As a queer parent I think I may get where you are coming from feeling a bit embarrassed and afraid of people's censure. I think that people judge the behaviour of queer people's children differently than non queer people's children. A friend of mine is a lesbian. Not butch/masculine, but not feminine either. Her partner is the same. They have a daughter (who is actually very feminine), but at her daycare the women working there actually seemed to put more effort into ensuring the DD was feminine. Maybe thinking that her mother's couldn't teach her those things so they had to. She would go to pick her DD up and find that they had done her hair up in ponytails and stuff like that. It infuriated my friend.
But as queer parents, it is seen differently (or sometimes we perceive it as being seen differently) when our children do not meet expected "normal" behaviours. A straight couple who "allows" their son to wear a tutu to the park is seen as progressive. A queer parent who does the same can be seen as pushing their agenda onto their child.