Feminine behavior in a little boy - Page 2

[colsxjack]

As a queer parent I think I may get where you are coming from feeling a bit embarrassed and afraid of people's censure. I think that people judge the behaviour of queer people's children differently than non queer people's children. A friend of mine is a lesbian. Not butch/masculine, but not feminine either. Her partner is the same. They have a daughter (who is actually very feminine), but at her daycare the women working there actually seemed to put more effort into ensuring the DD was feminine. Maybe thinking that her mother's couldn't teach her those things so they had to. She would go to pick her DD up and find that they had done her hair up in ponytails and stuff like that. It infuriated my friend.

But as queer parents, it is seen differently (or sometimes we perceive it as being seen differently) when our children do not meet expected "normal" behaviours. A straight couple who "allows" their son to wear a tutu to the park is seen as progressive. A queer parent who does the same can be seen as pushing their agenda onto their child.

[JBaxter]

My oldest LOVED to put make up on me at that age.  Breast fed his elmo , helped me cook ,had a favorite PINK blanket he slept with till he was 11 and clean w/ me alot.  He is now a normal 19 yr old heterosexual football playing college boy.     DS2 was SO fascinated by BARBIE.  He bought "me" on for my birthday when he was 4 and pestered me to death till I took it out of the box ( I would have bought him one if he asked)  he is now a very GQ 16 yr old honor student who again if very into girls.   They both laugh about how they begged to get blue toe nails and how they used to fight over brushing my hair.

Hes 3 he has a lot of changes and things to "like" and "dislike"  I wouldnt worry  just raise him to be secure in himself and LIKE himself and you both will be fine

[diana_of_the_dunes]

I wouldn't worry about it too much.  My DS, who is 18 months, likes to play with my makeup, put on chapstick, brush his hair, and kiss his stuffed animals.  He also says "vroom-vroom" every time he sees a truck, chases the cat, wrestles, and will pound on anything with his toy hammer.  Especially in preschoolers, who have yet to grasp societal norms and peer censure, anything goes.  Also, some boys are more gentle and verbal; some girls are rough.  A lot of it is just different personalities.

My mom had the opposite problem".  I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was about 4 or 5.  I said I wanted to be a boy.  In this day and age, my mom may have freaked out a bit, since gay/lesbian/bi/transgender issues are definitely in the spotlight more.  At the time, I don't think she even batted an eye and just chalked it up to "kid stuff".  I was always climbing trees, chasing frogs, and building forts.  I didn't play house; my dolls were my friends, and I built treehouses for them in our fake Christmas tree in the basement.  I never wore skirts or dresses if I could avoid it.  Looking back at it from a "modern" perspective, many parents probably would have though I may be a lesbian because of my non-conforming behavior.

But I'm not.  

I do work in law enforcement (where my co-workers tell me I'm just one of the guys), I still don't dress up much, I sanded and refinished my living room floors myself, and I still enjoy playing outside.  But I also have a Martha Stewart streak and enjoy cooking, canning food, and decorating.  I'm not masculine or "butch", and nobody has ever labelled me as such, just independent.  DH occasionally mourns the fact that I don't "need" him more, but he also likes that I can take care of myself.  

I can understand your fears for your son, especially since I'm sure you have been on the receiving end of censure yourself.  Just love him and support him; he is who he is, and there's no telling how it'll all play out in the future.  As I'm sure you know, sexuality and gender preference isn't something you can change anyways!