Nanny Sharing Question -casual arrangement (urgently need advice!)

[workng mom]

We have employed a wonderful nanny for 4 years now who lives with us. Recently a new friendship with the neighbours has developed based on a bond between the 2 girls who are the same age (3). The neighbour speaks highly of the care my two children receive from our nanny (which I am well aware of) - she also thinks it great that our 2 youngest are the same age and have each other soo close by to play with. 

On two or three occassions, her daughter was outside playing while my kids were out there too (with the nanny) - they were having fun under full supervision of my nanny and the mom (neighbour).  The neighbour's daughter begged to come to our house so MY nanny said okay. She played on each occassion with my youngest for about 3 hours. My older child gets little to no attention from the other kids when these playdates occur because she is two years older. My nanny's attention is naturally focused on the 3 yr olds.

Now, the neighbour has asked me if I would consider allowing her daughter to come to our place once weekly in the afternoon under my nanny's supervision. I'm having some concerns....

1. how would my nanny feel if asked to care for another child for a half-day weekly
2. would she expect more  $$ and if so, what amount more (for the neighbour to pay).
3. am i setting myself up for resentment because my older daughter gets little attention during these visits
4. how about personal liability if her daughter gets hurt in my home while being supervised by my (nanny)employee
5. our nanny already finds it challenging to prep dinner some afternoons, this will surely make it impossible

I guess my gut instinct is to say no because of what could go wrong however I do want to continue to foster a friendship with the new neighbours and not sure how to explain my position.

Maybe she should find her own nanny to come into her home an afternoon each week, then her nanny and mine could arrange playdates (which has worked for the last 4-yrs). 

Either way, I'm sure to offend her for saying no to a weekly babysitting arrangement.

Your candid opinions are WELCOMED!

[isabella.4567]

Tough situation, but it sounds like you do not want to do it, so don´t just to please your neighbour. You bring up some good points, valid concerns, which the neighbour should understand. 

[Anna Phor]

What if you switched out weeks; one week her daughter comes to you and is under the care of your nanny; the other week your daughter goes to her house, so your nanny only has one child to take care of, and your older child gets one-on-one time with nanny? 

Of course, you'd need to make sure your nanny was on board with this, and it wouldn't solve your dinner problem on the days the third child was in the house (but it would only be once every two weeks). 

Of course, if you really don't want to do this at all, you might just suggest to your neighbor that you're not comfortable with asking your nanny to watch three kids, but you'd love to do weekend playdates.

[t2009]

Yeah, I like PPs idea about swapping weeks, but it sounds like you have reservations & I'd go with my gut were I in your situation.

Adding another child would be a lot of work for your nanny, so she'd definitely need to be paid more. No doubt about it. How much is another question. I don't have any idea on that. You mention that she'd primarily be spending time with the two youngest, but the fact is that she'd still have to make sure (at a bare minimum) that your oldest was safe. I don't really know your situation, but I'd be wary if your neighbor asked about this without simultaneously offering to compensate your nanny. Just my gut reaction.

And if your gut reaction is that you might be resentful at the time your older daughter isn't getting attention, then I'd kindly say no. But, by the same token, you have to be careful that your neighbor doesn't just continue to "suggest" random play dates. That's why I like PP's advice to suggest swapping weeks... Seems like a gentle way to decline & get across that you respect your nanny's boundaries. Also... you can always just talk to your nanny to get her honest opinion about it. If she says no, then that's your answer.

[Gretchen_PDX]

Everything in your post suggests you are not comfortable with this arrangement! Go with your gut!

It sounds like it works out sometimes for your nanny, and I wonder if the other mother ever just takes your kid for a few hours. If not, perhaps the lack of reciprocation is what is rubbing you the wrong way. You sound really protective of your nanny, which is great, and you don't want her getting taken advantage or growing resentful. If you do decide to do this, your neighbor should expect to pay $5-8/hour. When I was a nanny and families nanny-shared, I charged each family about that (this was about five years ago) and of course, this varies with location. I wonder if the other mother would still want to do this if she was asked to pay...

[crunchy_mommy]

I have to say, I think it's kind of a weird request if your neighbor didn't offer to reciprocate or pay. I would treat this the same way as if she asked you, personally, to do this every week. I'd certainly watch a kid as a one-time favor but unless it was a very close friend, I wouldn't watch their kid every week for free with no reciprocation -- so I wouldn't put that on my nanny either. (I don't have a nanny though, just for the record!) Either she reciprocates in some way (if you're even comfortable with the idea at all!) or she pays your nanny whatever the standard childcare rates are, and I would think she should arrange that through your nanny, not through you. You could just tell your nanny that the neighbor has a small job for her if she's interested, that you don't mind if she takes the job while also watching your kids (only if you truly DON'T mind, of course!), and hand over the neighbor's phone #.