Why oh why do I put up with my moms crap. Help me break away!

[Koalamom]

I am really going to come out sounding like a pathetic immature idiot, but I need help. I have no friends other than you lovely ladies here on MDC. My mother has kept it that way growing up and has made it so I am her only friend shutting me off from the world on purpose. This is a deeper issue I don't want to get into at the moment. She is a great friend but very unhealthy emotionally. I talk to her everyday sometimes more and I am tied to her emotionally and I am so sickened by it. We are super close but every time I get off the phone talking to her I feel horrible and talked down about. I am ready to break away but don't know what to do as I will have no one to talk to and be a friend. I am a very lonely person sometimes and don't know anyone else. I sit home with my kids all day have the same life day by day with no other interaction besides my dh who I love so much. But I need that female friend relationship. I have no money to get out and join a yoga group or anything like that. I know I need to distance myself from my mom but I will be alone after that. Am I the only lonely person with a domineering mom in the world?
I need any advice or support!

[philomom]

The Vermont library system has a parks pass you can borrow to visit parks and historic sites. Get out there and be friendly. Keep the house clean enough to invite people home. Brush up on your light chit chat topics.. I get mine from NPR. Do a favor or ask a favor. Smile. This is not rocket science.

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs038/1102928001760/archive/1104825011145.html#park

[zoesmom2009]

I don't have much advice. But I do understand some of what you are experiencing. I suffer from intense, sometimes debilitating social anxiety. Outside of a couple friends (who now live out of state and I rarely get to talk to anymore), my wonderful dh and dd, I'm pretty isolated and feel very lonely sometimes. I also have a domineering mother, though not as bad. She has no problem telling people that she is "not a nice person" and she has to be "in control" of every situation and if she's "not in control, nobody's happy". (Her words, not mine). Is she the reason I have social anxiety? Well, she certainly didn't help, but I don't think she's the sole reason or even the main one. I've always been the nerdy oddball, black sheep of every situation. A friend of mine once told me that I "have a jaundiced eye view of the world". I have a very off-center view of...well...just about everything. I have difficulty making small talk with people, especially those I don't know. I always feel like my ideas are too stupid to be voiced, so I usually end up being the wallflower. My head knows that that's not true, but my heart has a hard time believing it, if that makes any sense.

Recently, I have been pushing myself a bit to burst out of my bubble. Like you, I don't have the money to join anything, but I've been checking out Meetup.com for groups near me that have similar interests. I've found a few, including a social anxiety group, that meets once of month. Most of the outings are free or cost very little and it's a good way for me to start meeting folks. You may want to check them out. I'm sure there are groups in your area that you would enjoy.

[faithsstuff]

OP- hugs, you aren't alone.  I don't have any answers but here's what I do when I need to:  I don't answer her calls.  At first I fealt like a coward.  Now I know that her life is important and so is mine.  When I'm in a better place, or have more energy, or after I've had a little me time I call her back.  Good luck, you aren't pathertic.