The third baby decision

[RTT]

I keep debating this, and most of the time I'm sure we're done with two, but I keep thinking about a third. I wish I could just peek into the future and see what would happen if we stick with our two, versus going for a third! I'm 38 so we don't exactly have time on our side, either. I love my two (3.5 and 19 months) but I find pregnancy and the infant stage to be so challenging- esp. the sleep deprivation. I wish I could just feel completely happy with the family we have but I keep wondering if we should add another child to our family.

[Ingabire]

Our decision was made tfor us 

Three was an oops  - i wanted to wait 5 years 

My advice  - look at the pros and cons of having / not having 

[Peony]

For me the decision for #3 was really easy. I wanted a third just as much as I wanted the first two, it wasn't optional. The 4th seemed like the optional child, should we, or not? I aways felt that while I *could* live with just 3, I would regret it later. I went through the pros and cons, DH wasn't on board as much as I was, and like the previous poster, the decision was made for us, #4 will be coming this summer. There are many threads over the years here on the transition from 2-3, many have a difficult time with it. For me, it wasn't bad but I had a wider spacing then what you would. DH had a really rough time though, there is always someone needing someone, talking. The noise volume in my house is insane! My oldest was 6 and a HUGE help, I could give her the newborn and go take a shower. Now days she is 8, and I pay her 25 cents to babysit him while I mop the floors or do something else non-toddler friendly. 

[mtchen79]

We also go back and forth. It is mostly me that wants a third, DH would be happy with 2. I don't have any great advice but I do recommend going here: www.havingthreekids.com as that is a great place to discuss that very question.

[kcparker]

If you're open to having a third, you could just not try, not prevent and see what the universe brings you. I am 37, and I think we are stopping at 2, much as I would love to have one more. DH cites zero population growth, finances, wanting for his life "to stop being on hold" (he does most of the childcare, I ended up with the FT job), and "not being sure he could survive one more infancy." I suppose it is sensible - we can keep our car, still be okay in our tiny little house, save for only 2 college educations instead of 3. As a doula, I can see that 28 year old bodies tend to be have it a little easier in pregnancy and birth than 38 or 40 year old ones, and my body is in relatively good shape after two pregnancies. Maybe it's best not to push my luck.DH is right that if we adults have dreams for our professional growth, a baby is likely going to defer the pursuit of those dreams for a little while longer.  And if we decided that the house was missing one more body to spread disorder, cracker crumbs, and song through the house, we could adopt or foster, or just get a beagle ...