Really long-term cosleepers - what was your transition out of the family bed like?

[CheriK]

My twins coslept until they were 8.  When I was pregnant with #3, we added a twin bed next to the king, moved our super-restless DD to the twin.  For a year after #3 was born, we kept up this arrangement w/ DS between DH and me, baby next to me on the outside.  When they turned 8, we decided to turn our 3rd bedroom into a room for DS.  Previously their stuff had been in our 2nd bedroom, along w/ the two twin beds purchased by G'ma and G'pa when they turned 2 because they would "never" move out.  We weren't trying to move them to their own rooms; we just wanted them to have some private space and room for desks.  But both decided that they wanted loft beds, which was a good idea since our house is small, and once those were in place they moved to their own beds.  Bam, just like that.

They are now just over 9.  They've been back in our room for various reasons (sick, nightmares, etc) but in the past few months have been there a LOT, especially DS.  I don't particularly mind.  We like cosleeping, I actually missed that closeness of spending our falling asleep time together.  It was a great way to check in with them.  DS especially seems to download whatever is going through his mind, so I really hear a lot about how he's feeling, what he's wondering about, etc.  He's hard to get to communicate otherwise, so I take advantage of that.  We have some of our best conversations at bedtime.

So I just wonder if this is a common pattern for those kids who stay in the family bed for many years.  In/out/back in?  Is there a reason to be concerned?  I do worry a bit because DS struggles to fall asleep, wakes at night always, has meltdown and emotion control issues that I sometimes think are sleep related.  He seems to sleep better with us.  I have some of the same sleep issues - if I'm not awake with a nursling, I'm awake from insomnia, so I think it's at least partially genetic.  But I wonder about environmental or food allergies, too.  Thoughts?

[Peony]

My oldest is 8 but this has been our pattern as well. In and out and in and out, she has been in a parent's room 99.9% of the time though. She just tonight said she wanted to sleep in her own room now. We shall see if it lasts!

ETA: I reread the part about your DS, my DD1 is exactly the same. She struggles with anxiety and insomnia, she sleeps much better with a parent. I have insomnia as well so I understand how everything needs to be just right to maybe get some sleep. I've been fine with whatever she needs, Dh is still antsy about her still being with a parent but we do have 2, soon to be 3 other co-sleeping children so it isn't like we have lots of extra space in the beds to go around. 

[Juggling3]

Well, on the insomnia issue. In my family it's a genetic or inborn tendency. Dh, dd, and ds #2 are all not so good sleepers, insomniacs, easy to wake, etc. Myself and ds #1 are born larks and fall asleep anywhere with no problem as soon as the lights are out or before. I wouldn't have believed how natural these tendencies are without observing all of our differences over the years.

Dd now almost 10 just decided to sleep in her own room after years of sleeping with me and dh. She will come in if scared about something but really enjoys her alone/quiet time . Not long afterward, we bought bunk beds for the boys (although both were in the big bed) and 5 1/2 yr old ds wanted the top bunk. But he likes someone in there with him while he falls asleep and prefers dh. I miss sleeping with him because he sleeps just like I do..and of course the intimacy of sharing and talking like you mentioned. But he will come into the master anytime he has a bad dream or feels cold. Hasn't happened in a few weeks. He is a super sound sleeper so I think that has something to do with it. Ds #2 is almost 3 and prefers to sleep right next to me, which is good for now. Will need a new plan when baby #4 arrives in September...but we'll see!