Gahhh! =/

[RileyAnn]

I'm going crazy and just need to vent. I'm 18 and expecting my baby girl in August.  I'm just stuck in a shitty situation and I'm feeling really hopeless.  I did have a job as a nanny but that ended at the end of last year.  I just started college this semester & I'm basically depending on student loans.  I still live at home with my parents which is my biggest problem right now and what is causing me the most stress.  I have 3 siblings and our house is already crowded not including my baby on the way.  Everyone is really stressed out and always fighting.  I'm trying to help out to make things easier for my mom, but no matter what I do I'm always wrong. :/  I know it's not convenient for me to be pregnant, but I would never think about giving my baby up.  I guess right now I'm just stressed about having to put another child in this situation and trying to figure out what I'm gonna do.  Not to mention how hard its gonna be trying to be a mom when my own mom won't leave me alone!  I feel like I'm doing everything I can, but maybe not. I thought I had a game plan, but it just doesn't seem like enough anymore.  I would love more than anything to be able to live on our own but I can't afford it, the dads not around to help and never will be. I'm just so stuck! :( I hope eventually things work out the way I plan but I just don't wanna be miserable until then. 

[bananabee]

*hugggs*

[AttunedMama]

Yay for being in college! I was a student-mama when my first was born. My advice:

Start earnestly searching for a better living arrangement. Not some overpriced apartment building. Your own apartment isn't really necessary and is over-ambitious. It's just not needed. But somewhere, there is a healthy-enough family who has an in-law suite/finished basement that they'll rent you on the cheap, maybe in exchange for a REASONABLE amount of help around the home...pet/home care when they travel? a limited amount of sitting for their own children? The key is to be assertive and not at all desperate...desperation lands you an equally shitty situation. Assertiveness and selectivity get you into a doable, thriving home. For example, I'm a senior in a BA program and grad school-bound. I'd share a three bedroom/2 bath with you: two bedrooms for me and my kids, one for you and your baby, each 'family' gets their own bath that they and their guests use. My kids' dad is a good guy and reliably employed, so I'm pretty stable on my end. You don't need a savior, you just need somebody a little farther along than you.

Share your life as intimately with your baby as you can. You are making a family, and your utmost loyalty is to her and you, not to parents/siblings. Being around fighting=bad news. Breastfeeding the baby? Hell yeah. Sleeping with the baby? Hell yeah. Gentle birth? Hell yeah.

 Do fabulously in school. Lean on it as hard as you can...Are you at community college? A university? Many universities offer counseling services that are actually affordable. Find out if this option is available to you, and if so, I highly suggest you take it even if you think there's nothing 'wrong' with you; it's about support and making ongoing sound choices, not so much about dealing with all the baggage you may have acquired throughout your life. Although you will find that your personal growth is accelerated and you're likely to figure out what pitfalls are most real in your world and avoid them in future. You'll never really know how much screwing-up a few months of counseling can help you avoid, because you just won't go there!

MDC is a great place for you in my opinion, with this warning: A lot of folks here are of solidly middle-class backgrounds, and their standards are HIGH, relative to the general culture. This is a great thing, but can provide an occasional inferiority complex. Some of these high standards I speak of have been hard-earned by the individuals that are conveying them. These can be the most affirming. Sometimes it feels rough to have someone who has no idea what it's like to be poor telling you to get your shit together. It's still true, so keep that stuff in perspective, and keep posting!

[RileyAnn]

Thanks for your replies. :) My grandma has offered up her upstairs, but she lives an hour away and I don't have a car.  Plus the town she lives in is dirty, small, and my dad lives there. Hah. My aunt who also lives by grandma thinks it's a good idea. Of course my mom wants me to stay at home even though sometimes it really doesn't seem like it. I just want calm and peace. I'm already stressed enough as it is.

I'm going to a community college, but I have been thinking about going back to a counselor lately just basically to have someone to talk to that's not overly opinionated. I don't really have any friends to go to for advice, cause they're all just going into college and partying and have no clue what I'm going through. I barely see them anymore. I feel like everyone in my family is telling me what to do based on there own personal thoughts of each other and not really what would be best for me.

Oh and about the baby of course I will be breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering. I'm also seeing the midwives at my hospital. I've been around natural parenting my whole life so it just makes sense to me. I'm just excited for my baby honestly. I feel like once I have her nothing else will matter and I'll be able to think more clearly. I'm so excited to be a mommy I just wish everyone else could be happy for me too.

[CorriJ]

I just wanted to wish you good luck with collage and your new baby. And I want to second the thought of seeing if you could find somewhere else to stay. When I was 18 I lived with a family who gave me a break on the rent cost because I helped out with their baby daughter. She was only a couple months old when I went to live with them and it was a real break for them to have me watch her and their 3 year old son every so often.

If you want to live further then walking or public transportation allows you can always check if there is any one who would be willing to ride share. With gas prices so high you might be able to find someone who is ok with going a little out of their way if you could cover some of the gas cost.