What do you say to the anti CLW folks?

[Gretchen_PDX]

I'm getting so sick of the "if he can ask for it, it's time to wean comments." My 17 mo is very verbal and says "mama milk" and "nurse." I need some snappy comebacks. My usual "Breastmilk is good for him" and "Even little babies ask to nurse, they just don't use words" are getting kind of old!! What do you say when people judge?

[LiLStar]

Wow, surprised to see someone in PDX is getting grief (multiple times!) about nursing a *baby*! 17 months is so, so young. I lived in portland for a couple years and saw nursing toddlers in public alll the time! I even knew people who were otherwise not very crunchy at all who nursed till 2ish. Anyway.. only person who gave me any crap about it was my brother :P And I just heckled him right back because I could. "is there any other decision you just let her make all by herself?" "yes, this morning she picked out what to wear. All by herself" "Name one mammal who force their babies to wean eventually" "First of all, other mammals wean right around milestones such as sexual maturity, or losing baby teeth, aka milk teeth. I promise she'll wean well before sexual maturity... btw, what other industrialized country routinely circumcises for non-religious reasons?" "i don't know" "NONE!!!" ..then I turned the debate over to him and ripped him a new one for cutting his boys. If he's gonna pick on my parenting, then its open season for me to pick on his :) 

Anyway, at your dd's age, if anyone said anything about being too old to nurse to me, I'd probably respond in horror as if to say, "Why on earth would I wean a BABY so young?!" And then if the person seemed in the mood for conversation, I'd bring up the fact that many kids between 1-3ish frequently have a bottle/sippy/cup of milk. Not just an "I'm thirsty and would like a glass of milk to wash down my lunch" but as a significant portion of their diet. So even though they don't nurse or have formula anymore, they sure as heck aren't "Weaned".. they just switched types of milk. So, because my baby is clearly not ready to wean from needing milk, its more convenient, "green", affordable, and nutritious to stick to the species specific milk. 

[Gretchen_PDX]

Thanks! Most of the grief comes from family and from a couple friends w/o kids (including one gay man- to him I like to say, "What do you know about this? You haven't even touched a boob since the nineties!)

I like the mammal replies! My parents are biologists so maybe that will shut 'em up!!

[LiLStar]

Have you heard of the big latch on? http://biglatchonpdx.weebly.com/ They're going to do another one this year! I just might drive down to participate. I was there last year and had the oldest at the venue I was at. I tandemed my 3.5yo and 15 month old :) Even though most nurslings there were infants, everyone was super supportive of older nurslings and thought it was awesome! A friend with a 3yo at another venue said she had the same experience. Check it out if you can! 

[EviesMom]

It's harder if it's family where you're supposed to be nice. I just nod and say "Thank you for your opinion, but this works for us." 

If it's someone I can be snarky to, saying something like "When are you going to wean that kid?!" I say "Well, we plan to send him to an out of state college, so he'll have to wean by then!" (Same with co-sleeping.)

For the "when they get teeth/when they can ask for it/when they can help themselves," there's always "we'll stop when the milk teeth fall out and the grown up teeth come in, just like normal mammals do." or "How lucky for him/her that he/she doesn't have you for a mother then!" 

It is much easier with kid #2, because they know how things went with kid #1, so they kinda know how it will go all around.

[PatioGardener]

I like to say "so when he learns to ask for carrots I have to stop feeding them to him?" and look puzzled, and then either ask why they care so much what I do with my breasts, or what they think about the weather lately.

[ar2974]

mmmhuh

[Gretchen_PDX]

Thank you!! I love the responses!!

[Greenlea]

Totally lurking here.  My son is only 4.5 mths but I hope to nurse until at least 2 (unfortunately I was unable to go past 10mths w/ my first).  I'm already looking for comebacks because my mom is still getting flack from my family for nursing my brother until he was 3, and he's 23 now!

[moonfirefaery]

I would point out that the AAP recommends a minimum of 1 year and the WHO a minimum of 2, the age by which most babies are talking. It is normal for them to be able to ask it, and before they learn words, they just ask for it in other ways. Some ask for it in sign language at 6 months old; some can ask for it verbally at 9 months old. Should they be weaned before the AAP recommended age simply because they can talk? It's an illogical argument. Does being able to ask for it negate the immunological benefits of nursing? Nope! :)

[Gretchen_PDX]

LilStar- yes, I've heard of the big latch on! The doula group I used to work with held an event last year- it sounds amazing! I love that tandem nursed at your event! Good for you!! In thinking about getting pregnant again in the next couple years, I wonder about the tandem nursing. I guess I will wait until then to start asking questions, but I am very curious!! Love it!

[kriket]

I'm a fan of rude hand gestures.  Usually I just ignore it. I have heard the "if they can ask"statement a few times. Usually from people who didn't know I was "still" nursing!

I actually came in because BLW is generally delayed solids and more than "just" extended BFing. I was an extended BFer, but not BLW ;) I wanted to her conversation about that!

[One_Girl]

I used to break out the WHO and APA recommendations (which are both recommending until 2 now) then lecture about the benefits when it was family.  I read up on a lot of stuff through La Leche League and was very prepared.  I also pointed out that we don't stop eating once we can ask for things.  After a while the comments stopped either because they became believers or they realized it wouldn't change my mind. 

[happyhippie]

Gretchen! So sorry you are dealing with this! Yuck! I find it weird when others judge mama's for nursing their babies, toddlers, children. In fact it grosses me out. 

Instead of saying anything, I would just internalize this and figure out why you are still nursing. Regain your confidence a bit. The others just don't understand. The others probably never had such a special relationship. Maybe they didn't even nurse. Or were not nursed by their mums.  Maybe you could even ask, "What is it about this that makes you uncomfortable?" Do they even know? 

You are the cool one in this situation...not them. 

You are nurturing your babe in just the right way. Feeding your baby exactly what she needs. Is there anything more beautiful then that??? What a lucky little one you have!

I fully intend on nursing my baby until she doesn't want to nurse. 

Best Wishes and happy nursing!

Also, just one more thing. We had so many nursing challenges that if someone came up to me and had a problem with it, I think I might even tell them about her undiagnosed tongue tie, my low supply, etc. I feel like people need to understand how much a mama is doing for her baby. Like, "do you think it is so easy for me to take my boobie out everywhere?" How dare anyone say anything about me nourishing my baby. 

[KateDavies45]

I like the "once she can ask for carrots should I stop giving them to her?" thing....DD is only 4mo and I'm already get flack from my MIL about when I'm going to start giving her "real food" (as opposed to the fake stuff coming out of my breasts, lol) while I try to be polite, and usually laugh off her "parenting" info (that I should be giving DD a bottle of water a day to prevent dehydration, that she needs cereal to feel full, that now that she's sleeping in our bed she's going to be there until she's six....That last bit is the funniest of all, I want to say "so what? I should tell her it's MY bed and I don't WANT to share with her?? )  If it get's annoying, I have no problem telling her off and to mind her own business.

Thankfully my mom nursed both my sister and I until 3.5 and 4yrs so I get a lot of support from her. DH was a formula baby but even without all the other benefits to bf dd, once I pointed out to him that even if we wanted to use formula it would cost more than 1/2 of our taxable income (we're both still in college) it was like someone flipped on the lights in his head, lol. He's not quite sure about the crunchy lifestyle but he's willing to follow my lead as far as how we raise DD and give it a try.

When I hear the old enough to ask for it comments, I remind people that when they're hungry, they not only ask for food, most adults go and get it for themselves. Asking to nurse/lifting momma's shirt to nurse is the baby equivalent of deciding that you're hungry and making a sandwich.

[sweetpeppers]

Nothing. No one has ever said anything to me about it. Well that's not true, occasionally people would ask if he was still nursing from 4-6 months, but since then nothing. Although I don't go around telling people that he's still nursing at 4. People just don't say things to me. My family is generally respectful, and nobody else has the guts I guess. shrug.

[LadybugMamma]

I really like the point made about the 1-2 year olds who tote a bottle of milk around with them, theyre not weaned.

I like to say Yeah im too lazy to wash bottles.