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Bitter Sushi Ladies, April 2011 - Page 7

post #121 of 205

Just really quick..I think I am going to be out..major temp drop today. It shouldn't even be dropping yet..too soon..so I'm not happy about that.

 

Also, DS broke my heart today. Totally out of the blue. The conversation went like this:


DS:  Mommy, could you get a baby in your belly?

Me:  That would be fun wouldn't it?

DS:  I think if you could get a baby stister, that would be my favorite, please.

Me:  Well, we'll see honey, maybe one of these days we will.

 

He is really, really noticing how other kids his age have siblings and he doesn't. And he doesn't understand why we can't just "Get one".  So, the combo of the temp drop and this conversation was pretty tough for me today. I try to never let him see that I'm worried about it or anything. Just try to keep saying maybe one of these days. I think he's just too little for me to say "it might never happen" yet. : (

 

And he always brings it up totally out of nowhere..not having seen a baby recently or anything. Today he was just washing his hands for a snack when this started.

 

Please, nobody misunderstand, I know many of you don't have any kids, and I DO know how painful that is too. But now I have a little person who desperately wants to be a big brother, and I can't make it happen. Maybe one day.

 

post #122 of 205

lilmom - Awww... so sweet, and yet so heartbreaking!

post #123 of 205

Just wanted to pop in to say, lilmom, you are not alone! I get what you're saying. My little boy is really interested in babies, too. He always goes up to look at them, strokes them on the head, gives them kisses. Yesterday, he learned the word "baby", so I guess it's only a matter of time before he asks for a sibling of his own. He really prefers girls/women, so I guess he'd prefer a sister as well. winky.gif

 

I hope it happens for you soon!

post #124 of 205
Thread Starter 

lilmom - that's really sad.  Hopefully the temp is a fluke.

 

monkey - I didn't have ice before or after my HCG shot, since it was done for me in the office.  I barely felt it at all when it was happening, but the 2nd and 3rd time the spot was sore for a few days after.  Glad your follicles are growing.  What CD are you?

 

AFM - I tested this morning.  As the dye went across the window I swear I saw the second line showing up really clear for a moment. But once all the dye was across, nothing there at all.  BFN.  I'm 11DPO so I guess I'm not 100% out, but sure feels that way.  I had higher hopes this time due to switching to the letrozole, so I was pretty angry.  Slammed all the recycling into the box to put out this morning.  Ugh.    

post #125 of 205
lilmom - hug.gif It's so hard when there are little ones hoping as much as you are.

kyamo - Hopefully it's just too early. I'm really hoping for you!

I didn't have my appointment yesterday after all. The nurse called back later on Monday and said since I had an appointment set up for 7 weeks they wanted to cancel the appointment that would have been yesterday AND the appointment for 7 weeks and have me come in at 6 weeks instead. I wish they'd just make up their minds. Anyhow, it's set for next Monday now.

THEN she called again yesterday and said the doctor wants me to come in today for some bloodwork. She's not real easy to understand on the phone b/c she speaks softly plus I only have a cell phone. She mentioned two tests - one was an anticoagulant something or other but I didn't catch what the second one was. Guess I'll find out today when I go in. I'm glad that the doctor has ordered more tests (although unless the doctor keeps looking back over my stuff I'm not sure why she didn't figure out everything she wanted in the first place), but I wish they would combine it with another appointment. Lab work is $15 every time unless I've already paid a copay for the visit. Oh well, got to just suck it up. I'm probably going to end up paying double for this baby anyway since I'll be seeing the doctor and my midwife.
post #126 of 205

lilmom:  Your son sounds like a sweetheart.  I can imagine how heartbreaking that was to hear--but I know you get LOTS of enjoyment out of your little guy!

 

lava:  So glad your betas are looking great, and I would be terribly annoyed over the doctor's office going back and forth over what they want you to do.

 

Kyamo:  Sorry about the test.  I've slammed a lot of stuff recently, too.

 

I suck at personals.  So, I have lap surgery tomorrow morning.  I had another transvaginal ultrasound and both of my ovaries are stuck to my uterus.  The nurse told me that usually means adhesions/endometriosis, and my constant cramps and back/pelvic pains are another indication of endometriosis.  But, nothing is for sure until the lap surgery.  I can tell ya one thing, though.  I've been complaining about this pain for 20 years to various doctors, and if I lose both ovaries tomorrow because this hasn't been treated, I am going to be peeved.  PEEVED.  Anyway, hope everyone is doing ok today.

post #127 of 205
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinza View Post

 

  So, I have lap surgery tomorrow morning.  I had another transvaginal ultrasound and both of my ovaries are stuck to my uterus.  The nurse told me that usually means adhesions/endometriosis, and my constant cramps and back/pelvic pains are another indication of endometriosis.  But, nothing is for sure until the lap surgery.  I can tell ya one thing, though.  I've been complaining about this pain for 20 years to various doctors, and if I lose both ovaries tomorrow because this hasn't been treated, I am going to be peeved.  PEEVED.  Anyway, hope everyone is doing ok today.


Good luck tomorrow.  I'm sorry, that sounds really scary if your ovaries are at risk.  What could happen to your ovaries?  I hope you get some answers.  If they do find endometriosis, what is the next step?

 

post #128 of 205

My grandpa is gone. :(

 

Still waiting to find out when the funeral is so we can make travel arrangements.

post #129 of 205
Kinza - I would be more than peeved if I lost my ovaries b/c doctors didn't want to take me seriously. I'm not big on lawsuits, but that's a situation where I might consider the possibility. I hope it goes well for you.

Monkey - hug.gif I know how crappy that is. Do you have to travel far for the funeral? I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
post #130 of 205

so sorry, monkey :(

 

 

So, I pretend I'm strong and I don't get my hopes up each cycle of failure, but I lied. I just cried on my husband's shoulder for 15 minutes after fail #3. I don't know when we're going to try again. The RE says I'm infertile.

post #131 of 205
Quote:
Originally Posted by kparker View Post

so sorry, monkey :(

 

 

So, I pretend I'm strong and I don't get my hopes up each cycle of failure, but I lied. I just cried on my husband's shoulder for 15 minutes after fail #3. I don't know when we're going to try again. The RE says I'm infertile.


kparker - Is that normal for the RE to declare such a thing after only 3 tries? I know you've been trying other things longer than that, but that seems extreme to me.
post #132 of 205

...


Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 4/21/13 at 6:58pm
post #133 of 205

Thanks for the condolences. Funeral won't be Saturday is the only word so far. Will probably be Monday or Tuesday. We have to fly out to Utah from Houston, so yeah, it's kind of far. We think we can get tickets for the 2 of us for under $500, as long as we fly on the right days. We're still waiting to hear for sure when the funeral is before we buy tickets, so fingers crossed that they flights we want don't sell out.

 

I am really glad, in some ways, that my grandpa passed on. He took a turn for the worse Sunday, and they said that he would probably need a tracheostomy and to be on a ventilator for the rest of his life. Which would have meant he could never have gone home again. I was bawling Sunday thinking of my poor grandpa, stuck in a nursing home or hospital for who knows how long, and my poor grandma, living at home without him, trying to go see him. And realistically, as a quadriplegic, he would have needed someone with him 24/7, and how would that have worked? It's been tough enough these past two months with him in the hospital, to say nothing of long term. I am a Christian, and him passing away right before Easter gives special significance to the whole idea of the Resurrection. I absolutely believe I'll see him again, and that he's in a better place, but... dang, I miss him! It will, God willing, be a LONG TIME before I see him again! That's what gets me in tears... thinking of all the years ahead without him.

 

Anyway, sorry to hijack with my sad story. I am hoping stress doesn't make my follicles change their mind about growing. We'll see Friday. I'm hoping that, somehow, Grandpa will help send a baby our way. Not sure if I really think he can do much with that or not, but I'm sure he'll help if he can!

post #134 of 205

Oh gosh..it was a hard day for our group, looks like. I want to hug everybody!

 

Kyamo - I am sorry about this morning's test..but you're not out yet. I guess I'm not either, technically..my temp is hovering just above the coverline. I know the feeling of slamming stuff too. We'll see what happens in the next few days. Personally, I feel like I have major pms.

 

Lava - Wow. I would be so frustrated with that doctor's office. I hope it gets straightened out and that you get in there and get whatever you need!

 

Kinza - I'll be thinking about you and praying for the lap surgery to go well tomorrow! I really hope your ovaries are ok. If they can just save one though, that's all you need. My aunt lost an ovary at age 15 and went on to have two children. I also had emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst that "strangled" my ovary, and they didn't think it could be saved. They left it in but told me they weren't sure if it was functioning. And I do have a son, so, for what that's worth.. Also, if it turns out to be endometriosis, I have a remedy for it that a naturopath gave my dear friend. It's mostly vitamin C and supplements, but it worked for her. PM me if you want it. Let us know the update when you can!!!!

 

Monkey - My condolences also. Grandpa is going to be looking down on you, celebrating Easter in the best place to be celebrating it.

 

kparker - I am so sorry!!!!! Don't give up! Is it possible you can see another RE? There's gotta be a way. You are in my prayers and thoughts right now.

 

Thanks everybody for the kind words about yesterday. My DS really is sweet and precious. I am so grateful for him, every day. I hope everybody here gets to have at least one like him. hug2.gif

post #135 of 205

ugh... Messed up multi quote. Anyway, so sorry to hear about all the sadness here, lately!!

 

lilmom... While it might be a matter of "being ready," I was greatly helped by the "onlies" thread in parenting. While I don't agree on lots of the things the mamas of onlies write, I am finally able to admit that there are also benefits to having an only. It is still not what I would choose, but I can now admit that having another child would also mean losing some things. I have also started to realize how much dd has been affected by my emotions, as she "reads me" so well. In our case, normally dd would get sad and start to talk about being sad about not having a sibling at the same time I was sad about it, no matter how I had thought I had hidden things well. I used to think that dd simply happened to love babies more than most kids her age. I still do think that, but only partly. I now realize that I have responded to those situations differently than mamas who don't want a baby at that moment. I have said things like "I would like a baby, also, but it just has not happened and I cannot do much about it." While it is honest, it is a response of a mama with infertility and, in a sense, makes dd part of the infertlity. I have now been able to think a bit outside of my emotions and face the fact that dd loves babies and the idea of siblings so much partly because she does not have any. She does not have a realistic understanding of how things would change if we had another child, does not know that babies can be hard work, etc. I have realized that it is partly my responses that have left her feeling like she is lacking. I have not been able to help her see the whole picture and that we are also so blessed, just as we are! I have now started to respond by talking about how there are benefits to all situations.  (Please do realize that these are my newest thoughts... I don't know how long they will last.. hah. I don't expect anyone here to really agree or anything. We have been at this for 3 years, so it has already been a long process and our dd is already 6, so I have already had to let go of the ideas about having a real playmate and what not.)

 

I am thinking about singning up to do emergency foster care for babies. However, I am still undecided whether I think it would help dd see the reality of if it would just make her love and then miss those babies. Maybe both. These would be babies that would not stay very long, only until a long term foster family was found. Not sure... I have thought of this for a long time and might finally be ready.

 

I am still thinking about our appoitment in June. Going there will not give me back the time we have lost and I don't have high hopes we would have a baby. I am just not sure we want to know which of us is the problem.... It is as if we should have gone there 3 years ago. (I was just always so sure that hypothyroidism was behind it all. Still might be, who knows.)

post #136 of 205

Monkey - So sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Hugs to you.  I'm sure if there is anyway he can help with sending a baby your way he will!

 

Lilmom and Sweetbee - My dd loves babies too, she always wants to hug and kiss them and gets excited when she sees a baby, she yells babies!! and points to the baby, really cute. She doesn't ask yet for a sibling but I am sure that that is inevitable, and I will feel bad not being able to provide her with one.

 

Kinza - Thinking about you today and hoping for the best.

 

Kparker - Don't settle for what that RE said, get another opinion, can you see another RE?  I don't know much about it but I would not think that 3 tries = infertile.

 

Kyamo - Any sign of af?  Have you tested again? 

 

Lava - I'd be annoyed at the doctors office, but at least they seem to be being proactive,  that must ease your mind a bit.

 

AFM I'm off to the doctor this morning to see about my mia af, I'm on cycle day 95, the longest cycle I've ever had before this was around 34 days.  I don't expect any answers today but at least he'll send me for some blood work or something (I hope).

 

 

post #137 of 205
Thread Starter 

 


Money, I'm sorry for your loss. 

 

kparker - It surprises me that he would tell you something so final after 3 IUI.  Did he give reasons?  But regardless of reasons, that's an awful blow to hear that.  I'm sorry.  hug2.gif

 

Smiles - Hopefully you get some answers.  I forget, have you been temping?  Any clues there?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smilesarefree View Post

 

Kyamo - Any sign of af?  Have you tested again? 

 

 

 

 


No sign of AF, but I wouldn't expect that either way.  The progesterone will delay AF if I'm not pregnant.  I haven't tested either, I'll wait a couple of days.  My blood test isn't till Wednesday though, so I will prob test once more before that.  

 

post #138 of 205

My RE is the cheapest and most successful in the city so I'm not going to see someone else. The office said based on my blood work and all my charts from the last 3 years and the way things looked via ultrasound each cycle that there should be nothing wrong, and most women (I think they said like 90%+) are pregnant by IUI#3 when things look as good as all mine did. They want to do an HSG just to make sure that's all working (but we can't afford that) and then try cycle #4 (our last vial) using perhaps different drugs (since we only have done clomid). All of this we can't afford anymore. Between the MRI I had to have done on my hand (well, I chose to do, since being functional on a daily basis > babies - and which didn't even reveal anything after all, stupid doctors) and the fact we got screwed with taxes due to my horrible job flubbing paperwork and not withholding the ENTIRE time I worked there (I shoulda looked at my stubs but I have never had someone mess it up before, I trusted them :( ) we are out nearly two grand that we didn't expect to not have, which was part of our fertility fund. So, we're taking a break until we save up some more, my husband has made the call, he's going to have me do the HSG, and the last IUI, and then we'll discuss. I want to stop entirely and give up, but he's not letting that be an option. Yet.

 

And I have to put my old dog down soon and it's going to kill me :(

post #139 of 205

monkey:  I'm really sorry about your grandfather.  I liked what M_b_A said about how she thought of her FIL as having already met her babies and sending them on down to her.  I don't know that you feel that way, or even want to feel that way, but it's a sweet thought.  Thinking of you as you grieve.

 

kparker:  I'm sorry about this cycle hug2.gif  I, too, wonder what your RE meant when he said you were infertile?  That seems an odd and insensitive thing to say.  I'm glad you have your DH to lean on.

 

LTB:  Ugh, sorry your DD is sad along with you.  That sounds really rough.  But I don't think you can second-guess yourself in how you respond to her.  Sometimes things are just said, and it's only much later that you see a pattern.  I think it's great that you're pointing out the benefits of being an only child to her, but I also think it's good that she knows you love babies and want to have more.  Maybe, when she's older, she'll think back on that and realize how glad you are to have *her*.  You sound like a very close mother-daughter duo.  Which I think is cool.

 

And thanks, everyone, for the good wishes about my lap surgery.  It went well, but I'm really freakin' sore.  The RE removed all the endometriosis, some cysts, and tons of adhesions.  He gave me a video of parts of the procedure, and all of the organs in my abdominal cavity were glued to each other and the walls of my body with scar tissue.  I wonder what that was from.  But now everything is swingin' freely.  It was so weird to watch the procedure, but I'm glad I did.  He apparently drilled my ovaries.  He never even suggested he would do such a thing, and he didn't mention it after the surgery, but that sure does look like what he did.  I don't know if I'm upset about it or not.  I would have liked to research it before I had it done, you know?  Now I'm a little nervous about finding out too much about it.  Oh, he also did a hysteroscopy and the HSG thing, and at least one of my tubes is totally clear.  I don't remember if he said both were, but I only noticed one dripping dye in the video.  So I guess the procedure was a success.  I got to keep both ovaries!  I think Kyamo asked up-thread about my worries about losing my ovaries.  Sometimes if endometriosis goes untreated for too long, the mess can't be cleaned up, cysts have invaded the ovaries, and ovarian tissue is responsible for endometriosis.  From what I understand, if there is no longer ovarian tissue, there will be no endometriosis.  Anyway, sorry for rambling.  I'm still a little dizzy and stupid.  Oh, anyone else have a malfunctioning bladder after a lap?  Mine seems to be working strangely.

 

 

 

post #140 of 205

kparker, we cross-posted.  I'm sorry things are so sucky right now.  It sounds like you have a TON on your plate.  Especially regarding your dog.  Hopefully, when you can afford more treatment (soon!), new drugs will help.

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