. Emma came in a few minutes later, saying that he was shotting everybody. So, we brought him in, and took away the watergun (probably for the day). He flipped out that we're "always punishing" him, and he just "forgot" that he wasn't supposed to shoot people, etc. He's not making any connection - none - with the fact that he was shooting people who didn't want to be shot, and the fact that his watergun is put away. We're just being mean and punishing him for forgetting. He's had a massive meltdown about it - screaming, crying, etc.

 

He also does things that hurt people, and the fact that other person is hurt doesn't even register on him. It just doesn't seem to mean anything to him. I know people aren't born with empathy, but...he's six now.

 

It's very frustrating trying to find a disciplinary approach that works with a child who doesn't connect consequences to their causes (not just "logical" consequences, either - even "natural" ones, such as tripping and hurting himself - he'll do the exact same thing, with the exact same reaction of...betrayal, almost?...when he hurts himself again). He's kind of...tiring...

 

I have to admit that ODD seems like an extreme diagnosis, though I'm not around him very much, so I don't see all that goes on.  Extreme impulsivity is more like what I've seen and heard from you, which would fit with ADD.  Evan seems too loving to be ODD, but maybe this is what it looks like at this age and with a highly forgiving and loving parent?  And I can see how this doesn't address some of your concerns.  I hope the folks at SD can help you get more useful help.

 

I'll probably talk to SD again. I kind of get where she got the ODD thing from. I think it's the nature of some of his meltdowns, and the fact that he really doesn't listen. But, I really don't think he's making the "normal" connections in his head. If I tell him to come here, and he runs away, and I go to get/grab him, he'll run all over the house, and laugh his head off if I chase him...but I don't think he really gets that his behaviour isn't okay, or that I'm upset. He thinks it's funny, so it's funny.

 

I really do feel as if I'm dealing with a highly verbal three year old!

 

Thank you for the "too loving" thing, btw. We've been having neighbour issues, and Evan is becoming a bit of a local scapegoat. Sometimes, I think dh and I are the only people who notice how really loving and sweet he can be, yk?

 



 

post #115 of 179
Thread Starter 

It still sounds like Evan's impulsivity is his worst enemy.  And yours. :o At this point, I don't think there are any consequences that would be likely to prevent him from doing whatever flies into his head because he doesn't stop to think at all.  There must be strategies for working on that, but I haven't come across anything yet myself.

 

I know you haven't mentioned meltdowns, but they must occur?  If so, there might be some useful strategies in No More Meltdowns - which advice originally came out of the author's work with autistic and/or ADHD kids.  I really liked the book, and it's actually on my "to buy for my own reference" list, since I had only borrowed it from the library.  Or maybe some other book by the same author, or something related (check out the links on that Amazon page) might twig for you.

 

And no, you're not alone in noticing Evan's underlying sweetness. ;)  That's I'm so glad you'll be working on this sooner rather than later, before he really internalizes the world's reaction to his behaviour.

 

I've been reading some Charlotte Mason stuff lately, and one of the things they talk about is "the will".  I always thought my children were strong-willed when they refused to do what they were supposed to be doing.  But the CM view is that children who habitually misbehave actually have *weak* wills, too weak to resist their own whims and impulses.  And what they need to develop is the will to do the right thing.  It's a paradigm shift for me, but it makes a lot of sense, and is probably a more useful idea to have in the back of my mind as I try to help my kids do the right thing...  Positives are always more effective than negatives (DO this rather than doN'T do that).  And if you read the current Positive Discipline stuff, they talk a lot about what kinds of consequences actually are helpful and how to use them.  Y'know, if you're going to go with that.  I could lend you my Positive Discipline book, or you could prob. get it at the library and the site also has a bunch of good articles, and Q&A's.

post #116 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by vancouverlori View Post

It still sounds like Evan's impulsivity is his worst enemy.  And yours. :o At this point, I don't think there are any consequences that would be likely to prevent him from doing whatever flies into his head because he doesn't stop to think at all.  There must be strategies for working on that, but I haven't come across anything yet myself.

 

Yes, his impulsivity is definitely the single biggest difficulty we have in dealing with him. I'll need to look for more strategies, because we spend a lot of time frustrated with each other!

 

I know you haven't mentioned meltdowns, but they must occur?  If so, there might be some useful strategies in No More Meltdowns - which advice originally came out of the author's work with autistic and/or ADHD kids.  I really liked the book, and it's actually on my "to buy for my own reference" list, since I had only borrowed it from the library.  Or maybe some other book by the same author, or something related (check out the links on that Amazon page) might twig for you.

 

Oh, yes - he has meltdowns. He had one this morning, over not being allowed to play with his watergun, after he was shooting everyone with it. He had one a couple months ago that involved kicking me in the torso, hitting me in the face, and trying to choke me, all while screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. This was because he wasn't allowed to stay a playdate that Emma had been invited to (he'd only met the girl once at that point, was well rested, well fed, etc. - it was completely unexpected).

 

And no, you're not alone in noticing Evan's underlying sweetness. ;)  That's I'm so glad you'll be working on this sooner rather than later, before he really internalizes the world's reaction to his behaviour.

 

He says he's a stupid idiot, and a jerk, so I think he's already interalized some of it. :(

 

I've been reading some Charlotte Mason stuff lately, and one of the things they talk about is "the will".  I always thought my children were strong-willed when they refused to do what they were supposed to be doing.  But the CM view is that children who habitually misbehave actually have *weak* wills, too weak to resist their own whims and impulses.  And what they need to develop is the will to do the right thing.  It's a paradigm shift for me, but it makes a lot of sense, and is probably a more useful idea to have in the back of my mind as I try to help my kids do the right thing...  Positives are always more effective than negatives (DO this rather than doN'T do that).  And if you read the current Positive Discipline stuff, they talk a lot about what kinds of consequences actually are helpful and how to use them.  Y'know, if you're going to go with that.  I could lend you my Positive Discipline book, or you could prob. get it at the library and the site also has a bunch of good articles, and Q&A's.

 

That's a really useful way to look at it. I know Evan has almost no self-control, so I really don't think it's about him being "willful". I'll look for the book next time I'm at the library (not sure exactly when that will be, as our schedule has been completely hooped this summer!).



 

post #117 of 179

Oh, Lisa. You are describing Sasha to a tee in so many ways...we've had the hitting meltdowns, the total lack of understanding of consequences (imposed or otherwise). They don't get the "punishment", they really don't, and you really don't want to become the "bad guy" to him because he needs you. I'm figuring out that some of these behaviours relate to underlying anxiety, even though it's not always apparent how, or maybe they are just super sensitive to it, but I've noticed that any form of "getting stern" with Sasha makes him super anxious and his behaviour just downward spirals. 

 

You and I should really chat, if you'd like of course. Sounds like we're dealing with a lot of the same things. PM me if you like. 

 

PS - I, too, always saw the sweet side of Evan. He's a dear boy.

post #118 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post

Oh, Lisa. You are describing Sasha to a tee in so many ways...we've had the hitting meltdowns, the total lack of understanding of consequences (imposed or otherwise). They don't get the "punishment", they really don't, and you really don't want to become the "bad guy" to him because he needs you. I'm figuring out that some of these behaviours relate to underlying anxiety, even though it's not always apparent how, or maybe they are just super sensitive to it, but I've noticed that any form of "getting stern" with Sasha makes him super anxious and his behaviour just downward spirals. 

 

You and I should really chat, if you'd like of course. Sounds like we're dealing with a lot of the same things. PM me if you like. 

 

PS - I, too, always saw the sweet side of Evan. He's a dear boy.


I'm also seeing some of the underlying issues (part of what I meant about the pediatrician doing the checklist, but not hearing the other concerns). I don't know if I'd have used the word "anxiety" to describe it, but it does fit. He's absolutely convinced that nobody likes him and he's not important, and he's just a "big jerk". DH and I have both been working on keeping our cool and trying to be more matter of fact in the way we interact with Evan, but he definitely has trouble.

 

I may take you up on the chat at some point soon (not feeling well today). I did/do okay with the other three, but Evan leaves me feeling like a completely incompetent parent. *sigh*

 

post #119 of 179

Hang in there Lisa. All of us in this community know you are an awesome parent. You have 4 amazing beautiful children.

post #120 of 179

Hello all!  

 

First off, I miss you guys!  It's nice to poke in every once in a while to 'see' how everyone is doing, but it's not the same as being able to meet up at Science World or the beach and to be able to chat with so many like-minded mamas!

 

Secondly, I posted a request on my Facebook page, since so many of you are over there, but thought I'd repost it here just in case anyone here has some ideas.......

 

"A friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd baby and is really hoping to have a 'home' birth, but since she lives out of the city cannot do that in her own home. She's hoping to find a place that her and her family can stay in, a few weeks before and after the birth (essentially the first 3 weeks of March). Ideally they would love to find a house swap for the time (they currently live on beautiful Bowen Island), but would also be willing to housesit or stay in an empty suite. They have one dog and one cat, so it can't be anyone with allergies. PLEASE let me know if you have any thoughts on how to help her out and I'll pass them along:-) THANKS"

 

Hope you're all having a great summer!

 

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